back to article Lords, MPs go down on to the Erotic Awards

Three flying penises, two noble Lords, and an international model downing a few glasses of white before jetting off to do a show in Israel. Absolutely not – we promise – how our beloved editor spends his weekends. Nor an advance copy of the exclusive with which the News of the World hope, this year, to cap last year’s rather …


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  1. Peter Depledge

    Guardians of our morals

    Nu Labour appear to be guarding our morals by protecting us against 'extreme' pronography and their current approach to prostitution, yet they preside over the highest rate of teenage pregnancy and sti's in Europe.

    Well done, Gordon. Think of the children.

  2. Robert Ramsay

    Any fule kno...

    that the minute you ban something, you just send it underground and make it more open to exploitation by the unscrupulous.

  3. Paul

    Isnt that the point...

    "Because at present, almost the only people prepared to put their necks on the line for topics that won’t play well with the Daily Mail sit in that House, not the Commons"

    That is the reason we have a house of lords. The only time people want to get rid of them is when they stop something those people think is a good idea, even though it is a monumentlay stupid one.

    It is also the reason we should keep hereditary members of the house of lords. They are beholden to noone, not even a sense of guilt/duty to whoever gave them the "job".

  4. Anonymous Coward
    IT Angle

    IT workers charity?

    "the Outsiders Trust, a charity dedicated to bringing together people with physical, sensory and social disabilities who feel isolated and wish to meet more people."

    That describes most people working in the IT industry.

  5. Stephane Mabille



    Stop complaining, we all know that banning something makes it disappear and solve the problem.

    Look how well it worked with drugs! No dodgy dealers pushing bad quality products over-priced at cash strapped kids.

    But it make sense to ban prostitution as we know that all prostitutes are drug addicts and the drug addicts who don't steal to feed their habits have to prostitute themselves (that's why you go straight to sign the sex offender register if you use a prostitute "controlled" by his/her local dealer).

    And I suspect that to be able to watch that "extreme pornography" (don't ask me what that is, no one knows!) you probably have to be high... so all that make perfect sense.

    Someday, some politician might realise that the majority of people DONT read the Daily Mail (or at least I hope).

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    No there's a large group who find the Daily Mail a bit to complicated, so they read the Sun and Sport instead...

  7. Graham Marsden
    Thumb Down

    "if one listens to debates in the Hosue of Commons"

    That is, of course, if the Government even *lets* the Commons debate the issues!

    When the Criminal Justice and Immigration Bill was before Parliament, the Government deliberately guillotined (limited) the time available for debate to ensure that most of the legislation (including the so-called "extreme pornography" clauses) would never even be addressed by the people who are elected!

  8. Anonymous John

    Sounds more like the Twelve Days of Christmas

    On the third day of Christmas, my true lad sent to me

    Three flying penises.

    two noble Lords

    and an international mode

    On the second day of Christmas, my true lad sent to me

    Two noble Lords

    and an international model

    On the first day of Christmas, my true lad sent to me

    An international model

  9. Anonymous Coward


    would be more practical if they didn't have those big wings getting in the way.

  10. Dave Harland

    Annoying, but not as bad as some could be.

    "We know of no spectacle so ridiculous as the British public in one of its periodic fits of morality." -- Lord Macaulay

    Obviously, Macaulay had insufficient experience with Americans. Our only saving grace, with respect to legislating sexual morality, is that we tend to be considerably less successful at it.

  11. Steen Hive
    Thumb Down

    Sexual morality

    Is missing the point. It's not about that at all, it's about rampant authoritarianism and use of the state apparatus against the people. The easy targets like coal-miners, "terrrst suspects" prostitutes, etc can be stamped on with little fear of repercussions because the stampings have the tacit support of the terminally ignorant. Not so long to go before Thatcher's little bastard offspring is finally born unto the World.

  12. Frank Fisher

    No debate? No debate was allowed.

    Good article John, but I think you're a bit harsh on the Commons. While it's absolutely true that the most intelligent and in depth debate was in the Lords - on extreme porn and prostitution proposals - I think the main reason was the Government's refusal to allow time to discuss the issues. Literally *minutes* were permitted. Yes, our MPs are useless, but our government is positively malign.

  13. John Ozimek

    Communs Funk

    @ Frank Fisher

    Would that it were that easy. Actually, the comment about individual MP's not being prepared to be too outspoken when it comes to - oooer, missus! - sex, arose in talking to one of our elected representatives on a wholly different matter. Internet regulation, in fact.

    I was expressing exasperation, at the time, that the quality of debate on these and associated issues was so poor - and he then offered the observation as I write it up here as a rationale for why so few were prepared to debate the subject.

    So, agreed that guillotines were applied at all manner of places in respect of the extreme porn legislation. Ditto in many other places where sex gets a mention.

    But...there are so many other places where the subject arises and the Commons has next to nothing to say on it.

  14. Greg Trocchia

    @Dave Harland

    >>Obviously, Macaulay had insufficient experience with Americans. Our only saving grace, with respect to legislating sexual morality, is that we tend to be considerably less successful at it.

    Which is why, I presume possession of "Extreme Porn" is now illegal in the UK, but not in the States. Or why Child Pornography is narrowly defined in America in the sense that actual children have to be exploited in making it (i.e. no X-rated Simpsons parodies, for example). And why non-commercial consensual conduct between adults now has broad protection in the US (courtesy of the Supreme Court in Lawrence v. Texas), whereas the same can not be said, so far as I can tell, of the UK. There is a bluenose streak that is part of the American political scene as it is in other places (e.g. England, Scotland, Australia), that I will not deny, but there is also a fiercely libertarian impulse with which this bluenose streak must contend here and a Bill of Rights which makes it hard to prevail over that libertarian impulse in the US.

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    @ Sounds more like the Twelve Days of Christmas

    True lad?

    You know you've been scambaiting too long when.........

  16. TeeCee Gold badge

    Re: Trophies.

    Maybe those are variable geometry wings? A sort of "Love Missile F-111" if you will.

    The one with the highly suspicious bulge in the pocket please.

  17. zedee

    Don't get clever

    'The' Hoi Polloi ?

    Any scholar worth his MA (Oxon) would not redundify 'hoi' with 'the'.


  18. Graham Marsden
    Thumb Down

    @Greg Trocchia

    "Child Pornography is narrowly defined in America in the sense that actual children have to be exploited in making it (i.e. no X-rated Simpsons parodies, for example)"

    This isn't *yet* illegal in this country, but, believe me, it's coming!

    See the "Coroners and Justice Bill" at where: "(8)References to an image of a child include references to an image of an imaginary child."

    In other words, we're going to be following Australia in that cartoon images of Lisa Simpson performing sexual acts will be illegal! (Where that leaves the London Olympics 2012 logo, I'm not sure!)

    Also note that the authors of the Coroners and Justice Bill have cut-and-pasted big chunks straight out of the "extreme pornography" legislation in the Criminal Justice and Immigration Bill, presumably based on the principle that "well, we got away with it once, so let's do it again!"

  19. Alex Rose

    @Greg Trocchia

    You may want to take a look at a map of the world mate, the "Simpson's parody" legislation was in Australia. You'll find Australia on the opposite side of the world to the UK.

  20. elderlybloke

    Thought Police (as in 1984)

    may not be all that far away now.

    If the soon to be ex-president had been able to carry on, I am sure that he and the chief torturer (Vice President Cheney) would have achieved that.

    They have destroyed the rights of the Yanks stated in the Constitution , and the above goal would have been just what the fundamentalist Christian would think God had told him to do.

    Just like he told Bush to invade Iraq.

  21. Anonymous Coward

    Is it me?

    Am I the only person who would like to hear more about this 'Mouse' and her performance art?

    Just for the sake of art, obviously <cough>

    C'mon Reg - where's the link to her site?

    Mine's the coat with holes in the pockets

  22. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The UK rocks

    Here in the US a politicians career would be over if he stepped foot inside a place like that. I like how in the UK you can actually have a sense of humor about it.

  23. Sajid


    ok so the ban on extreme porn is almost a fortnight away , Just thinking out loud here folks , big drinking party addressing the drinking ban , may be a special guest appearance by our favourite Hilton sister ...............

  24. mark jacobs


    They can already read your mind electronically, and then implant thoughts, feelings and emotions into you, either en masse or indivdually. Check out for a list of patented devices (at the bottom of the page). Bear in mind that this list is old, and I bet they're doing more nowadays. The arms industries are doing this against their own citizens with tax money. Believe me, society is run by people who have successfully and demonstrably shown contempt for fellow mankind. That is one reason why Windows and MS became the mainstream PC architecture, rather than a superior product at that time, like Acorn Archimedes and Risc OS. We are born sh*t on, and spend the rest of our lives sh*t on. Go figure!

  25. John Ozimek

    Whadya mean: "that sort of place"?

    @ Brent Gardner

    but...but...the Awards took place in the Marriott Hotel (Westminster). Why would that end a politician's career.

    Wait a minute...formerly County Hall and home to the GLC. Ah, yes. I see what you are driving at.

    P.S. zedee: are you stalking me or have we met in a former existence? If my MA (Oxon) is "out there" anywhere on the web, you can be sure that it includes a dose of extra irony. For those not up on the academic hi-jinks that particular degree represents: I have a BA, for which I worked; I also have a MA for which the primary requisite was my consuming a large - and reasonably tasty - dinner.

    MA (Oxon) is not a serious degree. At least it wasn't in my day.

    Apologies to any who now hold that degree if they have had to work for it.

  26. Les Matthew

    Is that

    a golden dildo in the picture on the right-hand sidebar?

    I was going to use the thumbs-up (Love it) icon but thought better of it. :D

  27. Anony mouse


    i can continue to watch porn at work and claim i'm doing my bit for charidee

  28. Stuart Moore

    @ Brent Gardner

    Those politicians are from the house of Lords - meaning they're there for life (well, unless the government manages to change it again). The MP probably didn't turn up because it would have ruined his career with all kinds of negative advertising.

    I like the Lords. They do what's right, not what's going to get the most votes.

  29. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Hardly "rampant authoritarianism"!

    "mark jacobs" is not too far wide of the mark - go check out for more on what "they" can do and have done to us - there's worse to come!.

    As for porn, particularly "extreme porn" - yes, ban it, it has no place in a decent and civilised society and I cannot comprehend how anybody, particularly anybody who has children, could demand its liberalisation and unfettered distribution - the mind truly boggles!

  30. Lottie

    @ AC 22:28

    I hope you were joking there.

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