back to article London store brews £50-a-poop cat-crap coffee

London's Peter Jones department store is offering discerning customers the chance to stump £50 a pop to taste Caffé Raro - an exotic blend of Jamaican Blue Mountain and Kupi Luwak beans, the latter having passed through the digestive tract of jungle cats. According to the Telegraph, Kupi Luwak beans are eaten by Indonesian …

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  1. Andy Moore
    Joke

    Proof

    That it is not just BMW who can pile it up then charge a huge price for it

  2. JCL

    Crap Coffee

    If you want crap coffee, just wander over to Starbucks where you can get a hot coffee style milkshake for considerably less money...

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    Much cheaper in Starbucks

    I think they were selling this yesterday. Well it tasted like shit anyway...

  4. Steve Evans

    Pah!

    Call that rare?

    I'll happily eat some beans and sell them to you for £100 per 100g... But you'll have to fish them out from the U-bend yourself!

  5. Jaap Stoel
    Coat

    Its official!

    Rich people are disgusting! I for one am SO glad I don't like coffee!

  6. Darren B

    Can I be first to suggest

    that the coffee dispenser thing (not a coffee buff so stick with me) should be in the shape of a cats arse with the tail used as the lever for dispensing.

  7. KarlTh

    Ah well

    At least someone benefits from the separation of fools from their money.

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    Expensive sh*t?

    So it's not the caffeine that will keep you awake, but wondering what else these animals may have eaten. Sorry, culinair or not, it's a cr*p idea.

    Mine's the one with the Starbucks vouchers..

  9. Karl
    Paris Hilton

    interesting

    Firebox.com have the same stuff listed a bit cheaper than 50 a pop.

    http://www.firebox.com/product/1077

    Paris because she loves cats and coffee

  10. Andy

    Old news...

    This stuff has been on sale for ages. You can get 57g (2oz) for 22.95 here:

    http://www.firebox.com/product/1077

    £50 per cup sounds a bit much though. I don't know how many cups you get from 2oz but I'd say it's probably more than half!

    Incidentally, if that's too much for you you can have the slightly cheaper one here:

    http://www.firebox.com/product/616

    where your 2oz has been swallowed and then vomited by weasels, all for the bargain price of £15.95.

    I think I'll stick to Kenco.

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    Just goes to prove

    That some people in London would shell out £50 on just about any crap going.

    Even Starbucks would not be that expensive and lets face it they already sell some crap tasting coffee.

  12. Solomon Grundy

    Cat Crap Coffee

    I think that's a good market to go into. Feed people things that have already been eaten and shat out by something else. The best part is that you can charge a premium for this shit (haha).

  13. Damian Skeeles
    Alert

    Wake-up call

    I'm sure that this coffee must be exceptionally stimulating:

    Weary Punter: "Espresso please!"

    Barrista Extraordinaire : "Certainly Sir"

    Punter: "Thank you, that was reasonably good. How much was that?"

    Barrista Extraordinaire : "Fifty pounds, sir"

    Punter: <ZZZZZING!>

    Punter: "Wow, THAT woke me up! Thank you very much!"

  14. Les Matthew
    Thumb Up

    @KarlTh

    "At least someone benefits from the separation of fools from their money."

    And now they are full of it, literally.

  15. Slaine
    Thumb Up

    Hat's off in respect

    Baldrick: With sugar.

    Edmund: Which of course makes all the difference.

    Baldrick: Well, it would do if we had any sugar, but, unfortunately, we ran out New Year's Eve 1915, since when I've been using sugar substitute.

    Edmund: Which is...?

    Baldrick: Dandruff.

  16. Slaine
    Happy

    e t c

    Baldrick: Still, I could add some milk this time -- well, saliva...

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    PTBarnum must be laughing...

    "The fact the coffee includes a bean ingested by Indonesian civet cats gives them an experience they couldn't get anywhere else in the world."

    *A* bean? So the rest is just Blue Mountain (an overrated coffee these days) and they still want £50 a cup? If they can make it work, you have to admire the cheek. The question is, what's the next market opportunity?

    - Foie Gras made from geese force-fed Luwak shit?

    - Vodka distilled in zero-G on the ISS?

    - Beer made from exotic cat piss? Oh, sorry, Budweiser are already doing that.

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    <no title>

    Some folk have more money than sense... or taste.

  19. Neil
    Boffin

    Cervits are called Cervits

    Not Cervit cats - as its not a cat

  20. John Stag

    This story is soooo 1990s....

    This story has been around since at least 1997:

    eg. http://www.davebarry.com/misccol/decaf.htm

  21. Chris
    IT Angle

    @Old News

    2oz of coffee will get you roughly a double-shot of espresso - which is 2-3oz of coffee.

    As for this "crap", maybe I'll just take normal drip coffee and infuse it with something rare and expensive.. like hp print ink. $100 a cup sound about right.

    (Got your IT angle right here!)

  22. Haku
    Flame

    Finally, concrete proof

    that coffee IS shit! Long live tea!

    While we're at it, what cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-assed, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spineless, worm-headed sack of monkey shit thought it was a good idea to have coffee sweets?

    On the vileness charts they're second only to dogmess.

  23. Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
    Coat

    Actually

    <pedantry>

    - they are civet-cats

    - renowned for their musk-like (some say blood-like) smell

    - which is produced by an anal gland

    </pedantry>

    Makes you feel much better doesn't it.

    For me it doesn't matter, I think all coffee smells like something which is rotten and burnt.

    Thank you, and the hat, please.

  24. Steve
    Thumb Down

    coffee sweets?

    > On the vileness charts they're second only to dogmess.

    You've never tried coffee yoghurt, then?

  25. Damn Yank
    Thumb Up

    @Finally, concrete proof

    Where's the Tylenol...

  26. Oliver Collett
    Heart

    It's actually really nice, but not at that price!

    I've had it before at a posh nob restaurant, was by far the best coffee i've ever had, but it was more like £7/cup not £50!

  27. Natalie Gritpants

    Much cheaper would be

    Felching a cow.

  28. Peter Gold badge
    Happy

    @ Finally, concrete proof

    I did. Nothing else gets rid of the crap taste, so what 's your problem again?

    :-)

  29. Tom Silver badge

    What's next?

    Mallard Fizz?

  30. Ian

    weasel and cat sh*t

    I've had the weasel coffee - over-priced and over-rated.

    Interestingly I was on a coffee plantation in Kerala, India last year and they were thinking of going into this market as it's the only was they could make enough profit on the crop. A neighbouring plantation had already started up production using....domestic cats (hundreds of them).

    Seems to me that the Cats Protection League is missing out on a killing here

  31. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Taste

    But does it actually taste any different than if it wasn't ejected from a feline's rectum?

  32. MikeC
    Stop

    Exotic?

    @ AC

    Since when has Budweiser been brewed with exotic cat piss? Alley cat piss maybe, but never exotic!

    And while I love coffee, I'd really rather not have anything that's previosly been through the digestive tract of an animal, or anything/one else for that matter, especially not at £50 a go. Hell, I feel ripped off paying £2-£3 at Costa!

  33. Haku

    RE: coffee sweets?

    Coffee AND yoghurt? oh.. dear.. god.., either one is bad enough on their own, but together.... *brain impodes*

    @Damn Yank, hallelujah! holy shit! where is the Tylenol? could do with some after reading about the coffee yoghurt

  34. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

    So then!

    Who likes caviar? Or even liver? Yeah, well! etc.

    You can also get this amazing hair treatment which contains the spunk of bulls.

    That is all.

  35. Sean Aaron

    Sorry, but my inner pedant is irked...

    Civets are not cats, they're viverrids, which are related to cats, but are NOT cats!

  36. Mark Morgan
    Thumb Down

    Rip off price

    They had Kopi Luwak at Java Joe's in Coventry for around £6.50 a cup and the Jamaican Blue Mountain was something like a fiver. And this lot are wanting 50-quid for a blend of the two!!!

    Never could bring myself to try the stuff in all my visits though...

  37. Spleen

    Worth a try

    If I was the sort of person with £50 to burn I'd be inclined to give it a try. Cheaper than really expensive wine, after all. And if it turned out to be nothing to write home about you could at least theatrically spray it over the staff and declare "This coffee tastes like cat crap!"

    That is, shortly before the manager came over, shook your hand and said "Congratulations sir, you are the 1,000th person to make that joke!" and gave you your complementary T-shirt.

    As Sarah B points out, there are other disgusting culinary experiences... though it does strike me as the richer people get, the more out of their way they go to make something elaborately disgusting.

    Cheap: "Let's cook and eat this meat"

    Middle market: "Let's cook this meat with some obscure sauce and arrange it in an elaborate pattern to disguise the fact that you could swallow almost the entire portion whole"

    Upper class: "Let's force-feed this goose over a lifetime of torture then eat it with some fish eggs that we only like because we nearly drove the fish extinct, washing it down with some not-a-cat diarrhoea"

    It works with sex as well.

    Cheap: "Let's have sex"

    Middle market: "Let's put on some expensive underwear, then take it off and have sex"

    Upper class: "Let's pay for five girls to dress up as Nazis and Jews and hit each other while shouting in a language the others can't understand"

  38. Troy Peterson
    Coat

    Slightly used

    If you like this, I've got some corn for sale... Slightly used, but it's in great condition!

  39. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

    Re: Worth a try

    Oh Spleen, I do appear to have fallen off my chair.

  40. James Pickett
    Happy

    Roar material

    Our local zoo has several tigers. Now that would be exclusive...

  41. Niall Campbell

    Budweiser..

    Once came second in a good beer contest, well beaten though by Severn Trent Water.

    The only reason this coffee, and other similar products, is so expensive is so that the dumb and/or prententious can say that's what they drink.

    And Spleen – that is very close to the truth!!!

  42. Ron Enderland
    Joke

    The ultimate coffee experience

    A nice warm kopi luwak enema . . .

  43. Peter Ford

    Re: Sorry, but my inner pedant is irked...

    True, Civets are not cats.

    But Civet Cats *ARE* cats, just ones that look a bit like a civet.

    cf. Elephant Seals...

  44. Anonymous Coward
    Alert

    Huh?

    How do they get cats to eat coffee beans? I thought they liked birds and mice and the occasional bit of grass.

  45. Gareth

    Got some for a girlfriend...

    You've been able to get bags of this stuff for about 25 quid from Selfridges for ages from the Edible Foods concession stand.

    Bought some for a girl I'd just started dating, hoping I'd gauged her sense of humour/adventurousness right... luckily I had, and we're still together.

    It's delicious - as another poster said, the nicest coffee I'd ever had, but in no way worth 100x the price of normal coffee.

  46. andrew checkley
    Thumb Down

    It all sounds a bit.....

    Shit! to me

  47. Johnny FireBlade
    Joke

    Bit of math...

    "They will relish the chance to buy such a rare coffee. After all, only 200kg of Kupi Luwak coffee is produced each year."

    "You can decide for yourselves just how unique the Caffé Raro experience is at the Peter Jones Espresso Bar, or buy a 100g pack of the blend for later consumption - also for £50."

    So what are they gonna do after the first two customers? ;)

  48. anarchic-teapot

    Fail to see the problem

    After all, you all eat eggs don't you? You *do* know where they come from?

    @Defex My new cat seems to like coffee. I guess it's not as weird as I thought after all.

  49. Anonymous John

    I've got four cats.

    I could leave the litter trays in the front garden with a "PYO beans" notice.

  50. Joseph Boren
    Happy

    RE: Budwiser and Cat Piss

    If you've seen any of Budweiser's commercials, you'd know how proud they are of the Pure Rocky Mountain water that they make their ahhh....faux-beer beverage.. from.

    An interesting fact is that the source of that water is a small river named Clear Creek. The section of this river directly above where Budweiser takes in the water for their brewery is renowned amongst white-water rafters and is heavily floated during the season. The take-out is directly upriver from the Budweiser water intlet and I've been told by several professional river guides that it is traditional - to the point of being a ritual - for Everyone to take a piss in the river at the take-out. Sort of a salute to Budweiser. During the peak of the season, that could be many dozens of people a day. Everyone does it.

    So yes, especially in the summer, Budweiser IS made from piss, but it's rafter-piss not cat. So ironically, Bud's made from *recycled* micro-brews and THC.

    Enjoy!

    Joe

  51. Spleen
    Boffin

    Re: DeFex

    Same way you get them to eat worming pills, I expect. Mix it up in its food. Swear when it refuses to eat its food and meows at you for an hour. Hold out. Jump for joy when it finally clears the bowl. Swear again when you see that they've managed to eat around the pill/beans. Grab it and attempt to force it down the little bastard's throat. Swear again. Apply salve to cuts. Put on heavy overcoat and gloves, grab it and finally succeed in getting the beans down. Shout "yeah, go on then" as the cat sprints out the door. Worry yourself sick when it doesn't come back in for over a day, imagining it starving under a hedge, possibly run over. A few days later, use the very best swearwords you've been saving up during the previous few steps as it saunters back in, fat as a pig having been fed by the neighbours. Rinse (the claw marks that still throb) and repeat.

    PS Johnny FireBlade, you need a bit more math. You can get 2,000 100-*gram* packs out of a 200-*kilogram* batch.

  52. Eponymous Cowherd
    Boffin

    The animal in question.

    The animal in question is a Palm Civet which is a Vivverid, not a true cat. Sometimes called a toddy cat because of its habit of getting drunk on fermented palm juice.

    Secretions from the civets anal glands *are* used in perfumery. Even mentioned in Shakespeare's "as you like it" (Touchstone)

    "civet is of a baser birth than tar, the very uncleanly flux of a cat."

    Seems Will didn't know it wasn't a real cat, either......

  53. Anonymous Coward
    Boffin

    Very late fool?

    I'm not really sure what to make of it. Kupi Luwak sounds too much like 'Kopi Lawak', translating from Malay into "Joke Coffee". Given that the Malay language was derived from Indonesian (and even today is still a bit similar to each other that speakers of either language can still understand the other to a certain extent), I won't be surprised if this was a Indonesian AFD joke that made it over to Europe by means of slow boat.

  54. Clint Sharp
    Paris Hilton

    You just have to wonder...

    Who realised that they could use the beans a cat had crapped out to make coffee.

    More to the point, how long was it before everyone stopped laughing at them..

    Paris, because, oh make up your own reason...

  55. Kenny Swan
    Stop

    People will fall for anything

    Posh, trendy idiots. Just because something is rare doesn't mean it's good or valuable. A fool and is money are easily parted.

  56. Mike Moyle Silver badge

    A few point...

    To all the "Who'd pay £50...?" posters:

    "The promotion runs until the end of the month, and >>>> all proceeds will be donated to Macmillan Cancer Support. <<<<."

    It's a charity do. Read the frickin' article. It doesn';t NORMALLY cost that much.

    @ Joseph Boren:

    Are you sure you aren't thinking of Coors, rather than Budweiser? Not that Bud has anything to brag about, but Coors is the one that always used to brag about their Rocky Mountain water. (Pity they never added any beer-like components to the water... OTOH, it sounds like the rafters were at least adding the color for them!)

    @ Sarah Bee:

    I can take or leave caviar, but a nice bit of liver and onions, a kidney pie, or a nice tender beef-tongue sandwich (washed down with a Cel-Ray soda)... Yum! (Why, yes; my dietary habits *DO* make some people blanch...)

    Never tried the cat-poo coffee, but I miss the "Monsooned Malabar" (Left out on the back porch to age during the monsoon months) that I used to be able to get here. Now THAT was a tasty coffee. Haven't seen it locally in several years...

  57. Mike
    Joke

    If they like that...

    Maybe they'll want to come around my place and try some of my home-made corn liquor.

  58. Bog Minot
    Black Helicopters

    Don't knock it until you've tried it

    @Kenny Swan and everyone else who disses this just because it's weird.

    Yes, it's weird, but actual food scientists have studied these "slightly used" beans and found that the partial digestion they receive changes the chemical makeup resulting in an actual better cup of coffee. Also, there's something about them that renders them more sterile than normal coffee beans.

    See: http://www.uoguelph.ca/news/archives/002065.html for an example. Yes, they guy drank it and appreciated it.

  59. Peyton

    @pendants

    psh - who cares what it "is". Starfish are not actually fish (or stars for that matter), but that doesn't stop people calling them starfish. The real defining factors should be: a)will it eat your houseplants or b)leave small, dead rodents for you to find as a sign of "affection". The fact that these things go around eating someones coffee plants is a good sign that they are on their way to meeting qualification "a"

  60. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Train the cats (or whatever the hell they are)

    People train pigs to hunt truffles, train the cats to hunt the beens, avoiding the trip through the digestive tract.

    Ahh, the image of cats on a leash make me think of a Hale and Pace sketch:

    NSFW: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KAQGlxS6UBo it’s two minutes in.

    Paris because she would be dumb enough to buy this crap.

  61. Aditya Krishnan

    @ Ian

    Which plantation in Kerala exactly? My family owns a couple and if people are actually willing to pay that much, I'll have to look at buying cats (importing these not-cats even) in bulk. Should pay for at least a new GSX...

  62. Daniel B.

    @So then!

    While I was reading about this crap coffee, I remembered about equally nasty food. Thanks for reminding me about special dishes in Mexico:

    - Bull's balls. I think they call them "criadillas" or something misleading over here. Always ask!

    - Cow stomach. You'll find them as "pancita" (belly).

    - Intestines, usually in taco form. You'll know that as "tripa".

    - Grasshoppers (Chapulines). Served fried, like french fries. I do not like to eat insects.

    But paying more to eat cat shit coffee seems even more revolting than any of the things I just mentioned. Then again, yoghurt is actually "bacteria shit", as well as all fermentation by-products!

  63. Tom Silver badge

    You can get 2,000 100-*gram* packs out of a 200-*kilogram* batch

    No it's a blend. After you add the normal cheapo coffee you can get 2,000,000 packs.

  64. Steffen Schubert

    It is thus the first time in human history...

    ...that what goes into the human is worse then what come out ! (We'll, actually, if you count McD slow-food, it may be the second time this happened).

  65. This post has been deleted by its author

  66. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Get rich quick

    Yay!

    1. Feed used coffee grounds to our two kitties, who produce a lot more than 200kg of shit in a given year.

    2. Get the hell out for a few hours while they ricochet around, buzzed to the eyeballs on caffeine.

    3. Harvest the results from the litter pan.

    4. Grind the brown gold up into a coarse powder.

    5. Find some credulous rich people.

    6. ????

    7. PROFIT!

    Of course I first have to solve the problem of stopping our dog from eating the cat poo out of the litter pans.

  67. James O'Brien
    Joke

    Alot of Re:'s

    @ Sarah Bee

    Dare I ask how you would know they make hair treatments out of bull sperm?

    (Don't lie you didnt find it on Wiki :) )

    @ Spleen: Worth a try

    ROFL That was an awesome analogy for this :) oddly it makes perfect sense too.

    @ Spleen: Re: DeFex

    Oh dear god I think I just pissed myself. I have a cat and you explain the little bastard perfectly. Though he doesnt need pills to do that he will just attack me for no reason. Damn cats are out to get me.

    Speaking of by-products from waste, I have this great warm beer for sale now whos taking?

    Also to whoever made the comment about Bud (too lazy to scroll back up looking for it through the tears) All I Have to say to that is well done my friend well done. Since I cant make it out there can I donate to the cause?

  68. frankgobbo
    Paris Hilton

    Customers can't get it anywhere else in the world..

    Except the countries and coffee houses mentioned here nearly a year ago.

    http://www.theage.com.au/news/epicure/great-coffee-just-dont-ask-where-it-came-from/2007/05/15/1178995148786.html

    Paris because she'd be crap in coffee too

  69. Astarte

    Good Idea - recycling

    At home - DIY?

  70. david Bronze badge

    It's not cat-coffee

    -It's a little bit of cat-coffee that's been cut with something cheaper, to make it go further while they still pretend that it's exotic.

  71. John H Woods

    @BKB

    Coffee beans are the pips of cherry-like fruits. The cats eat the cherries _that's_ what motivates them to eat the beans, which just pass through.

  72. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    RE:Don't knock it until you've tried it

    I'd be up for the Pepsi challenge, Starbucks VS CatCrap. Now, how can I get my cat addicted to coffee beans?

    curiosity killed the... yes coat is on, exit is nearing…

  73. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    @DefEx, BKB etc.

    We had a cat many years ago that would eat pretty much anything: bread, custard cream biscuits, even Asda's cheap KitEKat substitute.

    Only thing it wouldn't eat was the half dead small furry / feathered / froggy things it brought us back as presents.

  74. Richard Thomas

    @Mike Moyle

    Don't know where "here" is for you, but you can get Monsoon Malabar in Sainsburys (a UK supermarket). You can also order it online, but if you're stateside you might have to negotiate on the delivery...

  75. MrT

    Dung before... old idea

    Betty's in Harrogate (http://www.bettysandtaylors.co.uk/) were selling this years ago (about a decade IIRC) - pretty much the same blend - for a tenner a cup.

    Harrogate's north of Watford (for those who think £50 a throw is 'value'), but still full of itself at times, otherwise I'm sure they'd have charged more if they thought customers could stomach it - and afford the bill too...

  76. Chewy

    blending

    sure the idea of blending the most expensive coffee (monkey poop coffee) with the second most expensive (blue mountain) makes it cheaper than buying the most expensive alone?

  77. Anonymous Coward
    Dead Vulture

    @@so then!

    Come on, grilled criadillas in a tortilla with a bit of olive oil and pepper are just great.

    If you think "pancita" is disgusting, you should try "frito" (a soup made of pork ears, cheeks, tongue, kidneys, liver and just about anything people don't usually eat)

    I don't give a cat's ass about where the food comes from as long as it tastes good.

  78. Pyros

    Civet leftovers?

    Try Kopi Muntjak, which is harvested from deer rear-ends!

    (Also, they do produce a slighly less-quality form of Kopi Luwak with captive civets, as the beans they feed those buggers aren't precisely fresh/ripe.)

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