back to article 'Why not try nude female midgets?' says Microsoft Adcenter

Microsoft Adcenter helpfully sent me a link to lists of low-cost keywords I could advertise on, categorised by sector, to “unlock new customers”. I had a quick look through the ’sport and rec’ list. Here is a small sample: Adcenter suggests "dogging swindon" Adcenter suggests "carriage dangerous goods road 1996 schedule 12 …


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  1. Mark
    Paris Hilton

    I want whatever 389 is

    They're so exhausted/out of control after it they can't even type any more!

    um gorw jfosf woomhama.

    (because that's what I say when I get my clarinet played by PH!)

  2. Niall
    Dead Vulture

    Duck Porn

    Having seen a documentry on the mating habits of ducks, which includes multiple males hoping on one female and occasionally drowning her. I can only imgaine the extreme nature of their porn. best not to go there.

  3. Kevin Whitefoot

    Good to see my home town in the limelight

    You mean that "dogging swindon" didn't attract you Andy?

    Seems to be a strong connection with rugby. I wonder if this is a coincidence?

    Coat or Paris? Decisions, decisions. Have to toss for it.

    (A coin, you dirty minded person!)

  4. Gordon Pryra

    This explains why Micosoft's search is bobins

    If they rate the "Watford Hare Krishna Temple" as Sports_&_Recreation or Hunting, this may explain why no one bothers using their search,

    And presumably, why no one is going to give them any cash to advertise on thier rubbish system.

    Incidently, how much would Google charge for me to have the duck porn keyword? (And rest assured, I will be typing that in when I get home from work O.o)

  5. Kev Beeley


    I fully expect the entire list to be bought by eBay and/or Tesco before the end of the week

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Hare Krishna Temple Watford

    How does one monetize that exactly? And where's the synergy between that and the sport of Rugby?

    Watch out Google - not.

  7. Anonymous Coward

    Duck porn

    What's the difference between kinky and perverted?

    Kinky is when you use a feather

    Perverted is when you use the whole duck

  8. Stephen Stagg

    Ooh, sue Microsoft

    so, the advertising term 'Under 16 Nude' has been 'recently used' has it? (line 4035). If it's illegal to link to pirated music and videos, it must be illegal to link to illegal child porn content.

    Of course, vulnerable children don't have the strong legal backing the likes of the MPAA have, but still.

  9. Joe K
    Paris Hilton


    I can only hope that its a slip of the keyboard that changed "fuck" into Duck.

    If not, then the Internet is a far wierder place than i thought.

  10. Scott


    Please, please get the BOFH get a bean counter fired with Buck Porn. thats just to funny, sorry got to say it again Duck Porn still laughing now.

    No Ducks where harmed in the writing of this comment.

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    MS AdCenter

    just rang them today asking


    why its £5 to sign up in England but $5 elsewhere -

    answer- "it's the rate of exchange"


    Why min ad price is 5 cents in US and 5p here

    ans - nobody really gets an ad for 5 cents


    Your name

    ans - william anchor

    paris .. because of her CPC

  12. Andy

    Duck porn

    Googling for "duck porn" gets me 93,400 matches.

  13. Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge

    No gay duck necrophilia?

    That even got an Ig Nobel prize


    as for 389: perl before or after RSA encryption?

  14. Anonymous Coward

    auto bidding like google...

    So if MS had a similar "Use up any left overs of your ad budget on stuff you didn't ask for" system like google, could we expect that some of these might automatically get bought up (because you obviously wanted that - [we know better than you])... when did you last check that your google ads dont appear when you type in Duck Porn??

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    @Joe K

    Or Rule #34 on Count Duckula?

  16. Reptar
    Thumb Up

    yes plees

    Plese sen me linkz 4 duck porn. i wil trade linkz 4 mouse bdsm.

  17. Pete

    the real questions are

    ... why did they think you'd be interested in those particular titles?

    >These keywords are actual terms recently used by your customers

    and what exactly do you do for your "customers"?

  18. Mattyod

    Wish I wasn't at work

    I'm strangely interested to know what on earth a search for "Duck porn" returns.

  19. Mark

    re: Duck porn

    Nah, perverted is when you light up a cigarette for the Duck afterwards...

  20. Secretgeek

    “vn b m gn mbnmncbm xbc bcv 0 vfkmjirhtfnkj nb b x bmnx bv”

    I think you'll find that was amanfromMars' last search.

  21. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    Duck Porn on YouTube

    naughty threesome - kind of funny (and safe for work)

  22. DAN*tastik
    Dead Vulture


    The search for *n b m gn mbnmncbm xbc bcv 0 vfkmjirhtfnkj nb b x bmnx bv* originated from my computer. I forgot to cover my keyboard. I was playing with my duck. The duck was running away from me. The duck ended up on the keyboard.

    I will make sure it doesn't happen anymore. I don't want my duck to accidentally type on my keyboard again.

    I think I'll drawn my duck ( I chose the closest icon I could find )

  23. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Nude female bodybuilders

    Um... I don't think that one was me.

  24. Zmodem


    it should be dogging swindon picnic area just outside of swindon

  25. Lupus
    Thumb Up

    vn b m gn mbnmncbm xbc bcv 0 vfkmjirhtfnkj nb b x bmnx bv

    I don't know about you but "vn b m gn mbnmncbm xbc bcv 0 vfkmjirhtfnkj nb b x bmnx bv" is now added to my obfuscation addon.

  26. Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge

    vn b m gn mbnmncbm xbc bcv 0 vfkmjirhtfnkj nb b x bmnx bv

    that's just a very lame insider joke used among Brockian Ultracricketers

    Sheesh, how often have I not heard that one when some white mouse scored a 6.

  27. Gilleain Torrance
    Dead Vulture

    google : 1, microsoft : 0

    A search for "vn b m gn mbnmncbm xbc bcv 0 vfkmjirhtfnkj nb b x bmnx bv" on now brings up this article.

    A search on brings up "no results".

    Clear winner : google.

  28. Anonymous Coward


    "I think I'll drawn my duck ".

    I think you mean, "I think I'll *drown* my duck.

    Drawn is the past tense.

    Mine's the one with all the rejection slips from comics in the pocket.

  29. Anonymous Coward
    Dead Vulture

    RE: “vn b m gn mbnmncbm xbc bcv 0 vfkmjirhtfnkj nb b x bmnx bv”

    Oh, I do searches like that all the time.

    When the PHB stress me out by pressing me to complete a project that would take a year to complete in a week.

    I get angry and frustrated, and bang on the keyboard at google's main page.

    Dead vulture, because I wish the PHB was.

  30. Tim Bates

    I think Microsoft need the FCC's "list of words"

    Krusty: I could even tell the FCC to take a hike. Look at this list of words they won't let me say on the air. (Hands Bart a piece of paper)

    Bart: Aww! All the good ones. Hmm, I never even heard of number nine.

    Krusty: That's two-ing thirteen while she's eleven-ing your five.

    Bart: Can I keep this?

    Krusty: Sure, no twelve off my ass.

  31. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    @google 1 : microsoft 0

    Whereas Yahoo lists Andy's blog above this article.

  32. Martin Maloney
    Dead Vulture


    Duck Porn

    No Peking

  33. Anonymous Coward

    I got youtube Donald Duck porn

    Joe K;yes the internet is a far weirder place than it has any right to be.

  34. nukemdomis
    Thumb Up

    Duck Porn ain't so bad

    I wish I could say that they were trying to spell "duck pond" or "*uck porn", but unfortunately some kinky people were most likely looking for some fresh ideas.

    Try owning a site with the name "horsebanger" in the URL and then you'll really see some unbelievable stuff. I've seen far more repulsive search queries and keywords

  35. Anonymous Coward
    Gates Horns

    nude female midget

    I'm planning on naming my new race car "the little nude female midget", don't anybody bid on that one. It's mine! Yes it's a small car, I don't have a big budget!

    Some free advise to Microsoft. Yes I give advise for free! Stop shooting yourself in the foot. It's never worked before so stop doing it! HAHAHA

  36. Adrian Tritschler
    Gates Halo

    Just had to try...

    Results 1 - 2 of 2 for "“vn b m gn mbnmncbm xbc bcv 0 vfkmjirhtfnkj nb b x bmnx bv". (0.40 seconds)

  37. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    Would rather choke my chicken than drown my duck. Or should that be the other way round?

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