back to article Brit film board proposed as overlord of online pr0nz age checks

The British Board of Film Classification will be responsible for regulating age checks for UK users of online porn websites, if the government gets its way. The UK's Ministry of Fun* has proposed the BBFC as the regulator for ensuring sites are using age-verification controls. These checks were made mandatory by the Digital …

Anonymous Coward

Looking forward to

cheesy Pearl & Dean ads streaming at you whilst waiting for the verification to complete.

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You would think with all the porn being accessed in Westminster, this would have been shot down in flames to ensure or politicians still get to meet Mrs Hand and her five daughters, in their private chambers !

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May's tin ear

Yet another example of May's political tin ear. She has no idea that most porn users who are going to be...

1. Astonished (they have no idea this is, uh, coming down the pipe), and

2. Too embarrassed to be writing letters to their MPs demanding the right to toss off over whatever they want, and

3. quietly furious and will vote/ tell pollsters so, because they won't have to say "I masturbate" out loud, just that they won't be voting Tory.

And the poor Maybot will be there on election night, beeping plaintively, saying "stated conclusion does not agree with programmed facts!" like the robot dancers at the crap disco Zaphod and Zarniwoop think they're escaping from the MegaDodo Publishing office building to via a free teleportation flyer as it's being towed at hyperspeed whatever to the Frogstar... But I digress.

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Re: May's tin ear

Yet another example of May's political tin ear. She has no idea

FTFY.

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Social media

Age check for social media?

I'm pretty sure the shit that gets posted faecesbook is no good for young minds

Will the British film board be policing that?

What's worse, some woman (or man) being consensually fisted?

Or some snuff porn like shown on Liveleak?

It seems to me like the priorities are all wrong

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Anonymous Coward

Welcome to the nanny state

VPN all the way. Then people in the warez scene will release random fake logins for people to use. And surely if a site isn't hosted in the UK the UK can't force it to use the age login?

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Re: Welcome to the nanny state

There are ways easier than the VPN. There already exists an infrastructure for the covert location and distribution of illegal data - the world of piracy. Plenty of porn there.

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Windows

This isn't about the 'kids' - it's about control.

Excellent link to that most erudite young lady Pandora you gave el Reg.

Couple of beers, bit of a cock-up on the grammer (sic) front, Reggie. Super! Great!

This is a pre-cursor to the great firewall of Blighty. Of course we can circumvent, but it will mark us all the same. The great unwashed? Let's just say I'm looking forward to seeing my 'dirty bitch' of a Doctor's p()rn viewing habits. She looks like a right goer, she does! Ahem...

Yes, Super! Great!

I didn't get where I am today Reggie by respecting people's privacy!

No CJ.

I just took people's basic human right to privacy and data-raped them to hell and back again!

Yes CJ.

Super!

Great!

For anyone with more than a passing interest in this, you want to go to Pandora's site and read everything she has written, plus all the people she has linked to like the famous (I hadn't heard of him before, admittedly) Obscenity Laws Lawyer.

This whole shebang makes a mockery of the entire justice system. Totally out of whack with itself. I can see trouble ahead. Never mind the LAMP stack, think of the WANK stack! Or rather the entire justice system stack that will bring this to bear from snooping and finding people, people being outed, deciding who to prosecute to make test cases to set precedents, and then the not so slow drip drip dribble of the true crushing of people's rights and the real reason for all this malarkey. Yup, control!

Not to mention the blackmail. The families ripped apart by the fact that big butch Daddy likes twinks on a Saturday afternoon while Wifey goes to knitting classes. Actually, Wifey is wardriving to hijack people's open WiFi so she can download LezDom porn. She's got a bigger collection than he does. It all comes out when shit meets fan. And I'm not talking about...

That Brenda 4 doors up from you that works in the bins department? She never liked you. You never even knew. You never even knew she was called Brenda. You probably didn't even know she had the fully legal power to access your entire browsing history all in the name of her job. And you wonder why people have stopped talking to you down the pub? Wonder no more. People laughing as you pass them in the street? They know your dirty little secret. In fact, Brenda knows a man who can, and even gleaned a few photos of you in that loli dress, sucking that lolipop so suggestively. And you, a big oil rig worker as well. Tut tut. It's all out now. Think of the kids. Think of your kids. When Brenda's kids tell them, and all the other kids. Men commit suicide for reasons far less than this somewhat plausible scenario.

But the police will be above the law. Remember that mounted police woman who accused someone who snubbed her at a local stables of sexually molesting her 14 year old boy? Yeah, the same one that made threatening phone calls to her family. That's the one, the one that got to resign before getting done entering false malicious information in to the PNC. She gets to keep her pension. She doesn't get prosecuted. Oh well, look on the bright side, in a year or two, knowing her name, where she lives, we will be able to find out her porn viewing habits. Maybe 'she' likes under-age boys ah? Or god forbid, getting a bit too friendly with the horses? Gonna be a lorra lorra fun. The police are not only corrupt, they are above the law when they are found to be corrupt. Justice is not done, and justice is not seen to be being done.

This is not about the children, this is about strict censorship by other means. In fact, it is worse than that. It is blackmail material on the majority of the entire UK population who surf porn. We are already data-raped and privacy-raped to an obscene extent here on this prison island. This is just the next wave that puts the seal on it. A jack boot, forever...

The big 'take' I got from Pandora's excellent write-up was that the UK is actually going to make it illegal for the common stuff we get on the front page of the 'big 5' (most owned by mindgeek) to be illegal. And that they MUST stop distributing it or else face international prosecution. Or whatever you call it when a little island like Britain tries to bully a big continent like America. Good luck with that.

Some of the stuff that is illegal, is common sense. No one needs animal shit. No one needs shit shit. Etc. Common sense and I stand by that wholeheartedly. But to be put in prison for watching someone wear a fucking gas mask is a bridge too far. That's all outlawed now. You do hard time for that.

They are going to go after every one in contact with xhamster pornhub xvideos etc. etc. as business associates and do their best to enforce international law to stop them trading with them. According to this new fancy, those that still show stuff that can not be classified as 18 or R18 by the BRITISH BOARD OF FILM CENSORS (Sorry, CUNTS) will be deemed illegal and if it can be viewed in the UK, Age Verification or no AV, they must take it down. Again, good luck with that. Won't happen of course.

But what will happen is they will block their pipes (oooh no... matron, thrice and thrice nay...), or rather chop it off at the ISP level. Thrice I say: Good luck with that!

But this is the endgame, ooh, 5-10 years down the line. The masses will have fallen in to place. Yes master, I look your boot very much mistress. Yes I've been a naughty boy/girl. I know I must be punished master. I want to be punished. Please punish me. Ooopss. Just had an alcoholic blackout and thought I was on F-List for a moment, mistress...

And all the ones left using proxy, vpn, wtf, will be marked out as subversives and 'people of interest'. They might have made the haystack bigger, but with these measures, they will make the needles easier to find also.

I called it about 5 years ago on this very website. VPN will be banned for anyone that is not a registered business.

The government are fucking shitting themselves. These measures are not only unenforceable and unworkable, they are bat-shit crazy, criminally insane. Unintended consequences. I'm going to be checking the chans and pastebin for my dirty doctor's dirty secrets. Has she been playing away from home? What's her kink eh? Bet she's got one. And with a dump of her email addy along with all the other info, I can rip her accounts - all of them - private chat, phone messages, picture and image backup off her iPhone. Oh yes.

I for one can't wait for our new Totalitarian Fuckwit Overlords to bring this about.

Fat fucking city.

I don't hack/crack btw, but I know a man who can. And he doesn't charge very much at all. Worth every penny to see what my dirty bitch of a doctor is up to behind closed doors. Up until now, I never really had a chance. With this new fiasco, it's just a matter of time. Patience, my precious, you will be mine, you will be pwned, yes, yes...

[If it's not totally clear by now with me acting the goat, I wouldn't actually do that to my lovely doctor. But just imagine some sick deranged fuck of a stalker in my little role play]

Reggie thinks of Theresa May and gets a serious flashback to a large Hippopotamus.

OOh look, my connection got reset and part of my post deleted. That like, never, happens, when I'm posting subversive content.

Whatevs. Go here and check out what Pandora has to say:

http://pandorablake.com/blog/tag/AV%20consultation

Chuck her a couple of quid as well if you can. She's a very intelligent lady. I don't even necessarily agree with everything she does. But who cares what I think? She's putting her time and effort in and doing a damn good job. It's probably going to be her main job in a few months time as she might have to close her entire business down if this all goes ahead, which it will.

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Facepalm

Back to the subject at hand -

In his book Beaver Street, Robert Rosen provides rare documentation of ascam involving High Society magazine, in which users were asked to verify their age via credit card information to access an ostensibly free tour and then auto-billed $60 a month.

Not that business practices ranging from disingenuous to fraudulent are unique to pornography.

https://hackerfall.com/story/tubes-vs-torrents-the-ethics-of-piracy

A good read.

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It's been said before, but the likes of The Pirate Bay are blocked by UK ISPs, but people continue to use them thanks to VPNs and proxies. Why will this be any different?

Another case where the government will be seen to be doing something while in reality doing nothing.

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A lot of you seem to know an awful lot about online pornography and how to evade security measures.

You need to take a look at yourselves before the authorities start asking you some difficult questions.

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Anonymous Coward

DOH...

Nothing more likley to advance privacy tools.

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Security concerns?

"Security concerns are not helped by MindGeek companies' poor security history. PornHub users suffered a malvertising campaign this year and in 2012 a YouPorn data breach spilled 1 million users' details."

If that's the worst that's happened to them, they're significantly more secure than just about any other company on the internet.

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OK so They are working on this, but the US still hasnt managed to enforce properly the COPPA which has been in-force since 1998.

How many under 13s have you seen on social media....

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