back to article The ultimate full English breakfast – have your SAY

A turf war has broken out among the scribes at Vulture Towers North over the fried delicacies that should and should not be included in the world famous Full English gut buster Breakfast. Based as El Reg is, in deepest hipster central - East London - we've witnessed people starting their day in local coffee shops, consuming …

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    1. smudge Silver badge

      Re: And for the days when a lighter meal might be considered

      how should they be served?

      Not within 50 miles of me.

      1. Chris G Silver badge

        Re: And for the days when a lighter meal might be considered

        The best serving of kipper I can remember was some decades back at a mate's wedding.

        Before he and the new missus went off in his Cortina, the best man wedged a kipper on the exhaust manifold,apparently the smell lingered for the whole two weeks of the honeymoon.

        I wouldn't want to eat one though.

      2. Phil O'Sophical Silver badge

        Re: And for the days when a lighter meal might be considered

        Well, I must admit I'm disappointed over the lack of support for the finest Craster and Manx produce. All the more for me, I suppose...

        1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

          Re: And for the days when a lighter meal might be considered

          "Well, I must admit I'm disappointed over the lack of support for the finest Craster and Manx produce. All the more for me, I suppose..."

          Like you, I also enjoy a kipper now and then, but it has no place whatsoever in a Full English.

          (Full disclosure, by kipper, I mean the fishy goodness. The political kippers can also be fun, but only in a "playing with your food" kind of way)

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: And for the days when a lighter meal might be considered

      I can think of a lot of things I'd like to do with 'kippers. The G&S line about "something humorous but lingering..." would seem to be appropriate, given the distinctly unfunny and lingering fate they've inflicted on the UK.

      1. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge

        Re: And for the days when a lighter meal might be considered

        Leave the politics out of it. We're discussing something more important and more partisan than mere politics.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: And for the days when a lighter meal might be considered

        distinctly unfunny and lingering fate

        You appear to be in the wrong thread, this is for Breakfast not Brexit.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: And for the days when a lighter meal might be considered

          But "Brexit means breakfast!" Or did I mishear?

  1. smudge Silver badge
    Holmes

    from north of the border

    The Scots amongst us will also recognise the importance of:

    - haggis - most likely as an alternative to the black pudding - had this in a hotel in Orkney this month, and it was delicious

    - a slice of fried fruit pudding - to be honest, I'm not a big fan of fruit with meat (see also some types of curry, and also pineapple on gammon) but it is traditional.

    Sherlock because he wore an Inverness cape.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: from north of the border

      How about a fried Mars bar too?

      1. Pen-y-gors Silver badge

        Re: from north of the border

        How about a fried Mars bar too?

        Not for breakfast - strictly an after pub and before hospital delicacy.

  2. Vinyl-Junkie
    Pint

    Personally...

    ...my ultimate home cooked Full English (usually pre-beer festival for its absorbent qualities!) consists of:

    Two sausages, one pork and herb and one pork (local butchers, 85% meat), grilled

    Two rashers of smoked back bacon, grilled until they're safe, but not much more (also locally reared and cured)

    Two lambs kidneys, butterflied and cleaned, grilled

    Two slices of large black pudding, or half a small pudding sliced, grilled

    Heinz baked beans

    Two grilled tomatoes

    Around 250g of closed cup mushrooms, thickly sliced and fried in olive oil

    1 large flat mushroom, grilled

    Fried egg (over-easy as our Colonial friends put it)

    Thick slice of bread, cut from a loaf and neither toasted, buttered nor fried (put on the plate first and with the beans poured over)

    Worcestershire sauce on the beans, no other sauces

    If I happen to have any left over potatoes in the fridge I'll slice them and fry them with the mushrooms

    Icon because of what usually follows starting about two hours afterwards and for the rest of the day!

  3. Mycho Silver badge

    Fried OR scrambled eggs?

    Since when was this either/or? Fried on the left, scrambled on the right, meat in the middle and plant produce where it will fit.

    1. Vic

      Re: Fried OR scrambled eggs?

      plant produce where it will fit.

      The bin?

      Vic.

      1. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

        Re: Fried OR scrambled eggs?

        The bin?

        No - he[1] won't eat it. Compost heap is the best place.. (vegetables - the stuff you feed to food..).

        [1] The dog. He'll chew it and then spit it out all over the carpet..

        1. Mycho Silver badge
          Pint

          Re: Fried OR scrambled eggs?

          Baked beans are okay. And they're from plants. So is beer for that matter, not that I have tried it for breakfast since university.

  4. Jay 2

    For me, I would expect the following:

    Sausages, bacon, eggs (fried or scrambled), beans, grilled tomato, some buttered toast and a cuppa, the availability of both tomato and brown sauce

    Optional extras that I wouldn't say no to, but are not essential:

    Black pudding, mushrooms, hash browns, fried bread, orange juice

  5. rmason Silver badge

    I'm shocked by the amount of folk suggesting hash browns.

    NO.

    They have no place on a full *English* breakfast. Heathens.

    1. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge

      I'm also surprised by the popularity of poor quality sausages and beans. And the lack of black pudding on many lists.

      What is this? France?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        What is this? France?

        Black Pudding qv Boudin Noir

  6. LegalAlien

    Regency Cafe

    In Pimlico, best full English breakfasts ever. Also cool that the mega violent Layer Cake film scene was filmed there.

  7. Dave 126 Silver badge

    Great. Now I've got Procol Harem's A Whiter Shade of Pale in my head, set to images of eggs being fried in grease.

    1. Admiral Grace Hopper

      We are certainly drifting into the arena of the unwell.

  8. Aladdin Sane Silver badge

    GNU TERRY PRATCHETT

    “They don't go in for the fancy or exotic, but stick to conventional food like flightless bird embryos, minced organs in intestine skins, slices of hog flesh and burnt ground grass seeds dipped in animal fats; or, as it is known in their patois, egg, sausage, bacon and a fried slice of toast.”

    ― Terry Pratchett, Mort

  9. wiggers

    I'd go for fried egg (runny), sausage, smoked back bacon, tomato, and mushrooms fried in butter. I have tea first thing but freshly ground filter coffee with double cream float after breakfast.

  10. Franco Silver badge

    Tattie Scone is another essential ingredient north of the border, and most of us up here will also prefer square sausage. It's pronounced "squerr", it's never called Lorne and it almost certainly isn't actually square, but such are the ways of things.

    As an aside, seeing as hipsters are the cause of this article, a story from the 80s.

    The Glasgow Herald (as was, now just The Herald) used to run a column called Tom Shield's Diaries for it's more irreverant stories. Concerned about the gentrification of Glasgow in the yuppie era, they ran a comparison of the working man's breakfast in the 70s vs the 80s.

    Then:-

    Bacon, sausage, black pudding, fried egg, tattie scone, all wrapped in a city bakeries roll

    Now:-

    Bacon, sausage, black pudding, fried egg, tattie scone, all wrapped in a city bakeries croissant.

    1. Chris G Silver badge

      Croissant

      Croissants have their place (Parisian railway station cafe) but are not breakfast.

      How can you take something that looks,as though a baker had a bit of dough left over and didn't know what to do with it so he rolled it up and threw it in the oven anyway, as a serious part of ' the most important meal of the day' ?

  11. Richard Wharram

    The basics

    3 well-cooked sausages

    Tinned tomatoes with loads of pepper (over the sausages)

    2 extra-crispy slices of smoked back bacon

    2 hash browns

    1 fried egg (runny yolk for dipping in)

    1 slice of black pudding

    1 slice of fried white bread

    Quantities may be increased in times of need.

  12. Winkypop Silver badge
    Flame

    Amateurs!

    Bacon, sausages (2), poached egg (2) (runny), fried tomato (half), thick toast (2), black AND white pudding, mushrooms, hash brown, baked beans and HP sauce! Oh, and espresso coffee, no tea.

    1. Aladdin Sane Silver badge

      Re: Amateurs!

      Poached egg? Coffee?

      Rebel scum.

  13. GruntyMcPugh Silver badge

    Two bacon, rashers, not smoked.

    Two sausages, Lincolnshire.

    Fried bread.

    Fried egg with a runny yoke.

    Mushrooms.

    Beans.

    Mug of tea.

    No sauce required. Tomatoes are an abomination. Hash browns aren't English.

    1. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge

      On a diet?

  14. Jason Bloomberg Silver badge
    Stop

    Bloody Brits!

    It's chlorine-washed chicken, hormone-stuffed burgers and chemically created cheese slices for me. Served on a bed of E-numbers and additives.

    I have been preparing for brexit and a US trade deal for months now. It's not bad once one has gotten used to it. I've lost a lot of weight and one quickly gets used to the diarrhoea.

    1. ukgnome Silver badge
      Headmaster

      Re: Bloody Brits!

      Why would you put them on a bed of E numbers and not FDA approved additives?

      1. Phil O'Sophical Silver badge
        Coat

        Re: Bloody Brits!

        Why would you put them on a bed of E numbers and not FDA approved additives?

        It's a soft Brex̶i̶t̶akfast.

  15. GlenP Silver badge

    For me:

    In no particular order:

    Unsmoked bacon (just crispy, not burnt)

    Sausages (pref. Cumberland)

    Fried Egg (runny yolk)

    Fried/grilled tomato

    Fried Bread

    Black Pudding

    Beans and hash browns are acceptable but not traditional.

    Regional variations such as haggis or potato cakes are also fine.

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    There's a Learned Society for everything...

    http://www.englishbreakfastsociety.com/index.html

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Does the method of cooking have a significant effect?

    Whether I use the frying pan, griddle, or electric grill - I can never reproduce the Sunday morning fry-ups of my childhood. They were cooked on a tin or aluminium plate under a fierce gas grill. The bacon would not only be crisp - but the rind would "pop" to double its volume. Very crisp with a texture like a Crunchie bar.

    There would be unsmoked bacon - possibly sausage or black pudding too. A runny yoke egg. Then grated "yellow" or "white" cheese which melted into a colourful pool against the juice of the tinned plum tomatoes. Possibly a spoonful of Heinz beans. No sauce in our house - even though pals ate "The Perishers" style ketchup sandwiches.

    If it wasn't Sunday then there was a slice of fried white bread. On Sunday we would go to the Potteries oatcake*** shop round the corner while the breakfast was being cooked. The griddle range was set up in someone's front room and open for a very limited number of hours in the week.

    The oatcakes had to be eaten warm as finger food - wrapped round a portion of fry-up with the grease running down your fingers. The trick was to load it just short of the point where the sharp bacon would otherwise rupture the thin oatcake and cause it to start disintegrating.

    A sophisticated addition in later years were sliced button mushrooms. My sister won a bet of 1/- from our father for daring to eat those.

    ***Potteries oatcakes are like a thin pancake or a crêpe - but made with fine oatmeal and yeast.

    1. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge

      Are you frying in vegetable oil? Lard may be your missing ingredient.

      ( Unfortunately SWMBO'd hates the smell of lard, which severely curtails the quality of our full englishes ).

      1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

        "Are you frying in vegetable oil? Lard may be your missing ingredient."

        Lard? Are you a southerner? Beef dripping all the way! Sadly, very difficult to get proper beef dripping with the pale brown colour these days. It's all filtered and clarified to a pasty white mush with no flavour. Use it and drain it back into a mug and leave in the fridge. After three or four fry-ups it starts get some proper flavour!

  18. PhilipN Silver badge

    White pudding??????????

    Gawd awlmighty. This may be Bootnotes but puh-lease be serious.

    1. Pen-y-gors Silver badge

      Re: White pudding??????????

      Fine, but in context - in Scotland, after the pub, a small whole white pudding, battered and deep fried, to accompany the chips. Heart attack in a bag, but ooooh, so tasty.

    2. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

      Re: White pudding??????????

      This may be Bootnotes but puh-lease be serious.

      Also known as "Hogs Pudding" - basically black pudding without the blood. Made for people with an aversion to eating blood..

      It can be quite nice but is often bland, especially if made with insufficient pepper.

      1. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge

        Re: White pudding??????????

        So it's a pile of oats and spices? What holds it together?

        1. Mycho Silver badge

          Re: White pudding??????????

          What holds it together?

          The tears of angels.

          1. jake Silver badge

            Re: White pudding??????????

            White pudding has just enough pork to act as a binder. I make it a few times a year.

            I also make "Tom Thumb" which is a kind of sausage stuffed into a pig's appendix. Tasty, but seeing as you can only make one per pig ...

  19. lee harvey osmond

    poached? mustard? rocket?

    Eggs to be fried by default, options include poached or scrambled.

    In the case of fried or poached, the yolk is to be soft.

    Tomato ketchup, or brown sauce, or mustard. Or several.

    I have heard of some establishments where I live, in God's Own Southend-On-Sea, providing a sprinkling of rocket on the fryup. This is an abomination and my Inquisition will be dealing with it.

    1. Vic

      Re: poached? mustard? rocket?

      a sprinkling of rocket on the fryup. This is an abomination and my Inquisition will be dealing with it.

      "Salad isn't food. Salad is what food eats".

      Vic.

  20. ukgnome Silver badge

    2 eggs - fried

    1 fried bread

    1 toast

    tomato - grilled or tinned

    beans

    2 x hash browns (or other potato product)

    2 rasher bacon

    2 sausages

    Mushrooms (fried in butter)

  21. frank ly Silver badge

    Turf War?

    It's a doctrinal jihad!

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