back to article Teacher's head explodes due to Wi-Fi, mobe radiation

New research carried out for British newspapers and broadcasters has revealed conclusive evidence that wireless technologies are in fact a severe hazard to human health. In one controversial experiment, a middle-aged sociology teacher's head was actually caused to explode by a combination of Wi-Fi transmissions, deadly mobile …

COMMENTS

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  1. nutellajunkie
    Joke

    is that so..

    April fool I reckon!

  2. Slaine
    Paris Hilton

    nice one

    I'm guessing that this is the true article for the day.

    Paris agrees with me.

  3. Neil
    Coat

    Bad timing

    You see, people won't believe this as it's April 1st. In future, please post shocking stories like this on other days of the year.

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    LOL

    I bet the tin foil hat brigade forget it's april fools day and use it as more ammunition to make the existance of the electromagnetic spectrum illegal. Arguably if it wasn't an april fools day, would the world miss a sociology teacher? (one of my housemates did sociology at uni, had a 2 hour week and claimed it wasn't a dos subject, now is putting all those good sociological skills to use by working at the checkouts in tescos)

  5. Jamie Kephalas
    Stop

    Does this not remind you of :

    http://www.wellingtongrey.net/miscellanea/archive/2007-05-27--the-truth-about-wireless-devices.html

  6. Craig Peters
    Thumb Down

    Next Year.

    Try something a little more believable.

  7. Jonathan White
    Unhappy

    err...

    The URL is a bit of a giveaway isn't it?

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Flame

    Brilliant!

    Superb!

    Just bloody gutted the url gives away the damned joke when I forward it to my Indy reading technophobe 'mates',

    Bon

    (Flame, for the exploding head)

  9. Alfie
    Happy

    Ha Ha

    "In the interests of good taste the Reg has refrained from linking to the vid."

    As if!!!

  10. Dave Driver
    Paris Hilton

    Big scoop

    Wow! What a scoop for El Reg to have been first to press with this story. I am surprised that the mainstream media have not mentioned this at all - today of all days.

    Paris cos she probably would have swallowed this - along with all the other things she has swallowed.

  11. Brendan
    Happy

    This is awful!

    On reading this story I immediately switched off my wireless router. I'm sending this message by stealing bandwidth from a neighbour. I just hope you get the message before the end of 1st April :)

  12. Gav
    Boffin

    Very poor

    You could have at least made it half way believable. Who's this going to fool?

    Everyone knows it's txtspek that mks teachrs head expld.

  13. Richard Large
    Thumb Up

    It's official.

    The Reg is now The Onion. Thanks Lewis for making my day...

  14. Jonathan Adams
    Coat

    Ha Ha Ha ...

    ... graphic, if disturbing, evidence. In the interests of good taste the Reg has refrained from linking to the vid. Also, it has been taken down.

    ...

    I got the joke ... the reg refrained from something for reasons of good taste?

    Ok, so where is the link?

  15. Scott
    Coat

    Umm...April Fools?

    My coat just burst into flames!

  16. Gerard Krupa
    Dead Vulture

    Subtle and believable

    ...are two words I wouldn't use to describe this clumsy April Fool attempt. My personal favourite of the day so far is http://www.pocket-lint.co.uk/news/news.phtml/13713/14737/dynamo-keyboard-april-fool-iwoot.phtml

  17. pctechxp

    very good

    hahaha

  18. Lickass McClippers
    Thumb Up

    O RLY..??

    Can I be the first to call ... FAKE!!!!11!!one

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    @ Anon Coward

    "(one of my housemates did sociology at uni, had a 2 hour week and claimed it wasn't a dos subject"

    They still do dos in Unis? Education cut-back are getting worse.

    (Paris, because we can)

  20. Vortigern

    New Features

    I reckon it's all down to that chip that's recently been uncovered:

    http://www.londonlx.com/thechip.html

    Maybe that's why they hadn't released information about it before if it caused people's heads to explode

  21. Elmer Phud
    Go

    Easy enough

    It's all down to focussed microwave radiation.

    The phones were acting as an antenna that drew in and focussed the radiation from the school's industrial strength microwave oven (anyone having tried microwave popcorn in one will know that the bag catches fire in a minute or two).

    The nature of the phone signals mean that the microwave radiation is reverse-phased which defeats the normal shielding.

    The focussed radiation then rapidly boils the fluids in the brain resulting in the usual 'egg in a microwave' situation.

  22. Graham Bartlett
    Happy

    April Fool

    And for another April Fool - it's my birthday!

    (Oh, actually that's true. Damn. 34 today, happy birthday to me, celebrate another year's futile existence in the software industry, etc...)

  23. Anton Ivanov
    Black Helicopters

    If that is so why do I sleep better with the wireless off?

    While laughing at luddites and technofreaks is fun there is still a nagging question. Based on personal experience I get much better sleep if there are fewer 2.4GHz emitters around.

    I have done some unintentional blind testing on that myself on a few occasions by buggering up the cronjobs and the scripts that turn the 802.11 and Bluetooth on and off. I also know a few other people who have very similar observations.

  24. AJ-NI
    Thumb Up

    Hmm is it April 1st already!?

    Ive just taken a sledge hammer to my wireless router. I'm now in a Wi-Fi Cold-spot.

  25. Simon Rockman

    I don't belive this..

    There is no way to upload to YouTube "in real time", they don't have H.263 support.

    Simon

  26. Wayland Sothcott Bronze badge

    Think of the poor children

    who had to whitness such a traumtizing spectical.

    The fact that one of the children thought it was 'Cool' shows how desensitized they have become from playing constant violent video games.

    SOMETHING MUST BE DONE!!!!

    If banning everything saves one innocent life then I will happily stick my head in a microwave.

  27. Vladimir Plouzhnikov

    It should be

    brainspatter, not brainsplatter!

  28. Wayland Sothcott Bronze badge
    IT Angle

    RFID chip

    Maybe he was trying to burn out the RFID chip in his head?

  29. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    not for long

    "They still do dos in Unis? Education cut-back are getting worse"

    yes they do but the uni should be upgrading to state of the art OS/2 Warp next year.

  30. dervheid
    Paris Hilton

    School Report...

    for El Reg.

    April Fools Gags - Must Try Harder!

    Even She'd spot that one!

  31. Fluffykins Silver badge

    And what about the ozone produced by all that energy?

    Check this out:

    http://www.johnandchris.screaming.net/

    Well?

  32. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    class act

    Ahhhh, the classics

  33. Gaz
    Thumb Up

    Tin Foil hat brigade?

    "Reportedly, the headgear used a downward-oriented parabolic dish made from thin metallic sheeting"

    Nice, like it :)

  34. Dan Maudsley

    Meanwhile, back in the '50s

    "It just blew up, man" - was this kid using words like 'daddy-o' and 'square' too?

  35. Dave

    Already been done

    Wasn't the scene from "Scanners" the cult head-exploding moment?

  36. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    mythbusters

    anyone fancy emailing it to the boys on discoverys mythbusters show to see if theyll replicat it in glorious 6000fps slow motion ;)

    AC

  37. Colin Morris
    Paris Hilton

    Any more?

    OK, Reg

    That's at least two April fool jokes and counting.

    What you need to do is find a story that is - on the surface - totally ludicrous ... and yet true! That way everyone who thinks the a real story is a April fool joke will look stupid.

    ...Paris, it is alleged, is not just an 'April fool' but an 'All year round fool'

  38. mike

    thanks for getting this out...

    I just chucked all of the wireless access point in our business.

  39. Graham Dresch
    Flame

    April Fool or not

    You are guilty of using the forbidden word "mobe".

    There is no excuse for this behavior.

  40. Colin Jackson
    Thumb Down

    Lame!

    Must try harder next year.

  41. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    Arrggghhhh were all gonna die!!!

    hrmmm

    as one of the tin-foil hat brigade (they do help btw..(9 out of 10 NY tramps can't be wrong))

    here are some linkies that might proove were not all insane (though it helps to be to work in IT).

    UK National Press this last weekend.. regarding a publication last week by Dr Vini Khurana in Austraila.

    http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-wellbeing/health-news/public-health-the-hidden-menace-of-mobile-phones-396225.html

    http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-wellbeing/health-news/mobile-phones-more-dangerous-than-smoking-or-asbestos-802602.html

    full published article here http://www.brain-surgery.us/

    pity the Reg etc wont publish this comment, cos they got lots of 3G freebies for xmass from the phone industry as a backhander to keep it all quiet(whilst we all die of brain cancer) and they are partying it up in soho with paul raymonds grandaughters.(enjoy the party guys, while it lasts, you were warned)(wonder if the Macmillian Trust will get extra funding now)?

    mines the scorched foil one..

    Illuminatus. ;p

  42. Paul Charters
    Stop

    April Fools...

    There really seems to be a heavy push on the April Fools stories this year...

    I have to admit I was a little downhearted when I realised that I didn't believe the story because El Reg didn't put the word 'freetard' in it.

  43. Anonymous Coward
    Happy

    A bit implausible...

    " .. In the interests of good taste the Reg has refrained from linking to the vid. .. "

    You blew it! I was totally suckered in until you gave the game away with that completely ridiculous suggestion!

  44. Mark Beazley

    @ Ian Bonham

    "They still do dos in Unis?"

    Yes, Yes they do, at least I had a module that involved using dos sometime after 2003.

  45. Sceptical Bastard

    Fools rush in...

    @ O RLY..??

    "Can I be the first to call ... FAKE!"

    No. About a million commentards beast you to it. Next.

    @Wayland Sothcott

    "... whitness such a traumtizing spectical."

    Oy! What's with the anagram of my nom-de-plume? You're making a traumatising spectacle of yourself, man ;)

    PS I had such awful teachers at school that I really wanted the story to be true.

  46. Sirus Black
    Happy

    I wish I can....

    Blow Up My Principal's Head Like That.. .

  47. Jared Earle
    Dead Vulture

    Unfortunate inadvertent bad taste

    This would be a lot more funny if a teacher hadn't just been hospitalised by bullying pupils. Bad form, El Reg. Show some common decency.

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/7324127.stm

  48. Lickass McClippers
    Boffin

    @ Sceptic Basturt

    Did you mean "beast" me to it..??

    I'm stealing it anyway, even if you didn't...

  49. bob, mon!
    Boffin

    The primary danger is from the thin metallic sheet

    Fortunately, my on-head turbine's parabolic dish is made of felt. Provides thermal and kinetic shock absorption, whilst not focusing those lethal Marconi rays!

  50. Ivan Headache

    @Vladimir Plouzhnikov

    Shouldn't that be trainspotter?

  51. Silvergunner
    Joke

    April Fool LOL

    Has to be. Well, its probably more believable than most things here, but thats another matter...

  52. Dave

    Taste?

    "In the interests of good taste the Reg has refrained from linking to the vid."

    Since when has the bounds of good taste stopped the Reg from linking to some juicy video or image?

  53. Mad Hacker
    Thumb Up

    Pictures?

    Without pics it didn't happen?

    Oh it's April 1st? I still want piccys.

  54. StopthePropaganda

    hard to tell the difference

    between some of LP's usual bespittled ranting and an April Fool's posting.

    Maybe the new A160T "SOCOM Skynet killdroid" or whatever got to him.

  55. Peter Mellor

    Believable April Fool jokes

    Many years ago, The Guardian published a story about a new automated bus control system for London. All buses were to be driverless, and controlled remotely by operators who would view the traffic through a CCTV mounted in the driver's cab, connected in real time to a video screen in the control centre. One operator in the centre would be able to control up to five buses simultaneously, tests had shown.

    I was so taken in, I nearly posted it to risks@csl.sri.com

    A few years later, a net-friend who was an aviation specialist published a story that the flight crew on an Airbus A320 had experienced an outage of the flight control system on approach to landing. When they tried to restart the system, it gave a message saying "PIN not recognised". Apparently, this was due to Airbus using second-hand ATM chips to build their on-board systems.

    The "incident" turned up a few months later in the final year undergraduate dissertation of one of my software engineering students, quoted without irony as an example of the risks from computer systems.

    A few years after that, I broadcast my own story that Airbus had subcontracted the maintenance of the flight control software on the A320 to a third-party support firm. I had just just returned from a meeting in Copenhagen, and said I had seen the story in the Danish magazine "Godaj" ("Hello" in Danish). I said that the head of the third-party support firm was Wolf Larssen (the villain of "The Sea Wolf" by Jack London) and quoted him as saying that he was not worried that the original developers of the flight control system would not give him the source code, since his employees could download the binary and de-compile it.

    At least three experts in safety-critical avionics were totally taken in and expressed their concern to the discussion group on which I had broadcast the story. I was still receiving concerned enquiries 5 years later from people who had read it in the archives, and hadn't noticed the date on it.

    Moral: Make the spoofs believable, but perhaps not *too* believable! :-)

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