back to article Times: US about to deploy Space Marines

The Sunday Times sold off another little bit of its credibility at the weekend, as it told the world about the imminent launch of the US Marine Corps into space. According to the Thunderer: The American military is planning a “spaceplane” designed to fly a crack squad of heavily armed marines to trouble spots anywhere in the …

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  1. andy gibson

    "Commando" magazine

    I remember back in the early 80's one of the stories in "Commando" magazine was about the Nazis sending soldiers up in little capsules mounted in V2 rockets for ultra quick deployment of invasion troops.

  2. Anonymous Coward Silver badge
    Anonymous Coward

    crack squad

    Are we sure this doesn't describe the Times newsroom & what they're consuming?

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    wouldn't it be cheaper

    to just orbit a couple of very heavy blocks of steel/stone with rocket motor and a rudimentary guidance system and just drop them on the enemy.

    it would certainly be more accurate than the average US soldier shooting at someone.

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Will they be paying patents to GW

    http://www.games-workshop.com/gws/content/article.jsp?aId=9600035

  5. Chris Milner

    COncerning the "young persons' rhythm-combo music"

    That music is from Transformers: The Movie (the animated version please and not the rebooted version).

    Ahh brings back memories, and soon afterwards comes one of the saddest points in an 80's child life... the death of Optimus Prime (for now)

  6. Avalanche
    Black Helicopters

    I want my SA-43 Hammerhead

    And I want it before 2063!

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Pirate

    1 problem, another solution

    1st problem is crashign a rocket into the ground at a high enough speed to dodge missles - the G-force (and sudden stopping) will kill the Marines inside.

    2nd solution - if they do survive the impact and the subquent fighting, they'll be relieved by regular Special Ops coming in the old fashioned way - by plane/sub etc. The aim of SUSTAIN is to get people in fast and fighting now to allow time for the regulars to get there.

    Obviously snce they're Americans, they'd be captured as they land and we'd have to send in the SAS to get them out and hush up the entire war. Now where did they do that recently !!!!

  8. Tom Chiverton
    Boffin

    Music

    /Nothings Gonna Stand In Our Way/ by Spectre General, as used in the first (i.e. animated) Transformers: The Movie. 'Young persons' indeed !

  9. Jim Ned
    Alien

    Aliens Hardware?

    I think I saw this movie, where they load up the super Winebago in the reentry vehicle, drop in, and the Marines kick butt...oh wait, the Marines got eaten by the aliens, but that doesn't matter.

    Hopefully the final version will have some 49 cent locking straps to keep that phased plasma pulse rifle from floating around in the cabin as they showed it. Also an invisibility cloak to keep the baddies from shooting the landing craft during the several minutes it will take to offload the tanks.

  10. Neil Barnes Silver badge
    Paris Hilton

    Someone's been reading 'Starship Troopers'

    As above...

    Paris, because she might be able to accommodate a troop of space marines for four hours...

  11. Bad Beaver
    Thumb Down

    Terrible video

    Who made this, a 14 year old with a power fetish? Uselessly long, terrible soundtrack and no decent combat footage in the end that would make it worth the pain. Also: Nice how they remembered that it would make sense to tie down tanks inside transporters, especially when zero gravity is involved. Nice how they forgot to tie down the grunts' FN SCARs. That'll be fun.

  12. Yorkshirepudding
    Go

    wussies

    thunderhawk gunship filled with a squad of the adeptus astartes FTW proper space marines

  13. Tim
    Alien

    Why does it have to be military?

    Wouldn't it be better to use this system for prepaid pizza delivery? In fact one could save a fortune in rent if the pizzeria was in a space station in orbit! That's what we do at home.

  14. David Bell

    America, F*@k Yeah.

    Its Team America, World Police, but done in CGI instead of Puppets......

  15. Dave
    Thumb Up

    Fantastic Promo-vid

    That has to be the worst concept video I've ever seen, for anything.

    I'm especially fond of the Blackbirds in space bit when the camera panning sideways reveals that the earth is in fact a small slightly bump mapped ball close to the camera.

    It's so sh1t it's almost brilliant ...almost

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Joke

    That reminds me ...

    ... of an old'un but a good'un:

    When asked to "secure a building", the Services each respond in a different way -

    - Army: sends squads to search floor-by-floor, quarter and sweep style, until the building is confirmed free from hostiles. When finished, the building is declared 'secured'.

    - Navy: sends one man to close all the doors and turn off all the lights. When finished, the building is declared 'secured'.

    - Air Force: sends a legal staffer to take out a 5-year lease with option to extend. When finished, the building is declared 'secured'.

    The Space Marines would "take off and nuke the entire site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure."

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Joke

    Wanabe space cadets

    Perhaps this could be one possible avenue for research

    http://tinyurl.com/5b4r33

  18. Gary Myers
    Boffin

    Long range Radar

    The Radar system at RAF Fylingdales has a power of 2.5MW and can see 3000+ miles.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/RAF_Fylingdales

    Hope the US system has a cloaking device!

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Black Helicopters

    Extraction

    Getting the operators out of the target isn't really a problem. Behind-the-lines operations already include hiking to and back so this would mainly reduce the amount of hiking involved. The Russians have demonstrated this kind of operations already when they crash-landed a plane carrying spetsnaz troops on a mountain hill - and successfully completed an operation thereafter - near a capital of some Asian or Caucasian capital during a war whose name I can't remember.

    A bunch of this kind of planes placed in e.g. Diego Garcia could provide rapid insertion in most of Africa and Middle East where the radar systems and air defenses aren't as comprehensive as in Europe, Russia or the States. I can even imagine hideously expensive planes which could allow the troops to parachute out and then fly, on autopilot, back to some friendly territory.

  20. Flocke Kroes Silver badge

    Sending the wrong people

    How much will businessmen pay to go from New York to Tokyo in 4 hours?

    What about using rockets as a way to move politicians away from potential nuclear missile strikes. I would be happy to launch them now. We can figure out a safe way to land later.

  21. Dave Murray
    Thumb Up

    Death by laughter

    "Fringe outlets like the Times occasionally have some interesting stuff, we'd be the first to admit it, but you can't rely on them."

    Must stop laughing... can't breathe...

  22. Anonymous Coward
    Stop

    @AC, Re: 1 problem, another solution

    Amusing, though I think the most recent (and thus, fresh in the minds of people) military "doh!" followed by "we surrender" belongs to the Royal Navy. Something about getting back in the boat to go greet some approaching Iranians - or something like that, instead of taking defensive positions.

    Maybe they should have asked the Australians how to handle approaching boats of unknown intent.

  23. Graham Marsden
    Boffin

    Wrong music...

    ... They should have used the classic 80's hit "99 Red Balloons" by Nena:

    "This is what we've waited for,

    This is it, Boys, this is war!

    The President is on the line as

    99 red balloons go by.

    "99 Knights of the Air

    Ride super high-tech jet fighters

    Everyone's a super hero,

    Everyone's a Captain Kirk.

    "With orders to identify,

    To clarify and classify,

    Scramble in the summer sky as

    99 red balloons go by."

    Still, it's only a song about a massive military over-reaction, isn't it...?!

  24. Robin Baker

    Move along now...

    Just take a look at http://www.astronautix.com/lvs/ithacus.htm, nothing new about this concept is there?

  25. Bounty

    it's all backwards

    "The aim of SUSTAIN is to get people in fast and fighting now to allow time for the regulars to get there."

    So we take some marines who are not in theater (If they knew what they were doing, they'd be there already) and smash them into a hill. Awsome.

    If we're going to do that, why go the hundred million dollar ICBM way? Take some troops already there and shoot them in with a cruise missle or something? BTW I'm reminded of the beginning of Quake II

  26. Chris G Silver badge

    There's a better way

    Scrap the rocket planes and the super troopers, all you need is well armed librarians and instead of using sub-orbital space they can use `L´ space. Having arrived completely without detection via `L´space at right angles to the enemy space they can carry out their mission and return to base through any nearby newspaper or paperback. Job done!

    Terry Pratchett's concepts are certainly no more ridiculous and much more entertaining.

  27. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Crappy Animation

    That could be the worst animation I have ever seen.

  28. Daniel B.
    Happy

    Come on you apes...

    do you want to live forever???

    Me thinks someone has read/watched Starship Troopers, or played Quake 2. Though if it works, it definitely sounds like a nice idea!

    Better idea: Station the troops in orbit, and then just send 'em down when needed. Oh, zero-G affects the body ... nevermind.

  29. Anonymous Coward
    Alert

    Anyone notice we're broke?

    I don't think we have the money for this kind of toy any more. Its probably cheaper to send the squad coach on a budget airline, anyway -- it'll take a bit longer to get there, that's all.

  30. Andy Dent
    Paris Hilton

    Cheaper to have Marines holiday all over

    Seems to me, given the cost of something like this hardware, it would be vastly cheaper to go through a massive expansion of personnel and keep them "deployed" by holidaying all over the globe.

    That should also do wonders for recruiting and provide a nice rotation out of the sandbox.

    Paris 'cos she knows how to have a good time all over and is in the hotel business.

    BTW if you want a really good update on Starship Troopers, read John Ringo's Posleen war series, the first two of which are free at Baen - http://www.webscription.net/c-1-free-library.aspx - "A Hymn Before Battle" and "Gust Front"

  31. David Pollard

    @ Bad Beaver

    "Who made this, a 14 year old with a power fetish?"

    Maybe it was made *for* 14-year olds. Recruitment for the armed forces can't be all that easy these days.

    By logging access and then using 'Einstein' and 'server in the sky' to do a bit of automated background checking over a period of a couple of years it would be fairly simple to generate a list of potential recruits.

  32. Anonymous Coward
    Black Helicopters

    "Have Blue", anyone?

    Anyone (else) remember the Wobblin' Gobblin? And the stories of funny black airplanes scooting around the night skies courtesy of Uncle Sam's Flying Fibreglass Factories?

    All the "experts" **knew** that the odd report or two of aircraft all but invisible to radar must be false because they diodn't know how it was done, therefore it couldn't be done. At least, until the pilots got to go play smash-and-grab on Saddam's air defense network and the USAF finally admitted they *had* been flying these things around for a while.

    And now they try to tell us they *might* be working on something to deliver a combat-ready force anywhere on the planet within a couple of hours, but (you) decide it it must be false because the Times mentioned it... c'est la guerre...

  33. Al
    Happy

    re: The Music

    Autobot/Decepticon Battle by Vince Dicola was the other classic transformers tune... And i think the last song might be from 'The Rock' or some other Michael bay film...

    Hmmm, I see a transformers theme here...

  34. Brian
    Black Helicopters

    They already have....

    The ubiquitous "they" have already been dreaming up short-orbit object-tossing schemes.

    It was known as the "THOR" weapons system. Basically ...fire up a launching platform complete with several very large ceramo-metallic pillars. Wait for the "Baddies-du-Jour" to make themselves plain, hit the button and the orbital platform simply drops a nasty gravity-enhanced mass o' splat on the offenders, with the benefit of short turnaround repetition if need be.

    That was 20 or so years ago. Haven't heard of anything recently.

    Wait......what's that growing whistling sou

  35. Ydo Ibother

    What rubbish.

    You would need at least 5 vehicles for this to work:

    – a Hypersonic variable geometry rocket plane used for fast response, rescue zone reconnaissance, and as a mobile control base.

    – a Heavy supersonic VTOL carrier lifting body aircraft used for the transport of major rescue equipment and vehicles.

    – a Reusable, vertically launched SSTO (Single Stage To Orbit) spaceship used for space rescue and maintenance.

    – a Small utility submarine for underwater rescue.

    – an Earth-orbiting space station which monitors all broadcasts around the globe for calls for help and also manages communications.

    Oh, and a secret base somewhere in the Pacific

    Thanks Wikipedia...FAB

  36. Ed
    Coat

    meh....

    Meh.... call Me when they develop a working Terminator suite... Chain glove and Assult Cannon a must.......

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