back to article Lonely Paris Hilton seeks new best friend

Q: What do you give to the girl who has everything? A: A new best friend or, if you're highly-talented former jailbird "One Night in" Paris Hilton, a new best friend chosen online for an MTV reality show. Yup, we kid you not. Here's the background: Do you long to strut into the world's most elite hotspots without a care in …


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  1. Jonathan
    Paris Hilton

    Poor Paris....

    Poor little rich girl got no friends. Maybe if she werent such a.....

    I think I'm going to submit one of my friends for this as a joke.

    I imagine this will find its way into Would-you-Rather games.

    Q: Would you rather:

    1. Get both of your legs bitten off by a crocodile. Over a period of 5 days.

    2. Be permanently covered in mosquitos.

    3. Becomes Paris Hilton's best friend.

    I think I'd choose 1 + 2 rather than 3.

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    And hopefully someone who can...

    ..spell 'sights' correctly.

    Then again, being able to actually read would probably make them over qualified anyway.

  3. Marvin the Martian
    Paris Hilton

    Set her "sites"??

    So what is it, she writes her own press releases, or she has an intelligence-destroying field round her in force similar to the fields around Darth Vader and Mark "bitch" ZeeBee?

  4. Ralph B
    Paris Hilton

    B F F ?

    So, what's the second F in BFF stand for? Best F...? Friend? Oh, sorry, it's Paris, all clear.

  5. Lindsay Bruce
    Paris Hilton

    Oh, good grief...

    They are going to have to re-write the rules of physics to accomodate the empiness of this woman's skull.

    You know that utter, utter still blackness at the bottom of a dry coal mine; no traffic noise, no birds singing, no dripping water; just endless dark nothingness? Can you picture it?

    Okay, now you're inside Paris Hilton's brain case.

    Because nothing could possibly be more vacuous. I've seen dark matter with more substance - and believe me that is difficult.

    What are they calling it, Heiress Idol? Sycophant Factor? Brainless Brother? Or maybe they'll just call it Survivor - because if you can stand more than a day with this twittering self-obsessed moron you really do deserve a million quid.

  6. Anonymous Coward

    Please God let nobody apply

    If nobody applies for this I'm going to spend the rest of 2008 staggering around my flat gut-laughing..

  7. Anonymous Coward

    Q: What do you give to the girl who has everything?

    A smack?

  8. An Unwashed Mass

    The question is...

    Have you applied, Lester?

  9. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

    Re: Please God let nobody apply

    I think at this point it'd be harder to find a best friend for Jodie Marsh, though, to be fair.

  10. Phil Standen
    Paris Hilton

    Give el reg's coverage....

    ... does "she's set her sites on you!" include this site?

  11. MarmiteToast
    Thumb Up

    @ Ralph B

    BFF is an american term, something like Best Friends Forever. It's also recognised by the Supreme Court above mariage.

  12. John Macintyre

    RE B F F ?

    Best Female Friend. Apparently she's done with the sex tapes...

  13. Lloyd
    Thumb Up


    I believe Charles Manson is looking for a new best friend, I reckon he and Paris would be the perfect hookup.

  14. Mike

    I gotta do this

    I mean what would be better for Paris than a 45y old, married, white, 420, UNIX administrator with an attitude that thinks he is THE BOFH. A match perfect for TV!!

  15. Jamie

    Just plain mean

    I think everyone here is being just plain mean.

    It is not her fault that she is the rich equivalent of POOR WHITE TRAILER TRASH.

    But on the bright side this may mean that we get a few more pron vids of Paris in all her gory along with some phone shots.

  16. Jonathan
    Paris Hilton


    I'll back you. I think you need to get started writing shell scripts that express your platonic love for her.

    something like

    rm -rf /

    forgive me if the arguments are ordered wrong, my linux commands are a little rusty.

    I do have two serious questions about this though:

    1. Is she serious? Does she need friends that badly? I thought she bought them like she buys underwear? Why the search for a BFF who only wants you for your money anyway?

    2. What does she look for in a friend? Must enjoy shopping, make up, home made adult videos, partying and generally worshipping money?

    3. Okay so I cant count. The article says guys and girls. Somehow I doubt she would pick a make BFF. I dont know many guys who are good at shopping and make up.

    You know, I think she deserves pity for this. Either:

    a) her life has hit rock bottom - she realizes that life with unlimited money is worthless unless you have someone to enjoy it with.


    b) she needs a career/money pick me and thus wants some time in the spotlight.

    Personally I would vote for b), but both are pretty sad.

  17. Nexox Enigma

    Run out of ideas yet?

    Every time I see something like this I can't help but think that everyone must have run out of ideas for reality tv. And then another one comes along.

    I just wish we all lived in a world that wouldn't make trash like this so profitable... Maybe some kind of freakishly rational alternate dimension. I guess the only solution is to read up on my string theory and get to work.

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Dim? Or Devious?

    I begin to side with the "She's taking us for a ride" camp. She'll get paid a fat wodge of money to go shopping and provide a window for the shallow and venal to be ridiculed, and she can't possibly believe that anyone who'd be willing to enter a *competition* to be her best friend wouldn't stab their mother in the eye in order to get and maintain Z-list "sleb" status. She knows what she's doing and is the acme of the shameless self-publicist.

    Either that or her puppetmaster(s) know what they're playing.

  19. Stu


    Did anybody catch the South Park ep with her in??? If being her friend is like being one of her pet pooches, prepare for suicide!!

    Yup this is pretty pathetic of the minge flashing spoilt brat, but hey, its going to be popular.

    Lets take bets on how many Millions of yanks apply to be her bethd fwend forwever. I'll start the 'bidding' at 100,000,000 people, god knows how many people would apply the following day.

    But hey, a chance to hang around and buy stuff all day with her cash and be nice to her?

    I'm in for that myself. Everyone else will be.

  20. James
    Paris Hilton

    Don't deny it -- Register is secretly, shamefully, obsessed with PH

    I see lots of dumb people do dumb things every day. That's not news.

    Stupid reality TV shows? Not news either: The Apprentice? Dumb concept no matter who was involved. Survivor? Voyeurism lightly sprinkled with sadism and a hint of post-pubescent popularity contest mentality.

    Give me a freakin' break. Paris Hilton + Reality TV has already been done. "The Simple Life", have you heard of it? Bless you if you haven't.

    The only thing that could make this more vacuous than it already is, would be to pair her up with Spitzer's whore. Pure plebian marketing dynamite.

    Come on, can't have it both ways. Either you admit she's newsworthy and stop mocking her for her lack of newsworthiness, or quit publishing articles about her. Or is it really too hard to admit that your readers secretly enjoy hearing more about Paris, in spite of comments, etc. to the contrary?

    And the rest of you...shame on you.

    And shame on me for reading the article in the first place...what a hypocrite!

  21. amanfromMars Silver badge
    Paris Hilton

    @I gotta do this

    A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do, Mike. :-) You may be assured your journey is not a lonely one.

    Paris surely adores the Perverse Converse Interest.

  22. Bob
    Paris Hilton

    Oh god how i laughed

    and now i can't stop, i just keep bursting into sporadic laughter as i imagine the waste's of a good spinal cord that will apply for this show.

    She wants a friend who won't betray her and plans to win one in a competition where they'll probably be encouraged to bitch and back stab to worries there then :|

  23. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

    Re: Dim? Or Devious?

    I've got to say - none of you would have the level of Paris-awareness that you do if she didn't have excellent business instincts. Of course she's got the right people around her, but she's actually pretty shrewd, which you have to be to maintain this level of exposure (no, don't start - I mean it). I'm not suggesting she's a genius, but she's no one's fool.

    And if you believe the show is a genuine attempt to find lasting platonic intimacy, I've got some swampland in Florida I'll sell you real cheap, etc.

  24. John Imrie

    @John Macintyre

    You obviously need to watch more sex tapes :-)

  25. Anonymous Coward

    US Citizens Only...

    Well, she's out of luck then!

  26. Mark Roome

    Re: Q: What do you give to the girl who has everything?

    The correct answer is "Duplicates" actually, but in this case I will agree that a smack is appropriate.

  27. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Maybe ...

    If I told her about the reoccurring dream I have where she is being harassed by the paparazzi, she speeds off in her car, has a head on collision with Lindsay Lohan and they both get hit by the steering wheel in the larynx so that neither of them can talk anymore. They then make paparazzi illegal so that we never have to hear any more crap about all these vacuous celubtards – it’s a good dream and falls under the category of “make up”.

    Back to sleep for me :)

  28. Les Matthew

    @Sarah Bee

    "I've got to say - none of you would have the level of Paris-awareness that you do if she didn't have excellent business instincts."

    I kid you not.

    El Reg taught me everything I know. I really didn't see what was such a big deal about a hotel in Paris, France.

    Now where is the "penny dropped" icon. ;)

  29. Bob Devine

    Code blue

    Q: What do you give to the girl who has everything?

    A: Ummm, start with penicillin?

  30. Darryl

    There are some problems with your comment: A title is required

    "It’s going to take some serious convincing to set yourself apart from the pack, so let your personality shine through and do whatever it takes to get those votes!"

    Isn't "personality" one of the things that would get you disqualified?

    And somebody's gotta say it...

    Where's the iPhone angle?

  31. Mike Richards

    @ Jonathan

    Actually of your three options I think I'd rather have my legs chewed off by the mosquitoes than be dragged into the latest Paris freakshow.

    Hmmm do you think we could all club together and vote Lester into the show?

  32. Ron Eve

    One night out....

    Perhaps someone could take her 'up the Oxo tower' for a special treat....

  33. This post has been deleted by a moderator

  34. Adrian Jackson
    Paris Hilton


    ...where's the Paris Hilton angle?

  35. Anonymous Coward
    IT Angle

    One American's opinion:

    She should be sterilized, locked up and sedated for the rest of her life. I view most of the "in-crowd" she runs with as a collective waste of skin, idiots and morons, so vile that I am absolutely stunned people think she's (and her gaggle of "bff's") newsworthy.

    She's not all that pretty, unless you're into a biological female that looks like an eleven year old male drag queen. She's not talented, funny or even interesting. As evidence I submit pretty much every television show or movie she's "acted" in, and "the video" she co-starred in.

    In short, she's a money covered turd.

  36. Eddie Johnson

    Dear Paris,

    Dear Paris,

    Please, please, PLEASE chose mE! I'd do just about anything to be your bestest friend EVA! Well, you know, except those dirty things, cause I heard that you might, like, have something. And I don't want it, ya know? But its kewl, I don't hold that against anyone and I'd totally be like your bestest friend EVER!

    PS You were so awesome in The Hottie and the Nottie, I don't care what they say about you on I'd never believe it ever. You RAWK!

  37. Jonathan
    Paris Hilton


    The energy released by their ego's colliding would end all life on the planet, but it would be worth it.

    I really would like to know what the winning prize of the competition. Paris may be looking for a "best friend" but I want to know what Paris is legally obliged to give to this winner. I dont really think Paris is actually looking for a BFF for a second, but it raises an interesting question - having won the "prize", what is the winner entitled to in terms of Paris?

    Personally I hope the BFF-to-be is a sleeper who pushes Paris in front of a truck on national TV.

  38. Anonymous Coward

    What's the problem?

    It might keep a serious number of idiots off the streets for an hour or so every week. All of these 'reality' shows are stealth dumbass-filters.

  39. amanfromMars Silver badge

    Following Leads

    "It might keep a serious number of idiots off the streets for an hour or so every week. All of these 'reality' shows are stealth dumbass-filters." ...... and subliminal programming, AC, for the seriously comatose?

    What we could really do with is RaDTV ......... Programs which Show the Future as IT Builds it and Shows how IT is done......... which is bound to Create a Global Reality Show tracking Real Movers and Shakers and not some dumbass cowboy or pretty boy prima donna with no more brains than the next man.

    oh dear, I hope that doesn't sound like a rant. :-)

  40. Sam

    Place your bets

    A tenner says Sarah Bee needs a new keyboard due to impact damage.

  41. Rick

    rule 1

    So according to the website.

    (1) You must be 18 years or older (and should appear to be between the ages of 18-24) and a U.S. citizen to register as a hopeful.

  42. Anonymous Coward

    @@Sarah Bee

    > El Reg taught me everything I know. I really didn't see what was such a big deal

    > about a hotel in Paris, France.

    No kidding. We have a few of those over here in Malaysia too. What's the big deal with the Paris one?

  43. Waldo

    owwe didums....

    Well, until now I never thought there was anyone sadder than Paris ( apart from me LOL) until this non story broke.

    Sadder? - Yep... the 20 finalists! GET A LIFE.

  44. amanfromMars Silver badge

    Wake Up, Paris ....... Sisters Is Ready to Rumble

    Has anyone thought to ask Paris .... to tailor her Booty. Or is that Management's Task/Love Quest/Family Affair, Thinking of her/for her.

    MeThinks there's Bound to be Beta.

  45. Fuzzy
    Dead Vulture

    Reality TV

    Just when you thought it could get no worse. Along comes this.

    Generations from now civilisation ( if there is one) will be pondering how we were able to survive these dark times. No not terrorism, nor the incompetence of our potilical leaders, or the greediness of the giant corporations spinning the world into economic decline. No they will be pondering how or why we apparently worshipped a person whose IQ is less then her shoe size

    Sometimes I think we should just destroy civiisation as it is and let the ants have their try at glory.

  46. Andy Baker

    BBC Excited about this...

    Have the BBC not got a more appropriate image for this story than the one they've used here?? lol

  47. Jan Buys
    Paris Hilton

    @ all


  48. multipharious

    Channel Zero

    Sorry for the gratuitous Public Enemy reference.

    The Romans got it right: bread and a ticket to the circus.

    Paris is merely dusting off the formula to meet the shallow non-visceral requirements of multimedia muddled morons with ultra icky effervescent XX aftertaste added. Distractionary tactics to make content the masses' drone lives otherwise devoid of purpose or conversational substance.

    My only surprise is that Reality Shows have not lost their lustre. Then again, perhaps not...boil them down to their lowest common denominator: Schadenfreude. We like to see people lose so we can feel good about it not happening to us. We want things to be bad for others. We want to see the bow headed birdy get the teary-eyed, red faced, wailing boot on the show because she is "like quite honestly" a back stabbing vixen a la Pretty Persuasion. Obviously not worthy of BFF.

    Where is my sparkling Paris wine in a can? Oh there it is!

  49. Anonymous Coward

    you think the bottom of the barrel has been reached?

    you ain't seen nuffink yet!

    just wait til you see what channel four dredge up from homegrown zed-lebrity limbo, to populate the inevitable british version.

  50. Jon Tocker

    @ madra

    NOI Not Catherine Tate!!

    So twenty finalists who need to include a few socially inept people to seriously cock up and be laughed at, a couple of blowhards that hate each other and one really obnoxious, spiteful fuckwit for the mandatory "Is this the most hated (wo)man in the USA?" crap on adverts for the show.

    Lots of silly challenges interspersed with confession cam shots, backstabbing sessions and tearful exits - and the obnoxious fuckwit is not allowed to be kicked off until nearly the end of the series as their nasty antics and bitchiness are the only reasons people tune in.

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