back to article Reg reader achieves bronze badge, goes directly to jail

Those of you who've been knocking around the El Reg forums for a while will know that we have a badge system designed to honour invaluable Reg reader contributions to the site, or at least acknowledge a certain degree of commitment to giving forth. To get a foot on the first step on the ladder of glory - the bronze badge - you …

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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I'm wondering why people (including the article author) are referring to the perp as a "He".

    1. Irony Deficient

      “He”

      Anonymous Coward, perhaps because (epicene) “He” requires fewer keystrokes than either (singular) “They” or “He/She”.

      1. Dave 126 Silver badge

        Re: “He”

        The article author knows which posts belong to this convicted commentard. There may be a clue as to their sex in their posts.

        1. Pompous Git Silver badge
          Paris Hilton

          Re: “He”

          There are commentards having sex in their posts? Erk...

          1. earl grey
            Trollface

            Re: “He”

            To be more inclusive now you should use s/he-it.

          2. The First Dave

            Re: “He”

            Only with myself...

  2. Aitor 1

    Pot money

    We could put some money and try to contact him to send him a gift, postcard whatever.

    He seemed quite angry at his lawyer for putting him on the spam list.. and was affected by the swiss secure web service shutdown.. he lost emails important for his defense.

    1. Danny 2
      Pint

      Re: Pot money

      What a nice thought, but no donations necessary. It was enough to see this unsolicited thread as the first headline I read after coming out of a mad day in court, as I now know I'm able to survive a heart-attack event.

      ProtonMail being down didn't lose my emails, just delayed things. My lawyer has unspammed me, although I doubt he'll ever be my Facebook friend now. My anger has effervesced into utter bemusement. This anecdote will be funny 'in time' but right now the jokes on me - I mean, how does anyone manage to get thrown out of their own trial without being able to get arrested? I was expecting Porridge but this is a legal version of Fawlty Towers, unfortunately with me as Manuel.

      At various points over the past 11 months I've been asked about my mental health, I assumed out of concern, now I realise they were just checking if they'd done enough yet.

      Unless you actually meant money for cannabis, in which case I'd say yes, that might help. I am afraid I don't know any dealers (yet, I guess I'll meet some inside) except the complainant. And bail restrictions forbid me from approaching them.

      Beer Icon, because that's what I spent my last bus-fare on.

  3. Chika

    I was evicted from my dingey lair...

  4. Haku

    I wonder if we'll get any special priviliges based on how low our user number is.

  5. 45RPM Silver badge

    I visited a friend in chokey once. I got frisked and x-rayed for drugs - which I, as a tweedy kind of a bloke, thought was hiliarious. I don’t do anything stronger than whisky, tea and bacon.

    They took dabs too. So presumably I’m on record somewhere.

    1. Martin Summers Silver badge

      "They took dabs too"

      It's Dabbs, but thanks I wondered where his article was this week.

    2. Pompous Git Silver badge
      Meh

      Chokey

      I got asked what it was like in prison once. Said I didn't know and the interlocutor said: "Well that's funny. Isn't that where you've been the last couple of years?"

      Apparently there had been a picture of me robbing a bank on the front page of one of the Melbourne papers. Except it wasn't me.

      1. herman

        Re: Chokey

        Well, with the handle 'Chokey', are you sure you are not a sleep walker? Found a big wad of cash in front of your bed one day and wondered where it came from? That may be why...

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Chokey

        > there had been a picture of me robbing a bank on the front page of one of the Melbourne papers. Except it wasn't me.

        Well, you would say that, wouldn't you?

  6. Brewster's Angle Grinder Silver badge
    Holmes

    Who's stopped posting? C'mon, we should be able to work it out...

    1. James O'Shea

      Well, I'm still here. Even though I've taken to answering telemarketer calls with "You have reached the Palm Beach County Sheriff's Office Anti-Fraud Task Force. Please hold." Somehow I suspect that Sheriff Rick "An M16 in every squadcar" Bradshaw (yes, he actually said that...)o won't be too happy to find out that he has a task force which might look into what he perpetuated in the last election.

  7. drone2903 in Kanuckistant

    Not me !

    Got scared. Thought it was me for a second.. Then I remember: I don't post enough to have the bronze medal... Phew!

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Happy

    I recently made Siliver

    So now I can look down on all you Bronze chasers..... PLEBS!!!

    1. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge
      Paris Hilton

      Re: I recently made Siliver

      Bang goes any chance you might have had of being awarded a Gold Star then.

      Govel, grovel...

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Gimp

        Re: I recently made Siliver

        No chance I would have made Gold anyway, too many people come in here after a sense-of-humour bypass.

        Mind you, some of my jokes are so bad, my 2y/o daughter laughs at them.

        (Not me, the missus with one of her "beauty" masks on).

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Getting badges

    Retired with time on hands, had a job that involved working in more than one professional field, but including IT, opinionated. Genuinely knowledgeable helps but not essential,

    AC because, well, it's embarrassing.

  10. Christopher Lane
  11. Christopher Lane
  12. Christopher Lane
  13. Christopher Lane

    have...

  14. Christopher Lane
  15. Christopher Lane
  16. Christopher Lane
  17. Christopher Lane

    submit...

  18. Christopher Lane
  19. Christopher Lane

    hundred...

    1. This post has been deleted by its author

  20. Christopher Lane
    1. Martin Summers Silver badge

      No you have to stop doing stupid things like spam comment sections.

      1. Christopher Lane
        Joke

        oooooo hark at you...someones had a humour bypass ;-)

        1. Martin Summers Silver badge

          If that counts as humour in your world then apparently so.

        2. PNGuinn
          Trollface

          @ Christopher Lane

          Have a dozen or so downvotes.

    2. 45RPM Silver badge

      Err… Yes. But you also need to have a certain number of upvotes - and this isn’t a great way of getting those.

      Must try harder, I’m afraid. Quality as well as quantity.

      1. Christopher Lane

        Like I'm worried...it's a bootnotes article. Now were it a serious piece of journalism about Crypto4/SAN all flash arrays/Net neutrality etc I could understand the "humour removed at birth" individual above. However I shall accept my downvotes with joy, join them together in a daisy chain about my head and poke a flower down each of your barrels...peace out brothers and sisters!

    3. Pirate Dave Silver badge
      Pirate

      We used to call this "Darranting"...

      http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=darrant

  21. speedbird007
    Happy

    HMP Elreg

    Apart from the last 12 posts (trying too hard lads) this thread has been most entertaing today.

    Prefer Badgers to badges/badgelets btw.

    If the commentard called D***** has really gone on holiday at her Majesty's expense I expect a postcard to be displayed on El Reg sometime soon.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: HMP Elreg

      BA pilot by any chance?

  22. greenawayr

    Badges???

    We don't need no stinkin' badges

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Facepalm

      Re: Badges???

      Well wash them, then they wont stink, so much

  23. John Sanders
    Megaphone

    Why have badges...

    ...When you can have good old badgers?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EIyixC9NsLI

  24. John Sanders

    Also I hate...

    ...The badge coming and going...

    One just does not have so much time to spend on the interwebs any more!

  25. MeRp

    Snitches get stitches... non-lurkers get jail time. Got it!

  26. John Stoffel

    obligatory commentard comment for bronze wanna-be

    I want my broze too! Hold on officer... be right with you.

    1. Ken Moorhouse Silver badge

      Re: broze

      I see what you did there

      http://web2.broze.be/

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