back to article Wünderbra! German policewomen take 'Action Brassiere'

In news that gladdens the heart, not to mention the boob, German police are being issued with bullet-resistant bras*. According to the Telegraph, female cops were complaining that while bullet-proof vests did their job adequately, they had the unfortunate side-effect of pushing the treacherous underwires and fixings of normal …

COMMENTS

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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Boffin

    3,000 policewomen

    Are you sure those figures haven't been massaged?

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Xenophobia

    I guess the author thought they were being funny with the SS comment. Exactly the reason i don't live in this small minded country anymore! Grow up!

  3. Adam Collett
    Happy

    Well done El Reg

    "The projectile-impervious boulder-houlders are available in standard sizes up to the maximum cup size of SS"

    For the first line in a while to make me have a coffee-keyboard interface calamity

  4. Jasper
    Coat

    Wuh?

    They have ADDED the word "Police" to reduce the chance of the bras for saucy play? Ummm... if certain chaps (and ladies) get all overheated at thesight of someone in uniform, what will be the effect of Bras printed with the word Police on them be?

    Mine's the one with the matching latex balaclava... I have removed the word gimp, since it prevents naughty thoughts in others

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Down

    quite frankly I'm sickened.

    WHERE ARE THE PICTURES?! You call this reporting?? Bah!

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Stop

    Großbritannien Null Punkte.

    Gewehrkugelbeweisbüstenhalter ??

    GTF !

    Kugelsicherebusenhalter if you please.

    I know it came from the Telegraph but do you have to be quite so jingoistic ? What next? Jeremy Clarkson reviews the iphone ?

    Stan Boardman bombed our Bratwurst-Imbiss.

  7. John
    Go

    And in winter...

    ..they'll make protective ear muffs too.

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Joke

    Hmmmm

    How does one get his hands upon one of those?

    heh.

  9. Wokstation
    Alert

    @AC Don't mention the war!

    ...I mentioned it once, but I think I got away with it!

  10. Mycho Silver badge
    Joke

    Seems redundant

    My (admittedly limited) experience of German bosoms suggests they could probably stop a bullet without this.

  11. david
    Coat

    Tateless SS joke...

    well done, keep it up.

    Those that cannot laugh at their history are doomed to re-live it...

    You'd think a coutry that can make up portmaneau words like that would have a bit of a sense of humour wouldn't you?

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Der Polizist

    I would worry if I got a girl's kit off and saw that printed on the bra: you'd have to check downstairs that she wasn't in fact nominative masculine singular.

    Polizistin might be a bit closer to the mark. I can't believe you missed the joke about "Halt oder ich schieße!" though.

    Cheers

    Mike

  13. Hywel Thomas

    bullet-proof ?

    Does that work both ways ? Are these officers now less likely to be asked, "Bit cold luv ?"

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    @AC

    "I guess the author thought they were being funny with the SS comment. Exactly the reason i don't live in this small minded country anymore! Grow up!"

    No you grow up!

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    err....

    So... a sports bra, then? With 'police' written on it?

    wow.

    oh and bad as my german is, "Kugelsicherebusenhalte" occurred to me too - only shouldn't it be "Kugelsicherebustenhalter"?

    LOL, the main thing I remember about using OS's auf deutsch were how damn *wide* all the menus had to be for the enormous compound words ;-)

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Down

    SS

    Oh my, aren't we funny... a Nazi joke, how droll! No Jewish colleagues at the Reg then, I assume? And you've learned how to use Babelfish as well? Well done, Miss Bee, now once you turn 18 surely they must let you play with the real journalists soon.

    Tom

  17. mafro
    Paris Hilton

    Mostly unrelated..

    But still amusing. I remember a mate of mine showing me a German copy of FHM featuring her Highness Paris Hilton sitting in a Humvee with her retarded little dog. The caption? "Paris Hilton mit hotdog in dein Hummer".

    That became a catch phrase for many years afterwards..

  18. Christopher Rogers
    Thumb Up

    Funny!

    "I guess the author thought they were being funny with the SS comment. Exactly the reason i don't live in this small minded country anymore! Grow up!"

    You don't live in *this* small minded country? Are you here on holidays then? If so, why? Why come back if you can't take some gentle nationalist banter? Are you in fact so devoid of a sense of humour that you upped sticks and moved your entire life? Do you have any friends? Are you even a nice person?

    Because frankly I think your ignorance shows you to be the idiot you are.

    P.s. I'd be more concerned about the trajectory angle of a ricochet from a substantial set of firm guns... that would have everybody ducking!

  19. Norman Wanzer

    Ah Ha

    The first Battle Bra. Just what you need to get the old battle axe for her birthday.

  20. George
    Paris Hilton

    Pictures or it didn't happen!

    Paris well WWPD?

  21. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Re: Großbritannien Null Punkte

    Ding ding, ve haf a vinna. Und nicht vergessen... es ist "Polizei", nicht "der Polizist".

    *rolls eyes* El Reg, get people who can speak the lingo. You journo-boffins should at least talk 3 languages off the bat.

    *sheesh*

  22. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

    Re: SS

    I'm sorry if that offended you, Tom. It was just a throwaway, self-consciously bad quip, of the kind I'm pretty sure satirical convention permits.

    However, being the only vaguely Jewish member of staff at the Reg, I kind of take offence at your rather off-colour presumption that by accident of birth and membership of certain section of society I should be offended. Y'know?

    I'm flattered that I can pass for 17 though. Yep, still got it.

    Also, thanks for the sorting-out of that portmanteau - I do love German but am nicht so gut at it.

  23. Hywel Thomas

    Just stick you head in between and go ...

    "Gewehrkugelbeweisbüstenhalter"

  24. dave lawless
    Flame

    Springtime for Hitler

    @Tom

    > No Jewish colleagues at the Reg then, I assume?

    Yeah, because the only people murdered by the Nazis were Jewish !

  25. GrahamT
    Coat

    Das Boob, eh... you asked for it.

    "Achtung! Achtung! All hands on D-cup. Batten down der hatches. Hold tight:- muff-dive! dive! dive! Periscope up! Tubes open - fire torpedoes!"

    Let's hope our brave boys rise to the occasion. These skirmishes with the enemy often lead to the loss of seamen.

  26. Steffen Schubert

    It isn't, actually

    "* Should you need to know for your next trip to Berlin, the German for 'bullet-proof bra' is, delightfully, 'der Gewehrkugelbeweisbüstenhalter'"

    Well, "Gewehrkugelbeweisbüstenhalter" has actually no meaning at all in German. "Proof" can be, depending on context, mean "Beweis" (=Evidence) but it this case, it obviously doesn't. It seems, AltaVista translators didn't do a good job for the author of the article ;-)

  27. Philip
    Thumb Up

    Typisch...

    This is just the type of facile, titillating article I have come to expect from El Reg.

    Well done, ma'am.

  28. Mike Flugennock
    Thumb Up

    Bad German, Bulletproof Sports Bras, Kink Prevention, etc.

    It's really friggin' hilarious that they think that printing the word "POLIZEI" across the front of a bulletproof sports bra is going to _prevent_ its use in kinky sex...Shirley, any mature person must realize how many people are actually _turned_on_ by that whole uniform/badge/gun thing -- even though this whole story _does_ somehow sound like the premise for an old Benny Hill sketch.

    As far as various Reg hacks' proficiency in German: I myself am American, third-generation German immigrant descended, and when attempting to re-learn my grandfather's language back in high school, was amazed by the number of German words which are basically short descriptive sentences without spaces between the words -- such as the original German model name for the famous '70s Volkswagen "Thing": "Panzerkampfwagen". I must admit with embarassment, though, that I learned the German word for "brassiere" from -- that's right -- an old Benny Hill sketch.

    PS@Sarah: No need to apologize, imho; I thought that was quite a clever quip, and not at all offensive, considering that John Cleese blazed that trail long ago in his famous Fawlty Towers' "Whatever you do, don't mention the war" episode.

  29. Alex

    @Sarah

    Agreed, agree, agreed.

    Tom - Shut up, or you risk causing more offence at your own offence.

    Carry on El'Reg

  30. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

    Re: Bad German, Bulletproof Sports Bras, Kink Prevention, etc.

    Well, I guess I'm in good company then, Mike. (Please tell me 'fledermaus' is correct though, I shall be most upset.)

    I was kind of being facetious about the kinky thing, though - as in, of course adding 'police' is going to make matters worse (or indeed better, depending on your preferences). I doubt they've addressed the issue themselves, I'm sure they're just getting on with it - that inference was all my doing. Because I am a bad person.

    Meheh.

  31. Matthew Saroff
    Paris Hilton

    A Tempest in a D-Cup?

    What can I say....Men are pigs.

  32. Sabine Miehlbradt
    Coat

    Why not all at once?

    What if the German police do employ Werewolves, too? That makes for exactly 3 bras.

    And it should be bulletproof bra, if that odd thing was a Babelfish translation of "kugelsicherer Büstenhalter".

    @Mycho - Nope they are only certified for protection against stabbing weapons. For bullets we just hide behind our male colleagues conceit.

    The SS crack was lame, nothing more..

  33. Anonymous Coward
    Boffin

    Germans, they don't like it up 'em

    The problem is, neither does anyone else.

    In all fairness, Il Registro should redress the balance with a stereotype-laden article featuring eel pies, morris dancers, Essex girls, and The Sweeney*. That would trounce touchy types' tribulations toward Teuton-teasing text. Once the air had been cleared, it would be open season on the French, Dutch, Swedish, Irish, Scots, and of course Belgians.

    Not talking the first step, however, simply confirms the dim view of England that most non-English people have of it; a view I would say, that is ill-perceived and unjustified.

    [*] I am half-English by law, and a quarter by genetics. I say it's a fair cop, guv.

  34. Dave
    Stop

    oh dear! Gerhardt mentioned the Belgians

    and the comment got published

    I thought it was Vulture Central policy never to mention the Belgians

    ...

    ever

  35. Neil
    Coat

    Vital Statistics?

    Is getting shot in the tits a common thing in Germany then?

    We need vital statistics to back this up...

  36. kain preacher Silver badge

    My head spins

    Why is it that the female cops I know dont have this issue ??? Oh yeah they figured this out on their own and told other female cops about the proper bras to were. Padded sports bras.

    Christ you would think that this is the first year they issued vest to female cops

  37. Dalen
    Paris Hilton

    Thank you, Sarah

    The article (and the SS pun) just made my day. I will be sure to return to El Reg for my daily dosage of boob*-related news around the world.

    Paris - 'cause any news about her is boob-related.

    *) Both idiots and mammary glands.

  38. Sam
    Coat

    Picture the scene

    "You vill give it upp!"

    "Nein, niemals!"

    "Ve haff eine well armed cutie (not that makes any difference unter European law, disclaimer,) hier!"

    "wo ist sie?"

    (dominatrix type bird);"Hier"

    "Aaah...I haff been ein naughty boy"..(discarded weapon clatters on cobbles)

    ..."You must tweat mich woughly"....

    Der leather mit der rubber fastenings, danke.

  39. Nick Ryan Silver badge
    Alert

    Xenophobia???

    More like distant memories of Private Helga Geerhart from Allo Allo... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Private_Helga_Geerhart

    If you've seen this series you'll be unable to stop thinking about underwear and Germans in the same way...

  40. Dave

    @ Neil

    "Is getting shot in the tits common in Germany?"

    Well if you believe some of the German videos........

    Close anyway

  41. This post has been deleted by its author

  42. Richard
    Heart

    Pic

    http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/44890000/jpg/_44890790_bra_226i.jpg

    GRRRRR!!!

  43. vonBureck
    Coat

    Not bulletproof... no need apparently - see photo :P

    Having delved into the subject elsewhere (go on, say you haven't), I can say it seems the uberbrassieres are not actually bulletproof - just a comfy and extremely un-kinky sports-type undergarment to be worn underneath the bulletproof vest.

    Even found a photo of one in action... http://m.onet.pl/_m/c50971f91e08dd1685f3513b079e6f34,24,1.jpg

    Admittedly, it does seem the uberbosoms can cope well enough with most conventional projectiles, vest or no vest :)

  44. Joe Malloy
    Thumb Up

    German...

    …you've got to love any language that creates new words like "der Kugelsicherebustenhalter" ("bullet-safe breast holder")! That's right up there with "die Hirnhautentzuendung" ("brain skin inflammation" or "meningitis"). I like the way German describes what it's naming as it names it.

  45. Armin
    Flame

    Grr...

    My dear friends,

    it's always a nice read when you're ranting about Germany and our nice little language. As we Germans are able to practice self-criticism and -at the same time- laugh about ourselves, this is always a welcome read.

    However, on this article, there is a little downer. I'm going on about the 'SS' bit. Please just leave out the Third Reich next time, as none of your readers could possibly be held responsible for this any more and it just spoils the atmosphere.

    Please don't take this the wrong way. I'm not pissed off, just a little concerned.

    Best regards

    Armin

  46. Leo Maxwell
    Happy

    there is a picture!

    http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/44890000/jpg/_44890790_bra_226i.jpgv

    shows a pic of the item....now wasn't that a let down?

  47. john doe

    Sarah Bee

    is the last person in the world to talk about boobs, or the lack thereof

  48. Pat
    Pirate

    Well here is somebody who didnt think it was funny

    Sarah - halten Sie lieber die Klappe wenn Sie nichts weiteres wie uraltes stereotypisches "Klapptrapp" hervorbringen koennen.

    Now put that in your Bablefish

    Shadrakh

  49. Andras

    Actually, this isn't a compound word

    You still have it wrong. It would be "der kugelsichere Büstenhalter". It's easy to come up with long German compound words, but this isn't one, sorry. :)

    BTW, I agree with Armin that 3rd Reich jokes spoil the atmosphere, but I don't expect anyone who is British to understand or respect that. A penchant for telling jokes that are in bad taste and meant to offend seems to be part of the national character, is referred to as "irreverence" and is to all appearances generally considered a good thing. We bloody foreigners will just have to learn to like it or ignore it, I guess. (Thankfully, though, there are many exceptions to the rule.)

    (Oh, and btw, I'm neither German, nor Jewish, nor British, nor even American, not that it matters.)

  50. Bob Gulien
    Happy

    Perfect job for me....

    "3,000 female cops have been issued with three apiece and are obliged to wear them on duty"

    Who is going to check this?

    Sounds the perfect job for me.

    Now where is my CV?

  51. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    @Xenophobia

    Ageist!

    Phobia means fear, to take the mickey out of something, doesn't always mean fear. And leaving the country - you don't have something against us do you?

    Seriously, unless you are going for one world with no nations, no leaders, no hierarchy, no law, no families, no groups you are going to play straight into hypocrisy.

  52. Andy Worth

    @Gerhardt

    "simply confirms the dim view of England that most non-English people have of it"

    Believe me, it's not just non-English people who share that view. Mind you, anyone who gets offended at something like that SS joke really needs to go out and find a life.

  53. Anonymous Coward
    Jobs Halo

    To compund noun or not to compund noun das is die Frage

    To be frank, I always thought that German compound words were made up on the fly so to speak so der kugelsichere Büstenhalter or der Kugelsicherebüstenhalter it does not matter. Interestingly, for those who did not know, it is DER Büstenhalter the word is masculine. Nuf said.

    I am sure this article has generated more response than normal. Just goes to show what we are like. German, female, uniform, underwear. Hits all the right buttons.

  54. michael

    obligrety tastless coment

    "I'm flattered that I can pass for 17 though. Yep, still got it."

    you can pass for 17 with me anyday ...oh yer

  55. Martin Maloney
    Heart

    An alternative...

    ...to the bullet-proof bra is the bullet-firing bra, as worn by Ursula Andress in "The 10th Victim."

    I saw that film in early 1965, during its theatrical release. To this day, that scene, well, words fail me...

    I just added the DVD to my Netflix queue.

    Martin

    P. S. What is German for "ballistic bosoms?"

  56. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Bullet bras better

    Methinks the old bullet bras of the 50's would do a better job of deflecting.

    Paris, who has need neither of deflecting nor of bras.

  57. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Down

    Not funny

    And stop commenting on your own articles.

  58. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

    Re: Not funny

    >>And stop commenting on your own articles.

    If I was going to I'd need a better reason than 'Norman Andrews says so'.

  59. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    Bulgarian Airbags

    What's all this about Bulgarian Airbags? Are they flight attendants?

    I know an Irishman (really) who I asked for a polythene bag. He thought I was looking for a Greek street walker.

    The olive coloured one please (same colour as the German police uniform).

  60. Nemo Metis
    Black Helicopters

    Where are the pics?!?!?!

    You could at least have obliged us with someimages, even if they were only of 'Allo 'Allo's Helga.

    As for those twits complaining about the SS joke: grow up and get a sense of humour.

    Black helicopter because the Thought Police will be coming any moment for those of us with a sense of humour....

  61. Chris G Silver badge

    Ta

    An entertaining article and comments.

    Irreverence is, like a stiff upper lip, an essential part of the British character and serves as a test of both the perpetrator and the object of the irreverence. Being too serious about things is a weakness that leaves you open to attack and disturbs your equilibrium. If you really want to offend a German, mention 1966 or just say Five - nil

  62. Astarte

    RE: Humour und 'Allo 'Allo

    The original version of 'Allo 'Allo is to be screened later this year - dubbed into German of course. ProSiebenSat1 TV has purchased all eight series, that's 85 episodes. It will be very interesting to see how well it's received. ‘Good Moaning’ will become ‘Guten Magen’ = ‘Good Stomach’, we’ll see about the rest when the time comes. I for one hope it’s a success.

    BTW the short form for 'der Büstenhalter' is 'BH', maybe the earlier comments about sizes were misunderstood - they probably meant 'Super Sexy'.

    I thought the article claimed only that the Bras were 'Kinfe-proof' in which case the translation would probably be something like 'Der Messertdicht BH'.

    Hand me the radio will you, it's under the leg of your mother's bed.

  63. Robin A. Flood

    What, no Max Mosely ?

    I must express my rage, disappointment, surprise etc., to read all these comments and find not a single tie-in about "something new for the Head of the FIA for use in his sex orgies".

    Remember this phrase for winter holidays in Germany:

    "Ich habe die Heizung gern auf Volldampf, aber sieh' Deinen Kugelsicherer BH aus wenn's Dir zu warm ist".

    Prost !

    RaF

  64. Andras

    It's not about being offended

    Just to clarify: SS jokes don't offend me, I just think they're out of place. To the people who say "get a sense of humour and quit whining": it's a bit like walking into a room where people throw cream pies and think it's funny. Even if you're not the one hit by a cream pie, you'll probably still think it's gross. I'm certainly not taking lectures on a sense of humour from people who still think pouring whitewash down someone's trousers is funny. :)

    It's no use arguing about humour, of course: what's funny to one person isn't necessarily funny at all for the other. The question is what they do about it: respect each other (refrain from making that kind of joke on the one side, refrain from being offended and politely explaining it's not funny on the other), or not (putting on the arrogant face and knocking the other person's lack of a sense of humour on the one side, getting all uppity on the other).

  65. Michael O'Malley

    Boring English obsession

    For foreigners like me, it is frankly boring that English people cannot refer to anything German without referring to the Nazis and World War Two.

    Yes, the Nazis were vicious mass murderers, and we have to remember what they did. Every child should be shown what the concentration camps did.

    But it's just boring to perpetually treat their grandchildren and great-grandchildren as if they too are Nazis. It actually downgrades the memory of the Nazis' evil.

  66. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Missed opportunity

    You guys should really learn some german.

    "Die Kugel" translates as ball, sphere, globe - as well as bullet. Not that the germans use the word for a guy's balls - they're referred to colloquially as Die Eier - eggs. So there's a missed trick, if ever I saw one. A ball-proof bra....

  67. James Pickett
    Happy

    @Sarah

    "mayhap"

    Great word, not used enough.

    And please ignore the grousers - if their ribs aren't tickled by German policewomen and bullet-proof bras, they shouldn't even be on here!

  68. Anonymous Coward
    Boffin

    66 comments ...

    And not one mention of towels or deck chairs.

  69. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I for one

    welcome our SS joke making overlords.

    Oh and Michael O'Malley:

    It's not just WWII, we often point out 1966 as well. However if you think we are bad about the Germans you have obviously never heard English people talk about the French. Or the Welsh. Or the Scots. Or people from Northern England. Or people from Southern England. Or Scousers. Everyone hates Scousers. Even other Scousers.

    If you don't like it, and it bores you may I be the first to welcome you to stop reading English websites, I am pretty sure no-one makes you do it.

  70. weirdcult
    Coat

    ...67 comments

    towels and deckchairs.....there you go.

  71. Anthony
    Happy

    I don't know the German language but...

    Bablefish (http://uk.babelfish.yahoo.com) reckons "Kugelsicherebusenhalter" translates to "Ball safe bosom owner" :)

  72. Peyton

    Funny thing is...

    There's a cheesy/facetious American comedy about police called "Reno 911!" that did an episode *exactly* on this very subject - complete with the female members of the cast sporting their form-fitting protective gear throughout the episode. As I recall, a side effect was that miscreants were only to happy to submit to arrest by the lady officers ;)

  73. TanithR
    Joke

    Not quite...

    > Gewehrkugelbeweisbüstenhalter ??

    > GTF !

    > Kugelsicherebusenhalter if you please.

    No. A bit closer than the previous try, but still not quite. That would be "Der kugelsichere BH" (The bullet-proof bra), or "Ein kugelsicherer BH" (A bullet-proof bra).

    Yes, capitalization and spaces do matter, in German as much as in English. Or would you tolerate "The Mostlyfunnyregister" instead of "The mostly funny Register"? See...

    Besides, what is it with you Britons and the Nazis? The Nazis are long gone, and we have currently no intent of invading England. Why would we want a country with even more rainy days than Germany anyway? ;-)

  74. Michael

    @ Andras

    The problem is when, after walking into the cream-pie-tossing room, one determines that they are *obligated* to tell the participants that what they're doing is gross.

    It's simple really. If a joke isn't funny to you, don't laugh. I don't see why it's a neccessity to comment about how it's not funny (to you). Just seems like flamebait, if you ask me.

  75. Anonymous from Mars

    I see box art.

    It looks like Sarah Bee is up for a rousing game of Gauntlet!

  76. Andras

    @Michael

    Sure, ordinarily I wouldn't have commented on the Nazi joke; I wrote my comment to point out that "[der] Kugelsichere BH" wasn't a compound word.

    A discussion about the merits of Nazi jokes was already in progress, with some people missing the point (in my opinion anyway), and it was my solemn duty to enlighten them, of course.

    http://xkcd.com/386/

  77. Jamie Kephalas
    Thumb Down

    (not all at once...)

    I was trying to drink my cold tea, you now owe me a new keyboard.

  78. Daniel
    Thumb Up

    well, speaking as a ...

    ... gay, jewish half gypsy with only one leg, that made me larf so much I almost fell over.

  79. Anonymous Coward
    Stop

    RE: SS

    Most of us have gotten over it. You a big fan of Jesse Jackson?

  80. Adam Clarke
    Black Helicopters

    hmmmm

    One thing I have noticed here is that most of those complaining about the whole PC thing are never a member of the group concerned. I remember once seeing a comedian making some jokes at a group of disabled in wheelchairs and they were the ones laughing the loudest... until an able bodied PC with a beard and vegitarian footwear complained. I don't understand why people will complain about something offending someone else. All this palaver over "Political Correctness" is a big pile of organic horse droppings to be honest. And there is another thing, organic vegatables/fruit/crops... Can someone PLEASE show me a non organic plant???

    Very amusing article, put a smile on my face anyway.

    HAs to be the black helicopter as the thought police are here(in their bulletproof bras no doubt) to take me away....

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