back to article Cows can't detect earthquakes: Official

Swedish scientists have disappointingly discovered that cows do not have "an innate ability to detect natural disasters", thereby thwarting any possibility of deploying bovine imminent earthquake detectors in seismic hotspots. According to The Local, researchers from the Swedish University of Agricultural Sciences (SLU) fitted …

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  1. James
    Coat

    I hope

    ..They didnt Steak any money on it....

    mines the one being pelted with eggs

  2. Anonymous John

    fitted "advanced GPS sensors and animal monitoring devices"

    Er, why?

    Had someone predicted the earthquake?

  3. Nick Davey
    Dead Vulture

    Maybe...

    If two of them were lying down before, during and after the event, has anyone checked that they are still alive?

  4. Colin

    sitting down

    wouldn't you be better off sitting (or lying) down during an earthquake anyway ?

  5. Nic Brough
    Coat

    Title

    Can someone check if they were testing the Milton Keynes cows, or the slightly more natural variety?

  6. Richard

    OMG

    where can I get a job like that?

    Hell, I'd love to get paid for sit around putting equipment on cows and waiting for an earthquake. I bet the buggers dont really sit down when its about to rain either!

    I wonder if the same thing can be done with chavs in Birmingham, oh wait, its called electronic tagging

  7. Peyton
    Happy

    Full story

    Cow #8 actually broke it's monitoring device from rolling on the ground and laughing after it heard about the research it was a part of.

  8. Paul Nugent
    Thumb Up

    Have the scientists considered

    That the cows knew there was an earthquake coming but could tell it was a weak one so didn't bother reacting.

    Cows are that cool.

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Clearly...

    ..the cows knew perfectly well that that particular quake was no threat to them so they ignored it.

  10. Random Noise
    Coat

    Surely by now

    someone must have used the obligatory 'Did the earth mooooove?'

  11. Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
    Coat

    But what is the speed ....

    of a cow in vacuum?

    Ig-Nobel award awaits these intrepid scientists

  12. Oliver Mayes
    Coat

    Next up...

    ...can geese predict stock market crashes?

    Mines the one with the research grant in the pocket.

  13. Dr. Mouse Silver badge

    You're all wrong!

    The cows got together and decided, "Hey, why should we let THEM know we can tell when these disasters are comming. Let them all die, and we will rule the world! MOOOOAHAHAHA!!"

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Alien

    The cows just...

    ... want us to think they know nothing, they can't give away their real mission...

  15. Scott van Looy

    Can Mike Richards

    Please tell me about grep and white dog poo?

    Thanks!

  16. Harry
    Alert

    Dunno about cows, but ...

    ... it sounds like a load of old bull.

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Unhappy

    "has anyone checked that they are still alive?"

    They probably fell down a crack in the research.

  18. Anonymous John
    Coat

    @ OMG

    "I bet the buggers dont really sit down when its about to rain either!"

    Old wives' tale. <Waits for Sarah's comment that this phrase is feminazi>

    Mine's the suede one lying on the floor.

  19. Anon

    Speed of a cow

    An African or European cow?

  20. christopher

    Meanwhile....

    In the UK, scientists are trying to figure out how a flying cow could have destroyed a windturbine.

  21. Anonymous Coward
    Happy

    Reminds me of a Far Side cartoon...

    The one called "checking whether animals 'kiss'". There's a blackboard showing various results including 'octopus - couldn't find lips', and in the foreground a there's a cow on hind legs slapping a pouting scientist.

  22. Why

    Quantum Effect

    clearly they know we are watching.

  23. Gianni Straniero
    Coat

    What a load of bull

    The researchers milked this for all it was worth, then hoofed it home when the good burg(h)ers of Skåne found the whole thing udderly ridiculous.

    Mine's the black and white cowhide.

  24. Geoff Kennedy
    Coat

    hmmm

    This sort of research is just udderly ridiculous. I certainly hope the scientists involved have moooved onto greener pastures for research, as opposed to milking government money for this endeavor...

  25. Anonymous Coward
    Happy

    Pathetic attempt at humour alert

    "and the eighth cow’s equipment malfunctioned, leaving researchers in the dark about its reaction to the quake" - that was the one running around going "OMG OMG we're all gonna die!"

  26. Keith T
    Happy

    The cows all selected safe locations to be in during the quake

    The cows all lived through the earth quake, proving they selected safe places to be during the event.

  27. Nick L

    Re: what is the speed

    First assume a spherical cow ...

  28. le jono
    Stop

    the passion of the christ

    I have a friend who runs a dairy farm and I myself do numerous tests on his livestock.

    Usually I run at them with some sort of weapon, but I think they just run away because I am running at them in a threating manner

  29. Dave

    What would they do?

    If they're in the middle of a field with nothing harmful around them, why would they do anything? I could understand a cow in a barn wanting to get out in case the structure collapsed, but unless a cow was standing with two feet either side of the fault when it ruptured, I don't see how there would be anything they could do. No way could they outrun a mudslide or other side-effect capable of travelling that far..

  30. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Can these guys get me some funding

    for my ground-breaking Ursine Defecatory Behavioural Analysis Programme?

  31. Hollerith

    earthquakes are manifestations of illusion

    The illusion of reality, you know. Cows are on a higher transcendental plain. Or meadow.

  32. Steve

    Sad case

    So while other researchers get grants to investigate the effect of alcohol on women, or cocaine on bees, these poor souls want to see what happens when you shake a cow. I can tell them that, from a safe distance.

  33. Anonymous Coward
    Linux

    I feel...................

    a Gary Larson cartoon coming..........

    Penguin, 'cause there's no cow..........

  34. Brandon
    Flame

    maybe..

    the cows were too distracted to notice the earthquakes, because they were busily pondering the ramifications of their global warming flatulence... or lack thereof... as it's fricken COOLER on earth than it was last year! Gotta love scientists.

  35. ceedee

    That Mike Richards fella

    He's a wise old bugger y'know.

  36. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    grep white dog poo

    grep: no such file or directory

    hmm...

  37. Jos
    Happy

    @I feel.....

    Dang it, you made me google for it

    http://www.tachyon-city.com/wp-content/farsidecowncar.gif

    And it's not Friday yet.

  38. Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
    Coat

    @steve: you get milkshake

    (nuf said)

  39. Dr Patrick J R Harkin

    If cows were smart...

    "OK everyone - ready? On my mark - 3, 2, 1 EVERYBODY DOWN! HAHAHAHAH! Look at them! Running like buggery for the door! That one's pissed himself! OK, back up - and look innocent..."

  40. Kieron McCann
    Joke

    simple...

    They were Schrodinger's Cows

  41. TeeCee Gold badge
    Boffin

    Heisenberg says.

    Do cows festooned with monitoring kit behave differently in earthquakes to cows not so encumbered?

  42. Tim Schomer
    Joke

    @But what is the speed ....

    ...of a cow in a vaccuum.

    Don't be silly, everyone knows Cows can't drive vacuums, otherwise Dyson or one of the others would have 'em in an advertising campaign.

  43. Norfolk Enchants Paris

    Re earthquakes as illusion

    ``The illusion of reality, you know. Cows are on a higher transcendental plain. Or meadow``

    That's because they're all on grass.

  44. James Farrell

    Sinister...

    "One cow actually sat down at the exact second that the earth began shaking"

    Has anyone considered this: that the cat sitting down, actually CAUSED the earthquake?

    I for one welcome our new bovine earthquake-causing overlords...

  45. Master Baker

    Cows have it easy

    They just stand in a field all day and get milked.

    If I stood in a field waiting to get milked I'd get arrested.

  46. twat

    yes they can

    I am sure they would detect an earthquake if a cowshed fell on them.

    They stand in a field where nothing can fall on them. What do you expect them to do? Phone their friends on their moobile phones.(Sorry)

  47. pete
    Coat

    oh, goodie

    this means the cows won't detect me, either...

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