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back to article Reg reader achieves bronze badge, goes directly to jail

Those of you who've been knocking around the El Reg forums for a while will know that we have a badge system designed to honour invaluable Reg reader contributions to the site, or at least acknowledge a certain degree of commitment to giving forth. To get a foot on the first step on the ladder of glory - the bronze badge - you …

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  1. Danny 2

    un Wanted Man

    It's me. I got thrown out my own trial and I can't even get arrested now.

    I was told by my lawyer, court appointed against my wishes, to expect a prison sentence - the actual 'crime' is a bit tech related and a bit funny but I'll save that story for my release.

    The trial though is after 11 months of 'intermediate diets' that started off daft but have descended into farce. I got ejected from the court today for wearing my jacket 'disrespectfully' (back to front, I was freezing) and told to wait in the corridor. The Sheriff hadn't even arrived, he always turns up late. Then a court official from the next court ejected me from the corridor, even though I had my jacket on the right way. I went to the PF office and go told to wait in the corridor and my lawyer would sort it out, was ejected again so I asked a cop in the cafe to arrest me - which they refused to do without a warrant.

    I'm all psyched up for prison but this is doing my head in, so I go for a long walk. I don't want to waste police time so I go back at 4pm, the court is meant to run until 5pm but they've obviously ejected all the criminals and finished early. I ask at the PF office if a warrant has been issued for me, yes there has. Good, can I turn myself in now then? Well, the paper-works not been done yet, the PF may invite you in or send out officers to look for you. I'm difficult to contact, can I just go to the police station and ask to be arrested? You can ask.

    Which I did, and no they wouldn't. I'll try again tomorrow. The relative sanity of a police cell is increasingly inviting just now but seemingly they are hard to break into. Je suis agitée par les vagues, et ne sombre pas.

    30 0 Reply
    1. Martin Summers Silver badge
      Reply Icon

      Re: un Wanted Man

      Kudos for coming forward. I look forward to a follow up article featuring you soon! So long as someone from El Reg actually spotted your post that is.

      5 0 Reply
      1. Danny 2
        Reply Icon

        Re: un Wanted Man

        Ta, and thanks to Drew for the shock of seeing me in the headlines when even the local papers wouldn't be interested.

        I should fix one thing, "We'd like to assure readers that nothing D**** has posted *here* in the last 12 months merits jail time".

        15 0 Reply
        1. Anonymous Coward
          Reply Icon
          Gimp

          Re: un Wanted Man

          mostdegradingrevengepornever.com?

          1 0 Reply
    2. Geoffrey W
      Reply Icon

      Re: un Wanted Man

      Blimey. Don't go to sleep. You'll probably wake up and find you've transformed into a gigantic insect

      3 0 Reply
      1. Anonymous Coward
        Reply Icon
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: un Wanted Man

        a bit kafkaesque surely?

        1 0 Reply
  2. Disko
    Coat

    any

    gold members

    ...

    0 0 Reply
  3. Cynic_999

    Well I'm not a bronze member, a silver member or a gold member. I'm a country member.

    3 0 Reply
    1. Martin Budden Silver badge
      Reply Icon

      I remember.

      3 0 Reply
    2. Michael Thibault
      Reply Icon

      >I'm a country member.

      Which? Country matters.

      1 0 Reply
      1. Martin Budden Silver badge
        Reply Icon
        Joke

        @Michael Thibault

        I'll repeat the joke, as it may not be well known outside Australia:

        When Sir Winton Turnbull (a rural MP) was rambling on in Parliament and said: "I am a Country member" the Prime Minister Gough Whitlam interjected "I remember". Sir Winton could not understand why, for the first time in all the years he had been speaking in the House, there was instant and loud applause from both sides.

        5 0 Reply
        1. Michael Thibault
          Reply Icon

          Re: @Michael Thibault

          >it may not be well known outside Australia

          It isn't. For good reason. That dawned on me. Very. Slowly. Possibly due to the time difference. Different strokes...

          2 0 Reply
  4. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
    Go

    I am not a number

    I am a Bronze Badge Holder

    says Prisoner 6######

    (GO - to jail icon)

    2 0 Reply
  5. zanto
    Facepalm

    badges and prison

    Been a part of the reg for a long time now. Although I don't post as often as I need to in order to get a badge. Somewhere during this time, I did get married though.

    2 0 Reply
    1. Danny 2
      Reply Icon
      Happy

      Re: badges and prison

      Getting married counts, and all that sort of love-and-children type success. I often feel jealous of my best friend for that very reason, and although his eldest son is my god-son that is vicarious.

      But his wife doesn't like James Spader so he doesn't get to watch 'The Black List', and I do. And his kids love 'Impractical Jokers' so he has to watch that, and I don't.

      Swings and roundabouts I guess.

      4 0 Reply
  6. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
    Coat

    If this was The Mail

    There'd be a petition by now to strip him of his Bronze Badge.

    3 0 Reply
    1. Danny 2
      Reply Icon

      Re: If this was The Mail

      If it's any consolation to Mail readers, but the time I'm likely to get out I'll have lost my bronze badge qualification.

      4 0 Reply
    2. Chika
      Reply Icon
      Coat

      Re: If this was The Mail

      That's assuming that they haven't already found a report somewhere that states that bronze badges are carcinogenic, of course!

      1 0 Reply
  7. JWG

    And I'm supposed to care - why? To be honest, most of my comments wouldn't make it past the foul language censors (I've been in IT since prehistoric times, the 1970s when I was a COBOL and RPG III guru (God, I'm old). Starting in the early '80's, moved into infrastructure (which didn't exist as a title for another 20 years). I am one of the Original Bastards in America, though my real name is unknown, being I'm an autistic and didn't remain long enough at any company to be known to anyone. Never could find that one spot I could have survived in. I, however, as a contractor, did many projects at Microsoft, Intel, Xerox, Symantec, and more than a few contract companies that have gone away over the years. Lots of great experience: CPU Debug Engineer, Software Test Engineer, Senior Technical Project Manager, Senior Customer Service Engineer (Third tier). There were odds and ends as fill-in BOFH, App Dev, etc. Oh, you were talking about Bronze Badges - We ain't got no stinkin' badges...

    2 1 Reply
    1. Danny 2
      Reply Icon

      "This post has been deleted by a moderator"

      That was me, that was, and why should you care, when you are a bit older, and more talented and experienced, and maybe, just maybe more autistic, and you crack the same 'stinkin badges' quote already played to death a dozen times on this thread...

      Well maybe to give you hope, if a loser like me can make it to these giddy heights of Bronze Star, surely the most precious metal, and monopolise a thread, maybe you will aim for something better to do with your last night of freedom. I recommend prostitutes and cocaine if you can afford them, they sound nice. Unfortunately I have no beer left and only you. Or fortunately, maybe.

      Hints: don't drop all your boasts in the one post; for example, in my last salaried role my first call for MS tech support was an MS VP.

      Hints: and then immediately follow through with true self-depreciation; I was too intimidated by his wealth ever to call him for help.

      I get a lot of up-votes not because I'm informative, up-to-date, or knowledgeable. I get a lot of up-votes because I'm a loser, I know it and revel in it, my idiocy amuses some of you and make you think how lucky you are you aren't me. It's funny because it's true. More than that though, I assume a handful of people here admire my sheer resilience so far - 'if that loser can keep joking here on his last night of freedom, maybe what I fear is survivable'. Fluctuat nec mergitur, tossed by the waves and not sunk yet, soon to be tossed by other prisoners though and not looking forward to that.

      8 0 Reply
    2. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken
      Reply Icon

      And I'm supposed to care - why?

      You're not 'supposed' to - it's your decision whether you care or not. You choose to post a comment of +170 words. Looks to me like you do care after all. ('Caring' goes both ways.)

      On a related note:

      Allison: Professor King is a nobel laureate and noted astrophysicist.

      Jack: Wow. Um, well, I'm captain of my division softball team.

      2 0 Reply

  8. This post has been deleted by its author

  9. jonfr

    Bade system, upvotes, aliens?

    While I don't know or care what this person did go in jail for. I hope just for minor offence, anything more serious would be awful, since it made the news.

    1 0 Reply

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