back to article Hitler ordered Luftwaffe to spare Blackpool

The reason Hitler didn't do the decent thing and order his Luftwaffe to reduce Blackpool to smouldering rubble has now been revealed: The Fuhrer wanted the resort as his "personal playground", as the Daily Mail puts it. Adolf's chilling plan to watch triumphant troops goosestep down the Golden Mile before hoisting a swastika …

COMMENTS

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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Happy

    I can see the souvenirs now...

    "Kiss me qvick - or I vil have you shot!"

  2. Andrew
    Coat

    Everybody loves Blackpool

    It wasn't just Hitler, Soviet Russia intended to invade via Blackpool as well. It turns out the Golden Mile is just what's needed for a sea-bourne assault and all those B&B would be ideal for garrisoning the invading soldiers.

    Frankly I think they're all welcome to it.

  3. fifi
    Paris Hilton

    paris?

    so Hitler wanted to destroy the Parisien bridges, but spare Blackpool? He was way more unhinged than we thought!

    Paris, cos if he'd destroyed her, he might have redeemed himself somewhat.

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    The end of his last supporters

    Well this will be the final blow to all those out there who were in two minds about Hitler - good/evil.

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Down

    Bah

    Blackpool is probably the one place in this country I could quite happily see bombed.

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Egad !

    Adolf was one of the knotted hanky types who wanted "kiss me quick" hats and shorts with plastic buttocks on the back ?

    Thank god we won.

    How long before some yank claims national credit for saving us from this fate? ;o)

  7. Pete James
    Paris Hilton

    Schwarzelache

    So, these plans. Will they be serialised in The Times like Hitler's Diaries?

    Paris, I bet she'd like a donkey ride.

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The Golden Mile

    The reason it's called the Golden Mile is because it's streaming with piss!

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Blimey!

    I can only assume this was at a time before they started pumping raw sewage into the sea, and started building row-upon-row or oh so delightful trinket shops? I can how it could work though - the place is like a concentration camp anyway.

    And to all those people from Blackpool who are going to complain - It's a dump. Accept it.

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    If only they'd flattened it

    ....as the home of the All Day English Breakfast that has spread like a virus across continents, I feel we must blame someone!

    Mine's the goose-stepping jacket with inbuilt bratwurst holder!

  11. Maverick
    Thumb Down

    @ AC13:54

    "Blackpool is probably the one place in this country I could quite happily see bombed"

    erm, Cardiff?

  12. Damn Yank

    @Mark_T

    Sorry, we had nothing to do with that one...

  13. Andrew Moore

    It's possible-

    I seem to remember reading somewhere that Mr H was a fan of the English seaside saucy postcards.

  14. James

    Nope ....

    ... it's not 1st April...

  15. alain williams Silver badge

    Brighton - surely

    I cannot believe that Monty Python got it wrong when they had Hitler retired in Brighton and not Blackpool.

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Flame

    @Mark_T

    Of course not. Everyone knows it was the Soviets who really won the war. (G,R&D)

  17. Jesthar

    @Maverick

    Cardiff has some way to go before it plumbs the same depths as Slough...

    Or Wolverhampton. Jumped up dump of a town pretentiously calling itself a City when it doesn't even have a cathedral! OK, so the church where the Wolves started out is nice enough, but a cathedral it isn't...

  18. Pinkerton
    Coat

    Daily Mail

    Anyone else notice how the Daily Mail paints Hitler as almost eccentric and cuddly?

    While I'm here:

    Q: Does anyone know how to confuse a Daily Mail reader?

    A: Tell them immigrants kill paedophiles!

  19. Robert Synnott

    The horrible consequence

    Coming soon to the West End - "Summertime for Hitler"

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    @Damn Yank

    Yeah right. The way these Brits go on it sounds like they won the war. Dunkirk spirit, you can keep it.

  21. Simon Williams

    Seaside/Seig Heil... masterful

    What an excellent strap line. Well done Lester.

  22. Yorkshirepudding
    Alert

    @ AC13:54

    "Blackpool is probably the one place in this country I could quite happily see bombed"

    id see anywhere below Watford happily slide into the sea :-) luckily thanks to the rebound after the last ice age its happening mwuahahhaaa

  23. Tony Hoyle

    @Pinkeron

    "Q: Does anyone know how to confuse a Daily Mail reader?

    A: Tell them immigrants kill paedophiles!"

    Coming over here, taking our jobs...

  24. Ian Halstead
    Go

    Mammoth Playmobil opportunity?

    Go on - let the imagination run amok.

  25. dan russell
    Dead Vulture

    That Hitler eh!

    Must be top ten in Daily Mail favourite headline words.

    In all seriousness, Lest we forget...

  26. Maverick
    Go

    @ Jesthar

    OK, I'll see your Wolverhampton and raise you a Norwich

  27. Smallbrainfield
    Go

    Apparently he wanted Rochdale town hall...

    ...taken apart and shipped back to Germany. as well. He was a closet pie-eater basically.

    Blackpool isn't irredeemably shit, it just attracts a lot of people who think they can behave like arseholes just because it's Blackpool. You could say that about anywhere where they allow lots of British people to get horribly drunk.

  28. Anonymous Coward
    Boffin

    Seaside for Hitler, and Germany

    If Goebbels had opened up a greasy spoon on the promenade, he'd have called it

    "The Master Taste"

    (Coat, hat, leaving.)

  29. Mike Richards

    Seaside landladies

    Are you sure they would have fought on our side?

    No noise, no coming back late, regulation breakfasts, no running baths outside of hours - sounds like a bunch of fascistic fifth columnists to me.

  30. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    Hi-de-heil!

    Sorry.

    Mine's the long leather one.

  31. Anonymous Coward
    Flame

    Hitler gets blamed for a lot of things...

    Almost all of them justified, But I never knew that blackpool being such a sh!thole was one of them.

    Maybe mulitple 1000lb, air dropped regeneration projects are needed there now more than ever.

  32. Ron Eve
    Joke

    Oh who do you think you're kidding Mr Hilter...

    Obviously the cnut never went there.

    But I started thinking, there's that whole range of Hitler spoofs on YouTube like this one:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pXnt8_okeRA

    Maybe someone could create a new one with Blackpool as the theme....

  33. Anonymous Coward
    Joke

    B&B in Blackpool

    Having been on holiday there once, I think Hitler would have been entirely at home in Blackpool. Very good idea of his to settle there, though he may have found the views of some of the B&B proprietors a bit extreme

  34. GrahamT
    Boffin

    @Daily Mail

    It is not surprising that the Mail paints Hitler as "almost eccentric and cuddly"; they supported Hitler right up until the 1938 invasion of Prague by the Nazis. Rothermire (the owner) expressing the hope that 'Adolf the Great' would become a popular figure in Britain, (from Wikipedia) and wrote an article entitled: "Hurrah for the Blackshirts," in January, 1934.

  35. Vlad The Impugner

    Daily Mail

    He was just a big softy really. Misunderstood. Unfair persecution of a probably daily mail reader by the nasty guardianistas.

  36. Funky Dennis
    Happy

    Steven says

    "In the seaside town

    ...that they forgot to bomb

    Come, Come, Come - nuclear bomb"

  37. Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    Oh we do like to be beside the Sieg Heil!

    Love it. Can I come and work with you lot? It would make my days everso more interesting.

    I'm good at making tea and everything... I'll even buy the biscuits. My only demand would be that you seat me well away from that "Ms Bee" as she's just a bit odd and I wouldn't want, by process of osmosis - to catch whatever mental disease she has.

    Thanks.

  38. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

    Re: Oh we do like to be beside the Sieg Heil!

    Balls to you, apostrophe deficit boy, I wrote that subhead.

    We'll have some of those Fox's crinkle crunch jobbies, and you may sit in the corner. The corner of the basement. And don't spill the tea coming up the seven flights of stairs.

  39. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Inverse Godwins Law

    First one to mention the Daily Mail loses.

  40. Clint Sharp
    Paris Hilton

    Perhaps...

    It could explain why the owners of Blackpool pleasure beach tried to call a new coaster 'The Zyklon Loop' a few years ago...

    Oh, Ms Bee, most disappointed,although I can see the attraction of Fox's crinkle thingies I had you down as a chocolate hob nob kind of girl.

    Paris, I bet she likes a hobnob with her cuppa.

  41. Stevie Silver badge

    Bah

    I can see it now: Post invasion Blackpool thrills to the latest illuminated tram in the shape of a Tiger Ausf E.

  42. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Just about on topic

    Took a while to find 'cause I thought it was a Mike Harding sketch

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=elmfnHHs8Yg

  43. Anonymous Coward
    Boffin

    Eats shoots and leaves

    @SB: Lambasting misogyny is one thing, but having a crack at someone's mispunctuation just isn't funny. Period.

  44. Alex Barwell
    Thumb Down

    Bastard

    The guy really was trying to f**k us up

  45. Anonymous Coward
    Heart

    Re: Oh we do like to be beside the Sieg Heil!

    And you give very good subhead too, Ms Bee. Sehr gut. I, for one, celebrate the Register as an environment where punerasts and double-entendrists are permitted, nay encouraged, to express themselves without shame and free from the discrimination and abuse they suffer in the rest of society.

    I can't help thinking that a donkey ride on the beach might have seemed a bit tame after waging blitzkrieg across Europe.

  46. Geoffrey W

    Worst town in Britain?

    Oh do shut up. The worst bit of Britain is that bit where Brits have gathered in any numbers to live. The rest is OK. I was always happiest sitting on top of Bleaklow with not a human being anywhere in sight.

  47. j
    Joke

    England has the coolest names...

    For our wastelands, we only have boring names like Surrey, East Hastings, and Ottawa.

  48. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    There were a few places he wanted

    Willow Hall near Peterborough was another one reportedly.

  49. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    surrey

    Don't fancy visiting surrey in England or Vancouver - even worse they both have a Guildford

    Though I suppose the chance of being shot in the Vancouver version is slightly higher at the moment

  50. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    @Geoffrey W

    >Oh do shut up. The worst bit of Britain is that bit where Brits have gathered in any numbers to live

    Hell is other people ?

    Have to agree a little tho, peace is only attained at 11pm on a summers evening above 2000ft in the Lake district mountains in my case. If only I could ship the bloody noisy sheep off to Blackpool where they belong ....

  51. Homard
    Alert

    Let us Not Forget

    Let us not forget how many people died in that war !

    I don't mean to berate any of you, and as we all know we have some shithole towns in this country.

    The fact of the matter is that horrendous numbers of people were killed in the most evil/inhumane ways. And for what ?

    The guys on our side fought for freedom from oppression so we could say what we wanted and do the same. What have we got now ? Anti terror laws which pretty much allow you to be locked up indefinitely without appeal ? Hmmm doesn't seem too far from precisely what our guys fought against ? I don't want to see anyone killed but if we keep on ratcheting up the anti-terror law/response we will all be living in single cages and fed shit until we vote labour, which is now without the cage. Sooner or later it will be an offence to vote anything other than labour. mugabe has been teaching brown a thing or two I will have you know ..... which really does provide an accurate forecast for our economy.

    If you want to express a complaint about the current shithole status of your town :-

    lodge a complaint with your local council who will express their delight at your feedback

    vote 'em out

    take them out in a field and have them shot with PFY frozen paintballs (BOFH)

    then bury the useless fuckers in one of the many potholes in the roads they are charged to maintain.

    Thank you for freedom of speech !

  52. Moss Icely Spaceport
    Black Helicopters

    Mr Hitler, come back, all is forgiven

    Please, feel free to bomb the god-forsaken place!

    It's a total eye-sore on the landscape.

  53. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Down

    @Smallbrainfield

    "Blackpool isn't irredeemably shit, it just attracts a lot of people who think they can behave like arseholes just because it's Blackpool. You could say that about anywhere where they allow lots of British people to get horribly drunk."

    Yeah, it's commonly known as Great Britain or the UK.

  54. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    every day is like sunday...

    'nuf said.

  55. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    A further reminder Hitler was an idiot

    With little taste, apparently. Given the scale of aircraft production, I wonder if anyone reminded him of this little foible when Dresden and Hamburg were turned into giant barbeques.

  56. Hugh_Pym
    IT Angle

    Note on @Homard

    I could take issue with a lot of what Homard says however one burning question stands out - Should the word 'shithole' be hyphenated?

    It always looks to my like it has an aspirated 'th' when written as one word and 'shit hole' should be reserved for the Eton-Cambridge-Civil Service set. Surely 'shit-hole' is clearer as far as pronunciation is concerned though where I come from in the glorious Midlands 'shit'ole' might be more appropriate.

    Your thoughts please.

  57. TeeCee Gold badge
    Joke

    Extract from the Hitler Diaries.

    "Another fucking awful day! That useless pair of incompetant bastards Speer and Hess have done it to me again. 'We have a great weekend for you Mein Fuhrer. You're going to love it Mein Fuhrer. It'll be the best weekend away ever Mein Fuhrer. It's what you've always wanted Mein Fuhrer.' Sycophantic, snivelling little wankers the pair of them. You know where we went? Fucking Nuremberg. AGAIN! BASTARDS!!

    All I want is a weekend by the sea, donkey rides, maybe a rollercoaster. A deckchair on the beach and a glass of warm beer. Full English breakfast and a landlady like Benito Mussolini would be nice. What do I get? Thousands of fucking people carrying fucking torches *and* I have to make a fucking speech! What sort of holiday is that? It's a bloody good thing I don't trust them and packed my best uniform 'just in case'. I felt like a right arsehole changing out of my swimming trunks, flipflops and knotted hanky backstage though, I don't mind saying. Nobody laughed, but I'll bet the miserable fuckers all wanted to.

    Note to self: That's it. As nobody else round here can organise a pissup in a sodding brewery I'm planning everything myself from now on.

    I wonder what the seaside resorts are like in Poland? I'll have a look at the map tomorrow"........

  58. Ben Holmes
    Happy

    @Homard

    Settle petal.

  59. alan
    Thumb Up

    @Homard

    hells yea

  60. Nev Silver badge
    Black Helicopters

    Hmmmmm...

    ... didn't the BNP hold their "Hate Week", erm..... I mean party conference there last year?

  61. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Blackpool

    I live in Blackpool, are you sure it wasnt bombed, it sure looks like a shithole to me

  62. Anonymous Coward
    Black Helicopters

    Re: Let us Not Forget

    After watching "The Nazis: A Warning From History", it is really quite frightening how a series of circumstances can lead to an unhinged dictator taking over a modern western democracy.

    Even more frightening is that you can see the same conditions starting to be met here and now. We have an incompetent and deeply unpopular government (who are slowly eroding our civil liberties in the name of "security", providing the infrastructure needed for a police state dictatorship). We have a limp wristed and equally incompetent Opposition. We have a worsening economic and employment situation and an extreme right-wing party waiting in the wings (BNP) who are pandering to people's fears regarding jobs and immigration.

    Yes, I know its very unlikely, but five years ago I would have said it was was *impossible* that such a thing could happen here. You can actually imagine people standing in a polling booth thinking, "Labour, not again, no way. Conservative, don't make me laugh, bunch of naughty schoolboys. Lib-Dem, too left-wing for me. BNP? Hell, what have I got to lose?"

    And its the New Labour eeejits that have brought us to this.

  63. This post has been deleted by its author

  64. James O'Shea

    re Ottawa

    Ottawa has to be vastly upgraded to become a wasteland. I spent an eternity there one month a few years ago. Saskatoon, in February, is more lively.

  65. alan
    Flame

    @daily mail

    daily FAIL

    nuff said

  66. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    @Hugh_Pym

    Ah yes, it's good to see that Reg readers can take a non-issue and drill down to find the really important issues that lie beneath. On this topic, I thought all Brits pronounced "shit-hole" with a glottal stop and a silent 'aich? For true?

  67. Juan Inamillion
    Happy

    re Ottawa

    Nah. Anywhere French Canadian. I've been in them there parts many times and a bigger shit hole(s) you couldn't dream about. Montreal. Pah! Urinating on it would be doing it a favour.

    @Frumious Bandersnatch

    Actually, if you're referring to the gentle folk from the eastern part of our Glorious Capital, you'll find that the glottal stop is, errr, stopped. The 't' is quite pronounced. The aitch may be dropped of course. That most illustrious of gentlemen, Alan Ford, AKA 'Bricktop' from Snatch exemplifies the vernacular, heard to good advantage here:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tAGlUUAmjxk

    and here

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xByF-3twHFQ

  68. Warhelmet

    Shurely Shome Mishtake

    Isn't it actually a lost script for an episode of Dad's Army?

  69. elderlybloke
    Unhappy

    Getting away from the crowds of Enlish

    Fifty years ago I moved into a new house in a town in New Zealand and a Pom moved in next door.

    He said that he had moved 12,000 miles to get away from Poms and he had ended up surrounded by them.

    True , lots of Poms and Dutchmen left Europe for NZ , as Europe looked like a shit heap at that time, due to Adolf.

  70. Glenn Charles
    Flame

    Blackpool

    H'm. And the Brits think the Americans have their indecipherables. Last I heard it was a slum neighborhood. Of course, that was in literature dating from 1700 or so. Might have been a change or two since.

    --Glenn

  71. Hugh_Pym

    @Frumious Bandersnatch@Hugh_Pym

    Just to clarify.

    South of the Watford Gap - Glottal Stop as in 'Shi...Ole'

    To the North - Dropped 'h' and lost final consonant as in 'SHIT'Ole'

  72. Gianni Straniero

    die Tagespost

    A little light googling confounds expectations regarding the Mail's Hitler/Nazi obsession:

    "Hitler":

    Daily Mail - 14,800 occurrences

    Telegraph - 15,900 occurrences

    Guardian - 21,000 occurrences

    "Nazi":

    D.M. - 33,000

    Telegraph - 16,400

    Guardian - 33,000

    Not sure whether this is a function of the relative sizes of the websites. It's hard to estimate the quantity of Nazi/Hitler material as a percentage of the whole.

  73. Elron Hubward

    Come friendly bombs and fall on Blackpool.....

    ..doesn't quite have the same ring to it, although as a sometime visitor to the "Las Vegas of the North" I can heartily applaud the sentiment.

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