back to article Hawaiian anti-LHC lawsuit thrown out

Famous eccentric American botanist, lawyer and soi-disant physicist Walter L Wagner has failed in his bid to have the US courts close down the Large Hadron Collider (LHC). The Hawaiian federal judges reportedly felt that the enormous 27-km proton deathrace track lay somewhat outside their jurisdiction, located as it is beneath …

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  1. Greg

    Top Alliteration

    "Beak bins botanist's bid to bust boson-botherers"

    Epic win!

  2. Russell Brown
    Paris Hilton

    Brilliant prose

    Wot Greg said. The rest of the article is a scintillating morass of wonderment, went well with coffee cake.

    Paris - cos its Wednesday

  3. Mo

    I'll chuckle

    If it turns out they were right and a black hole does accidentally get created which ends up destroying the whole planet.

  4. Nano nano

    Pink

    Didn't Hawaii used to be British - or at least Hawaiian - until the US annexed it ?

    We'd have let it become independent, by now ...

  5. Rob
    Heart

    Excellent

    Great read there Mr Page, you brightened up an otherwise dull day, thanks.

  6. The BigYin
    Flame

    Should sued in Kentucky

    The believe they have jurisdiction over the entire world!

  7. Jolyon Ralph
    Thumb Up

    The thing is...

    If the "boson botherers" (great phrase, by the way) do manage to turn us all into strangelet soup, Hawaii is going to be about as far away as it can be from there, so will therefore be the one of the last places standing.

    So at least they'll be able to point at the incoming cloud of particulate goo from all directions saying "I told you so!"

    Jolyon

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Go

    I came, I saw, I blogged

    This must be pretty close to the most blogged-about science subject on Earth.

    Good read, though. Is it just me, or has El Reg picked up its game recently?

  9. r
    Joke

    If the LHC does create a Black Hole...

    ...then look on the bright side. At least the French will go first.

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Pirate

    Turn the tables

    Maybe we should start instigating lawsuits in the European courts against The Voting Population of The United States, for foisting a disastrous fuckwit like George W Bush onto us all?!!

  11. Xander
    Happy

    Almost

    Beak bins botanist's bid to bust boson-botherering-boffins

    Fixed it for you :)

  12. Simon
    Go

    @Lewis

    What drugs were you on when you wrote that, because I would like you to share them with me.

    Written like a Viz and New Scientist head on collision, well done sir.

  13. Edward Rose

    Thank you

    Fantastic, I shall never get over a person trying to stop a (I assume) mostly European project - In Europe - using the 'Murkin courts.

    I also missread it as bovine-bothering boffins.

    Somewhat less sense, but still funny in my twisted world.

    Again, Mr Page, you do the world of news credit. And, cheers for keeping life enjoyable.

  14. Parax
    Boffin

    @Xander

    Wrong Icon...

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Pirate

    All this talk of boffinry ...

    ... and the LHC is exciting my particles. Where's Sarah when you need her?

  16. Alex Wright
    Linux

    Micro black hole falling to the centre of the earth...

    Someone has been reading too much David Brin.

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    Boffins this, boffins that

    Nothing wrong with using boffins, but try to expand your vocab a little bit. If only so we do not get bored.

  18. yeah, right.

    FTW!

    Wonderful subtitle! Kudos!

  19. Barry Carr
    Paris Hilton

    So is Wagner...

    ...the tosser that started all this black-hole nonsense? Its a pity there is no law against being a fuckwit - he'd be bang to rights. In the mean time could some one give him a slap if they're passing, thanks.

    Paris, 'cos even shes got more sense.

  20. Nic Brough
    Black Helicopters

    Hah

    I'm half surprised they didn't sue to try to prevent incursion from the plane of Xen, or the risk of having Yob-Soddof turning up and devouring our souls...

    Black Helicoptors or Black Mesa?

  21. Mark

    @Nic Brough

    No good, Pratchett fan, must say it...

    "Yob-Soddof"

    yerwhat, yerwhat, yerwhatyerwhatyerwhat

  22. Anonymous John

    "Famous eccentric American botanist, lawyer and soi-disant physicist "

    Never heard of him.

  23. Matthew
    Thumb Up

    How the hell...

    did you survive in the armed forces?

  24. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    We're doomed, I tell you.

    The black hole is currently eating it's way through the world's bank accounts, why will no one listen to the truth?

  25. kain preacher Silver badge

    @ac 15:58

    No body in America has either. Just some nut looking for fame

  26. Peyton
    Unhappy

    Sadly

    His web site does not have a running tally of donations received to date. Would've been good for another laugh I'm sure.

  27. Tim Bergel
    Thumb Up

    Absolutely loved ...

    However the process of being pulled to bits by runaway tidal forces before being further compressed into superdense incrediblo-paste and squirted through a network of unfeasibly tiny and possibly nonexistent nano wormtunnels would probably be a traumatic one

  28. Paul
    Coat

    "Beak bins botanist's bid to bust boson-botherers"

    Holy hell! the sun has nothing on you guys!

    (other than the paparazzi shots of the last El-reg party) ;-)

  29. Chris G Silver badge

    Good article but...

    You do know that ever since they switched on the LHC, we HAVE become strangelet soup.

  30. Meph
    Coat

    If we get converted to Strangelet Soup

    Would that then mean that normal matter would be considered strange?

    Ok, ok, i'm going =)

  31. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    I cuold have understood bosom-botherers

    Paris; and you know why.

  32. Moss Icely Spaceport
    Alert

    The oft-expected title

    Does my bum look big in this black hole?

  33. John Dougald McCallum
    Happy

    what you want a tittle

    This sort of tomfoollery would have made him the life and soul of any Wardroom at least until the more senior Officers told him to STFU in no uncertain terms,like stuffing his head down the "heads".Brilliant subtitle though.

  34. NT
    Thumb Up

    @ Lewis Page

    An absolutely fantastic piece of writing. Well done. :o)

  35. RogueElement
    Thumb Up

    amazing alliteration at academic antithesis

    the article was darned good too.

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