back to article So, what IS the worst film ever made?

Our piece last week on Eddie Murphy's cinematic train-wreck A Thousand Words - a possible nominee for the worst film ever - had El Reg commentards queuing up to recount their celluloid nightmare experiences. And chilling reading it made, to be sure. Inspired by your litany of cinematic shame, we've decided to run a poll this …

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Pirate

Ah, yeah

don't forget the Beethoven films (as in the St. Bernard).

Howard the Duck

Waterworld, which quite literally put me to sleep in the theater.

The Piano

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Bronze badge
FAIL

The da Vinci treasure

I rather liked 'Howard the Duck'.

'The Da Vinci Treasure' is so lousy, it won't ever make a cult movie.

see http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0810817/

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PTR

Judge Dredd

That was a right stinker!

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I am torn between...

...The Sound of Music and The Parent Trap, as being the worst two films of my childhood.

Though 'Oklahoma' was pretty awful too.

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Anonymous Coward

Two nominations

I like sc-fi horror and stuff that pokes fun at it's own genre, take Planet Terror as an example of how this can be done very well. But you have to trawl through a lot of rubbish to find the gems, two recent pieces of true awfulness; Hobo with a shotgun, which had not a single redeeming feature and Naked Nuns with Big Guns, which I expected to be bad but good but was in fact just terrible.

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Anonymous Coward

The Sheltering Sky

5 hours of sand with absolutely no point whatsoever

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Anonymous Coward

Worst Film ever

Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966)

Entire thing was filmed on one camera that could film up to 30 seconds of film, without audio.

It was so bad, one of the girls who acted in it cried when she saw the movie.

And a budget of $19,000. How can you go wrong?

May not be the worst movie ever, but the worst I have seen.

If you really need to watch it, get the MST3k version of it.

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Re: Worst Film ever

"If you really need to watch it, get the MST3k version of it."

And make sure you pay attention only the riffing. It is seriously physically painful to watch this film. It actually hurts, not kidding. The equipment and cinemetography were that bad. The symptoms resemble what it would be like if forced to listen to the worst bits of compressed noise from the DVD audio track of 2001 for hours on end (DVD only... BD 2001 audio is awesome).

Believe me, 2 hours of sand is a blessing compared to Manos.

Very good advice AC. Also if you have ever breathed oxygen, Manos: The Hands of Fate should not be taken without first consulting your physician.

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Re: Worst Film ever

i think any MST3K movie is out fo the running. Such movies are often made to be silly, or simply taken out of context. Some of the movies are sweet.

To me a bad movie is one that was intended to be a serious contender, but ended up being bad. This is also why sequels are not really in the running. These movies are explicitly made to capitalize on a franchise. Such movies are by their nature bad. Take Die Hard sequels. The first was very defensible, the rest are about the money.

Speaking of bruce willis, I would have to admit Hudson Hawk was bad, but it wasn't really meant to be good. There are any number of other movies with Willis, The Last Boy Scout, Surrogates, that are genuinely bad.

I might say Battlefield Earth but I never saw it. So I will nominate Titanic, which, unfortunately, I did see.

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Facepalm

The Women!

I just remembered this one!!!

If you GF/wife brings back a DVD, run in the kitchen and poke your eyes out with a fork, you'll thank me for causing the least pain!!!!

13% in rottentomatoes... and 13% too many in my opinion!!!

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worst film

Titanic.

I got to watch this at a charity event. After a meal we went to the cinema. At about 10:30 I realised the ship hadn't even started to sink and I realised I had a long way to go. The scene where they start shooting in the hold had me laughing out loud - I was waiting for a car chase to start.

150 minutes of my life I'll never have back ...

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FAIL

Kevin Costner - The Postman

Thats 2hrs of my life I will never get back.

Post-apocalyptic films seem to follow the same pattern. During the apocalypse, the ability to write a coherent storyline , act , or provide "action" in an action movie are all lost to the nuclear blast.

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10 of the worst in no particular order:

Battlefield Earth (Roger Christian, 2000)

Alone in the Dark (Uwe Boll, 2005)

The Messenger: Joan of Arc (Luc Besson, 1999)

Highlander 2 (Russell Mulcahy, 1991)

Catwoman (Pitof, 2004)

Troll 2 (Claudio Fragasso, 1990)

Gigli (Martin Brest, 2003)

Space Marines (John Weidner 1997)

Batman and Robin (Joel Schumacher, 1997)

The Happening (M. Night Shyamalan, 2008)

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Little Miss Sunshine

I have no idea why it got good reviews!

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Sucker Punch

Nobody mentioned Sucker Punch? Is that because nobody here was dumb enough to watch it, or did you people actually like it? It may not be the absolute worst movie in history, but I'm pretty sure it's the worst per dollar spent making it.

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The Day After Tomorrow

The Day After Tomorrow must be up there.

Or anything with Adam Sandler in obviously...

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Re: The Day After Tomorrow

Seconded!

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Childcatcher

Worst film...

... was definitely The Avengers (1998)

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0118661/

Its like they never watched the TV shows.

Utter rubbish.

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Birdemic - Shock and Terror

Seriously, this is a really dreadful movie.

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Re: Birdemic - Shock and Terror

6 pages.....

Finally wondered when someone would post this stinker up. I nearly turned it off, even though I was watching the Rifftrax'd version :p

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Alien

No TV Movies?

Because "worst" easily could be any "original movie" made for the née SciFi Channel (now renamed to Syphilis or something).

They hire a retired former TV/Sci-fi star, actors who look similar to recurring-role TV actors, and then hire "director" and crew from the local day laborer workforce. They're so bad that you really don't want to watch them to see how bad they really are. Honest. Not laughingly bad, but insultingly bad.

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Re: No TV Movies?

I suspect SyFi channel will need an entire category of its own.. It churns out bad movies on almost a daily basis.

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Creepozoids (1987)

It was so bad, part of my brain has firewalled itself off so that I'm not permanently tortured by its awfulness.

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OMG

So many bad movies....

the thing I have to point out is that B movies should not count on this list, they were all made low budget with cheesy actors and ropey scripts just to make the main feature look even better.

When you see a film title like "return of the surfer killer zombie pineapples form uranus" or "stop or my mom will shoot" then you know your not going to get a good movie.

Megga piranha gets my vote, but Momma Mia has gotta give it a run for its money, it only comes second in my choice because Its not my sort of film anyway, so had some ground to make up in the first place.

on a side note, a friend of mine, his wife loves the film so much she has wore out 2 dvd's and is on her 3rd copy. I suspect my mate is mutilating disks.

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MJI
Silver badge

Re: OMG

My wife likes Mamma Mia, we actually have it on BluRay.

VERY Cheesy but not bad.

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A.I.

It had an interesting premise, completely ruined by seemingly being split into to completely different movies, and an good ending that happens 20 minutes before the second, totally stupid, ending.

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Anything

After Under Siege 2: Dark Territory with Steven Seagal in it.

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Anonymous Coward

Rat Race

Awful, awful, cringy, joke-free remake of 'It's a mad, mad, mad, mad world' (which wasn't that good either).

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This Sherlock Holmes film

Not the Downey Jr one which was good fun and well packaged but the 2010 no-budget version with a camp dwa.. midg.. little man with a squeaky voice in the lead role and a job lot of old Dr Who enemies and 1990 kids TV CGI effects including a miniature t-rex and a clockwork robot woman.

I'm making it sound a lot better than it is.

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MJI
Silver badge

Sherlock Holmes

I think they have all been overshadowed by the BBC series

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Silver badge

I nominate....

Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus

breathtakingly awful

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Re: I nominate....

At this point (before I go through the rest of the comments) I have to add

Sharktopus (2010)

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Stop

The Happening

Mother nature fights back, releasing fragrences designed to drive those pesky humans to overly elaborate suicides, our only hope is a cardboard cut out of Marky Mark, a science teacher that doesn't believe in science, will you survive a sledgehammer to your suspension of disbelief? No.

Just Switch Off Your Television Set And Go Out And Do Something Less Boring Instead.

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Anonymous Coward

My nominations are.

Highlander 2 (as are many.)

Matrix 3. (what the hell were they thinking, Milk it, Milk it.)

And all the other stupid as shit films my wife watches with her best mate, usually black and white, subtitled, on at the Clapham Picture house and stories about women who can't make their mind up about something, where nothing happens, or some woman realises that there's nothing actually wrong with her, and she's just a typical female neurotic. There's just so many of these, that they've all merged into one with all their tv counterparts. Let's call it "Celebrity dancing Betty Blue Beaches at the old green cafe on ice."

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The Adventures of Pluto Nash

Salt

The Mummy 3 - Tomb of the dragon wossname

not mentioned cos the bad reviews mean I never saw them -

Tom Cruise, War the Worlds

Battlefield Earth

quite a lot of the works of M Night Shalyman

Most Adam Sandler Flicks

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FAIL

Aside the others

No one here had to endure Open Water?

Or for the Brit's, Paul McCartney's 1980's turkey "Give My Regards To Broad Street"

Makes the Killer Tomato's and The Phantom Menace look like Oscar winning material

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Vic

Re: Aside the others

> No one here had to endure Open Water?

I didn't see it - but it got quite a bit of discussion on the various diving fora I frequent.

The general concensus was "what took the shark so bloody long?"

Vic.

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Devil

Re: Aside the others

ooh - brings back good memories - the film was utter shite* - but it was an empty cinema and me and gf (wife now) getting up to no good ...

The bits I saw were - couple dive, couple left behind, couple eaten by sharks+

+ this bit is implied - totally disappointing..

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Stop

The Creeping Terror

Courtesy of MST3K, this is easily the worst movie ever to (dis)grace my TV. Lousy plot, lousy production values, and the terror itself is basically a couple of people under a carpet.

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Trollface

There are so many many bad films

Die Hard 4

The fast and furious films

Most things with Will Ferrell

North

Where the wild things are was just boring - jonze pissed all over that one

Spiderman movies

the last lord of the rings

any film that was meant to be dark and then ended up having a happy ending because of those hollywood studio fucks seeing the dollar rather than the art.

anything with ben affleck (except good will hunting and chasing amy)

Mega Fault (a straight to DVD film with that fiend in it before she died, Brittany Murphy. My god, it's that bad. Shame, because she was in some aswesome films (sin city, girl - interrupted).

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Trollface

OMG

Just remembered. The Happening by M Night Shabobobobobobloboblooob.

So desperately, extraordinarily bad. I can't believe Marky Mark still gets acting jobs. He's worse than Keanu Reeves.

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MJI
Silver badge

Re: OMG

Marky Mark - they threatened to use him as my favourite video game character - huge mistake.

However was OK in Three Kings, but he did little.

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Thumb Down

ITALIAN JOB

Terrible remake! When are they going to the remake/part 2 where they rescue the gold at the end?

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Roller Blade 7

They don't wear rollerblades and there isn't seven of them. For some reason, the opening titles continue throughout the film whenever a new character is introduced.

This was the film that really "launched" the careers of Frank Stallone and Joe Estevez.

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Thumb Down

Kaena: The Prophecy

This is the worst movie I have ever watched all of in an actual theater. French company trying to do something vaguely like anime with CGI and... just failing on every possible count.

This was Richard Harris's last movie. I think exposure to this script was what killed him. (Though he does wind up playing the only likeable character.)

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fzz

Starcrash

Though anything with Marjoe Gortner would be a contender.

Starcrash isn't quite bad enough to reach high camp, like Ed Wood films, but it's plenty bad. So bad I may be the only person still living who'd admit to having seen it.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Starcrash

Caroline Munro is hot in it though but even she isn't hot enough to warrant sitting through it.

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Flame

And for most recent bad movie...

...Redline. Which I got from Amazon UK since it wasn't being released in the US until a few months later, just because the reviews I read were so unanimously positive. And it turned out to be totally, cringingly, unwatchable. It's like someone just threw together a bunch of random leftover character designs and plot points and loud noises and said, "There, it's a movie!"

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Unhappy

Ishtar

The clue is in the name really.

The story goes that the Beaty 'fired' three camels for not looking enough like camels....

P.

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Unhappy

Police Acamdey.

Any of them.

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