back to article My jubs are real, wails Kim Kardashian

Forget the international financial meltdown - this week's hot news is that foxy minx celebutard, Playboy model and amateur grumble flick performer Kim Kardashian has definitely not indulged in jub enhancement. The brunette world's answer to "One Night In" Paris Hilton was moved to counter scurrilous suggestions that her not …


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  1. Anonymous Coward


    Who? And why should I care?

    Let me guess, another talentless hack who for some reason 'celb-reportards' think shes worth commenting on because unlike a million other slappers dropped her knickers at some point! - WOW! thats news worthy!

    *\. Grabbing my jacket, coz if this is turning into another crappy 'celb' site, I am offski!

  2. Francis Boyle Silver badge

    Well now taht important matter's settled

    she go can go help out Heather Mills.

  3. Tim
    Thumb Down

    A fetching snap...

    ...of a 14 YEAR OLD? Are you fucking mad?

  4. b
    Thumb Up

    more stories like this, please!

    very nice!

    nice lookin' gal..

    erm, oh yes, work....better crack on...^^

  5. Jimmy Floyd

    Her name still sounds like...

    ...some sort of Star Trek character.

  6. Simon Painter
    Paris Hilton

    What's the...

    blah blah IT angle blah.

    It has 'hyperlinks' to 'online content'. What more do you need?

    The Paris Hilton angle was a little tenuous. Like saying "here's a phone, the iPhone is also a phone... see we mentioned iPhone" - oh wait, that's classic Register reporting.

  7. Joe K
    Dead Vulture


    Is she off X Factor, or some such shit?

  8. Pete
    Paris Hilton

    How do...

    ... mingers get press coverage? At least Jade Goody gives us something to talk about, be it negative, mean. derogatory or otherwise derisory in some fashion.

    This Kim lass is boring looking. At least have the decency to include Paris' picture for some balance!

  9. Anonymous Coward

    Picture supplied

    !4 year old in bikini picture - the sort of thing that with Sun and other redtops generates paedo-scaremongering stories about the internet. At least we can assume the model release form has been signed.

    Think of the children! - just not in that way.

    AC and why not

  10. A. Lewis
    Thumb Up


    I like the Reg trend of adding 'tard' as a suffix to any noun to make is more descriptive. It's very non-PC, which is probably why I like it!

  11. Andy Towler


    Fantastic word. Love it.

  12. Marvin the Martian
    IT Angle

    Why not

    have another article about Emmerdale Farm, or maybe this time blackberry picking in the Cotswolds?

  13. muzchap


    She's pretty fit and can't believe that she came from that idiot Dad of hers... Maybe she's the milkmans but the wife never dared to say anything..

    I mean it could have been a CLERICal error at the registrar :)

    I'll get my coat...

  14. chris
    IT Angle

    IT Angle?

    Does her bedroom have Wi-Fi?

  15. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

    (T)IT angle

    For those who insist on an IT angle - well, most IT industry workers have boobs, don't they? Look around you. Or just look down.

  16. soaklord

    Come on Reg

    Where's the pic?!? Have your standards really ascended that high? No? I thought not.

  17. Anonymous Coward

    @ Sarah

    No your thinking of a strip-joint.

    Your not 'just working your way through college' are you? I'm guessing you dont get many noodles for Reg-beans these day ;-)

    *\. You would hit a cute little penguin now would you?

  18. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

    Re: @ Sarah


  19. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    Hey, that's harsh. You could just give them the benefit of the doubt and assume they're drunk, you know.

  20. Dr Jeep

    C-cup since 11?

    Ah school boy ma..del..emories...11 yrs old, first year in high school wandering around the school between classes with, at that age, your height putting your eyes right at the level where all those 5th year and sixth form chesticles was so much easier.....

  21. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Re: Picture Supplied

    >> !4 year old in bikini picture - the sort of thing that with Sun and other redtops generates paedo-scaremongering stories about the internet.

    As well it should, pictures of 14 year olds in bikiini are only acceptable in print (usually in the aforementioned redtops). Don't you know, anything involving a computer is evil.

  22. Peyton
    Thumb Up


    Oh no - the moderatrix can do no wrong (nevermind that the exceedingly succinct retort was funny as hell ;)

  23. ian
    Paris Hilton

    @Sarah 12:18GMT

    "...most IT industry workers have boobs..."

    At first I read that as "most IT industry workers are boobs". My dyslexia is getting more interesting...

    PH, because she is a boob with boobs.

  24. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

    Re: @Sarah 12:18GMT

    You boob.

    Heh. It's much underused.

  25. Danny Silver badge
    Paris Hilton

    14 year old in bikinis?

    A short of the line that one.

    Paris, she is far shorter than the line.

  26. Thomas Baker
    Thumb Up

    Somebody actually said that in today's world?

    Indeed, so impressive is the makeover that one interior design analyst was moved to comment: "Hi I'm famous because I had sex on camera with some no-talented hack. With two wars and a financial crisis who gives a shit about Kim whatever's bedroom. You people are pathetic she's a wh0re. Kim do something that involves talent. Or play in traffic. Either one is good." ®

    Sweet. Whoever that is, give them a payrise and have them write in as many papers as possible.

  27. Steve


    Where does the 'u' come from?

    Surely 'Celebritards' or 'Celbretards'?

    Chesticles is solid gold, though!

  28. Cliff

    This story leaves me feeling like a judge...

    What exactly is a KimKardboardshin? Why would I care even slightly? Please Reg, Paris Hilton coverage is enough of a waste of innocent electrons (whilst Paris Hilton herself is a waste of perfectly decent oxygen), why invent nonentities to regurgitate press releases about?

  29. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    Ooh ... is that a golf course in the background?

  30. Anonymous Coward
    IT Angle

    Where's amanfromarse when we need his input most?

    I for one welcome .... er whatever.

  31. Anonymous Coward

    Proper image?

    We need a proper image to be able to check for those telltale signs of enhancement. We can't verify that with all those clothes on.

    Mine's the trenchcoat

  32. jake Silver badge

    OK, I give ...

    How the hell can you be both fat and entirely too bony at the same time? It just ain't natural ... And who the hell is this self-promoting bimbo, anyway? Never heard of her (him? Look at those arms).

  33. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

    Re: OK, I give ...

    If Kim Kardashian is fat (or indeed mannish), you are Brad Pitt, my friend.

    It may be wrong of me, but I can't help hoping you don't get laid until Satan skates to work.

  34. Andy Walton

    Screw the IT angle, just tell me who she is?

    Does this mean she'll be releasing her own version of the very popular (yet wholly fictional) Paris Hilton Stupid Spoiled Whore Video Playset?

    And Sarah, our lord Beelzebub is a pretty modern sort of guy you know, he works from home these days so no need for the skates, and hell has a lovely parade of demonic shops just round the corner from his bungalow so he generally just walks or gets the service bus (of unimaginable terror).

    Hail Satan!

  35. jake Silver badge

    Sarah, Sarah, Sarah.

    <tsk tsk>

    The only love life you should be worried about is your partner(s) and your own. In that order.

    And, by the way, YHBT, HAND :-)

  36. Phil Hannent

    Who is she?

    For those that do not know (from wikipedia):

    Kardashian is the god daughter of football star O.J Simpson.

  37. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton


    "Let me guess, another talentless hack who for some reason 'celb-reportards' think shes worth commenting on because unlike a million other slappers dropped her knickers at some point! - WOW! thats news worthy!"

    Yup, but she at least bears some resemblence to a real woman, unlike PH, where there's nothing to grab hold of. I'd be scared of breaking her in half...

    If this gets past the moderatrix...

  38. J-Wick

    You cannot access the following Web address:

    The site you requested is blocked under the following categories: Provocative Attire

    Damn you, Smartfilter!!!

    *shakes fist*

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