Jokes of no more than 2 lines

My wife says she's leaving me because of my obsession with Football Manager. In my defence, I have Kompany, Vidic, Alves and Lahm Boom. NEXT

This topic was created by Charles Calthrop .

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America.

The free......

(2 lines and bloody hilarious)

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Bush shoe game.

http://www.sockandawe.com/

Anyone bored?

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I went to a pub quiz in Liverpool last night. I won.....

I put Stevie Gerrard for every answer.

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I secretly swapped over all the chocolate bars and wrappers in our fridge the other day.

My missus didn't find it at all funny though, she got her Snickers in a Twix.

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How do you get your wife to notice your new car made out of spaghetti?

You need to drive pasta.

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Here's a Christmas one...

I’ve bought my nephew and niece a colonoscopy set for Christmas.

I can’t wait to see their little faeces.

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Happy

Ah bad jokes...

I have developed an irrational fear of enclosed grottoes.

Yes, I suffer from santaclaustrophobia.

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This post has been deleted by a moderator

I’ve been prescribed an anti-gloating cream…

It hurts when you rub it in.

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Learned to slash his asshole, sat down on the stump and gasped

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Coat

What sounds does a quantum duck make?

Quark, Quark

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