back to article El Reg seeks ultimate 'nom de sex'

Our recent piece on the shocking case of former porn actress Laura Madden, who stole a former classmate's name to appear in grumble flick classics such as Irresistibly Delicious and Dominance, provoked a few reader comments about how to select the ultimate "nom de sex". Here's a traditional method, as detailed by Rick: I was …

COMMENTS

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  1. James Summerson

    I see your plan!

    Of course you now have a database with the answers to one of the traditional security questions. Next you'll be asking us our mother's maiden names...

  2. Peter Ford

    It's not fair ...

    ... I've never had a pet

    Then again, I guess that gives me a one-word name: Hesledon - hasn't done Madonna, Kylie or Beyoncee any harm

  3. Clive Rowland

    Can't beat the original

    I'm not sure that ANY of our attempts are going to beat the one from the Doritos (I think) advert a few year's ago. Scenario was a few friends sharing the cardboard "snacks", thinking up film star names, based on the same premise (pet name/street name).

    Punchline was one of the girls coming up with "Ginger Hollybush"....

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Old chestnut

    Always used to chuckle at the old "mother's maiden name plus pet's name" way of doing this - such a genius security phishing technique :)

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Actually...

    ...I thought the rule WAS you use your mother's maiden name as your surname.

    Making my moniker 'Mitzy Broadhead'. Proper porno, that is.

    And yes, I thoguht it'd be a good idea to leave this one anonymous.

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Other methods

    I was always under the impression you used your first pet's name followed by your mother's maiden name - therefore I know a 'Lucky Johnson'....

  7. Lewis Wernham

    Much better if I use my mother's maiden name…

    Pussy Seaman sounds *much* better than Pussy Alton. :D

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    maiden name

    I also thought it was your mothers maiden name to make the last part of the name

    Making me:

    Fanny Turner

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Re: Actually...

    I had the same impression about the method - mine, that way, works out as "Zoe Rothenburg." Not awesome but I always thought it sounded plausible. I like the international element :)

  10. Tom Hillman

    Another vote for Maiden Name

    My gf's porn name using the (proper but bad computer security) maiden name method is...

    Sticky Brown.

    Oh yes.

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Real Name

    on the HMCS website's Vexatious Litigants list (http://www.hmcourts-service.gov.uk/infoabout/vexatious_litigant/index.htm), there is a

    Dick Chitole

    must be better that any 'nom de sex'

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Erm...

    I grew up on a street called "Fanny Hands Lane"...

  13. Qster

    For the record...

    Pinky Phillpot

    I could have also used Perky, as a pair of birds (budgerigars) were my first cherished companions. However, my mother entertained the idea that living in their cage was crule and they would be happier outside. The local starlings took great pleasure in their new found neighbours and proceeded to peck them to death.

    Porn movies have never been the same for me since.

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Streen

    I would dearly love to submit my full pornstar name, but alas, having never lived on a "streen", am reduced to a single name - quite trendy I suppose.

    "Speedy"

  15. Torben Mogensen

    Non-English street names rule

    As a child, I lived on a street called "Bondager". Obviously not in any English-speaking country, but in Denmark. The name is derived from "bonde" = "farmer" and "ager" = "field", as it was on former farmland. Luckily, my present address in on a street called "Egebæksvej", so there should be no room for misunderstanding that in English-speaking countries. I suspect most would not even be able to pronounce it. :-)

  16. fuzzyduck

    Like the Star Wars Phish...

    Something like your Star Wars name is made up of the first three letters of your mother's maiden name, then the first two letters of your forename, and then the first three letters of your town birth.

    So... Joe Bloggs, whose mother's maiden name was Doe, Born in Northampton would be called Doe-Jo-Nor.

  17. Fancy

    Re: Real Name

    The Vexatious Litigants list is a veritable treasure trove of les nom de sex.

    A cursory scan of the list revealed a Frankie Goble, a Thelma Gush and a Ram Saxina

    Vexatious indeed.....

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Definately anonymous ....

    Using mothers maiden name rather than street name I do rather better with :

    Lucky Cockshott ...

    Seriously ...

  19. Bruce Hatton

    Re: Real Name

    Actually, I think Vexatious Litigant is itself an excellant port star name.

  20. Stuart Rogers

    Street names can make good porn names

    My porn name would be the rather limp "Fred Willow". However, some street names that make good porn star names in their own right, such as "Apollo Rise" in Farnborough (somwhere near GU14 0GT).

  21. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I feel so in adequate....

    I never had a pet of my own, but using the name of my sister's pet rabbit, I would be

    Floppy Cotterill!

    oh the shame!

    And, no, before you ask, the reason for my anonymity is what "James Summerson" said!

  22. Dave

    Ultimate?

    Let's see, to start with, I'm a guy.

    When I was growing up in the 1960s, dad bought our first dog from a friend who was a dog breeder who lived across the country. The puppy was shipped to dad via air freight, and we picked him up at the local airport. Thus, it seemed only fitting to name him Jet.

    Since dad did a lot of traveling in those times, I spent a lot of time with my grand parents, who lived on Fountain Avenue.

    Thus, this would make my nom de s*x: Jet Fountain. :-)

  23. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Using the traditional method

    "Friday Sexton" or "Heathcliffe Sexton"

  24. Mark Malley

    Different method

    We used to use our middle names and the street we grew up on, but I guess the pet name works to!

  25. tim chubb

    Deffinatly should be mothers maiden name

    Never lived on a street

    so would just be doris,

    however with my mums name i become doris burns

    still nothing will beat my friends name......

    floppsy wankard, possibly one of the greatest efforts of peer pressure ever to get him to join in that game, that session, all those years ago...

  26. Ben Parr-Ferris

    Surely someone must have lived here?

    http://streetmap.co.uk/newmap.srf?x=527250&y=207250&z=1&sv=527250,207250&st=4&ar=N&mapp=newmap.srf&searchp=newsearch.srf

    I would be TT Duke which ain't bad I suppose.

  27. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Nom de street

    Anyone ever lived on a street called "Suicide"?

  28. Jay Peabey

    Can "first" = "when I was five"?

    Because, if so, my porn name would be .... Bindi Irwin.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bindi_Irwin

    I feel so dirty.

  29. Dai Williams

    Another Vexatious Litigant

    Did no one else spot the vexatious litigant with the surname of "Badibanga"? Surely that can be any porn stars surname

  30. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Following the rules...

    The first pet (whose name I remember) was a cat called Tarzan. And as I grew up on a farm, the first street I actually lived on (as opposed to university residence) was Cummer Ave in Toronto.... I leave the rest to you.

    Apparently I had a previous cat that got run over - it was, afterall, a farm - called Lulu which works too...

  31. Ishkandar

    Not original

    But what's wrong with Ben Dover or Hugh Jardon ??

  32. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    yanks can't use street name

    I lived on 27th street. Then on 42nd street. It's easy to find your way around town, but we have to use our own names for porno.

  33. Dillon Pyron

    NASCAR

    Imagine growing up as Dick Trickle.

  34. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Jenny don't be hasty

    By pure coincidence, I came across (now now) a staff list at work today, containing the apocryphal "Jenny Taylor".

  35. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Not part of this game but...

    A former co-worker's son has the real name of "Logan Greatwood"

  36. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    a slight variation

    Sadly my nom de sex is not worth the bother but as an email administrator I have seen some classic 'real' names including Karstein Bjarstud and Sharma de Schmuk. We didn't believe these and checked with HR and once they had stopped laughing they confirmed they were real

  37. Josh

    None

    Growing up a military child, the first street name I remember living on is 'Interceptor'. Add that to the end of my first pet's name, and you have 'Pussy Interceptor'! Great fun in that, though it's downside is it sounds more like a title than a name.

  38. Josh

    Not mine...

    but I remember a subscriber to a paper I once worked for, who always called early to see if the paper boy would be on time. Her name was Fonda Cox...no lie...

  39. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    (untitled)

    My first pet's name was Tiny.

    I think I'll go cry now.

  40. Jubal Harshaw

    Using the first pet's name and mother's maiden name method...

    ... I am 'Smokey Rolls.'

    I'm unsure as to what particular type of porn that name would be suited for.

  41. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    2 more

    slightly OT, there's / was a post on the BBC web site from one Norma Snockers... who wouldn't need to go down the pet/address route. (I alerted them, but they took no action.)

    Our pet budgie was called beauty (my gran's legacy), & our street (german) is kittenberg Hmmmm. Is abbreviation/transposition allowed if so, it'd work out to Beauty Pussy Hill. Come to think of it that's more than a name - it's a complete screenplay.

  42. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Dear god.

    I can't stop laughing. Fonda Cox?

    I end up with the somewhat Euro "Sebastian Aurora". Hrmm...

    The worst bit when talking real names, though, is that I found on a 'people search' site the addresses and phone numbers for at least two individuals in the United States unfortunately named "Dick Sucker".

    Wow.

  43. Tom Haczewski

    To Peter Ford...

    Fair enough to Madonna, but isn't Kylie 'Kylie Minogue' and Beyoncee is 'Beyoncee Knowles'? They do actually have second names that they choose not to use (probably because they're rubbish)

  44. Rick Lesniak

    Re: Surely someone must have lived here?

    My God, you could found an entire industry in the area of that map! Zoom out a level, and you'll find such potential surnames as 'Bedwell', 'Longwood', 'Woodcock',

    and of course, 'Cucumber'. Supporting roles could go to 'Wildhill' and 'Hornbeam'.

    Hopefully, the above-referenced 'Floppsy Wankard' didn't also grow up on Cucumber Road.

  45. Christopher E. Stith

    Madonna Louise Veronica Ciccone

    I'd always remembered hearing it as Madonna Louisa Maria Ciccone, but it's "Louise Veronica" according to Wikipedia.

    So no, no one involved has just one name. She just marketed herself by only one name from the beginning, and became known that way. The others started their careers with their first and last names, then went down to one as they became more famous. A bit like John, Paul, George, and Ringo (or at least Ringo, since individually in other contexts the other names might be confused for someone ), Elvis, Richard "Cheech" Marin, Linus, or even Saddam.

    They all have or had last names, but were recognizable by just one eventually. Indeed, there are more boys being named "Saddam" -- and even "Saddam Hussein" than ever these days, but when most people say "Saddam", you know which one they mean.

    Obviously the rarer the name the more likely someone famous will be recognizable by just the one.

    BTW, there's a Dr. Richard Shatz in my town. That's right, Doctor Dick Shatz (although I never hear anyone advertising his practice by that name). He's a cosmetic surgeon. Too bad he's not a gastroenterologist or a urologist -- or both.

    Not sexually related, but I used to know a couple named Reel. Their poor, poor first son was named Rodney Nathaniel. I really do hope he takes up fishing.

  46. James Osborne-Smith

    Title

    I always thought it was pet/mother's maiden name - which makes mine...

    Buster Woodhead.

    Not bad huh - maybe it's a sign...

  47. CharleyBoy

    Mrs K.

    I used to work at a Call centre for a very well known credit company. A large proportion of the staff were rendered speakless one day when one lady rang up. She had the surname "kisscock". This wasn't her maiden name which was when the silence and slack jawed-ness tended to hit people - imagine the wedding ceremony!

    She must have really loved him.

    I don't do to well on the names front: "Fluffy Longford"

  48. Spike Ravenscroft

    Maiden Name...

    I'd always thought it was your mums maiden name, making me Misty Shephard.

    With this system, i'm left with the very suspicous Misty Hillside.

    On an almost related note, i used to work with a girl called Kate Blows.

    History does not relate if this is accurate.

  49. James Farrell

    comedy names

    I noticed this article on BBC and saw a brilliant name... although its pretty ironic.

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/6900512.stm

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