back to article Consider yourself Moderatrixed

Well, I was actually hoping to spend this Friday performing my usual duties, perhaps enjoying a little light banter with my colleagues, and then sauntering out at lunchtime to get society-endangeringly drunk. But it would seem that this very modest dream of mine is to remain in the realms of fantasy. This is because, despite …

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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Unhappy

    OMG!

    She said it was _FINE_!

    We're all doomed, DOOMED I tell you.

  2. Why
    Unhappy

    Is that it, El Moderatrix?

    If so...

    I feel vaguely cheated.

    I'll just ask about the woodchuck next time.

  3. Chris Harden

    RE: S&LiAR

    All of the geeks in our development team have trousers that come down to our shoes, wear deodorant and shower daily (more of a Frosties fan myself rather than shreddies (yeah...still got the geek humour though, sorry)) (though I work for a Charity, so maybe the two stereotype cancel each other out?). There are hygienically clean geeks out there, but if all the geeks showered daily, those of us who were clean wouldn't feel so special. It's a conspiracy. Sorry.

    "Perhaps the tall, handsome, fragrant, long-trousered men of IT who are surely lurking out there could step up."

    If you can find us, there are some out for a drink this evening around Covent Garden/Kingsway.

    C.

  4. Matt

    Errrr

    Sarah...... is that you? Didn't recoginise you with all that leather on!

  5. Steven Raith
    Paris Hilton

    FAO Sarah and A&LiAR

    "Perhaps the tall, handsome, fragrant, long-trousered men of IT who are surely lurking out there could step up. Chaps? This is an emergency. Come on. Sort it out. I'm waiting. And so is S&LiAR."

    I am tall, aware of personal hygene, and correct trouser length. I can't comment on the handsome side obviously, that would be awefully presumptious of me, and it's subjective anyway.

    I am, however, a borderline sociopath with nihilistic leanings. Whats a major personality disorder between fiends, sorry, friends, though?

    Anyway, on the point of tech support males being useless, what about 99% of women in tech support - I've *never* met a woman in proper tech support [especially desktop support - network support lasses seem calmer] who don't have some kind of personality/psychological disorder - they all seem to be alcoholics, cokefiends, show signs of bipolarity[swinging between mania and depression] or are just generally appearing to be trying to make up for the fact that they are working in a 'mans world'.

    Can't we all just learn to get along?

    Steven "What do you mean, no, we can't?" Raith

    [Paris, because she's potty enough to work in tech support too]

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    My trousers fit...

    ...I have a range of deodorants, my ties are all co-ordinated and I try to avoid telling people geeky stories full-stop. Alas, I'm not on the market, on account of having my own boyfriend.

  7. Dave B

    Well hullo Moderatrix and S&LiAR

    I'm tall, handsome, wear long-trousers* and am in IT. Fragrant? Not sure - it's been a long, hot day, hang on while I have a scratch n' sniff ....<rustlesnuffle>....... mmmmm, just a bit more...<shlurple>...Yep, fragrant's the word, now where do we meet?

    * photo on application

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Alert

    @Chris Harden

    "If you can find us, there are some out for a drink this evening around Covent Garden/Kingsway"

    Dude, I think S&LiAR was only talking about work... when out of work having a few drinks why would anyone want to hang around with geeks?

  9. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

    Re: FAO Sarah and A&amp;LiAR

    I love how you felt the need to explain what bipolar disorder is. WE KNOW. And so do we. Ha! Oh no, that's schizophrenia. Well, the point remains. No it doesn't. Yes it does. Shut up. You shut up.

    It is an overwhelmingly male-dominated area, though. Do you not agree? Of course women go mad under the circumstances. I myself am this far from laying waste to the whole gaff with a golf club.

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    The Moderatrix and Motorcycles

    I humbly disagree with the advice you gave to buy a Suzuki SV650.

    As anyone knows, the correct answer to 'What motorbike should I buy' is one of:

    Gixxer thou

    CG 125

    My old one.

    Mine's the black leather one.

    Jacket you perverts.

  11. breakfast
    Coat

    Bipolar

    Technically that's a multiple-personality disorder with the multiple personalities and whathaveyou.

    Anyways all girls are bipolar, that's just being a girl. Blokes are too, but you don't notice it so much if you are one.

    I like the sound of laying waste to the gaff with a golf club though. Would you use the holes as part of your engine of destruction or just the club buildings?

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Heart

    FORE !!!

    I heartily suggest a 5 iron... VERY satisfying.

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    FAO Sarah and A&LiAR

    "Perhaps the tall, handsome, fragrant, long-trousered men of IT who are surely lurking out there" They won't come out to greet you, they already have boyfriends of their own.

  14. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

    Re: boyfriends

    Well, yes. That's what that other poster said. About his boyfriend.

    So... did you have a point?

  15. Steve
    Coat

    Absinthe

    Makes the heart grow fonder. Keep drinking...

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    @Sarah Bee

    It’s a common misconception but what you’re talking about is multiple personality disorder, unless you mean the bit about the golf club. If you do decide to do a be if Friday afternoon redevelopment at work may I suggest a hockey stick as you can use it to trip up any that try to run, I have one here as it may be needed soon.

  17. The Man in Black
    Alert

    Re: FAO Sarah and A&amp;LiAR

    Would you take a driver or a putter?

  18. Huw Davies

    re: The Moderatrix and Motorcycles

    Surely the answer depends on whether you want to be a power ranger or a righteous dude...

    Anyway, if it's for the apocalypse you want a nice rat bike, or a half decent fighter ;)

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Loath and Loathe

    Well what is the difference then?

    I am loathe(d) to say there is nought but hatred between them.

    Are they discrete? We need a good discreet example of it then.

  20. Tom
    Joke

    Re: Re: boyfriends

    I personally find the gender-equality in science/engineering fascinating. Not just because you get to hear people stumble around a metaphorical minefield, but also because you can weed out people you never want to get to know personally.

    Reminds me of a story on of the women on my degree course told me:

    The scene: She wanted to get onto a Mech Eng course at university. She is invited to an interview at a London-based uni.

    Interviewer: "I notice you went to an all-girls school. Are you just applying because you want to be on a course full of boys?"

    Friend: "..."

  21. jai
    Heart

    @S&LiAR

    "a man whose only involvement with technology is to turn on his HD Plasma, sit in front of it with his hands down his pants, belching along to MTV videos? "

    way-hey! sounds like we're made for each other then - i can't stand Plasmas either, which is why i've got an LCD - and hands are definately not down pants, they're too busy playing GTA IV

    we should hook up - what you doing tomorrow night? bring pizza - extra large pepperoni - and red bull because it's so annoying having to stop playing in order to sleep

  22. Elsnorff
    Boffin

    Its Friday

    YARHHHH.

    That is all.

  23. shay mclachlan

    sorted

    You said - 'Go on then. What's wrong now? Make it quick, please, there's a gallon of absinthe with my name on it.Go on then'.

    Look, sod the comments & responses, just bung a pint of that Absinthe my way OK.

  24. Niall

    @The Man in Black:Would you take a driver or a putter?

    No an open-faced club, sand wedge. Mmmmm

  25. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

    Re: Loath and Loathe

    No no no no no. No.

    I am loath to point out how much I loathe the rampant misuse of 'loathe'.

    And don't get me started on the crotch/crutch issue. Jeeesh.

  26. Tim
    Alien

    Golf clubs? Hockey sticks?

    ... I can render an office block sub-terrainian with a cocktail stick, two if I'm in a generous mood!

    My trousers fit and so am I, I shower twice a day and still have a BO problem, what's a guy to do. I have no tales to tell, I simply listen... to the atmosphere.

  27. Marc Savage

    FAO Sarah and A&LiAR

    You will find that your situation is one of two things.

    1. Revenge by the male staff for having to wear business clothes allt he time at work and the ladies can wear what they like.

    2. You hang around comic book guy type geeks. the bad sort.

    As as tall attractive clean long haired it tech all I can say is, your too late. I found myself the perfect women a few months ago so I am taken.

    Also I can ask where were you when I was single and fed up with meeting girls with old chewing ghum for brains.

  28. Pete Silver badge

    why do cows lie down before it rains?

    Simple. The farmer has the radio on in his tractor and they hear the weather forecast.

  29. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    RE: The Moderatrix and Motorcycles, by AC

    What about the new Kawasaki ZX6R... in traditional Kawasaki green, or that nice new sparkly orange they seem fond of at the minute or, my personal favourite, all black!

    Obviously not as fast as a Gixxer Thou but far more chuckable on the twisty bits (in the hands of a good rider at least).

  30. Dalek13
    Happy

    Re:Re: Loath and Loathe

    >>And don't get me started on the crotch/crutch issue. Jeeesh.

    And a thousand keyboards all fell simultaneously silent in anticipation...

  31. Colin Millar
    Thumb Up

    @Marc

    The perfect women you say?

    Yes - they would be wouldn't they.

  32. Liam
    Coat

    @ S&LiAR

    well, you are looking in the wrong direction. not engineers! you need designers :) any designer worth their salt knows what looks good and not - and generally has quite a decent style eye. engineers often still live at home and play warhammer all hours god sends :)

    speaking as someone who was given a 10 on hot or not (albeit by a receptionist who had a crush on me) and averaged a solid 8+ we are out there :) the problem for you is that we are usually already taken... and to be honest the last women i want is someone who wants to talk DHCP and routing till the early hours :) ive managed to bag a horny 23 year old (im 33) who is bi-sexual - cant ask for more than that can i! :) oh and she also likes the 'killer weed' too :)

    i have designer clothing and wear nice clean calvin kleins to work... although in this job i dont have to wear a suit - its casual :)

    If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire... oops sorry couldnt resist :) (ok, still some geek in there i guess!)

    ict manager / designer in lincoln :) (taken) [unless any better offers turn up :)]

    mines the one with the keys for a black/grey/red GMC van in the pocket :)

  33. Anonymous Coward
    Unhappy

    Unhappy in Auld Reekie...

    Look, sad and lonely, some of us wash, wear trousers long enough that you need never see any sign of sock, and hate slobbing out in front of TVs. This is what we call "character", and it's what we make of ourselves.

    Unfortunately, some of us do need to stand on a chair to change a lightbulb. A short man cannot make himself tall.

    Restrict your choices all you want, but you'll find you overlook good blokes (don't snigger -- that wasn't a joke. SHUT UP ABOUT MY HEIGHT!) and end up alone. And it's your fault. You giants and your bl**dy glass floors....

  34. Steven Raith
    Flame

    FAO Sarah

    "It is an overwhelmingly male-dominated area, though. Do you not agree? Of course women go mad under the circumstances. I myself am this far from laying waste to the whole gaff with a golf club."

    Well, yes, and I concur entirely - but then maybe that's just my incredibly short fuse when dealing with idiots. I prefer molotov cocktails and a lump hammer to finish off anyone that the cocktails don't.*

    I think I should get out of tech support, and move into, say, scrounging off the dole. Better quality of life socially, and probably financially as well overall.

    Steven R

    Flames - well, molotovs, innit?

    *not strictly true - I actually go home and have a G+T to unwind, but it doesn't sound as good, does it?

  35. Anonymous Coward
    Stop

    Re: Is that it, El Moderatrix?

    "El" (as in El Reg) is the Spanish masculine definite article.

    "Moderatrix" is an artificially etymologised feminine form of "moderator".

    So El Moderatrix doesn't make any more sense than talking about "famous male actress Christopher Eccleston".

  36. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    SV650?

    Na, go for an R6!!!

  37. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    @Sarah Bee

    "It is an overwhelmingly male-dominated area, though. Do you not agree? Of course women go mad under the circumstances"

    Women go mad under the circumstances? What about us poor guys, surrounded by each other all day?

  38. Steven Raith
    Joke

    @AC 1730GMT

    ""It is an overwhelmingly male-dominated area, though. Do you not agree? Of course women go mad under the circumstances"

    Women go mad under the circumstances? What about us poor guys, surrounded by each other all day?"

    We go ghey.

    Handsome.

    Steven R

  39. kaiserb_uk
    Paris Hilton

    Revenge

    "It is an overwhelmingly male-dominated area, though. Do you not agree? Of course women go mad under the circumstances."

    Consider it revenge on your entire gender for the constant attacks on male techie sanity* with such gems as "I didn't save it and it crashed, can you get it back?" and "So why did it do that then?".

    *"military intelligence" style oximoron

  40. Anonymous Coward
    Heart

    @ Sarah and A&LiAR

    Umm... I know (counts on fingers) either four or five men (Rodney is only about 5'8" and so might be disqualified due to insufficient height...) who fill the bill as described. I'm not counting myself, for no good reason.

    We are all divorced. At least once. We are all "big company" men. When we date, we date outside of our cow orker pool, and rarely for more than eight to ten weeks per companion.

    None of us, to the best of my knowledge, want to remain single. It's just that the debutant understudies we regularly encounter have the inner personality of a hungry shark.

    I've taken to trolling the local goth bars, myself. Some of the women-in-black with white skin and too many visible piercings seem extremely intelligent and are often quite willing to chat for hours in exchange for a few glasses of liquor.

    Cow orker? Yes. Someone was talking about cows having a bit of a lay down during inclement weather. How does one "ork" a cow, anyhow? Does it have anything to do with hats?

  41. J
    Thumb Down

    Lame...

    ...expected more, tsc tsc...

  42. J
    Pirate

    @Marc Savage

    "I found myself the perfect women a few months ago"

    Women? WomEn!? You bastard...

  43. Anonymous Coward
    Happy

    have a crutch under my crotch

    Well, it's full-break, belted, pressed trousers for me. Met my other half in a computer center on a prior job and been married to her the past 30 years and working with computers the last 40. Have 3 daughters and eldest just finished her masters and is now working IT job. I like to have a shower (or two) every day and my deoderant gets a regular workout. Sorry, Moderatrix; I'm across the pond and you're way too sweet and young for me. Maybe in another lifetime....

  44. Andus McCoatover
    Happy

    Trousers?

    >>Why does there have to be a 2 in gap between top of shoe and bottom of trouser leg of your average male engineer?<<

    Why not tell the nerd to put jam on his shoes, and invite his trousers down for tea?

    Sodding hell....

  45. Dex
    Dead Vulture

    This doesn't feel right...

    ....Sarah...i mean miss moderatrix bosslady, this whole dominatrix thing just doesn't feel right, i mean are you wearing any leather?

    Tell you what, go get some on and i'll wait right here....just not the one with a ball one, thats for Serberius..mwahahahhaha

    PS What is wrong with MMORPG players? is it like being Ginger?....Is it genetic?..Is it a result of inbreeding or is it a subliminal message for me to go on a killing spree? much like my televised twin on Showtime

  46. Hate2Register

    What are you banging on about?

    This sort of reporting is quite beyond me. have fun!

  47. Jonathan Richards
    Unhappy

    Who moderates the Moderatrix?

    > I myself used to quite literally feel your pain

    Is this an example of colony collapse disorder? Surely the REAL Ms Bee would not split an infinitive so egregiously, and so soon after chiding a correspondent for a misplaced apostrophe?

  48. Oldfogey
    Coat

    SV650?

    Nah.

    Death's bike in Souls Music, as built by the Librarian - with real ape-Hangers.

    The coat with "BORN TO RUNE" in rivets on the back

  49. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    I have a theory...

    that many of the men in the IT industry start out normal (granted there are exceptions) and then the male dominated world they work in slowly erodes their sense of decent conversation and hygiene. Some however, manage to maintain these characteristics. I myself am a tall, correct trouser length wearing, IT person (I won’t call myself handsome lest I never leave the room again due to my head getting stuck in the doorframe). Granted I have a girlfriend who I’ve been with for 4 years so it doesn’t help Sarah, but we’re out there!

    However, at the other end of the scale we have the not so socially dextrous people. My firm recently hired its first female to a technical post, she’s a fun loving and absolutely stunning girl. One of my colleagues has been unable to cope with this and has taken to behaving like a dog on heat, it’s really quite worrying. Is there anything we can do to retrain these people?

    Anonymous in case the guy in question reads this!

    Paris, because the new girl is just as hot.

    mines the one with the ball and chain attached...

  50. Shaun

    RE: Re: Loath and Loathe

    I've uhh, actually heard people (yes, people, not person) mix up clutch and crotch. While they were driving.

    Thankfully it was in a verbal fashion.

  51. wim

    SV650 ?

    You really need a Husqvarna 510R or 610IE

    a KTM supermotard will also work.

  52. Anonymous Coward
    Unhappy

    RE: S&LiAR

    "Anyway, on the point of tech support males being useless, what about 99% of women in tech support - I've *never* met a woman in proper tech support [especially desktop support - network support lasses seem calmer] who don't have some kind of personality/psychological disorder - they all seem to be alcoholics, cokefiends, show signs of bipolarity[swinging between mania and depression] or are just generally appearing to be trying to make up for the fact that they are working in a 'mans world'."

    Ever thought those women are like that *because* they work with short, stinky, autistic men - it's their coping mechnism? I forgot to mention initially the issue of wind, whether oral or anally expelled. That itself would get me lined up with Sarah, with either a golf club or an AK47, or a bloody great cork.

    "Reminds me of a story on of the women on my degree course told me:

    The scene: She wanted to get onto a Mech Eng course at university. She is invited to an interview at a London-based uni.

    Interviewer: "I notice you went to an all-girls school. Are you just applying because you want to be on a course full of boys?"

    Friend: "..."

    Yeah well, the next step on from there is being accused of getting your first class honours degree *because* you are woman. I've never entirely understood what benefits we have managed to get, but we can safely rule out sleeping with the lecturing staff, since they obviously have the same unhygenic, stunted genes as industrial engineers.

    S&LiAR

  53. Paul

    @ All the bikers

    I call you all out as fair weather wimps.

    What kind of fool would use a Gixxer of a ZX6R to get to work every day, or to ride two up for any distance, or on a wet winter road?

    Personaly I would go for a BMW F800 S/ST, but then they are about twice the price of the SV650.

  54. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Well

    to counter the argument, I am well dressed, good hygiene (armani aftershave), single and straight.

    The down side is I only have a 9" penis.

    As for male dominated industry, yes it is but our support section is about 30% female...

  55. Anonymous Coward
    Unhappy

    Fairweather bikers

    @Paul

    Those are fighting words - I ride my ZX6 to work everyday, all weathers as I have no car and refuse to use public transport except for those sad occaisions when I need to buy something that can't be bungied onto the back of my noble steed.

    Unhappy because my gloves are soggy and they've turned the heating off in our building again. And LCDs have many benefits over CRTs, but you can't dry gloves on them.

  56. Anonymous Coward
    Heart

    Re: Well

    Can you breathe through your ears AC?

    S&LiAR

  57. Peyton

    I never cease to be amazed

    How often Reg comments break down into a battle of the grammar pendants. I'm starting to think the history books are wrong - the American colonists did not set sail for religious freedom - they were fleeing grammar tyranny! :p

    I think I'll shoot an email to MS and the OpenOffice group and attempt to persuade them to include "ya'll" in them thar spellcheckers.

  58. Thomas Jerome
    Coat

    El Reg Lonely Hearts Club

    Like S&LiAR, I am in a similar predicament, albeit I am a male twentysomething in a creative media position, where the female:male ratio appears to be inversely proportioned to that of the IT/engineering sector.

    I am a ‘creative’ in a web-based company surrounded by girls who either a) read heat magazine and believe that the intrinsic value of anything can be automatically raised if it is encased in pink (example: the Sony Ericsson Z610i) or b) think that having the dramatic personae of Disney's Winnie the Pooh displayed as a screensaver is acceptable for anyone aged 23.

    WLTM a woman for whom a dinner plate is an offensive weapon as well as a piece of crockery, and can entertain conversation well above and beyond Sex and the City.

    Myself: 6' 5", trim figure (one of the very few at my work who exercises the right to use the office gym – no pun intended), well read, educated, incredibly charming and modest, light social smoker and real ale quaffer. Additional statistics available on request.

    P.S. Note to El Reg: you could make a mint out of a dating service here. With girls like S&LiAR and given than all those who work in IT probably harbour some form of sexual perversion (that's just going on a handful of some of the comments on this page alone), there's a real niche here right under your beak.

    P.P.S. Sarah – please note my attention to grammar and spelling. I missed out on the opportunity to put my question to you – perhaps next time?

    Mine's the Moss Bros suit jacket (navy with sky-blue pinstripes).

  59. Anonymous Coward
    Heart

    Re:El Reg Lonely Hearts Club

    6' 5"? Sigh. I think I'm in lust......

    S&LiAR

  60. Thomas Jerome

    Re: Re:El Reg Lonely Hearts Club

    Edinburgh is a little far for me here in the deep wilds of southern Wiltshire, but if I get sent up to cover the THUS/C&W takeover (admittedly unlikely), well its only a short(ish) hop on the train over from Glasgow.

  61. Glenn Charles
    Flame

    its and it's

    There's a difference and all these years I didn't know it.

    --Glenn

  62. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    Re: I never cease to be amazed

    [quote]I think I'll shoot an email to MS and the OpenOffice group and attempt to persuade them to include "ya'll" in them thar spellcheckers.

    [/quote]

    Get it straight then, first. Any self-respectin' Southerner (not a Yankee, gol durn it!) knows it's properly spelt "y'all," being a contraction of "you all."

    Geez, Limey SOBs can't even write their own language...

  63. J
    Coat

    @Fairweather bikers

    "I ride my ZX6 to work everyday"

    Ha! I ride my EX250 to work everyday, highway nearly all the way.

    A moped, anyone? :-P

  64. Anonymous Coward
    IT Angle

    @J

    At one point, many years ago, I had a 50cc Mobylette style thing. (I don't think it was even a real Mobylette, just a clone.)

    Oddly enough, the only vehicle I managed to sell on for slightly more than I paid for it.

    IT? Because there really isn't at this point, is there?

  65. The Man in Black
    Thumb Up

    @Fairweather bikers

    Honda Shadow VT1100. Hear me coming from a mile away, and get off of my road!

  66. Tim Lane
    Boffin

    Help Me

    My jet black jeans fall gracefully over my cuban heels and my shirt and tie are always co-ordinated, I shower daily and have a range of deoderants and aftershaves. I am of average height.

    However, I am still a rather geeky IT guy and as such am terrified of women. The moment I meet an attractive woman I start acting like a complete idiot, even though I am well adjusted in any other social situation. Is there anything I can do about this?

    Help me moderatrix, you're my only hope.

  67. Paul Segrue
    Happy

    The bike question....

    Thanks to the Moderatrix for the suggestion... but SV650? I may rue the day but I feel as if I may have to go GSXR750, might not be as handy around town but it will sure be fun.

    I used to ride a CBR600 to work every day, admitadly I would have to get to the office a bit early to change from the leathers (or wet weather gear) but it was worth it... its a great warming feeling when you pass your boss when he is stuck in traffic (or even better when hes not and you blast past his brand new "mid life crisis" sports car")

  68. Thomas
    Happy

    The Dating Game

    If any of you got a shag because on any of this, I'm totally moving to the UK. Because the thought of this site working match making into its schematic is to MIND boggling to fight, so I might as well just join in.

    Because the passive aggressive are a happy people...

  69. Ishkandar

    @Liam in Lincoln

    You poor inferior being !! Perhaps a bit more application of skull-sweat and a better education might release you from such lowly servitude. You will be pleasantly surprised by the benefits enjoyed by those on a higher plane of IT when they humbly invited to sort out problems in those horrendous mega-projects that proliferate around the world !!

    Travel, they say, broadens the mind. Long hours in a plane are also known to broaden the posterior !!

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