Jokes of no more than 2 lines

My wife says she's leaving me because of my obsession with Football Manager. In my defence, I have Kompany, Vidic, Alves and Lahm Boom. NEXT

This topic was created by Charles Calthrop .

America.

The free......

(2 lines and bloody hilarious)

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Bronze badge

Bush shoe game.

http://www.sockandawe.com/

Anyone bored?

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I went to a pub quiz in Liverpool last night. I won.....

I put Stevie Gerrard for every answer.

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I secretly swapped over all the chocolate bars and wrappers in our fridge the other day.

My missus didn't find it at all funny though, she got her Snickers in a Twix.

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How do you get your wife to notice your new car made out of spaghetti?

You need to drive pasta.

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Here's a Christmas one...

I’ve bought my nephew and niece a colonoscopy set for Christmas.

I can’t wait to see their little faeces.

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Happy

Ah bad jokes...

I have developed an irrational fear of enclosed grottoes.

Yes, I suffer from santaclaustrophobia.

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This post has been deleted by a moderator

I’ve been prescribed an anti-gloating cream…

It hurts when you rub it in.

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Learned to slash his asshole, sat down on the stump and gasped

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Coat

What sounds does a quantum duck make?

Quark, Quark

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my wife didnt believe id made a fully working car out of spaghetti......

you should have seen her face when i drove pasta...

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Here's from my side.

One of my friends told me that ever since they changed genders, their kids won't even look at them anymore..

It's almost as if they have become trans-parent.

it cracked me up completely. Got this one from reddit.

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My wife said that she would let me hang out with other girls.

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paper bag has no idea how he got aids.......

turns out his mom was a carrier..

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