back to article DARPA awards 'Deep Green' battle-computer cash

Arms globocorp BAE Systems has won a contract to develop a thinking battle computer able to "help" human commanders directing US forces in the wars of tomorrow. While the "Deep Green" project is billed more as a means of automating tiresome staff officers out of a job, its name suggests otherwise. Deep Blue, as everyone knows …

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  1. BlueR@nger
    Coat

    Robo planes and onwards.....

    I take it all back!!! I swear I just saw that naked austrian walking down the street there.

    Looks like we're all doomed to end up as biological batteries or a brief crunchy splat on the ground.

    Skynet + Deep Green + fleets of robo planes + American Airforce zombie anit network.

    Yep! We're gonna be in trouble. Better start building them bunkers now boys n girls. Judgement day is nigh!!!!!

    The white wrap around one with leather straps on the cuffs please.

  2. Robajob
    Coat

    Inevitably...

    I, for one, etc, etc.

  3. Nick Pettefar

    Terminator!

    This is how it starts....

    Be afraid, be very afraid.

  4. Solomon Grundy
    Black Helicopters

    Killers

    You know whats wrong with western military today?

    The lack of dyed in the wool killers and people willing to die for their cause/paycheck. War is easier if troops are willing to die and this pansy crap to get the computer to reduce casualties stuff is bullshit. It's a way of making "civilized", war which is 100% arse-nuggets. War is not civilized, fun, nor safe, and to do it successfully lots of people have to die, on both sides. If you aren't willing to kill, send others to die, and die yourself then you don't belong in the military.

    I want my military made of bad ass motherfuckers that look forward to tearing the heads off of the exotic foreigners they meet. I want people to tremble in fear when military people come to port. When the western military shows up they are there to destroy everything in sight. Not make friends, not help the local economy, not change regimes. They are there to kill, destroy, and maybe destroy it again for good measure.

    We don't need no stinking computer - just an SA80, $20, a couple smokes, and a pack of condoms, cause my swinging dick is the most dangerous weapon in this bitch. That's what should be stenciled on every helmet.

    This is Sparta god damnit!

  5. Graham Bartlett

    IBM computer naming

    OK, I guess this leaves us only one choice of name for the computer which will *really* run the battlefield. Deep Brown. Up to our necks...

  6. MarmiteToast
    Thumb Down

    @Robajob

    Unfortunately I'm going to use you as an example here...

    Can we please not start using Slashdot memes here! I've noticed in several comments and they should really stay on Slashdot.

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    the most dangerous weapon

    "my swinging dick " etc.

    So the enemy is going to laugh themselves to death?

    Paris 'cause she could probably use a giggle.

  8. Dave Jones Silver badge
    Happy

    Old joke

    General: Do we advance or retreat?

    Battlebot: Yes.

    General: Yes what?

    Battlebot: Yes sir!

    and a quote: "When we teach computers to think like people we will find that they're just as ornery and difficult as we are".

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Dead Vulture

    But it's BAe

    So half the robotic death machines will be sitting in air conditioned hangers rocking backward and forward muttering "upgrade me V3, downgrade me to v2"

    While the other half will be crying "I don't want to play with the French, I want to play with Americans they have nicer toys."

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Well if you have ever seen ...

    "Carry On Up The Kyber", you will know that it is an effective weapon.

  11. Jay Swackhamer
    IT Angle

    What happens when the call center is outsourced?

    I'm sorry that you are experiencing technical difficulties, please reboot the system and if that doesnt work, we can go to level two support.

    What if David Lightman dials into the system?

  12. Charlie van Becelaere
    Black Helicopters

    @ Solomon Grundy

    Couldn't have said it better, old boy.

    Helicopter, as I love the smell of napalm in the morning.

  13. Solomon Grundy
    Happy

    @the most dangerous weapon

    It wasn't a reference to me personally. It's a frame of mind thing.

  14. ImaGnuber

    Eh?

    Must have been a long day - read the subtitle as "General-ware to direct human prawns on future battlefields."

  15. Kevin Saunders

    Will it work like MultiVac?

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Machine_that_Won_the_War

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Dead Vulture

    Spellcheck?

    "in connexion with"?

    Er, since when did the letter x make his début in that word?

  17. Tim
    Thumb Down

    Command & Conquer

    Deep green will be as easy to beat as any RTS AI then.

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Happy

    re. Command & Conquer

    Once all the worlds' generals are commanding via their battle computers, we can connect them all together, disband all the actual armed forces and replace them with virtual units; then they can battle away without harming anyone.

    Just to ensure that the US will join in we can base the quantity and capability of units on the GDP of each nation.

    The savings on defence spending can then be used to subsidise beer.

  19. shaun

    WTF

    If warfare is made risk free by robots and makes money for the politicains (most of them have shares in or are direct employees of various defence contractors) then they have no reason to not go to war and every reason to go to war. this doesn't look promising.

  20. Martin Lyne
    Stop

    It's been said before

    but "connexion"? Skynet?

    Can we not wait until we can colonise other planets (so I can escape) before we let computers run the world?

    Or just run it on vista then it will stymie itself with "SkyNetHumanOppressionSystem would like to access the StrategyMap, Allow?" -> "Are you sure you want to commit these forces?" -> "SNHOS is trying to access the internet, allow?" etc.

    Then it'll auto-update (destroy) itself.

  21. Mike Groombridge
    Coat

    Damn some one beat me to the C&C comment

    I thought they already used C&C to run wars wasn't that america's plan in iraq "quick the army's running out of money lets attack iraq and mine* some oil" (no ore in real life or george bush just got confused )

    *yes i know you don't mine for oil but it's in reference to the ore mines in red alert

    mines the one with the keys for the tank in the pocket

  22. Brian Miller

    Who do they think they're going to fight?

    Hitler is GONE! The Soviet Union is GONE! The terrorists *don't* bunch up into nice cluster-fucks! What battlefield you got, homey? You can write your software all you want for World War 2, but that's been over an done with for over 60 years!

    If this crap is good, go and restore order to Somalia. Kick ass on the Taliban. Clean up Iraq.

    Otherwise its a waste of money.

  23. Nathan Meyer

    No worries..

    They'll code it in one of the 'C' derivatives and run it on Unix. Then we let our enemies steal it, and they implode. I'm still convinced the Soviet Union collapsed because they were stealing all our cutting edge software.

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