back to article Hitler had one ball: Official

It's official: Hitler really did have only one ball, confirming the suspicions of Brits who during WWII musically suggested* the Führer was a 'nad short of a full lunchbox. That's according to the Sun, which says the fact was confirmed by German army medic Johan Jambor who saw an injured Hitler during the 1916 Battle of the …

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  1. dervheid

    I remember it as...

    "Hitler, has only got one ball.

    Goring, has two but very small.

    Himmler, has something similar,

    and poor old Goebblels, has no balls, at all"

    Anyway, if it's in 'The Sun', it MUST be true...

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Linux

    Go-Nads

    Actually, the ditty we learned at school was: "Hitler - had only one big ball, Goering - had two but very small, Himmler - had two very similar, and poor old Goe-balls had no-balls at all"

  3. alan

    Old News

    I am reading a biograph of him and stalin at the moment comparing their lives against the political and economic times they lived in. This book was written by a cambridge don 15+ years ago. It still talking about the ussr :) And he mentions this. It came out in the autopsy completed by the soviet doctors who discovered his body, to which the allies had copies.

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Dead Vulture

    Does not scan..

    "Hitler has only got one ball, the other is in the Albert Hall. His mother, the dirty bugger, cut it off when he was small."

    That last line does not fit the Colonel Bogey tune at all.

    The version I learned as a child ended with the line..

    "His mother, the dirty bugger, cut off the other when Hitler was small."

  5. Dan
    Thumb Up

    We sang...

    "Hitler has only got one ball, the other is in the Albert Hall. His mother, the dirty bugger, had scollops and bollocks for teeeeea!!."

  6. Martin Gregorie Silver badge
    Happy

    Marching song

    The version I learnt when I were a lad was different again:

    "Hitler had only on brass ball, Goering had two but they were small, Himler had something similar, But poor old Goebbels had no balls at all"

  7. Jerome
    Alien

    Gonarch?

    So, was Gonarch in the first Half Life game supposed to be some kind of reference to Hitler? It's just a bit too much of a co-incidence for my liking, especially with the rumours that Hitler actually had four legs and may have come from an alternate dimension.

  8. Robert Grant

    The version I know:

    Hitler has only got one ball

    Rommel has two but they're both small

    Himmler has got the other

    And poor old Goeballs

    Has no balls

    At all

  9. Duckorange
    Joke

    Further studies reveal...

    ...that the Fuhrer was NOT a Benny tied to a tree, but he did have "Skill".

  10. Simon Williams

    That's not what they sang at school

    No,no,no, the song goes:

    Hitler has only got one ball.

    Göring's got two, but very small.

    Himmler's are very sim'lar

    But poor old Goebbels has no balls at all.

    I particularly like the Himmler/sim'lar rhyme

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Dr Acula

    The song as I recall it went:

    Hitler only has one ball,

    Goering has two but very small,

    Himmler has something simmler,

    But poor old Goebels

    Has no balls

    At all!

  12. Jess
    Paris Hilton

    No wonder ..

    .. he was always sounded so angry.

    /:^=0

    Paris - assume she prefers two.

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Boffin

    Very old news

    This was all in the autopsy done by soviet doctors who discovered his body. The autopsy itself was declassified during Gorbachev times.

    Prior to that this interesting fact as well as Lenin's and Beria's syphilis as well as a few other interesting medical tidbits about the 20th century leaders were classed as top secret.

    The only change here is that it looks like the soviet doctors conclusion that Hitler suffered from a well known developmental problem was wrong. It is not uncommon for one or both testicles to fail to fully descend into the testicular sack as the fetus develops. So after finding only one testicle present the autopsy concluded that it was quite likely that Hitler suffered from at least one developmental condition from his very birth.

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    pubes

    Now all we need is concrete evidence that not only did he have one ball, but had his pubes shorn in a fuhrer-type-slug-manner?

    or maybe a swastika.

    hmm must be time for lunch

  15. Tim

    @ Jerome

    Er, these rumours that Hitler actually had four legs and may have come from an alternate dimension... any chance of a link to them? Perhaps even a video of him double-goosestepping?

    Tim#3

    btw, lunch was good today

  16. Richard
    Coat

    Another joke

    ... and the only think that sprang to my mind was this joke:

    Q. What do you call a Russian with only one testicle?

    A. Hoojanikkabolokov.

    Hitler, apparently.

    IGMC.

  17. The Fuzzy Wotnot
    IT Angle

    "That's according to the Sun"?

    Hmmm and as we all know, News Corp are bastions of truth and morality. Unless the man of the moment or his doctor turn up with physical proof, I think I'll just enjoy the ditties!

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    get it right!

    another vote for:

    hitler has only got one ball

    goering has two but they are small

    himmler has something similar

    but poor old goebals

    has no balls at all

    [no mothers or albert halls involved]

    now does anyone remember the other song which - along with the hitler ballad - comprised every snotty kid's repertorie of risquéness when i was wee [to the tune of jesus christ superstar]:

    georgie best superstar

    wears frilly knickers and a see-through bra

    he wears a wig

    wears a wig

    that's why they call him a dirty pig

    [they dinnae write 'em like that anymore!]

  19. weirdcult
    Go

    and another

    Hitler has only got one ball,

    the other is in the Free State Hall,

    Himler is very similar

    and poor old Goebbels has no balls at all.....

    My Grandad's version so it's true right.

  20. Dan
    IT Angle

    yet another variation...

    Hitler has only got one ball

    Rommel has got two but small

    Himmler is very sim'lar

    and Goeballs has no balls at all.

    hmm, no icon for nazi genitalia?

  21. Jonathan Stewart
    Coat

    So was he...

    half the man he used to be???

  22. Alex
    Heart

    Fishes.. Dishes

    I remember it carrying on..

    "Hitler has only got one ball, the other is in the Albert Hall. His mother, the dirty bugger, cut off the other when Hitler was small. She threw it into the deep blue sea, the fishes thought it was time for tea. The fishes, got out their dishes, and had scollops and bollocks for Tea!"

    That came from my Grandfather who had his crew singing it during torpedo runs whilst being the "belly of the iron beast" (Chief Engineer on RN and Merchant ships)

  23. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    You're all so wrong

    Any fule no the proper version is:

    Hitler has only got one ball,

    His mother cut the other off when he was small,

    Himler is somewhat simler,

    And Goebels has no balls at all.

    Or at least thats what I learned in cubs.

  24. Brian

    Dischord

    This has been a constant source of dischord between me and the missus for ages - both in our 40s, we learnt different versions when kids.

    Mine was the 'poor old Goebells had no balls at all', hers was the 'his mother, the dirty bugger...'.

    Nice to see it's not just us two disagreeing :o)

  25. Robert Gough
    Alert

    and the second verse

    the version I knew is the same as the reg version, however we also had a second verse...

    "she threw it, into a great big tree, it landed, in the deep blue sea"

    "and the fishes, had dishes, and scollops had bollocks for tea"

  26. Andy Livingstone

    What a load of balls.

    So, there is some truth in Conspiracy Theories after all. If only I could live long enough to read the Sun announcement about the Grassy Knoll, sometime around 2098.

  27. James Anderson Silver badge

    @dervheid

    Thats the version I recall from behind the bike sheds;

  28. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Or the modern version:

    Gordon has only got one ball

    Darling has two, but very small

    Miliband has got them in-his-hand

    While poor old Ed Balls

    Has no balls

    At all

  29. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Yes,

    whilst it is quite an amusing ditty, and of course possible, I hear Winston Churchill was an hermaphrodite, and use to enjoy bigay rumpy pumpy with Erwin Rommel who had a third nipple on his buttock cleft.

    I somehow think this is part of a propaganda mill, we are quite good at this, come up with a story and then use it to slander the enemy, ups moral and all that.

    What is more interesting that the Sun is running the story, my suspicion is there is a rise of the right and they are trying to run stories that reawaken the memories of the war, or war movies, to make people come back to centre. It is probably due to the rising unemployment which is always a catalyst for right of centre thinking.

    But hey look at Russia, under socialist Labour Stalin, I hear he couldn't get it up unless they were young 13 year old girls, I suspect the far left is going to be more of a problem.

    I think it is high time MPs took a pay cut, virtualise the house of commons, turn the existing building into a nightclub. And, the MPs lead by example, live on very little, in fact the same amount as being on the dole.

    That would send a message the people could understand and probably agree with, let's face it these MPs have caused the current economic problems, they should not be sheltered from the affects, nor should they seek to be. They should take the middle centre path of humbleness and exist at the same level they have bought the country to.

  30. Robert Moore
    Coat

    @Duckorange

    Further studies reveal...

    Shouldn't that read "Führer studies reveal..."

  31. Foxhill

    Wikipedia has an article on EVERYTHING

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hitler_Has_Only_Got_One_Ball has the other verses

  32. Sceptical Bastard

    My version...

    ... of that rhyme was learnt in the playground in the 1950s. It went:

    Hitler - has only got one ball

    Goering - has two but very small

    Himmler - his balls were similar

    But poor old Goebbels

    Has no balls at all.

    BTW, has anyone else noticed that ApfelFührer Jobs appears next to the story about the Nazi leader's nuts? A coincidence, I'm sure...

  33. Lukin Brewer

    So many versions of history...

    I read in a book (that I have been unable to find now) that the ditty was composed by Churchill's press secretary while he was taking a bath. He sang it to Churchill, because he thought it would amuse him. Churchill laughed out loud and insisted that he sing it to the Chiefs of Staff when they met. They fell about laughing, and passed it on down the ranks.

    The version quoted was: Hitler has only got one ball/ Goering has two, but very small/ Himmler was somewhat similar/ And poor old Goebbels has no balls at all.

    ---

    On a related subject, one of Garth Ennis's comedic "Adventures in the Rifle Company" stories features a mission to recover Hitler's missing bollock, now imbued with mystical powers.

  34. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Why

    Why are we talking about Hitler's balls ????? I dont hear people talking about Jacqui's balls.

  35. Anonymous Coward
    Happy

    I think you'll find the song goes...

    Hitler, has only got one ball

    The other, is in the Albert Hall

    His mother, the dirty bugger

    Cut it off when he was small

    She threw it, in to a conker tree

    It fell down, in to the deep blue see

    The fishes, got out their dishes

    And had scallops, and bollocks, for tea.

    Not quite sure how said ball found its way in to the Albert Hall once it had already been eaten by fishes, but stranger things have happened.

  36. Dave Bell

    How wrong can you be?

    Goebbels had several children.

    Before he committed suicide, he murdered them all.

    So either the song is wrong, or he used a stunt double.

  37. Steve Roper
    Black Helicopters

    And I remember it from my childhood as

    Hitler, had only got one ball,

    The other, was hanging on the wall,

    His mother, the dirty bugger,

    Had cut it o-off when he-e was small.

    ---

    Hitler, had only got one ball,

    Goering, had two but very small,

    Himmler, was somewhat similar,

    And poor old Goebbels, he had none at all.

    ---

    I don't recall ever hearing anything about Albert Hall in the song, and some of the other wording and cadence most people remember above seem a bit different too - e.g. in my version the word "balls" didn't occur in the Goebbels line.

    It's interesting to see the Chinese Whispers effect on such a well-known song across so many boundaries, where such communication was effected before the copy-paste advent of the Internet.

    The black helicopter because it's the closest imagery to a swastika (both physically and metaphorically) in the icon list!

  38. James Anderson Silver badge
    Paris Hilton

    For World Peace and ineternational fairness

    General De Gaulle had a penis very small

    Francois Mitterand could hide his in his hand

    Poor old Jaques Chirac had one that pointed towards the back

    Nicolas Sarkozys is smaller than his nosey

    but Carla doesn't seem to mind at all.

  39. TeeCee Gold badge
    Joke

    Re: How wrong can you be?

    Coming soon to a cinema near you, the new film from Trey Parker and Matt Stone: "I was Goebbels' stunt cock".......

  40. TeeCee Gold badge

    Re: Another joke.

    Nah. Everyone knows that Hujanika Bollukov has three balls.

    The Russian with one ball is his brother. Huzniptmi Bollukov.

  41. s jackson
    Happy

    More Hitler testicle words

    My grandfather definitely taught us to sing, to Colonel Bogey :

    Hitler has only got one ball

    Goring has two, but very small

    Himmler has something similar

    But poor old Goebbals has no balls at all

    Ad infinitum

  42. Richard Porter

    Make it fit the tune

    The versions above do not fit the tune of Colonel Bogey, in particular the second line. The version I know is:

    Hitler, he only had one ball.

    Göring had two but they were very small.

    Himmler was very similar,

    But poor old Göbbels had no balls at all.

    Wheter any of it had any foundation in fact is completely irrelevant!

  43. sath
    IT Angle

    @ How wrong can you be?

    Perhaps 1 of his little lads 'removed' them in a dramatic life/death struggle, so when he was discovered we all thought he had none?

    Course if its The Sun then the only thing that they do thats interesting is flaunt page 3 models on their front cover, which in its own right is a rather lazy way of getting away with heaving up grade ZZ tripe story coverage that Tabloid newspapers are known to invent for their own purposes. Okay okay they were very close if not on the mark this time, we all know Hitlaar didn't have a complete set of Male genitalia. Could his charisma be related to his abnormal Testosterone levels attracting other men as well as women (and at the same time freak them out) as evolution intended? It must of been an awkward life being Hitler...

  44. Pete James

    What a coincidence

    The Sun ran this story on Wednesday, the day England play Germany in Berlin?

    Shameful. Utterly shameful.

  45. Matthew
    Joke

    no balls

    That's why he shot himself XD

  46. Tom Austin

    Soviet autopsy

    Sorry, potentially pig-ignorant question here: wasn't Hitler's body burnt, along with Eva's, after a dose of petrol had been poured on both of them?

    Was there really enough crispy Hitleric remains for the Soviets to work out how many balls he had (or hadn't)?

    Would have thought all fleshy stuff would have been burnt away by the time they found him. Or did he burn out before the balls got barbecued?

    Just asking.

  47. Francis Offord
    Boffin

    Der Fuhrer

    I dont see how any post mortem could have been carried out by the Ivans or anyone else since Hitlers body was consumed by cremation which, although incomplete, would have used up the smaller items first and his balls would certaintly have qualified on that score. Back to the drawing board?

  48. THOMAS STEWART VON DRASHEK
    Pirate

    Testicle Rewmoval, NOT Testicles Removal

    Perhaps Uncle Adolf had No Balls at all, as technically it isn't possible to tell if one or two where removed, BY just naming procedure..

    Signed:PHYSICIAN THOMAS STEWART VON DRASHEK M.D.

  49. tony trolle

    mmmm. DerFuhrer nuts

    I thought he had Syphilis, he did write about it a bit in Mein Kampf.

  50. Hairy
    Coat

    @TeeCee

    Actually I think you'll find the monorchic soviet was the much more likely monikered Ivor Boloockov.

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