back to article US hackette ponders jub-powered iPod

It's hats off this sunny Friday to US hackette Adrienne So of Washington Post tentacle Slate, who earlier this week pondered the delicious possibility of the jub-powered iPod. As Adrienne points out, there's an awful lot of mammergy going to waste as sporty girls' chesticles resist the restraining force of sports bras and so, …

COMMENTS

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  1. John Latham
    Thumb Up

    Piezo

    Surely you don't need motion to generate electricity, only force?

    A proper sports bra with piezo integrated into the loadbearing members would fulfill both support and power requirements.

    Not that I've spend much time thinking about this. Cough.

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Joke

    Lester......

    You get paid for doing research and stories like this ?

    I hate you so much :oÞ~~~~~

  3. Mark
    Coat

    "studied breast motion since 1985"

    Pfft. I've been doing that assiduously since about 1983! Look at all the affadavits I have! Yes, I know they look like restraining orders, but that's just proof of my dilligence.

    I also make available other services:

    Laundry cleaning (please wait 28 days for return of panties)

    Cancer tests (breast only)

    PI (I will follow acceptable clients wherever they go)

    Others on arrangement.

    (mine's the mac)

  4. Peter Hawkins
    Thumb Up

    Micro generation is not just for the ladies...

    Anyone who remembers those shots of Linford Christie doing the 100m can see the possibilities for the lads too .... well for some of us anyway!

  5. Kane Silver badge
    Go

    Love it...

    Mammergy

    Fantastic stuff!

    and..."studied breast motion since 1985".

    Where do I get that job?

  6. Ian McNee
    Stop

    A yard of flying boob?

    Dearest Lester

    Did you not challenge Prof Lawson re. the assertion that "a D-cup in a low-support bra can travel as much as 35 inches up and down during exercise"? If this were so such jubs could potentially become deadly weapons and ought to be banned from our streets along with other jihadi-paedo-terror activities like taking photos and walking the streets with your eyes open in the presence of minors.

    Kindest regards,

    Ian

  7. James

    Energy Harvesting

    See http://www.advancedcerametrics.com/files/File/articles/adcera_200710.pdf.

    "Perhaps the most well-known of the

    ACI PFC solutions have been those for

    active sports equipment for Head NV’s

    family of Intelligence™ “smart” tennis

    rackets and skis. In these unique products,

    the PFC acts as a sensor of vibration,

    an energy harvester (converting

    that energy to electrical power for the

    dampening circuit) and an actuator to

    dampen the vibration. The positive

    result for the smart skis is better control

    and speed, and the result for the tennis

    racket application is enhanced comfort,

    elimination of tennis elbow and better

    control dynamics with the racket. A

    number of other consumer-oriented

    sporting and leisure goods are in the

    works."

    You could modify the garment to reduce bounce by harvesting energy to run a damper. This would remove some of the fun as well as making the bra around ten times its size with all the mechanical and electrical add-ons. Still a worthwhile project.

  8. Hywel Thomas

    @ Peter Hawkins

    Never mind the trouser dept, we just need to tap into the wrist motion while watching the hotties charging their iPods.

    Onaninetik generators.

    Or something.

  9. Mark
    Paris Hilton

    'Astounded'

    You know, the word 'astounded' is thrown around a lot these days.

    Once in a good long while, however, a site enters the internets that is truly astonishing. El Reg, you've made my day.

    PH angle - too obvious?

  10. Ru
    Heart

    Um, the point of sports bras

    Is to inhibit motion. If jigglage still occurs, then the sports bra isn't doing its job properly, surely?

    One which actually allows jiggle, even if it is dampening the motion by using to drive some sort of generator, isn't going to be as comfortable as one that does not.

  11. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

    Re: 'Astounded'

    >>PH angle - too obvious?

    I think you'd be lucky if Paris could generate enough to boil a small travel kettle.

    Yeah, it's wrong, but you people are warping my brain.

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    3.5 not 35

    sorry to disappoint lads, but a D-cup will only move 3.5 inches up & down not 35inches.

    Whilst fun to look at, this amount of movement hurts.

    The piezo idea is much more likely to be practical.

    Hazel (36D)

  13. Glynn Williams
    Thumb Up

    Re: Re: 'Astounded'

    Sarah,

    So how much energy would you produce while running then? :P

    Enquiring minds want to know!

    GW

  14. Fluffykins Silver badge

    @Hazel

    Don't believe you. Show!

  15. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

    Re: Re: 'Astounded'

    Mind your business.

  16. Evil Graham
    Thumb Up

    Don't forget moobs

    Quite a few men could get an iPod going too, given suitable man-boob power harvesting technology.

    I think the travel kettle may be out of reach though, even a small one.

  17. Daniel
    Coat

    innovative idea, and all we get here is ...

    ... a bunch of knockers.

    The one with the dogeared copy of "Swimsuits Monthly" in the pocket, please.

  18. Lukin Brewer
    Joke

    Not enough M in the equation?

    "Let's face it - if you're a double-A marathoner, you're probably not going to get that iPod up and running."

    I think she's missed a trick there.

    Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the "Electromotive Falsie", a scientifically designed padded and weighted sports bra for those who want to train harder and charge mp3 players. "Generate power, not a false impression, with the new EMF. Its FSD is AOK."

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Jobs Horns

    Anyone remember the TV documentary

    .. that was all about breast motion measurement/analysis? I saw it in my teens and have had a keen interest in the topic ever since!

    I remember one of my sisters friends was asked to take part in similar research, she was told she'd be filed topless running on a tredmill.. No headshots and it would be anonymous etc. As a student she thought what the hey, but when she informed them she as a B cup the recruiter looked at her sheets and said, oh, sorry we've already got all the B's we need!

    But the overall question is: how come my CS degree didn't have any practical research like this???

    SB because his MB's could generate enough power when the oil runs out.

  20. Phil Endecott Silver badge

    @John Latham

    > Surely you don't need motion to generate electricity, only force?

    Nope, you need both:

    work done = force X distance

    power = force X speed

  21. Anonymous Coward
    Stop

    but...

    what about when they go flat?

    mine's the strapless 36AAA

  22. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    @Fluffykins

    My gf gets jealous whenever I post pictures.

    Last time she didn't untie me for a whole day.

    Now that's a good source of energy, nanowires in bondage rope.

  23. Steen Hive
    Boffin

    Professor David J C MacKay

    Said boffin could be employed to figure out home many car/miles a day could be saved by covering 10% of the UK in jogging double-D cups.

    Of course this introduces another unknown variable: how many extra car/miles are used driving to the power stations.

  24. pete
    Paris Hilton

    @Hazel

    You'd be surprised at what some of us lads endure, if one prefers boxer shorts instead of briefs. (no size given nor required)

  25. Squits
    Thumb Up

    Hehe. nice one

    What I like about this one is it's content, the fact that it's nsfw AND has the IT angle.

    All those whining bitches silenced, just this once :)

  26. lansalot
    Happy

    WOW !

    Jeez, that's some co-incidence. I'd been waiting for something to arrive off ebay, and I was reading this article it was handed to me.

    Without a word of a lie, it was a little headlamp powered by three double-A's.

    Howzat for co-incidence !!

  27. Stu
    Thumb Up

    Fantastic!

    I'm sure I'd get het up enough to generate my own power source seeing these babies in action, n-ot ahhm sayin? eh? eh? eh? sayyyyy no more.

    @Sarah Bee - You're like the sole female commentator/moderator in a sea of testosterone. The only thing missing is a webcam on you. "Give us a twirl baby...". ;-)

  28. Kane Silver badge
    Paris Hilton

    Re: Re: 'Astounded'

    I think, Sarah, your giving far too much credit to Ms Hilton's, *ahem*, area. You'd be lucky if you could recharge a calculator on that pair.

  29. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

    Re: Fantastic!

    No.

    And it's 'commenter', not 'commentator'. Schoolboy aggrandising error...

  30. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Funbag powered...

    Missing the conversion to Reg standards here, what's the Romanian Funbag equivalent?

    2 RFB = 1 joule is my guess

  31. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

    Re: Carbon Credits?

    Erm, I'm happy you have such a lovely buxom ladypal, Anonymous Chap, but since I'm not sure she'd be pleased to have you quoting her in front of a lot of Friday-bored IT industry dribblers, I feel obliged to nix that comment.

    I'll accept the usual kickback for saving your relationship. The rest of you, use your imaginati... ah, you're way ahead of me.

  32. caffeine addict Silver badge
    Paris Hilton

    35 inches?

    Bloody hell... Mrs Addict's jubbs are big enough she has to go to Bravissamo for her ipod chargers. Admittedly they've often given me three legs, but moving three feet...?

    Not even Angelina Jolie's comedic Tomb Raider 1 free range jubs managed to roam that far...

    PH, because she can probably just about get that far through the alphabet...

  33. Law
    Boffin

    Re: Re: Re: 'Astounded'

    I would imagine at least a Jigga-watt! :)

  34. elreg@mailinator.com

    Obviously...

    My bad, I apologize:

    RFB should have been BFB - Bulgarian Funbag, the sole universally accepted standard among elReg readers worldwide.

  35. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    @Sarah: Re: Carbon Credits?

    @Sarah about my Carbon Credit post. I had already asked the GF permission to post her funny comment. She was happy enough to share with the crowd.

    Now I have to go back to her to tell her that I have been disciplined by the Moderatrix instead....

    Or do I just have to reword it to point out there are other opportunities to generate power. My girlfriend isn't much of a jogger... but can see the possibilities. hehe...

    This is genuine, Green Power Generation which can Save The World from it's Climate Change issues... Research money should be ploughed into this

  36. jubtastic1
    Thumb Up

    Obligatory link to the mash

    "THE RESEARCHER developing an intelligent bra says there is ‘no way’ it is finished and that he may have to carry on studying women’s breasts for decades."

    http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/health/bra-research-must-go-on%2c-vows-scientist-20071210588/

  37. Morten Ranulf Clausen
    Coat

    Warp? We don't need no steenking warp

    "Yeah, it's wrong, but you people are warping my brain."

    No need to thank us, we're just happy to help out in any way possible. Selfless is our middle name. Along with a lot of unpleasant ones but we won't go into that now.

    @Law: so one well-endowed Bulgarian would be generating around 2 Jigga-wats. How do we scale this? Distance travelled does drop off rather sharply with size while shape is also a factor. I can feel a research grant coming up... Or at least... Gotta go.

  38. Sam Tana
    Thumb Up

    Just the job

    Peter Hawkins wrote: "Anyone who remembers those shots of Linford Christie doing the 100m can see the possibilities for the lads too .... well for some of us anyway!"

    And Professor Wang is surely just the fellow to, er, bring this off...

  39. Morten Ranulf Clausen
    Stop

    Oh dear...

    Now my brain has Jabberwocky stuck in a loop. Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun

    The frumious Bandersnatch! Ow...

  40. This post has been deleted by its author

  41. J
    Boffin

    Oh...

    And silly me here studying parasite genomes and other exciting subjects... Sheesh, how do I change fields?

  42. Graham Marsden
    Happy

    This thread is...

    ... excellent with pictures!

  43. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I'm just in awe of:

    1) the idea; reasonably practical for the tasks it is basically designed for.

    2) The sales pitch flash video, as I found it quite humorous.

    3) all of the puns, punchlines and other witty comments

    4) The immediate calling of "el reg's" conversion model

    5) The unlimited supply of comments that this could possibly generate should its development come to fruition.

    Genius... Pure genius.

  44. Jeffrey Nonken Silver badge
    Coat

    Bounce factor?

    It's like regenerative braking -- it's not the movement that generates the power, it's stopping it. The more effective your conversion, the less motion you'll get.

    As for cup size vs. travel, it depends on several factors. My wife has had two kids and then lost considerable weight, and is taking martial arts and is in better shape than ever. But when breasts shrink, they sag, and they tend to bounce more. So she's always on the lookout for restrictive bras that are reasonably comfortable. ...And not too expensive.

    This has caused her to make such remarks as "You know the pencil test? Well, I pass the typewriter test."

    (Sarah, no need to worry about my marriage. Trust me. :)

    One interesting thing I noticed on the shockabsorber website was that if you picked either of the middle two activity levels, you get more motion than the "extreme" level. Seemed odd to me.

    (And watching those animations made my wince. Ouch. Large bouncing breasts may look sexy but I bet they hurt like hell.)

    And with that I'll leave you with a bit of Ogden Nash. Forgive me if I get it wrong, I'm quoting from memory:

    Dr. Valentine For Once Dreams of Wealth

    Dr. Valentine soon hopes to announce

    He's collecting fabulous amounts.

    He's invented a new bra

    Called Peps-oo-la-la

    Which gives more bounce

    To the ounce.

  45. andreas koch
    Coat

    So watt?

    What a waste of time this bra thing is... ;-)

    I'm probably spoiling the fun research, but why would you try a bra generator if automatic watches have been around for about 200 years. Surely the movement of a jogger could power a modified mainspring winding mechanism enough to charge batteries, whereever you attach it.

    There's LED torches that are charged with a motion not unlike the one that might be provoked by deep research into this breast motion thing, so why not IPods?

    Stick them things on schoolkids at break time and the schools lighting during lessons would come for free.

    PDAs, mobiles, handheld games and so on, stick it detachable to outerwear and the wash thing won't be a problem either; possibilities galore!

    Mine's the 'PowerMac'

  46. sauerkraut
    Heart

    breast motion

    i study breast motion, too. and breast size. and shape.

    (o )( o)

  47. heystoopid
    Paris Hilton

    So

    So since the UK ladies on average have two chest sizes bigger then their Euro cousins , would that mean they want to be caught much faster then the lighter fleeter of foot cross channel cousins or so it would seem ?

  48. Hywel Thomas

    @fluffykins

    http://xkcd.com/322/

  49. Turbo Beholder
    Happy

    This obviously causes some overheating

    > Surely you don't need motion to generate electricity, only force?

    Yeah. You just put weight on it and it generates energy — forever. Either like that or E = F*L

    > "studied breast motion since 1985".

    > Where do I get that job?

    (whispering): They have SECRET research facility... ahem.

  50. Charles Manning

    Jubs Hah!

    With my beer belly I could power a ghetto blaster!

  51. Anonymous Coward
    Happy

    @Obligatory link to the mash By jubtastic1

    so, what you're saying is that this is just the tip of the iceberg?

    @Bounce factor? By Jeffrey Nonken And yes, you're right...the bouncing and even the "holding up" causes back and shoulder pain (or so I've been told by female friends who were above average in the "Bulgarian Funbag" department). No fun for them and I'm just keeping my thoughts to myself.

  52. Jon
    Happy

    What was the story about again?

    All I saw were boobies....

  53. kain preacher Silver badge

    @ms bee

    If you get any more warped, just might have to marry you.

  54. Fuzzy
    Happy

    This is a title

    Well, I for one welcome a new eco-friendly bouncing BFB overlords.....

    Hmmm. hasn't that... Sorry gotta go the missus is calling me again....

  55. Ishkandar

    A little research...

    @Glynn Williams - "So how much energy would you produce while running then?"

    Answer: - Just have a peek at the staff photos of the El Reg 10th anniversary piss-up !! The delectable Miss Bee was certainly physically present; not too sure about mentally- what with the quantity of booze that was said to have been consumed !!

    @Math Campbell - Is that a threat or a promise ??

    @heystoopid - Nope !! Cos they're better able to defend themselves with their natural built-in coshes !!

  56. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Wait a minute

    You actually have women that work for the Reg ???

    I thought it was far to juvenile of a place for a proper women to work for

    "Answer: - Just have a peek at the staff photos of the El Reg 10th anniversary piss-up !! The delectable Miss Bee was certainly physically present; not too sure about mentally- what with the quantity of booze that was said to have been consumed !!"

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