back to article 3,000 chickens paralyse central Scotland

A jack-knifed lorry this morning brought much of central Scotland to a standstill after its cargo of 3,000 chickens broke loose onto the A80 near Haggs, paralysing road traffic and "causing huge tailbacks across the Forth Valley". According to the BBC, the vehicle in question discharged its load at 4.30am on the road's …

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  1. The Power Of Greyskull
    Paris Hilton

    So.. err..

    Where's the Paris Hilton angle?

  2. Tom Hobbs
    Coat

    What was the cause of the accident?

    Do the police suspect fowl play?

  3. The Other Steve
    Coat

    Shouldn't have...

    ...put all their chickens in one basket, eh ?

    Cloakroom ?

  4. Gordon Ross Silver badge
    IT Angle

    And the IT angle is... ?

    And the IT angle is :-/

  5. Mike Smith
    Coat

    Sorry, I gotta ask...

    ...so did any of the chickens cross the road?

    extern taxi(coat);

  6. Kevin Thomas
    Coat

    Errr...helloooo!

    "The ruffled poultry were reportedly transported to Noble Foods' processing plant, and the Scottish SPCA not unreasonably expressed concern for their welfare. Spokeswoman Doreen Graham explained that "many of them could be in shock and may die"."

    "not unreasonably expressed concern"...They're on their way to a feckin' slaughterhouse...does it really matter?? It just means there's about 10,000 less chicken twizzlers hitting the supermarkets this week!

  7. Mike Smith
    Dead Vulture

    Banned word alert; go to the bar and drink a Babycham, do not pass Go

    > suspicions that YouTubers may be

    > about to enjoy shaky mobe-captured

    > footage of the chicken carnage.

    WHAT-captured??

    Lesterrrrrrr!!

  8. Keith Turner
    Coat

    time for all those awful chicken jokes?

    Police report that the road network has been completely clucked up as a result of too many chickens crossing highways.

    Fowl play is suspected

  9. Adam Buckland

    Who would of thought...

    That chickens on their way to a processing plant stood "may die". Isn't that what the plants are for. Nice to see the SPCA don't understand the food cycle!

  10. cor
    Coat

    Coat donned, foot out the door

    Last time I'll play 'chicken'.....

    ok,ok,ok.

    (Hope the driver recovers fully soon.)

  11. John M
    Dead Vulture

    mortality rate

    I fear that the mortality rate for the poor old chickens will be 100%, I don't see many of them living past sundown.

  12. Mark Roome

    Let me get it over with, the rest of you can just show the response

    Why did the chicken(s) cross the road?

  13. Robert McCracken
    Coat

    Cluck

    A : Spokeswoman Doreen Graham explained that "many of them could be in shock and may die".

    Erm. weren't they on the way to the slaughter house, so what does it matter.

    B: Bloke on phone to Wife "Darling I'm going to be a bit late the traffic is foul today"

    Yes, yes ..

    Mine is the full length leather coat,

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Dead Vulture

    "many of them could be in shock and may die"

    "many of them could be in shock and may die"

    Maybe Doreen Graham is confused about the chickens final destination and thought that they were on their way to a poultry themed health farm?

    Or is "processing plant" a Scottish term for Amusement Park?

    Oh, how appropriate the dead vulture icon is for this story!

  15. laird cummings

    Department of the Obvious.

    Calling for a boot to the head for the SPCA for this statement:

    << "...many of them could be in shock and may die". >>

    Durrrr! They're headed to a processing plant. You know, as in 'slaughterhouse?' They're ALL going to die!

  16. Anonymous Coward
    IT Angle

    The IT angle is...

    obviously that many IT workers in Scotland were late for work today due to the traffic congestion. Duh!

  17. Rob

    @Lester

    We still haven't seen a public apology for the "m" word you used.

  18. James
    IT Angle

    So the road is....

    Tarred and Feathered?

  19. Mike Arthur
    Coat

    are they

    going to be hauled in front of the beaks for jay walking??

  20. Geoff Johnson
    Dead Vulture

    Birdstrike testing for cars.

    "police "appealed to motorists on the north bound carriageway not to slow down"

    So how much damage would hitting a chicken while doing 70mph do to a car?

    I can guess the damage it would do to the chicken.

  21. Rabbi
    Dead Vulture

    Thou shalt not use the word "mobe"!

    And that includes "mobe-captured". Shame on you, Lester.

    http://www.theregister.co.uk/2005/09/09/mobe_poll_result/

  22. Mountford D

    Stench

    Presumably the A80 near Haggs will be closed for the next few days while the authorities clear up the carcasses. As other posts suggests, the chickens are not likely to survive so the area will come to resemble the chicken version of the Somme.

    The IT angle is that my colleague who appears to consume a whole supermarket cooked chicken for lunch everyday may have to change his culinary habits if the price of chicken goes up as a result.

  23. Chris Croughton

    That's...

    ... a pretty poultry excuse for a story.

  24. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    @Kevin and the rest

    "not unreasonably expressed concern"...They're on their way to a feckin' slaughterhouse...does it really matter??

    Yes they are going to a slaughterhouse to be humanely despatched. Not die in fear and terror as many would have done in this incident.

    Lookup humane in your dictionary.

    Honestly, it's dumb talk first - think later comments like this that get Humans a bad name.

  25. Fancy
    Coat

    rubber neckers

    Which was worse, the jams as a result of the crash or the rubber-neckers taking photo's? I think its a chicken and egg thing...

    --> I'll get my butchers apron

  26. Nick
    Paris Hilton

    Paris Hilton Angel

    Look out for Paris's new s*x video on websites soon

    *looks for directions to coat-room*

  27. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    Specialist team?

    Is there a Specialist Team for Chicken Catching? One ready to roll at short notice, wearing high-vis jackets with "Chicken Catcher" on the back?

    Is this team limited to Scotland, or do England and Wales have their own squads?

    And do they use Minority Report-style hovercars?

  28. vale
    Dead Vulture

    No sense wasting perfectly good chicken

    Might as well scoop up the 400 casualties and send them to the plant as well.

    CHICKEN TWIZZLERS FOR THE WIN!!!!111!!!!11!!!!

    *throws up*

  29. Simon Reed

    @@Kevin and the rest

    "Yes they are going to a slaughterhouse to be humanely despatched. Not die in fear and terror as many would have done in this incident."

    Errm. Having heard a few independent first-hand accounts of what goes on in a chicken pie factory, the word 'humane' only seems to apply when the inspectors are expected. Time is money, you know, and the chickens are gonna die somewhere along the line.

    IT angle? I worked in an IT dept that was down-wind of an abattoir and a chicken pie factory. The summer was worst. That's when EVERYONE would find excuses to be on-site with the users.

  30. Mike Moyle Silver badge
    Coat

    The 400

    "CHICKENS! Tonight, we('re) dine(ed on) IN HELL!!!

    On a side note, perhaps leaving some of the unfortunate early departures lying about would solve this other wee Scottish flap:

    http://www.theregister.co.uk/2007/10/09/vulture_escape/

    On a side side-note, my Google ads for this comments page are "Live Chickens". "Backyard Poultry", and "Internet Security". "Internet Security"? Where's the poultry angle here, I ask.

  31. Luther Blissett

    Embedded journalists

    No mention of "mayhem" or "carnage" then

  32. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    @@Kevin and the rest

    ..."Lookup humane in your dictionary."... Yes I've looked it up: it says only a cnut would cram three thousand chickens into the back of a truck.

  33. Anonymous Coward
    Joke

    I'm shocked that no one suggested

    awarding the Poulet-zer prize for the story...

    (ducks out quickly)

  34. tom
    IT Angle

    IT angle? Who cares?

    Some news is too important to be arbitrarily pigeonholed! (And, obviously the IT angle is the warning not to use mobiles while driving. Duh!)

  35. Swee' Pea

    Re: I'm shocked that no one suggested

    GO and *don't* stop for you coat!

  36. Geoff Mackenzie

    Re: poultry processing plant

    Large data-centres, chicken faeces spattered over grey floor tiles, where millions of hens form clusters and puzzle out complex problems together. And there's your IT angle.

  37. Zack
    Gates Halo

    Let's look at the bright side of things...

    at least the chickens had a good workout before they got to the processing plant. of course the weak ones were 'plucked' out...natural selection? We should have this more often, aye?

  38. Jeremiah Steidl
    Coat

    @ Specialist team?

    "Is this team limited to Scotland, or do England and Wales have their own squads?"

    Wales does. Only it's for sheep. Over there though, they aren't a "Specialist Team" they're called "citizens".

    Left my coat in the car, no need to stop on the way out.

  39. David

    Never mind the clucking chicken jokes

    I eggspect the situation was eggsasperated by birds eggsperiencing shell-shock. Eggsactly. Eggstrordinary. They were probably egged on and were eggshausted by the eggstra and eggstremely hard work and the eggstra-vehicular activity. They were obviously eggstroverts and needed the eggsposure and eggstended themselves too much, justifying their eggsistance. Perhaps they needed the eggsercise and made an eggsihibition of themselves by eggshaling too heavily but that would have been an eggsecutive decision that made them eggsited. An eggsclusive eggscursion followed. but afterwards they were eggscommunicated with no eggscuses and went to Eggseter in eggsile but returned to Eggsmore. The fare was eggxorbitant but the journey was eggspidited with no ineggsplicable eggsertions on an eggsclusive basis.

    Time eggseeded. The end.

  40. James
    Thumb Up

    Made my day.....

    Living and working next to this made my day.

    Hourly updates on local radio describing police chasing chickens inspired thoughts of the Rocky movie only in a non-confined area - still brings a smile to my face when I think of it.

    Yes it did grid lock the area but for something out of the norm - a little step out from all the run of the mill bad things.

    The IT angle - it made this IT workers day (maybe even week)

  41. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    @Jeremiah Steidl

    oh dear

    looks like we're gonna have to take the next rugby tour to Albuquerque

    ;o)

  42. Danny
    Jobs Horns

    RE: Birdstrike testing for cars

    Don't know about 70mph but this is what happens at 160mph!

    http://www.car-accidents.com/2006-Auto-story/10-18-06_porshe_chicken.html

  43. Anonymous Coward
    Alien

    Call centre

    Have we just been given some mis-information? According to a crapy Insurance company ad (rhymes with p****d cover) they are probably call centre staff on their way to work but ended up at the slaughter house... just need to get one of the slaughter houses in India... especially for IT (as in "it" support... not IT!!!)

  44. Mark Scott
    Dead Vulture

    The police started the jokes...

    The police started the jokes when some spokesman did their bit for the local radio traffic reports ... "it's a foul morning for motorists" was the phrase they used IIRC.

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