back to article Wanted: £160k-a-year Twittercrat

Can a magic sprinkling of Web 2.0 buzzwords revive the fortunes of a deeply unpopular government? That's what the Cabinet Office hopes with the appointment of a civil service post with the title of "Director of Digital Engagement". The lucky bureaucrat will play the part of cybernetic overlord - "to embed digital engagement in …

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  1. Ted Treen
    Black Helicopters

    Digital engagement......

    To the current gummint, I offer but one digit:- the one next to my index finger.

    They may engage with it how they like.

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Shall I?

    Feel free to goto Terry Duffy House in West Brom or goto Http://www.sandwell.gov.uk to find tom watsons details and ask him "what the hell he is twittering about" !!

  3. Martin Glenn
    Coat

    "Jams" into Government

    Maybe they need to take some training from M&S they appear to be good a Jam (& Bread) at the moment.

    (OK where's the exit again?)

  4. Jamie Kephalas
    Joke

    Should we...

    ... expect to see a sign of "0wn3d" being held up by back benchers?

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Actually, I think the Daleks could work...

    Exterrrr... Exterrrr... Exterrrr... EXTERRRRRRRR... MINAAAATE!

    Yeah... it could definitely work!

  6. TeeCee Gold badge
    Happy

    'jams'

    All we have to do is work out what acronym / bolloxspeak word either sounds a bit like "jams" when read out over the phone to the PR boys or is close enough when typed for their Spoil Chicken to have come up with 'jams' as the closest English equivalent.

    In answer to the question posed by the twat, I reckon there's absolutely nothing that the Government's doing in the Digital Age that it shouldn't be. I like a good laugh and it would be a shame if this seemingly endless source of highly original rib-ticklers were to dry up.

  7. adnim

    I could do that

    I would even donate 50% of my salary to charity or accept 50% less, 80k a year is sufficient for a luxury lifestyle, I'm not greedy.

    But a truthful and honest man has no chance of getting this post.

  8. Anonymous Coward
    IT Angle

    I'd bet a stale jam sandwich

    that "jams" originally read something like "java" and was lost in translation as it was passed around whitehall by hand-written memo.

  9. Julian Cox

    Is this a done deal?

    Interesting - "Digital Jam" - I can sort of imagine it. Maybe a bit of a barcamp fell, mixed with some Cameronesque "professional but made to look amateur home video" style?

    Best link I could find is to some films done by theEngineGroup.com and available on YouTube. If only my work firewall didn't block you-tube I could check it out! Could it be that someone close to theEngineGroup wrote the job description?

    Or maybe it's just a fancy, hip name for a webCast~webMeeting?

  10. Adrian Jones

    Jams?

    Is this related to the new M&S sandwich?

  11. DJ
    Pirate

    Oh first twitter

    @govermenttwittercrat Muzzle Wacki Jacqui on topics she knows 0 about.

  12. null

    Jams

    A quick Google turned up this:

    https://www.collaborationjam.com/

  13. Vlad The Impugner
    Happy

    Dear Sir / Madam / other

    I would like this job pls.

    [x] am good at teh internets imo (ya rly!!!!!1111one!!two)

    [x] voted for you

    [x] have twitter account

    [x] like jams

    [x] can pwn WOW @ lvl60 ldo

    [ ] read daily mail

    kthxbai

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Joke

    JAM!

    is nice on toast or a place where people can post and share their ideas, and gauge the marketability, popularity and viability with input from others.

    Sending my CV off now....

  15. Chris Miller

    And the winner is ...

    ... Stephen Fry!

    All other comment is superfluous, I fear.

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Alert

    Good timing

    I wonder if this is being lined up for a certain Mr Draper, following his 'successful' contribution to the world of blogging via Labourlist.

    I guess they have to shut him up somehow, and £200K should do it.

  17. Steven Knox
    Coat

    Answer

    How about "everything"?

  18. Len Goddard
    Pirate

    Jams

    An online idea bashing session (I think the name is supposed to be reminiscent of jamming in jazz) in which you open yourself to huge numbers of ill-considered ideas from the uninformed masses and hope to extract the occasional silk purse from the pile of sow's ears.

    Beloved of IBM senior management

  19. Andy Worth

    Jeezus.....

    I read that associated piece about Tom Watson and he sounds like he watched Pimp My Ride UK and saw Westwood as the coolest guy around. If there's one thing I've learned over the years is there's no easier way to make teens think you are a twat than to try and use teen language towards them. You ALWAYS end up sounding like a dick, to both teens and adults.

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Jams?

    Somebody's been talking to big blue.

  21. Ian
    Alien

    Jams

    I think jams are what used to be called brainstorming, until the PC brigade banned that word as derogatory (never understood that, as brainstorming was supposed to be a good thing...)

    Now, of course, you can jam collaboratively...

    so, does it catually say in the job description "must be fluent in both accepted and rare techno-jargon"?

  22. Martin
    Coat

    Minister of 'jams'?

    That'll be a job for an ex-transport minister then...

    Maybe Darling, as a reward for his successes in transport and the economy!

  23. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    A Jam is...

    basically an on-line conference. At least, in IBM's world.

  24. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    CV

    You should get Paul Carr to apply for it. He seems perfect.

  25. Charlie Clark Silver badge
    Joke

    Michael Rimmer?

    The rise and rise of, surely?

  26. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Jammy Dodger

    Could 'jams' be Culture Jamming?

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Culture_jamming

  27. RW
    Alert

    Jams

    Someone in Whitehall didn't like "mashup" so they invented their own near-synonym not realizing that no one would have a clue what it meant. I guess this falls under the category "NewSpeak".

    Between "jams" and the proviso "you must be part of NuLabour", the proposal just becomes another one of the bad jokes NuLabour so loves to spring on the hapless population, reeking of bandwagon-hopping, ignorance, and utter insincerity.

  28. David Pollard

    El Reg Consortium Bids for Major Gubmint Initiative

    "Remuneration is in the range of £80,000 to £160,000pa. "

    "The successful candidate will have a CV that creates instant credibility and confidence"

    'People can organise the business of governing themselves without needing intervention' er, mostly.

    But look, it's a clear win for the Moderatrix to moonlight. 25% to her, for her esteemed benediction; 25% to El Reg's backers (can't really avoid that); and 50% divvied up to the readership for the suggestions that they presently make for free.

    BTW, could the Moderatrix please have a word with whoever wrote this article about the use of a dictionary, regarding "bureucracy". It's bad enough without having it mis-spelled.

  29. Adrian Esdaile
    Happy

    Twittering?

    Isn't that something twits do?

  30. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Jams

    Yes, as in Digital Jams, made famous by IBM who held a global "Jam" that allowed employees to give input into the future of the company. Seems to have worked based on recent results...

  31. Dr Patrick J R Harkin

    There's no time for jams...

    ...until they've dealt with the menace of cake!

  32. Anonymous Coward
    Alert

    Minister Of IBM

    I do Wish that the Governmonkeys would distance themselves from Business and engage with People.

    Just because IBM invents a 'Jam' concept doesnt make it a well known standard. I feel that we the people need to Jam up this Stupid politicised concept ASAP.

    IBM Jams it in a politician!

  33. TeeCee Gold badge
    Stop

    @Ian

    I think I've worked that one out. I suppose that "brainstorming" unfairly discriminates against politicians, 'cos they have f***-all by the way of brains. It can't be very pleasant to be cerebrally disadvantaged to this level and continually have people rub your nose in it by using such brainist words as "brainstorming".

    "jams", on the other hand doesn't really convey any meaning at all, so talking out of your arse is just as valid a contribution as any brain-sourced outpourings.

    I can't think of any other reason that the PC-wank boys (sorry, persons) would object to this one that makes any sort of sense at all (although it *is* the PC-wank boys (sorry, persons) we're talking about here).

  34. amanfromMars Silver badge
    Alien

    E by Gum Special Forces .... with White Hat Wizards and Saucy Source Sorceresses ... MaJIC Works*

    "But a truthful and honest man has no chance of getting this post." .... By adnim Posted Wednesday 18th February 2009 16:04 GMT

    An Astute Hacker would have every chance, adnim? ..... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yes_Minister

    And I disagree with you, but would offer that a truthful and honest man would also have far better things to do with his time, especially if he was an Expert in Directing Digital Engagements/Networks InterNetworking.

    And anyone worth the position offered wouldn't be bound by its narrow stated confines, which are an inevitable inconsequential consequence of the advertised brief being drafted by those who have no idea of the scope of the Digital Environment but fully mindful of the fact that they are in need of its assistance and guidance, so I suppose that is Progress of sorts.

    For example ....... " Within six months the Head of Digital Engagement will have developed a strategy and implementation plan and be able to show concrete signs of momentum in executing the plan.

    Within a year the Head of Digital engagement should be able to point to two departments whose use of digital engagement are recognised in the digital community as being world class

    Within two years the use of world class digital engagement techniques should be embedded in the normal work of Government " .... http://www.careers.civil-service.gov.uk/index.asp?txtNavID=113&txtOverRideDocID=48837

    Anyone qualified will be able to deliver that today, for that is what is deliverable today by those actively working in the Field/Virtual Zone and they would counter all of the above "requirements" with their own to Government, so that they can better Digitally Engage with ITs Beta Governance Systems of Virtual Machinery Control.

    Crikey, that is too much like NIRobotIQs to be considered anything different..... and for Real SurReal and SP00Key2.

    PS With all this supposedly wondrous covert electronic surveillance and deep packet inspection metadata analysis able to render our darkests secrets, an open book to whatever spaghetti lettered agency you might care to imagine ...NSA/CIA/MI5/FSB/GCHQ/AIVD etc etc etc ... you would think that they would easily be able to identify and propose possible appointments/Targets/Persons of Interest.

    And the moral of this tale ...... Never Ever Bluff a Poker Player with Nothing to Lose and Everything to Gain...... for what you are Betting the House/Casino against, is FailSafe and can Never Ever Lose?

    "Jams ... A quick Google turned up this:

    https://www.collaborationjam.com/ " ... By null Posted Wednesday 18th February 2009 16:15 GMT

    Andrew Orlowski and El Reg LlanTwittering Major RePhormations for the Civil Service/Civilian XXXXPEditionary Workforce, null?

    cc recruitment@cabinet-office.x.gsi.gov.uk ... Ref. REC/08/243

    * And Worth an Absolutely Priceless Fortune.

  35. Charles Smith

    Babel Fish

    Jam => Babel Fish [on] <= A method by which our beloved Leader can broadcast his wise thoughts to the great unwashed misbelievers.

    What an effin waste of money at a time when Government Debt (exposure) has never been higher. No wonder the shadow Government think that they can make massive savings.

  36. Philip Teale

    Hidden Documents?

    Am I the only one to have noticed that on the linked page holding the job description, that the breadcrumb trail at the top of the page is "HIDDEN DOCUMENTS > VACANCIES"? What does that mean I wonder? Dissapointingly though, clicking on "HIDDEN DOCUMENTS" only yields a database error.

    I wonder, was this job description passed to the author of this page by someone wanting to exploit the bias recently shown by The Register?

  37. Steve B

    What's the point of these articles without ...

    a direct link to the application so we can all apply!

    Even 1000 applications should be interesting for them to sort through.

  38. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Night, night little children.

    Jams is clearly a diminutive of Jimjams, as worn by little toddlers when they tootle off to beddy-byes.

    Digital Jams are government sponsored adult night apparel that comes pre-wired with transducers and sensors which monitor body activity and dream content. Real-time uploading of the data to the uberdatabase in the sky ensures that corrective commands can be issued to the built-in Taser device as required.

    Any deviation from the standard missionary position or dreams involving leather clad ladies with whips will result in instant activation of the rectal Taser device.

    Under clause 666 of Jack Straw's Coroners and Injustice Bill it will be mandatory for all adults to purchase and wear DigiJams when they go beddy-byes. DigiJams are available at a store near you, and a snip at only £203.99

  39. Anonymous Coward
    Flame

    Grrr

    What the fuck is a jam? Twats.

  40. amanfromMars Silver badge

    Rotten to its very Core and therefore Vulnerable to Spontaneous Combustion/XXXXPloitive Collapse?

    A Director for Digital Engagement ....... they're having a laugh, and it is just another gravy train quango for some sap with no mind of their own, if this the sort of mickey mouse game they are supporting/pimping/hosting ....... "(Please note, there is a strict Parliamentary rule within the House of Commons that MPs may only act upon the substance of communication from their own constituents)"

    And that is from a Minister in the Shadows who may or may not reply to a substantive communication ..... "Thank you for your email. This acknowledgement has been triggered

    electronically and I have not yet had a chance to read your message. I receive a large number of emails and letters each day, but I will aim to respond as soon as I can. However, please do not be disappointed if you do not receive an immediate reply. My office and I try to handle

    everything quickly and efficiently - but complex issues may need time."

    I will leave you to ponder on the greater implications of that.

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