back to article Take my advice: The only safe ID is a fake ID

My name is McLeod. Graham McLeod. If you're looking me up in a list, you'll find me under M as "McLeod, Graham". This is in contrast to "Dabbs, Alistair" – which I understand is now the title of an IT publication. At least it is according to an email I received this week, which began thus: With Dabbs, Alistair​​​ having such …

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Re: Terrence

You wrote that poem, didn't you.

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Re: Terrance

My wife's stepfather's parents couldn't agree on what to call him so both registered him separately and he had two birth certificates. Consequently he was Thomas/Tom to some people and Henry to others.

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Thumb Up

Best Bond Theme

Thanks Alison.

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Trollface

But which alias

is the one that the world famous journalist uses. We only get to see the Dabbs one?!

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Who needs an alias?

When I don't want to give someone my name (more-or-less any site that asks for it in circumstances where signing up seems an unnecessary hurdle), I'm just Not Me, and have an email address of not.me@not.here .

Noone cares if it's even remotely plausible.

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Anonymous Coward

"Noone cares if it's even remotely plausible."

Email addresses are often used to generate an email with a confirmation link. You have to see that and click it before whatever you signed up to will be activated.

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TRT
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...sign up to crap names

Kleinde, Dee.

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Which is why mailinator.com was born

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That's what services like mailinator are for.

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Starbucks

That serves you right for going to Starbucks and expect to get coffee. The stuff they try to pass it as coffee is horrible - yuk!

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Starbucks

People query how I can be so generous to the local food bank. My answer is that it is only the price of a daily <insert brand name> coffee - and does more good.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Starbucks

Well done , it'd be nice if everyone did that. I dont think i can afford a daily costa though.

might up my monthly charity thing actually ...

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Re: Starbucks

a daily <insert brand name> coffee

As far as I'm concerned, <insert brand name> coffee is something one has in the order of once or twice a month, when in town or when travelling. Are these people who drink the stuff every day real (and with money to burn) or mythical?

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Starbucks

"Are these people who drink the stuff every day real (and with money to burn) or mythical?"

Judging by the same people regularly sitting at tables outside our Costa - then it is surprising who appears to be able to afford their prices. Certainly not the expected hipster or business types. Whether they are there every day is not certain.

In my youth going to the Tiko cafe for a frothy coffee and hot sausage roll was a rare treat.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Starbucks

"I dont think i can afford a daily costa though."

I actually have no idea what a typical retail coffee costs - my rule of thumb is £3. The last time I bought one was probably when waiting for a train in the evening after a site visit - probably getting on for 20 years ago.

The expression started when I used to add to the food bank basket in the supermarket every day at the end of my daily exercise walk. Now I do a weekly drop of agreed staples that benefit from buying in multiple packs.

Unfortunately the local food bank isn't a Trussell - just volunteers. They appear unable to organise their governance to register as a charity - otherwise they could have a yearly cheque instead and claim Gift Aid on top

Possibly they fear the fixed charges that can exceed the collected donations with some web Gift Aid proxy schemes. Similarly the accounting declarations required by the Charity Commission for yearly totals over £5K are a financial outlay if there isn't a tame accountant to hand.

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Re: Starbucks

There are a number of different thresholds for reporting under charity law. I can't see one at £5000. A small charity really doesn't need an accountant.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Starbucks

"I can't see one at £5000.

You are right - my typo working from memory. Without checking - probably £10k is the lowest threshold. That usually covers small groups like the one I support. Larger specific project donations have to be phased over several years to avoid them breaching a threshold that requires extra paperwork and accounting expenses.

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Re: Starbucks and Foodbanks

The expression started when I used to add to the food bank basket in the supermarket every day at the end of my daily exercise walk. Now I do a weekly drop of agreed staples that benefit from buying in multiple packs.

We've gone a stage further - a group of people contribute cash, and our community shop then uses that to buy at wholesale prices in bulk from the cash-and-carry (who actually deliver). You can get a lot of Happy Shopper stuff in bulk for the price of big-name brands singly.

Of course, the fact that we have to even consider how best to give to food banks shows the evil of our present government.

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Enjoyable as ever

SFTW keeps me coming back on Friday (that, and the vain hope of a new BOFH). Funny as always. My name (ancient Viking era name with some similar sounding but different origined names found in Baltic culture) also seems to lead to confusion over here in the Netherlands. And it's annoying as hell to have to spell both my first and last name 4 times over because people seem to be incapable of understanding 2 slowly pronounced 4 letter words...

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Enjoyable as ever

When working in Sweden my relatively uncommon English family name was no problem for people as they just pronounced it phonetically. That was better than many English people manage.

My English colleague's family name was "Kirkby" - and pronounced "Kir-bee". The Swedes saw that name as one of their own - and he had to get used to being called "Cherk-bu".

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It's all in a name

I have recently be using my real name but hiding R's in it.

So far i have managed 4 extra R in a name that usually has 2. That's 6 R when really 1 would do it.

Of course if the Indian sounding gentleman from HMRC calls me then I become either Phil McRackin or Rusty Starpoker

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Anonymous Coward

My tuppence worth

I have a few wonderful names to share all of them real though:

1) Many years ago I had a student called Sandy Thrush (just plain painful)

2) Where I work we have a Dr. D.J. Dick (in da house)

3) One of my email contacts delights in the name of Dr. Olga Truebody (da, Mr Bond)

All genuine I swear!!

Anonymous? Damn right!!

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Anonymous Coward

Re: My tuppence worth

Anonymous? I think you gave too much away there ..... just let me go through my list of stolen address books ...

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Re: My tuppence worth

There's a character in a Restoration comedy sporting the last name "Gotobed", with all the innuendo implied. The part was once played by a certain Mandy Rice-Davies, of whom you may have heard.

Who more shocked than I to discover that "Gotobed" is a real name sported by real people. Maybe they pronounce it "Go-toab'd".

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Anonymous Coward

Re: My tuppence worth

"Maybe they pronounce it "Go-toab'd"

Like the presumably fictional "Bucket" pronounced "Bouquet".

The Victorians were fond of giving fictional characters names that indicated their intrinsic nature.

In English we tend to have forgotten the etymology of many of our once common first names. There are the obvious unchanged ones like Faith, Hope, Charity, and Dawn. However - Peter = Rock - is presumably via the French Pierre = Stone - from Saint Peter as "the rock on which the Church is built".

In the Habsburg Empire the Jewish families did not have family names until they were forced to acquire them by the government in the 18th century. Basically the officials arbitrarily assigned names usually made of two words of natural things.

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Big Brother

Ive used some of those pseudonames in the article . Cant say which! ;)

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Sidebar

An amusing and appropriate sidebar advert - Gear, Best

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"there can be only one"

We found you McLeod, prepare to fight!

How many email addresses do a typical nerd use?

Around 10 in my case, according to their usages.... 2 are related to my real identity.... at least I think it's my real one.... who does really know who (s)he is?

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Anonymous Coward

Re: "there can be only one"

My current email aliases number more than 50. That doesn't include those that have long since become dormant. The advantage of an ISP unlimited user subdomain was that you could assign a unique username to every new supplier or sign-up. Very useful to spot who had leaked your email address for spam.

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Can someone explain to my friend the "Kyden-Titty, Fay" name? I he gets the "fayk" bit but doesn't get the "yden" bit.

Personally, I often use Burton, Ernie...

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Anonymous Coward

Kyden-Titty, Fay

Don't take the 'yden' by itself, combine with the 'titty' and you get Fake Identity

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Re: Kyden-Titty, Fay

Oh, FFS...

Yeah, okay, I feel dense now.

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Go

Personally, I often use Burton, Ernie...

Burt Nurney is that you?

Duncan Doughnut

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Re: Kyden-Titty, Fay

It's because like so many people, you couldn't help staring at the Titty

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My usual pseudonym: User Name

The bonus is that often someone else has already set up the account for me with the password "password".

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It's all the rage!

Let's not forget all those famous names coined by the Goons!

Hugh Jampton (lookup Hampton Wick in Cockney slang)

Singhiz Thing

Justin Eidelburger

R Pong (till 11 o'clock)

and many more....

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Re: It's all the rage!

@Daedalus you beat me to it. Usually Captain Hugh Jampton in Sellers' posh army voice :-) The only other ones which springs to mind are Sheikh Rattlenroll, and the Japanese (?) General Kash Mai Chek.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: It's all the rage!

"[...] Japanese (?) General Kash Mai Chek."

More likely Chinese. Chiang Kai-shek was the leader of the nationalist party in China that lost the civil war and retreated to Formosa - now Taiwan.

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Re: It's all the rage!

I think Round the Horne ones were better.

Daphne Whitethigh

Celia Molestrangler

Chou En Ginsburg M.A. (failed)

J. Peasemold Gruntfuttock

Buffalo Sidney Goosecreature

and so many more... many, many more.

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Devil

ORLY?

This is just as well as it usually takes most users that long to think up a password that conforms to the minimum uppercase + lowercase + number + punctuation + Hebrew emoji requirement.

Hebrew emojis ?! Ohhh... now I have to implement this!

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Anonymous Coward

Re: ORLY?

A Hebrew emoji. The first thought is mirror images - but their number digits are not reversed in either shape or order - so are emojis to be treated like words or numbers?

However there is an EMOJEW app for that.

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Anonymous Coward

I can't be the only person that uses

Anne Onimous can I?

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Joke

Names

Ivan walks into a village on the Welsh coast. He consults a piece of paper. Then destroys it. He walks up to a cottage at the side of the road. He knocks on the door four times. Then three. When the door opens he says "The sun shines brightest before the dusk".

The chap inside looks puzzled. Then he says, " Ahh. I'm Jones the baker. You want Jones the spy across the road".

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Trollface

Starbucks

I call them "starbutts". Seems appropriate, since shite is what they serve.

Somehow that reminds me of the joke about the gal with the dark sun trampstamp.

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First world problems... change your name via deed poll

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Anonymous Coward

"First world problems... [...]"

I suspect that names have more potency in many areas that are not First World. Associations of sympathetic magic and religious dogma possibly prevent people changing their given name.

IIRC even in Europe several countries until recently had an approved list of names derived from Christian beliefs. You could choose only from that list when making an official registration.

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Anonymous Coward

Christian names

Hence the stories about French overseas territories, where locals with little education would choose the Saint's name from a calendar based on the child's birth date to be sure they were following the rules. Allegedly every village had at least one child called Fetnat, who was born on July 14th.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Christian names

"[...] would choose the Saint's name from a calendar based on the child's birth date [...]"

A friend from Sweden gets two "birthdays". One for the day she was born - and one for her name's calendar "name" day. Pity the child named for being born on their particular name day.

Was the origin of the custom in fact to name a child for the calendar's name day to avoid too many local duplicates?

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Exactly.

Why pay hundreds of pounds for a personalised number plate when it's cheaper to change your name by deed poll to match your current plate?

Regards,

CF 52 JFY (Mr).

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Also

You do get some parents...

I've come across a number of kids ( mostly girls for some reason) with Irish spelt names, but the English pronunciation of the spelling. - Presumably parents have seen it written, but aren't Irish themselves, or something, I dunno. So, for example, Seana spoken as "Seen'er".

Also,

We've had two or three kids (girls again) in schools over the years called "Channel" by their parents. Possibly spelt correctly as "Chanel" by the parents, who've copied it off the label. But that's not how they say the name. No joke icon, because it really isn't.

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