back to article Dwarf superglues todger to hoover

Staff at the Royal Infirmary of Edinburgh battled for an hour to disconnect the penis of Captain Dan The Demon Dwarf from a hoover after the diminutive Fringe performer inadvertantly superglued it to the vacuum cleaner's "attachment". According to the Evening Standard, the hoover forms part of Captain Dan's Circus Of Horrors …


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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    what do you call that then?

    only waited 20 seconds...

    hmm sounds like a case of premature attachulation.

    (I wish that was a real word)

  2. lansalot

    the fool..

    .. as every schoolboy knows (ahem), you simply set the thing to Blow instead of Suck.

    I hope he got his bag emptied while he was at it !

  3. Dogbyte

    Size matters

    It was embarrassing in front of "a packed A&E", does that imply his stage show plays to a smaller audience than you find in casualty?

    Or is dicking the Dyson somehow less cringeworthy in front of a paying crowd?

  4. Stuart Barnett

    "... I just wished the ground could swallow me up."

    A very poor turn of phrase!

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    Dyson should somehow work this into their "no loss of suction" advertising...

  6. Matthew

    Who goes and sees this circus act?

    Gives a whole new meaning to the words....

    erectile dysfunction

    I thank you...

  7. simon

    Happy chappy

    So his 'Henry' vacuum cleaner had a bigger than usual smile on his face that night.

  8. Dave

    The IT angle...?

    Now if it was a Vax rather than a Hoover you might have a connection there.

    Nothing sucks like a Vax.

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The real image

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    Hi Ho, Hi Ho, off to A&E we go

  11. James Pickett

    Tsk, tsk..

    And the IT angle is? Oh, who cares! Well done Lester...

  12. Rob

    @ James Pickett

    The hoover runs on electricity, therefore clearly falls within the realm of technology reporting, not to mention that superglue is pretty fancy stuff as well, the dwarf can be seen as an incidental but welcome addition.

  13. Darren Gallagher

    What a Midget Gem of a story!

    Why didn't he use a PVA glue? Penis Vacuum Adhesive.

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    how to get cheap publicity for a failing show

    the lengths (or lack of them) that fringe performers will go to to get some free publicity. Given the reviews the publicity is badly needed...

    I found the Circus of Horrors was trivial. Apart from the nudity and late hour it should have been a children's show. I walked out at the interval.

    Over-hyped and marketed. Crass, poorly executed and I felt just plain embarrassed for some of the performers. Walked out just over halfway through. Total waste of money.

    The girl smoking in the front row seems to be a built in gag. When a show entitled "Circus of Horros" has to resort to getting a laugh out of the smoking ban, you know its not up to much.

    This is a Circus of Horrors only if your idea of freaks is people in skeleton costumes doing a dance to music that wouldn't have looked out of place on the Tweenies. There was a problem with the sound too, no idea what the ringleader was saying. Further freaks included someone getting a nail hammered through what was obviously a tongue piercing, and someone walking on knives that were sharp enough to cut a cucumber, which isn't very sharp. The fact they closed the entrance gates at half time so we and the other people had to sneak out through the thai resturant kind of says it all. We've been looking forward to this for ages and were really disappointed.

  15. Tawakalna

    do the Shake-n-Vac..

    ..and put your manhood back!

    No wonder the Shake-n-Vac woman always looks so happy! (and all these years I though it was valium...)

    Good job it wasn't a Ewbank, can you imagine the damage the brushes would have done!

    (incidentally I bet he didn't get a bad review from the Scotsman.)

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Ahem ahem

    Why is this in the Entertainment section? Surely we're talking hardware here.

  17. Jon

    How does "20 mins" make a difference..

    to a glue that reaches full strength in 10 seconds? And if he's done this so many times before, then surely he knew how to apply it properly.. He just wanted a pretty Scottish nurse to fiddle with his privates! Hope he got an ogre instead.. or worse.. A male nurse!

    Brings a new meaning to getting hard! Ouch! :-)

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Attempting a vaguely technical angle on this...

    From what I understand, super glue is water soluble, just add water and wait for separation. And having glued fingers together with the stuff (or just stuff onto fingers) on many an occasion, just waiting is all that is required.

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    one of you needs to learn to read

    Jon the vacuum attachment was broken he tried to fix it there was still some wet glue there he normally wouldn't be using superglue at all you see because normally it's not broken. No super glue is not water soluble white glue is but thats a different product superglue is soluble in acetone and didn't you guys outlaw acetone (poor dwarf) if he had time he could wait till the skin cells sloughed off the glue was attached to but that might have taken a while.Why would you A. go see some fruitcake performance like that B. tell everyone who reads this tabloid that you go to performances like that and that this one sucked (shakes head). The merriment of some poor dwarf trying to make money in some fringe way getting his spout stuck in a prop is understandable only if you are slightly sadistic and dickless yourself.

  20. David Neil

    Acetone would work, and no it isn't outlawed

    And while your getting on your high horse about laughing at the guy, he chose to do this act, he could have got a job somewhere else, but no that's what he wanted to do to earn his corn.

    Bet his mum is dead proud.

  21. Mark


    "Bet his mum is dead proud"

    Possibly not at this precise moment.

  22. Bevan Giles-Gash

    was it a hoover

    Was it really a hoover or was it a vacuum cleaner from another manufacturer? Calling any vacuum cleaner a hoover is a mindless as calling any car a ford!

  23. Morten Ranulf Clausen

    Don't think so

    "Surely we're talking hardware here."

    After an hour stuck to a hoover we surely aren't...

    Sorry. Had to be said...

  24. Ian Holdsworth

    Depending on how successful the procedure was

    I bet he feels a bit of a prick :)

  25. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Be careful out there

    My urologist's doctoral thesis from 1978 had the title "Penis injuries from masturbating with vacuum cleaners". It's archived here (in German, but the pictures are pretty scary):

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