back to article User spent 20 minutes trying to move mouse cursor, without success

Welcome again to On-Call, in which The Register brings you readers’ tales of tech support traumas. This week, meet “Wanda”, who found herself called upon to some citizen sysadminnery when shopping. Wanda’s story started with a broken mobile phone and a desire to replace it. Said desire took her into a retail outlet where a …


  1. Wilseus

    Not too long ago

    I was at customer the customer services counter at my local supermarket asking them to add some points onto my loyalty card. They can't scan the card there, they have to key in the long serial number.

    "Sorry we can't do this today, the number keys have stopped working, We can't understand it!"

    I asked, "have you tried pressing the Num Lock key?"

    That's all it was.

    1. onefang Silver badge

      Re: Not too long ago

      A friend of mine, long ago in the days of dial up, couldn't get her shiny new university computer account to work, so she asked me to have a look. So we sat down at her computer, she fired up the software, showing me it's complete failure to work, I reached out slowly and dramatically, then pressed the break key. The thing burst into life.

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I spent the evening in a police station in Ireland once because of reasons, and they couldn't discharge me as their printer wasn't working so I eventually got fed up of waiting and asked if I could fix it, (reinstalling drivers etc.) which I did and was able to very shortly go on my merry way!

    1. Steve Aubrey

      There's always reasons . . .

    2. The Oncoming Scorn Silver badge

      Did you fix it without charge?

  3. Ken Mitchell

    Very Similar Problem

    I spent 20 years as a computer trainer. I was sent out to do software training for a company where everybody had their own laptops with built-in trackballs. (LONG ago.) One user could make the cursor move up and down, but not side-to-side. Classic dirty mouse symptoms. So I turned the retaining ring, popped out the trackball, and looked in. This model laptop was light gray plastic, but hers was orange, and gritty.

    I asked her "What have you been eating?". She held up her (orange) fingers and said "Cheetos". It took about 15 minutes to scrape the Cheeto-dust off the rollers in that trackball well. .

  4. Chairman of the Bored Silver badge

    A pint for Wanda

    Any lady willing to manipulate a perfect stranger's fuzzy balls is okay. Just sayin'

  5. Tom 7 Silver badge

    I used to occasionally work in a clean room

    where microchips were made. Air was filtered, everyone wore suits covering everything and you had to tear your feet off the sticky mat in the airlock that sucked every last piece of shit off the suit and very nearly the suit too.

    You could open the PCs in there and not see a trace of dust after a couple of years even on the outgoing filters. The mice rollers would still get covered in blue grey lint. I think it must be created by quantum fluctuations and dark matter is really the stuff that doesnt stick to mice rollers.

  6. Grant Fromage

    I have too many Words and i must share. God bless Harlan Ellison.

    I have no shock reactions to keyboards left. A work colleague was sorting out a very expensive keyboard and it was clogged with pubes, the lady in that position was a perfect hair colour match and I had to ask her what was going on and she came up with some rubbish about eyebrows.Eyebrow hair isn`t thick and curtly

    The head of Cleaning had told me of a whoops when she had been caught bush trimming at early am, There was a high def ( by late 90`s standards) camera on a very flexible mount for letter and newspaper and other capture, she had been using this to give a view to trim the lower bits of her lady garden and that combined with time of deleted frames when turned on explains all. There were still 2 frames of her lady parts in splendid formation that were somehow locked ( not me)

    I got a beer out with her to delete these, the cosmetics were ok but there was no-one home, "having sex with a dim woman remains the first step on the downward staircase towards bestiality"

    1. W.S.Gosset Bronze badge

      Re: I have too many Words and i must share. God bless Harlan Ellison.

      upvote partly for the brain-is-a-sex-organ realisation but mostly for the "I have no mouth but I must scream" reference.

      For everyone else, if you haven't read this CLASSIC sci-fi short-story, take 10mins now:

      "I have no mouth but I must scream"

      by Harlan Ellison

      Possibly THE all-time classic. It will live with you for life...

  7. Floz

    “In a short time the mouse was working properly, and two millennials now had a history lesson in mouse balls.”

    BWAHAHAHA, I can think of a few underlings that could use a lesson or two in "mouse-balls"


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