back to article Bebo users to summon superhuman alien pop-fancier invasion

A controversial Russian scientist with a history of beaming powerful radio signals to possibly hostile alien civilisations has now teamed up with Bebo. The idea is that a collective of Bebo users - and people selected by them, such as their chosen musical artistes - will compile multimedia packages to be transmitted into deep …

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  1. Matthew
    Dead Vulture

    Jesus Christ!

    If this isn't going to get us all slaughtered in a raygun blast, I have no idea what will!

  2. Colin Mountford
    Pirate

    At least the message is clear

    Previous communications could have been misinterpreted leading to possible future misunderstandings between the human race and any alien civilization.

    At least now there is no danger of that. A concentrated beam of Bebo multimedia imagery; an open act of war.

    Can't someone stop this madness or at least beam a signal in the same general direction containing the image of the dear professor with a big arrow pointing at him.

  3. Austin Chamberlain
    Alien

    Dear God

    Humanity as represented by Bebo users? Our answer will be as a meteorite accelerated to 0.5c (thrown by our new, super-strong alien overlords).

  4. dervheid
    Alien

    This'd be funnier...

    if today was April 1st.

    I presume this git hasn't read Greg Bear's "The Forge of God".

    Note to prospective Alien Overlords;

    We're not ALL Bebo-heads!

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Now that'd be funny

    If a massive armada of alien warships suddenly appear in near Earth orbit looking to obliterate the senders of all the spam traffic. These aliens will be highly telepathic and will know just who the spammers are. Then using pulse cannons set to narrow beam, wipe the spammers out of exisitance with very little or no collateral damage.

    Oh what peace would reign afterwards.

    Go on Bebo drones, send your spam and hurry up about it.

  6. Colin Millar
    Alien

    As I read this article I realised

    Just how little it is possible to care about something

  7. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
    Joke

    Re: Now that'd be funny

    Spammers and bepoheads selectively heated to "pop" temperature?

    A kind of inverse rapture, then.

  8. Will
    Alien

    The big question here is

    Where is AmanfromMars and is that how he found out about us?

  9. Campbell

    Ach!

    Not content with filling our little Earth based network with spam we just HAVE to fill the whole frikin' Universe with spam, don't we?

    "where will this end?"

    "in fire"

  10. M
    Coat

    @ Colin Millar

    And yet you still cared enough to leave a comment that you didn't care.

    FAIL

    >80)

    Mine's the whichever coat our alien overloads tell me to wear

    --

    Martin

  11. Joey

    What if...

    The aliens don't have the right plugin?

    In the slim chance that they have eyes and ears, and computers and browsers, their superior intelligence would have directed them away from Flash.

  12. Chris

    Re: This'd be funnier...

    "I presume this git hasn't read Greg Bear's 'The Forge of God'."

    Well he's definitely not read Peter Watts' Blindsight... =)

  13. Colin Millar
    Thumb Up

    @M

    Yes - that's very strange isn't it

  14. amanfromMars Silver badge
    Alert

    The Truth you can never Dodge, and Hiding away from IT requires Nothing but more Dodges?

    "As I read this article I realised .. Just how little it is possible to care about something" ... By Colin Millar Posted Tuesday 29th July 2008 12:31 GMT

    Proof Positive, Colin, that Life is AIdDream in One's Own Invention and never in Contention unless IT is Shared Wwwidely?

    Which makes Media, at least an Accessory, both before and after the Fact for the Reality that they Share/Pimp and the Future that IT Spawns........ although whether that would excuse a Fool and Pathetic Bully's 45 minutes claim to help justify a War for the Relativity of 15 minutes of Shameful Dodgy Bastard Fame, is something which the System has failed deliberately to address .... and thus is the System and its IT and Media Control of the Management of Perception, subsequently and presently failing.

    But don't just take my word for it, shooting yourself in the foot if you are prone to shooting the messenger, for it is well enough known. Here you can read El Reg White Knight, Andrew Orlowski, highlighting the meme ..... http://www.guardian.co.uk/technology/2007/apr/05/newmedia.guardianweeklytechnologysection

    Way to Go, El Reg ....... IT is the Way 42 Lead with AI Following.?! :-)

  15. Tom Cole

    Then again...

    I suppose at least Bebo would go further to affirming the status of Ol' Sol 3 in the galaxy as "mostly harmless". Imagine what would have happened should the misguided boffin started beaming out "information" from, say,Encyclopedia Dramatica or Uncyclopedia...

    Our New Alien Overlords would probably establish a quarantine zone around the solar system until we apologise...

    And I don't think "I did it for the lulz" would cut it...

  16. michael
    Alien

    i for one

    welcome our new overloards and will be glad the names and addresses of the pepol who have been beeming the noise at the will be on a easy to access list

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Alien

    I for one...

    welcome our friendly Afro-wig wearing overlords.

    Also: pool's closed.

  18. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge
    Alien

    wrong film plot

    They should get all those bebo heads and sign them up for a cocoon-style "holiday"...

    (pool's not closed)

  19. Farmer Hackit
    Unhappy

    What's good for the goose...

    has anyone thought about the possible consequences of said Aliens thinking that this is how we communicate on Earth and bombard us with similar..

    Alien Pop music and bad jokes... well, at least Eurovision will be interesting.

  20. pctechxp
    Coat

    Ulla! Ulla! Ulla!

    a light, like the beam of a warship's searchlight swept the area around Bebo's data centre and the disruptor ray was ready to follow....

  21. Paul
    Coat

    "on behalf of the human race"

    Oh, great. Just marvelous.

    So any aliens unlucky enough to receive this transmission will think we're a world of drunken, illiterate, possibly depressed and suicidal potty-mouths with a severe "me me me lookatme lookhowimportantiamihaveablogandstuff!" complex, the male of the species likes to "smoke bud, sleep, eat, creep on hoes, get boozed up, pop caps in someonez azz" and the female of the species likes "bitchin on haters, bein gangsta, gettin high, cute kittens and flower arranging" when they aren't posing in their smalls for their webcam and spamming everyone else with links to the damn thing.

    I'm starting to think we *should* be demolished to make way for a hyperspace bypass after all.

    Mine's the plaid dressing gown, with matching slippers and a well-worn towel.

  22. Mike Richards Silver badge

    Quatermass?

    Maybe we can use the power of social networking power (no, don't laugh) and get all the Bebotistas to gather together for harvesting.

  23. Alan
    Unhappy

    Why is a ? not allowed as a title?

    A few of questions

    1) If it'll take a couple of decades for the shite to reach it's destination, isn't there a strong chance that the planet will have moved, so the Bebo death ray will miss completely?

    2) Haven't they read H2G2, where a seemingly innocent comment along the lines of "I seem to be having tremendous difficulty with my life-style" can be misinterpreted as a very bad insult towards someones mother, which can lead to all sorts of problems.

    3) What are the copyright implications of uploading lots of "music" towards a distant planet?

  24. Andy Bright
    Pirate

    Fairly simple answer to this

    Have a rival group beam "Death Star Blows Up Planet" footage, looped, to the same places.

    Sort of a "don't mess with us if you know what's good for you" sort of thing. Or a "we have the means to defend ourselves, honest" message. Hopefully it won't cause an overly paranoid Alien civilisation to launch a preemptive planet->rocks mission of their own..

  25. Steven Raith
    Coat

    @Alan

    "2) Haven't they read H2G2, where a seemingly innocent comment along the lines of "I seem to be having tremendous difficulty with my life-style" can be misinterpreted as a very bad insult towards someones mother, which can lead to all sorts of problems"

    You clearly need to adopt a small dog. Problem solved, surely?

    Mines the one with the black jewelled battle shorts in the pocket.

    Steven R

  26. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Down

    Anti-spam measures?

    As if global war/ming isn't enough, these guys want to bring an inter-stellar anti-spam "defence" down on our heads...

    But there's another problem with the OP:

    "The alien homeworld has gravity around five times stronger than ours, meaning that the extraterrestrials [...] would have superhuman strength."

    That assumes a whole raft of physiological and xenological features, and evolutionary conditions: *if* they have evolved for long enough, *and* they live on dry land, *and* they have a similar body layout to our own, *and* they have evolved on similar energy input (*given* an environment capable of supplying sufficient energy), *and* their day is of a similar length, *and* they have sleep patterns which are determined by day length... then perhaps, just perhaps, they may well have superhuman strength. Too many assumptions. Take one card away and the house falls down.

  27. Lloyd
    Alien

    Ah Bebo

    The dictionary definition of Bebo:

    Social networking site akin to Myspace but with more teenage pregnancies.

  28. goggyturk
    Flame

    Shortarses

    5x gravity = 5x stronger, but also 5x shorter, and everyone knows the worst megalomaniacs are shortarses. Imagine how pissed Napoleon would have been if he was 1' 1" in tall instead of 5'3"? This is the kind of angst that intergalactic conquest is made of!

    I, for one, welcome our homicidal, bad-tempered, super-strength midget overlords.

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