back to article Lapdancing 'not sexually stimulating', MPs hear

The Commons culture committee yesterday heard claims that lapdancing is "not sexually stimulating" during a hearing into the Licensing Act which is pondering reclassifying lapdancing clubs as "sex encounter establishments" - something which would make it easier for local councils to refuse them licences. According to the …


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  1. This post has been deleted by a moderator

  2. TeeCee Gold badge

    No sex?

    What do they need a Vice Chairman for then?

    (Oh, and I particularly enjoyed the reference to fingering the backbencher responsible. It feels like Friday already.)

  3. This post has been deleted by a moderator

  4. adam


    so, some bird thrusting her tight arse on my crocth ISN'T sexually stimulating ?


  5. Cameron Colley

    Consenting adults are having fun!?!?!?!

    Ban this immediately! Ban it hard!

    The government are just jealous because there's "sexual" behaviour going on outside their prison-style gang-rape of this country.

  6. Bez


    "Those of you who'd like to know who's to blame for this debate on a matter of national importance can finger backbench Labour MP Roberta Blackman-Woods"

    A little contrived perhaps, but 'bravo!' for that one.

    Thumbs up, as it were.

  7. Scott Wichall
    Paris Hilton

    Not at all

    No, of course a neatly trimmed fur burger 6 inches from your face isn't going to turn you on.

    Yeah right

    Got to be Paris again!

  8. Riscyrich

    ...chairman of the Lap Dancing Association

    What a sweet ass job that must be...

    Big Dippers FTW !

  9. Anonymous Coward

    Must resist bait......

    "finger backbench Labour MP Roberta Blackman-Woods"

    I hope that's not sexually stimulating or they'll be a law against that next

  10. Anonymous Coward

    "Not sexually stimulating"

    It frikkin' was the last time I went! Damn good fun too.. but why else would it be so bloody expensive, and mug men pay for it if it wasn't??

  11. andy gibson

    Lapdances are NOT sexually stimulating....

    If your mother is the lapdancer.

  12. Gianni Straniero

    "How do you measure sexual stimulation?"

    A ruler ought to do the trick, I'd have thought.

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I'm fed up with ugly women complaining.

    My wife has the right to moan when I'm spending time not devoted to her welfare, but I can't see why all these lesbians get to complain about what men do in their spare time. It's none of their business.

    I propose a new law, women aren't allowed to watch stupid programmes like Strictly come dancing, and the X factor, instead having to clean their husband's golf clubs.

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    not sexually stimulating

    I can see his point, (stop sniggering back there), I went to one of the better known ones some years ago, and found the experience of having some skinny east european crack-whore rubbing her pimply arse in my face a real downer. Still, maybe I just went on a crap day.

    (and no, I don't bat for the pavilion end).

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    ‘Lapdancing 'not sexually stimulating', MPs hear

    I don't why they're arguing about whether it's sexual or not when the current licenses are fine.

    The only people who are wanting this license change are feminists and moral crusaders who should be ignored.

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    In related news

    Coke not fattening. Lager doesn't make Britons agressive. The Sun is a newspaper.

  17. Elmer Phud

    About time, too!!!!

    They should come down hard on any members found aroused by lapdancers. We shouldn't have to put up with these things being rammed down our throats. It's good to see owners of such establishments being threatened with such stiff penalties. The very thought of sordid practices leaves a nasty taste in my mouth.

  18. Sam


    "I don't bat for the pavilion end"



  19. 4a$$Monkey
    Thumb Up

    Re: I'm fed up with ugly women complaining.

    Can this guy get a comment of the year award?

  20. Gulfie
    Thumb Up

    @Daffy the Duck

    And... "Papal press release states Pope is NOT catholic

  21. The Mole
    Thumb Down

    Flawed argument

    "We are not saying there are not bad clubs. There are bad drivers. But you do not change the way that you licence drivers."

    Yes you do, there used to be lots of bad drivers so we introduced a driving test which led to less bad drivers. We then introduced the driving theory test which led to even less bad drivers. We then introduced the hazzard perception test which led to even less bad drivers. Some people have suggested forcing drivers to get retested every x years with the aim of having even less bad drivers and I imagine that there is a fair chance that will happen too. So by the same logic looks like we should be changing the way we license clubs.

  22. Graham Marsden
    Thumb Down

    Ho hum...

    ... so not content with trying to ban Dangerous Pictures, not content to try to criminalise men for paying for sex, not content with having the WI write letters to newspapers to stop them running legal adverts, not content with threatening trafficked women with arrest and deportation instead of giving them the protection of the law, our New Labour Nanny State now wants to decide whether or not we are allowed to be "sexually stimulated" in the guise of "protecting women"!

    What next? Banning of short skirts and the introduction of the Burkha...?

  23. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

    Re: I'm fed up with ugly women complaining.

    >Can this guy get a comment of the year award?


  24. Anonymous Coward

    @ TheMole 'Flawed Argument

    If we introduce dedicated licenses for clubs, including tests, I can see the queue for examiners being somewhat long and of a largely male persuasion.

    Would the tests include a written test, or maybe an oral examination?

    Mines the one the dirty mac with the clipboard....

  25. Neil Stansbury

    Not stimulating

    To be fair, Peter Stringfellow did say it rather more eloquently in his evidence:

    "I don't want a "Sexual Encounters" license because I don't want men coming into my clubs expecting a sexual encounter".

    It is truly naive to suggest the actual psychological reason most blokes go to places like this is to get "sexual stimulation" - that's just another name for frustration.

    Though, it does all make me wonder how many women who work in the lap dancing industry have actually been asked if they want the politicians protection in the first place.

  26. bondspice

    @ sarah bee

    must....bite.... tongue....

  27. Anonymous Coward

    If it's not stimulating...

    Then you're doing it wrong. Of course, there was that guy that found the hole in the middle of a picnic table stimulating, so I guess everything is subjective.

  28. Barney Light


    "I don't bat for the pavilion end"


  29. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    You obviously knew what I meant, 'scuse me if I don't give a flying fuck.

    (I bet you're going to correct my use of punctuation now).

  30. Anonymous Coward

    What next

    What about Hooters - no dancing topless on your lap, not sex, but stimulating indeed (else, how do they differentiate themselves?).

    Perhaps the measure should be that if you filmed in the club it could be shown on the BBC before 9pm ? Hooters would pass that test, FYEO would not.

  31. Tom


    If there's anything that can prevent sexual stimulation it's Peter Stringfellow.

  32. Anonymous Coward

    Just ask them to stand up after a VIP session

    .... without hands in their pockets....

    You will soon see how *stimulating* it is..


    Government fuckwits.

  33. Anonymous Coward

    Before Ontario had lap dancers...

    (at least legally)

    I knew a gent that would have the homeliest stripper table dance for him any time he went to such an establishment. It always beggared the imagination until we saw his wife. Must have felt nice, looking forward to going home for a change.

    Get your stimulation where you can.

  34. Terrence Bayrock
    Paris Hilton

    Re: Re: I'm fed up with ugly women complaining.


    Why not put this to a vote with your loyal El Reg readers?

    I vote yes

    Paris, for obvious reasons...........

  35. yeah, right.

    Quite true.

    Lap dancing is NOT sexually stimulating. Imagine, for instance, Gordon Brown giving you a lapdance. Are you sexually stimulated? Probably not (if you are, please leave. Now.). Now imagine the same thing with your favourite strumpet.

    So obviously it's not the lapdance that's sexually stimulating, it's the person doing it.

    I'm sure most politicians there should appreciate the very fine hairline distinction being used here, since most of them owe their careers to such distinctions. If they didn't, most of them would be in jail for fraud.

  36. Anonymous Coward

    @ examiners AC

    No more than likely the job would be women only (exempted under some obscure regulation from the sexual equality regulations)

    Then only women from wacky jackys bible thumping club who promise to hunt down all perverts (translation any man they "dont like the look of" )

    Seems her and gordo are vying to be the protestant pope *rolls eyes*

    Did I wake up in the christian Iran???

    Someone said Thatcher put the cause of women back a generation...wacky jacky and himmler harman have put me off voting for women politicians to the extent that I will NEVER vote for a female politician as long as I live (ok I might but there would have to be an overwhelming proof that the candidate was not bat shit femi nazi totalitarian....I dont see it happening...female politicians all seem to be bitter twisted dictator wannabes with an axe to grind, shame as I think a sane female politician might make a difference to parliament :-( )

  37. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Sexually stimulating?

    No they're not, well not if you work in a lapdancing club and get to see what a bunch of mugs the girls think blokes are!

  38. Stewart Haywood
    Paris Hilton

    @Flawed argument

    Hey Mole, that gives me a good idea.

    How about tests for the clubs. Fit testers with an "angle of dangle meter" and let them into the club. The angle measured is 180 straight down and 0 straight up. Any angle of 90 or less is a fail for the club.

    Paris because she would make a great angle of dangle meter maid.

  39. RogueElement
    Gates Horns

    lapdancing isn't sexually stimulating

    yeh right - and my dick tastes of strawberries.

  40. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    How widely applied are 'sex encounter establishments'?

    "reclassifying lapdancing clubs as 'sex encounter establishments'"

    If occurrence of sexual stimulation is sufficient to cause re-licensure, then in consideration of the many studies demonstrating common workplace sexual encounters one might be led to the same result for the government or private office building.

  41. fifi
    Paris Hilton


    What about the resurgence of burlesque? It's not lap-dancing, but it can often feature nudity, and it's certainly very much in the vein of entertainment and not sex. I'd hate to see this fun form of entertainment affected by knee-jerk reactions to poorly run lap-dancing clubs.

    paris, cos she's got her bits out in a definitely non-sexy way

  42. Anonymous Coward



    @Sarah - mmmmmmmmmmmmmm

  43. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    lapdance club = not meant to be sexually stimulating

    Yeah he does make a fair point. The last time I checked, lap dancing /topless clubs were not full of people wearing trenchcoats holding a bowler hat over their crotch.

    Who cares if it's sexually stimulating anyway? People don't have the right to be sexually stimulated? You can't tell if someone is unless that person is YOU. Or you ask them and they are truthful....

    Some people are easily stimulated. It's fair to say that a straight man would be more stimulated (at seeing nude women) than the straight woman who went along with a bunch of her (mixed sex) mates for a laugh.

    This is bulls***, just like the laws against sex cartoons. You can't tell who will be stimulated by what and even if you can...what is the problem? Are they trying to outlaw fun, pleasure and any form of sex and nudity? I don't understand how anyone can be stimulated by badly drawn cartoons anyway, but if that's their thing, it's fine with me, and no-one is getting hurt.

  44. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    re: Anon

    "I'm fed up with ugly women complaining."

    I don't know about comment of the year but I smell a Darwin award in this guy's future.

  45. RogueElement
    Paris Hilton

    I wuv U vewwy much

    Half the government are bent over backwards (well - makes a nice change from touching their toes) trying to enable the opening (fnaaaarr) of "adult entertainment clubs" in city centres whilst the other half justify their pathetic existence on a witch-hunt of anyone who considers the breasts (there dammit - I said the naughty word) to be anything other that bags of fun.

    Meanwhile, we have a media extolling the virtues of slasher movies, Cannibal movies, rape scenarios in movies ... the list is endless.

    Can we have a new icon to depict a smokescreen?

    PS - what's TMI?... no really - my dick does taste of strawberries, but only in the summer, sorry about the pips.

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