back to article BT breaks up families

BT customers affected by the dog-and-bone merchants' recent unconnecty unpleasantness will no doubt be pleased to know that it could be worse - the company is responsible for the traumatic break-up of at least one previously happy family. According to a breathless press release the Reg has been handed, the ongoing ad campaign …

COMMENTS

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  1. Steve Kay

    Sharon Maugham

    Possessor of said massive earrings. And sadly, I didn't need to google that.

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Happy

    Esther Hall

    That unnamed woman would be the great Esther Hall

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    Her name was

    Sharon Maughan.

    Mine's the one with too much time in the pocket...

  4. Tawakalna
    Thumb Up

    why can't I rate this article?

    'cos it's fookin hilarious!

  5. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

    Re: Her name was

    I knew that wouldn't work. I was um, making a point about how the press release made much of the one actor's name and didn't mention the other's, like.

    La la. Well done though. Lovely lady. Great hair.

  6. Tom
    Heart

    Cover

    Is this the guy who recently got brained? Maybe this is just because he's unable to appear in the ads at the moment.

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    nice lady whose name is absent from the release

    hahahaha

    She's called Esther Hall

    http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0355563/

  8. Gulfie
    Happy

    ex-Wifey...

    ... has a track record. She also featured as Tom Quinn's girlfriend in the second Spooks series. Her name is Esther Hall.

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Dear Ms. Bee

    WTF have you been drinking/smoking/swimming in/all of the previous? Presumably the editor had twice as much of whatever it was and is laying comatose on the floor. I can find no other explanation for the appearance of an article that makes about as much sense as I do after half a bag of wine gums. Has British TV really turned that bad?

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Heart

    @ Sarah Bee.

    And she has great....erm....'frontal assets' too IIRC.

    Yum.

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Dead Vulture

    @Sarah Bee

    "La la. Well done though. Lovely lady. Great hair."

    If SWMBO had said this I would be sure that she _hated_ the lady in question, hated to the point of spitting feathers.

    Do you?

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    Her name was

    Bill Gates. Leading up to him leaving Microsoft he decided to take up acting, much like Vinnie Jones did. Apparently he likes wearing dresses and make-up, or so I have heard.

  13. Eponymous Cowherd
    Thumb Up

    I'm waiting for the ad....

    where Jane is on the phone to BT complaining about porn ads appearing on every website and the BT helpdesk drone patiently explaining that they are targeted ads courtesy of Webwise/Phorm, so someone at that address *must* be into porn.

  14. Alex Fielder
    Happy

    ROFLMAO

    Err yes, he did indeed get hit by a car recently.

    Love the line about the Phil Collins gorilla. (I nearly snorted tea out my nose) :-)

  15. Colin Millar
    Go

    Re: Re: Her name was

    Oh come on Sarah - you've been doing this for some time and should have learned by now that reg posters don't do subtle.

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Unhappy

    @Cover

    Close, but no cigar. He got a nice little scar and a few bad memories out of it, but his little toe was quite safe. And (happily) he is still capable of "acting" well enough to star in these ads (although so is a packet of used coffee grounds or bottle of potato vodka...)

    I think it's just BT finally catching up with the changes in the average domestic situation - showin' me age here, but I can remember when 'seperated' parents was the exception and not the rule... :-( :-( :-(

  17. Steve Evans
    Happy

    @Sarah Bee

    It did work, we're just a bunch of bored techies who love filling in obvious gaps, oh and nitpicking, but you didn't get any of that.

  18. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

    Re: @Sarah Bee

    >Do you?

    Not at all. I was just being breezy.

    It has been a long old day.

  19. Sam

    Sharon Maughan.

    Married to Trevor Eve (waking the dead.)

    Now, can someone tell me what the name is of the cutie that plays the wife in those flash adverts? (the ones with the plank out of Brush Strokes)

  20. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

    @Steve Evans

    Of course. I still have much to learn.

  21. Anonymous Coward
    Heart

    subtle... is that like a rubber pick-axe in the forehead?

    I am sure that Bisto ran "family ads" before Nescrappe. I am deeply concerned Sarah; it's Tuesday and you still seem to have the remnants of Friday's Smarties&Maltesers party plus Saturday's meths hangover swilling around your stomach. Get well soon pettle. TLC is required.

  22. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

    Re: subtle... is that like a rubber pick-axe in the forehead?

    When did the Bisto family ever break up? Pictures, or it didn't happen.

    I'll give you 'pettle'. Or meths. As you prefer.

  23. Gerard Krupa

    Except the odd thing is...

    Of all the people I know with broadband in the UK, those with the BT Home Hub (granted, the old one) are the ones who complain most about frequent disconnections.

  24. Anonymous Coward
    Unhappy

    bisto drama

    The bisto family kids flew the next several years ago, complete with totally non gravy related 'time to go' commentary. It was quite touching.

  25. Elmer Phud
    Happy

    @ Sarah -- Happy Couple

    Shirley, the right way to do it would be to have more info on his TV career and for her to have no name but put her age in somewhere.

    Proper news reporting - see.

  26. adnim Silver badge

    Pedant in the midst.

    As opposed to fat balding gorillas. Is not BT's home hub actually a router, and how easy is this new one to root?

    If I may be so bold as to suggest, it really must have been not so much a "long old day" as a slow old day at The Register for this item to be considered newsworthy :-)

  27. J-Wick
    Thumb Up

    Re: subtle... is that like a rubber pick-axe in the forehead?

    I think the correct phrase would be: 'Pics, or it didn't happen'. It just flows a lot better, in my mind. And sits well with the slightly less SFW, and slightly more rude, 'Tits or GTFO'... (which of course I not advocating in this instance)

    /Has been cyber-hanging out in the wrong places...

    //What's a SWMBO?

    ///Oh, I also almost choked over the 'Phil Collins' line. Very nice!

  28. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    on phorm

    Does it show the bit where he's surfing for info for his weekly presentation and gets infested with targeted adverts? Oh. Maybe they forgot to advertise that part then.

  29. Suburban Inmate
    Paris Hilton

    She Who Must Be Obeyed

    Paris cos I'd love to obey her! Heh.

    Ugh, I feel dirty and full of VD just typing that....

  30. Dave Harris
    Happy

    Phrase of the week

    "unconnecty unpleasantness"

    wonderful

  31. TeeCee Gold badge
    Black Helicopters

    Trevor Eve

    Both have a Trevor Eve connection. The one being married to him and the other having done a brief stint in forensics in "Waking the Dead" between Holly Aird and Tara Fitzgerald having the job as pathologist.

    Coincidence? I don't think so..............

    I would get out more, but they're watching for me out there.

  32. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I'm still waiting for the ad where they show

    the BT Homehub being easily compromised by the next door neighbour and used to download nudey pics of Esther Hall (Google Imaging her with Safesearch turned off is a NSFW activity, FYI)

  33. A J Stiles

    Hmm

    Has anyone ever seen Lester Haines and Sarah Bee in the same place?

  34. Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse Silver badge
    Stop

    I knew she'd leave him.

    If you watch the ads, her body language suggests that she getting grumpier and grumpier with each one as all he seems to do is play golf, walk around the shops moaning to himself whilst eyeing up the candy in record stores. Still, I bet he wont be sad to see the back of those 2 annoying brats of hers.

    Anyway, perhaps I should get a life so I'm off to book a holiday villa via my generic smartphone device whilst eyeing up the candy in HMV. After that I may visit the driving range.

    As a postscript - Kris Marshall did a series called "My life in film". Check it out if you can as it is quite funny.

  35. Anonymous Coward
    Alert

    THOSE ADS MAY BE SHIT...

    ...BUT THEY ARE A LOT BETTER THAN THE BOB HOSKINS ONES.

  36. Mr Larrington

    @AC

    I'll see your Bob Hoskins and raise you a Maureen Fucking Lipman.

  37. Secretgeek
    Coat

    @ Aristotle

    Did you notice that they cut the clip of him giving the blonde the eye in the record store (because it implied that with his funky new mobile browsing he could nip off for a shag with a random stranger whilst also booking his missus a holiday)? Odd really, seems like an actual benefit that would appeal to people looking for some extra marital action.

    Oh god, I've just realised how sad the fact that I noticed AND the fact I've commented on it makes me.

    Coat please.

  38. Eponymous Cowherd

    @Mr Larrington

    I'll see your Maureen Lipman and raise you a Buzby.

  39. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    @Eponymous Cowherd

    I'll raise you, anyone remember the 'Its for you hooo'? ads of the mid-80s. It was the punchline of many an adult (aunts and uncles) when the house phone rang, one of the many banes of my 80s child hood.

  40. Tim
    Paris Hilton

    I remember..

    .. the "its for youhoooo!" add, some mental scars are not blanked for my health.

    Brilliant article though, I love these slow news days. "Choked on a mars bar" hah! Awesome!

    Paris, for no reason whatsoever!

  41. Anonymous Coward
    Go

    @Mr Larrington

    Let it be known that from this day forth she shall be known as "Maurine Fucking Lipman"

  42. Andrew
    Paris Hilton

    Ironic advertising

    The new advert is all the more ironic considering the HomeHub's preference for disconnecting at random moments for no good reason.

    Used to lose connection two or three times a week until I picked up a second-hand Netgear.

    Luckily the HomeHub and HubPhone still sell okay on eBay and BT show no signes of offering me new ones. Keep them coming BT, you're subsidising my phonebill something lovely.

    Paris, because she knows irony when she sees it (and thinks it means "made of iiron").

  43. Philip Alexander
    Happy

    @j-wick

    SWMBO She Who Must Be Obeyed - the wife,or significant other!

    Coined by me some 30 years ago on Compuserve after seeing the film She!

  44. Anonymous Coward
    Alert

    A little harsh...

    ..I'm thinking that the whole premise of the Ads was that he was her toy-boy or something (or am I reading too much into this), but checking on IMDB and there is only 3 (three) years between the two actors!!!

    So which is sadder, that they're trying to make the nameless lady look older, OR that they're attempting to make a 35 year-old man appear to be boyish!

    I think it's the latter, I'm afraid.....

  45. Anonymous Coward
    Happy

    nahhh she won't

    leave him. He spends all his money on her kids. Happy face cos there has to be a happy ending.

  46. Anonymous Coward
    Flame

    who cares!!!

    i'm waiting for the advert where they learn that cris/adam has a terminal cancer thats been caused by thier wi-fi home (yeah right, with the broadcast range of a typicaly sized UK mobile Phone mast) hub.

    (good luck living with one of those (home-hub) within 20 feet of your bed, while the kids are busy all night downloading bootleg Music, videos, games and Pron from the P2P networks)

    and the follow on where they get told by the hospital to turn off all their mobile communications toys cos it will mess up the life support that he's plugged into..

    and her son walks in whilst on the phone and he (chris/adam) pegs it... :)

  47. ryan

    we only need...

    half a dozen more people to tell us that the woman in the BT advert is called Esther Hall and this comment thread attains the requisite level of farce.

    Those BT adverts always made me feel a bit uneasy, the woman clearly originally being friends with the mother of her manchild partner before 'getting together' behind some bushes at a family barbecue, and enduring the whispered disapproval of all and sundry when they announced their union.

    um. thats what i got from it at least.

  48. Anonymous Coward
    Joke

    Buzby... !!!!

    OMG - No - I fold.

  49. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    the series continues

    ...so having died we cut to a touching scene in the church with mourners huddled around a glowing coffin and all of a sudden a mobile phone bleeps in the background and we discover one of their kids watching a pop video streamed from their house whilst the wife's new toyboy lurks around outside sending dodgy texts inside.

  50. wulff heiss
    Coat

    @Philip Alexander

    Scary Devil Monastery? doubt it, though.. acronyms on something that is basically a translation from an older text.. and it's unlikely your 30 yrs are 1880-something..

    mine's the one covered in pages....

  51. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    the series continues, continuing

    ... and two days later, mobile snaps of the stiff appear on the blog page of the "homely yet vaguely attractive" eldest daughter in her ongoing attempt to narrate and document her sad life as she considers doing a course in "hair science" by distance learning over the internet.

    Meanwhile; her brother is in the next room trying to position a webcam so it captures that fateful day when he finally loses his virginity.

  52. kissingthecarpet

    RE:who cares!

    The story about mobiles interfering with medical hardware MAY(probably not though) have been true when phones were analogue, but I think the hospital staff would just like it if everyone(except them - do you really think they turn theirs off?) turned their phone off....

  53. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    This sucks (and so does the BT ad).....

    1. What the hell are BT on about?

    2. Why do these tards need the privacy of their garden / balcony to TYPE? (Who else is in the bloke's flat?)

    3. Why not use another service from BT, namely pick up the frickin' phone?

    4. Does BT Internet really serve pop-ups to say that you're on-line (can't imagine they do, becasue that would be as irritating as hell)?

    5. Have BT changed the colour to try to show that their new (black) kit is different to the security-riddled (white) kit they used to punt?

  54. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I'm hoping they'll divorce.

    I think she's a hottie, so anything that will improve my (non-existent) chances with her.

    BTHomeHub?? Rates up there with the Sinclair C5 and Tiscali as a piece of carp!

  55. Mark Aggleton

    @Sam

    Flash wife was Jacqueline Bucknell

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