back to article Ten reasons why you shouldn't buy an iPhone 5

Here we are again on iPhone day, and once more the world waits on the edge of its seat to see what the fruitchomp masterminds of Cupertino have in store. We'll tell you what they've got in store - and none of it's good. Without further ado, here are ten points you should ponder before you even think of buying a new iPhone 5. …

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  1. James Hughes 1

    Point 7 has always been the one for me.

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Trolling much?

    Ah, yes, nothing spices up the run up to a new release like a comment article designed to spark a riot on the forums...

  3. This post has been deleted by its author

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Gimp

    nice article

    Logical, reasoned, unbiased debate is great.

    Logical, reasoned, biased debate is better.

  5. David Dawson

    hehe.

  6. TiredOldTrot
    Thumb Down

    Ten reasons why you shouldn't buy this nonsense

    1. I've never, like the majority of users, swopped out a battery in mobile (unless it fails to charge).

    2. Never needed much use a memory card and when I did most implementations are pain in the ....

    3. Obviously the writer's never been in walled garden they can be spectacular.

    4. Applies to most mobiles many are worst.

    5. I want something that works not to compensate for the size of my...

    6. If you have to use Stephen Fry in your argument I've won!

    7. It is not expensive; what it is is not cheap (and nasty).

    8. Same answer as 4

    9. As someone who's quite happy with the size of his equipment I don't get this obsession with size.

    10. I'd have to agree as this advice is something I'd always gone by, but the above 9 points are making me think again.

  7. Simbu
    Mushroom

    Valid points marred

    Unfortunately your valid points about SD cards and batteries pale somewhat into significance when you make irrational arguements like "don't buy a new model because a 2 generations old one didn't have 3G". Or "Stephen Fry wants to copulate with his iPhone, therefore no-one should like it".

    As for the walled garden arguement, i quote The Once-ler when i say "If Apple didn't do it then someone else would have".

    They saw a profitable and successful business model (that consumers evidently like) and went for it. How dare those capitalist pigs...

  8. croaker
    Thumb Up

    good points well made

  9. Neil Greatorex
    Thumb Up

    Spot on Lewis.

    Particularly battery, micro SD slot & call quality.

    Gone back to a Blackberry.

    Heh, downvotes should reach double figures I reckon. :-)

  10. jai

    oh i dunno

    1) Never had a problem with any of mine. Had a few close calls, admittedly, but sometimes it's nice to spend the last 5 minutes walking home from work, listening to the birds in the trees, being aware of the cars zooming past me

    2) if you use iTunes and it's Smart playlists properly, you won't have a need for extra memory.

    3) it would seem that Amazon would wish to argue that walled-garden businesses are the way of the future. buying an iphone or a kindle just puts you at the front of the new age.

    4) but then again, really, who bothers to phone anyone these days? if you can't txt or tweet it, it's not worth saying

    5) not so. all those other fools have the old iphone model. therefore you must be seen with the very brand new on to stand out from the crowd.

    6) Just because he's a celebrity and expresses his opinion, doesn't mean he's wrong. and besides, you don't find many other celebrities gushing about the android alternatives do you?

    7) Same can be said about BMWs and Fords

    8) Surely this is a reason TO buy the new one, as it'll have a new antenna design, rather than the old iPhone4 (on which, i might add, i've yet to find the antenna issue occur without getting cramp in my hand trying to force it to happen)

    9) bigger isn't always better. Bono's sunglasses cover more of his face than other sunglasses, but i still think they look ugly

    10) as before, gotta buy at the start before the hoi poloi get their hands on it

    and there's a great reason to buy the phone:

    just as you've no doubt revelled in trolling the apple fanboys with this article, merely by buying the latest iPhone on release day, we get get to troll every windows and android fanatic at once. and that's worth any amount of apple-taxation :-) :-)

    1. majorursa
      Facepalm

      Google: do no evil.

      Apple: invent a really evil business model and exploit it to the bone; and be proud of it.

      They studied all dirty tricks from M$ and improved them. They should fail as well.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      1)unless it fails to charge... there in lies the point. once the battery no longer holds charge (for whatever reason), the phone is effectively useless. (baring a fiddly warranty voiding procedure or expensive 'repair')

      4) no. it really doesn't. I cant speak for 5/4s, but 4 and its predecessors are near the bottom of the pack.

      6) using column inches for irrelevance isnt you "winning" its lewis losing slightly for padding, because ten is a nice round number

      7) its not expensive if you are well off. It is/will be *more* expensive than most of its competitors. Diamonds aren't expensive if you are filthy rich. £10 for a loaf of bread anyone?

      8) antennagate - if many were similar or worse, we would be complimenting apple on how much better than the competition it is. But it isnt. ie you are wrong.

  11. Camilla Smythe Silver badge

    I assume Apple has not yet replied to your request for a comment....

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    We NEED a popcorn icon...

    I know what I'll be reading this evening...

  13. Lord Lien
    Coat

    Ha Ha.

    Number 6 amused me :)

  14. Paul 135

    Why has it taken el reg FIVE YEARS before sensibly writing what many techies has been screaming all along?

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Troll!

    Surely this entire article is only here as a troll piece, there can be no other reason for it.

  16. Randy Hudson
    Coffee/keyboard

    Death grip

    As an AT&T iPhone 4 owner, I can confirm the deathgrip is real (I'm rarely affected, and I use no case). But, Apple have addressed the issue, which is why the Verizon iPhone 4 was designed with dual aerials. Unless you grip the phone simultaneously at the top and bottom, there's no way to attenuate both.

    Why is the reg still harping about a design issue that was addressed nearly a year ago??

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I agree with all that.

  18. Tubby21288

    I'm sorry but before I take this seriously i'll wait and see what APPLE have to say about it. Where did you get this information from because I'm willing to bet it wasn't Apple. I like giving Apple stick as much as the next average Microsoft Joe however saying it won't have this or won't have that when you know NOTHING about its technical specifications is just stupid.

    How stupid are you going to look if Apple come back and say that some of these features are actually available?

  19. Alexis Vallance
    FAIL

    1. No Swappable Battery

    Personally I don't need to swap the battery and it would mean replacing the glass back with some crappy plasticky hatch.

    2. No Memory Card Slot

    Ditto, 16Gb is fine for me.

    3. Buying iPhones Encourages The Walled-Garden Business Model

    I really don't care what impact buying a product has on the industry as a whole.

    4. Not Actually That Great As A Phone

    This doesn't even make sense. As a 'phone' for making calls, or as a 'smartphone' ie. as a computer?

    5. Scarcely Marks You Out As One Of The Cognoscenti

    If everybody drove Ferrari's would you still not want one?

    6. Stephen Fry Likes It

    I assume you had this when you were scraping the barrel at 10, but moved it to 6 to try and hide it?

    7. Very, Very Expensive For What It Is

    £99 and £35 a month (on 3) isn't expensive. It's not 2007 when the 1G came out any more.

    8. Antenna is Badly Designed

    I honestly have never ever had any problem with the antenna. I'm not left handed, where it might be an issue, but it's not an issue.

    9. You Don't Get Much Screen Considering How Big It Is

    True, but the resolution is so high, it doesn't feel small.

    10. If You Must Buy One, For Pity's Sake Not Now

    Who cares though? If you really really want one, just get one. It's not a fridge-freezer purchase.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      A couple of Ripostes

      5. No, but if everyone was driving Saxos, while talking enthusiastically about how spacious and capacious and fast and powerful they were and how they were the very best car in the world ever, I'd question their grasp on reality. That's a closer analogy. (Ferrari, indeed. You wish.)

      7. On the assumption (a fair one, i believe) that you signed up to a 24-month contract for that deal, you'll be paying nearly a grand for that phone. Mug.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Sensibly?

      Gosh!

  20. Olafthemighty
    Trollface

    Oooo, this could be fun!

    Beer? Check.

    Smokables? Check.

    <sits back and waits for the deluge of anger and fanboishness>

    Top work, Lewis!

  21. Pahhh

    A balance response to a poor sets of arguments

    1- Battery - yes absolutely it is a limitation, but its a compremise over the form factor. By making the battery not removable it allows the iPhone to pact more in that space.

    Secondly, most people dont carry extra batteries. The road warrior now tackles this issue by having differnet methods of recharging the device on the move.

    Your comments on the reasoning to why apple to provide removable batteries demonstrates an incredible lack of understanding to the reason why they never have.

    2- The memory card on the surface sounds like a great argument but in reality its totally flawed. If you have an Android phone, many of your applications are TOTALLY reliant on the on phone memory. So much so that even though you can put a massive SSD card in your phone, you dont have enough space to install more applications because your on-board memory. Secondly, revisit point 1 - not having a slot for a card means you cram more in a smaller form factor.

    3 - This Wall-garden is actually developer heaven. Ok, just in case you are confused, re-read my statement, "developer heaven". In one shop, you have access to the WHOLE of the Apple iPhone customer base. In return Apple get a cut. But its not an unreasonable cut.

    4 - Not a great phone? Really? I've had several Blackberries , Nokias and a few Motos. The Nokias have to bed set were the best phones. All the others werent that good. I was very pleased with the iPhone performance.

    5 - Scarcely Marks You Out As One Of The Cognoscenti - well I can argue against that. If you need to be special and unique and you do that because of the device you own, I think the iPhone is no longer for you. Frankly, you have other issues.

    6 - Stephen Fry Liikes it - ok, that one is kind of compelling argument.

    7 - Very, Very Expensive For What It Is - Yes it is. But many people believe its better an are prepared to pay for it.

    8 - Antenna is Badly Designed - But in reality its been blown out of proportion. I've tested this and the problem is real but I had to make it work.

    9 - You Don't Get Much Screen Considering How Big It Is - Its the best resolution screen on the market but yes it could use more real estate.

    10 - If You Must Buy One, For Pity's Sake Not Now - ....whatever.

  22. Anonymous Coward
    Windows

    Haters gonna hate

    Is the journotard trolling? :D

  23. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Oh poor Lewis, getting himself tied up in knots to come up with something negative about the iPhone. True Brit!

  24. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Well said

    Sure mine will not be the first comment, but I had to say, about time this was pointed out again. The sheep will be along shortly to vent their anger no doubt.

  25. Timjl

    11 . It encourages Apple

    to continue with their vile smug marketing.

    12. Someone might think you are the kind of person that LIKES Apples vile , smug marketing.

    You know, like drinking WKD marks you out as someone who wants people to think of them as a complete twat.

  26. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    actually 9 reasons

    not having a swappable battery means no need for a battery compartment door, nor idiot-proof battery connections and allows the phone to have a stronger structure, and a larger battery...

    Anyone who needs more battery life can buy themselves a external battery pack for far less than the cost of a new phone-specific battery...

    I fully agree with the other 9 reasons though :)

    1. Ivan Headache

      A complete twat

      Is someone who claims that Apple's marketing is vile - while ignoring go compare - which truely is vile.

      Just to enlighten me. why is Apple' marketing smug and vile?

      Surely all marketing is smug and vile,

  27. Steve Evans

    Actually...

    I can't quite believe I am commenting against such an anti-apple article, but #1... "One can see the commercial reasons why Apple doesn't like letting people change batteries in its devices easily"... One can? I can't see any commercial reason. In fact if they were removable, Apple could sell extra batteries for £99.99 a piece and hit their followers up with another huge profit margin.

    The only reason I can see is that it might impact on the design, and Apple are the champions of form over function.

    And #2, well yes, removable storage is very very nice, but a lot of phone manufacturers manage to screw this up by putting the microSD card underneath the battery *d'oh*. So you have to turn the phone off to swap the storage. The Nokia N70, N95 and N97 could both swap it on the fly. In this respect many modern smart phones are going backwards.

    Apart from that, a perfectly good flame-bait of the Appleites. I guess this is a tactically timed post so that all the followers of the one true path are going to be in Covent Garden right now, all sharing the same overloaded mobile mast, and unable to check el-reg?

  28. mrkeithy

    Utter trip

    This article is clear written by somebody very, very biased towards apple. I am by no means a fan of apple, but a few here points, My HTC loses signal if you handle it in a certain way, and are you really going to say a reason not to buy an iPhone is because stephen fry likes it, i mean really.

    Another reason listed, because they are not in fashion, i am not sure you checked, this is a tech news website not the pages of glamour mag.

    On to another point about storage, Who the hell buys a 32gb smart phone and needs more space bar a select few, Jo blogs off the street, is never gonna fill a 32gb iPhone. This article has been written with out considering all aspects and is just a sounding board for some one to hate on a sussfull company.

    The one thing i do like about apple is there control of the apps, the amount of times i have downloaded an app on my android phone and it is caused problems is not worth buying. I would not buy an iPhone because of the battery and because of the issues with the iPhone 4, but what is written here is not objective in any way, is not the first point of journalism objectivity.

    There is some good points raised here about batteries and attenaa, but they are almost entirely ignored because all this biased and un-objective trip. I love this site, but this article is badly written and should never have been posted.

  29. Chika
    FAIL

    Apple. Once viewed as the epitome of the anti-monopoly market. Once seen as one of the big innovators. Amongst other machines, I cut my programming teeth on an Apple ][. And not just in BASIC either.

    I look upon this company, and it has become great but, along the way, I wonder if it has really lost its soul. No doubt the comments that will follow will be the usual fanboi versus whoever, with the usual rhetoric about this article and each other, but I look at Apple now and wonder if they have become more like Microsoft than even Microsoft are these days.

    No, I shall refrain from buying an iPhone. The whole thing seems a little too creepy...

  30. Robert Hill
    Alert

    So, absolutely NO value???

    So absolutely no value given to actually having the most applications available for it's OS?

    Actually, Lewis's equating the entire value of a piece of hardware to JUST the hardware really is pretty worrying, given the import of so much of what he writes (i.e., defense related). Anyone that is promoting himself as an "expert" in these areas should be able to discuss the value of an ecosystem (i.e., related peripherals that actually work with your device/plane/ship, etc.) and the software components of a hardware/software device (i.e., the value of iOS, which is still better than Android at overall usability, if not customization).

    To get it so totally wrong in a simple phone tantrum makes me very much worry about his ability to properly judge the larger defense procurement issues...

  31. Wayne

    Talk about just baiting people for the ad impressions ...

    "A company which would do that is unlikely to have raised its game much today, and it can't have done much about it in the case of the 4S."

    You're really advising against buying something that you've never seen or used on the basis that they got something wrong with an older model ?

    On that basis, you shouldn't buy any phone, ever!

  32. Colin Millar
    Pirate

    Oh yes

    Lets get in early on the iChav wars.

    Haven't got anything to say about the article but that never mattered on these threads anyway.

    Congrats to Lewis on kicking the hornet's nest so thoroughly

  33. TheOtherJola
    Thumb Up

    This.

    Bookmarked. Thanks.

  34. Annihilator
    Unhappy

    Some truth in some of the points

    But really, does anyone really like the person in the corner of a party telling people the drinks are rubbish because it's "not a proper pint", the music is too loud and not "proper" music and that they're having fun all wrong?

    Best quote I saw from someone recently "As with most discussions on the Internet, it has nothing to do with objective merits, just runaway emotion and unstated difference of premise."

    If someone comes along and tells you why your phone is wrong and that their Apple phone is so much better, than feel free to make these points to them. But if they're just quietly getting on with their lives, owning a phone they believe is the right choice for them, then just leave them the fuck alone.

    The levels of vitriol saddens me. As do the number of down-votes this will get.

  35. Loyal Commenter Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    Oh Lewis

    I hope you have your flame-proof coat on, I think I hear a stampede of Apple apologists coming over the horizon waving their pitchforks. Best make for the hills now, while you still have time.

  36. NoneSuch
    Thumb Up

    Here, here...

    Well said.

  37. Term
    Paris Hilton

    But, but, but...

    You're trying to use logic here, with the iPhone fanboi, it has nothing to do with logic!

    As you've already said, it's a fashion statement and as with all things fashion related it's got nothing to do with logic.

  38. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Thumbs down for moaning about the antenna and screensize before it's even announced!

    Signed, HTC Desire user.

  39. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I eagerly await the "10 Reasons Not To Buy an Android Handset" article in the name of balanced journalism.

  40. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    IIRC Lewis is a parent

    which is why I am confused by his implying that "gets to keep your children to boot." is a bad thing.

    Surely this is a reason to buy, and possibly keep extending the contract until they're about 35.

  41. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    All this before..

    The new iphone is even out..

    Plenty of reasons not to own an android phone too ya know... so where's the article, you know being impartial etc?!

  42. cdilla

    OK, you've convinced me

    I'll buy one immediately.

  43. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Where's the ten reasons to buy an iPhone 5 article?

    I'm sure it would be equally useless apart from acting linkbait, which is the name of the lame game you're playing....

  44. Chris007
    Happy

    Sealed it then

    You're most definitely off the Cupertino Christmas Card list ad infinitum!

    Loved the article - pretty much what I say to people who wax on about Apple stuff.

    1. Steve Evans

      That would be tricky, as Android is just an OS shared by many many companies, and each of those companies has many many models.

      You'd need to target individual handsets, one at a time. And there just isn't time!

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