Is it my imagination...
...or does the IT angle get more tenuous on Fridays?
A Wigan man narrowly avoided having his penis amputated after getting the end of it wedged in a "metal ring", Wigan Today reports. The unnamed chap, in his 40s, was whisked to Wigan Infirmary's A&E department just after midnight on Wednesday carrying the extra hardware which "appeared to be cut off from the end of a pipe". …
"I was walking around the kitchen naked. Then I happened to trip up and I landed on this bit of pipe I had been doing some plumbing with earlier......"
"What do you mean I look like the guy who was in here 6 months ago with a whole salmon stuck on my...er... HIS member?"
So they were unavailable for comment? I expect they were gasping for breath from all the laughing..
Was it the one true ring then? Perhaps he was on his way to Mordor, and was in fear of it being nicked by otherworldly-creatures. Seems like he just chose a poor place to secrete it about his person.
The (Japs) Eye of Sauron must have clocked it, I'm sure...
One ring to bind them all, indeed !
"causing a large amount of swelling".
A-ha!!! He had recently received a number of e-mails from companies touting penis-elargers, telling him that he was insufficiently-equipped. Believing these (which incidentally he got through Outlook Express, which explains a lot), he decided to implement his own method.
There. An IT angle.
I was a locksmith for 13 years prior to my move into I.T. One night the phone rang at home and it was one of the local hospitals. They asked me to come to the E.R.... "We have a lock we need opened." Thinking they had a locked cabinet or some piece of machinery, I hopped in the vehicle and sped off to the hospital.
They led me back through the E.R. to a curtained off bed. There was a rather sheeepish looking man laying there, with his waist covered in a sheet, but otherwise, completely sans clothing. The nurse pulled back the sheet, and there was his manhood, shackled with a #3 Master padlock. He and his girlfriend had been playing that morning, and prior to leaving on a business trip, she "locked him up".
We had 4 options:
1) manually pick the lock (veto'd by me.... not willing to hold another man's privates for however long that took
2) use and electic lockpick (again, veto'd by me.... an electric lockpick is essentially a vibrator, didn't even want to consider the consequences)
3) boltcutters (veto'd by the patient)
4) de-laminating the lock (grinding the rivets off and pulling the bottom plates free in order to remove the lock cylinder)
Option 4 was the choice of all involved, and after evacuating the man to another room, I was left alone with the chap, and a male nurse. He had his little fellow free in about 3 minutes. The attending physician stopped me on the way out of the E.R. and asked me to write a bill straight to the hospital. To this day, I still have a copy of it:
Qty 1. Description of service: Delaminate Master #3 padlock to unlock from patient HH087332's penis. Cost: $100.00
It took some time to cut off this ring, a metal ring. How did they bleed off the heat the cutter must have been causing? Having tried holding pieces of metal while trying to cut them, I notice that the heat comes a second after it is really too hot to hold.
Sorry if I am painting a picture here that making everyone's eyes water, but no one had brought it up yet.
I once did a charity 'stunt' (or, was that a "cupid stunt?") by standing at a bus stop in Tampere, Finland with my vacuum celaner hose stuck down my pants, holding the cleaner and asking passers-by "Which is the bus to the hospital?"
Got 50 Finmarks/hour (year 2000) from the pub locals for the local Lions. Plus a lot of laughs. And a helluva lotta kudos!
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