back to article Ten new tech terms I learnt this summer: Do you know them all?

I'll never forget the day I found my children looking at Spam for the first time. My son was particularly perplexed, asking: "Is that what I think it is?" It was my own fault. I had left the tin on the kitchen counter. Even in his tender years, my tech-friendly tweenager was perfectly familiar with spam. But not Spam. He'd …

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Re: Teledildonics

plugged into the centronics port

Fnarr. He said 'centronics' And we all know what sort of filth that conveys eh?

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Re: Teledildonics

interfacing with the front of tower units

Oh well - that's one way to give the computer it's fluid sacrifice. Personally, I'd prefer to use the traditional method of slicing onself on a bit of the chassis, but chacun a son inflammatory arthritis..

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Happy

Re: Teledildonics

Found it!

http://www.easylife.org/fufme/

Illustrations here: http://www.easylife.org/fufme/faq-use.html

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Re: Teledildonics

We used the term Teledildonics at SAIL in (roughly) 1978. I am 99% certain it did not originate with us, but it is something that Uncle John would have come up with ... It's a shame the gootards fucked up DejaNews, there were numerous threads on the subject in the early 1980s (some even serious!).

That said, whois reports teledildonics.com was first registered in 1998, although I find that difficult to believe. I'm sure it was much earlier than that ... come to think of it, wasn't it in 1998 that InterNIC finally lightened up a trifle and started allowing so-called "risqué" domain names?

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Re: Teledildonics

I recall a late-night conversation with my (also female) boss whilst between backup jobs on the mainframes we were running back in 79, when we jokingly discussed the possibilities of "remotely controlled 'joysticks' (fnar,fnar)" - we'd both heard of the term teledildonics by then.

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Long after the 1970s were chronologically over, the back pages of dear old "Personal Computer World" magazine still included hardware adverts particularly from Asia - I think these were a Dabbs subject before - of modems and motherboards and keyboards that apparently were particularly popular with young women customers in swimming costume or less. Or nothing. I don't mean to be sexist or hypocritical - I can't say that I felt a strong objection - but it did seem incongruous.

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Joke

AKA iPhone?

Spam was a thing that came in square tins with rounded edges.

That explains a lot about the iPhone. :-D

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Headmaster

Re: AKA iPhone?

Ah, so Steve Jobs took his inspiration from a 1970's school dinner - spam fritter anyone?

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Pint

Re: AKA iPhone?

I remember Spam fritters, haven't eaten them since I was about 10! Ah, the memories. They usually had enough left over, that we could go back for seconds... That probably explains my wasteline.

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Re: AKA iPhone?

That probably explains my wasteline.

And, trust me, if you were eating spam it most certainly was a wasteline..

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Re: AKA iPhone?

Ah, Spam fritters! They served them at the canteen when I worked on the BSC Redcar complex in the dim and distant past. We reckoned they were made from dumper truck tyres.

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Facepalm

Teledildonics

I remember in the early 90s when VR was doing the rounds yet again as the next-best-thing-that-will-never-happen and teledildonics was constantly being discussed on trendy late-night US teen shows. We'd all be jacked in, jacked off, plugged in and plugged up to various crap VR apps on 486sx PCs to experience having a very, very non-sexy virtual wank in something akin to the "Money for Nothing" video by Dire Straits!

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Pint

Meta you say?

I'm so Meta - Even This Acronym.

Can't remember where I saw it - apologies for lack of attribution.

of course it was Obligatory XKCD reference

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Anonymous Coward

"Crowdcasting"

That's what Spencer Tunick does for his photographs.

Hull naked shoot (NSFW)

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>> Spencer Tunick

I could have painted them blue in Photoshop afterwards for a couple of hundred quid. It would have taken me 3 seconds.

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Pint

"Eeeeeeeeeeeee-oooooooo buh-doyngg buh-doyngg eeeeee-AAAAAAHHH!"

Made my day week, this. It really did.

Nice weekend, everybody!

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Happy

Friday, Dabbsy article, beer o'clock.

Good.

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Free gift

All the years I've been annoyed by "pre-booked" and never noticed "free gift". Thanks for giving (gifting?) me another thing to bother me.

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Facepalm

Re: Free gift

I offer up "ATM Machine", "PIN Number", and "3AM in the morning".

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Re: Free gift

Paninis...

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Who comes up with these words?

Does these words come from military intelligence or re-branding marketers?

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Re: Who comes up with these words?

Does these words come from military intelligence or re-branding marketers?

No - it's worse than that. They come from (lowers voice, whispers) Americans

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Spam

After I'd de-canned, sliced and fried it

And then promptly threw it in the bin[1] as utterly inedible?

It always amazes me that the Senior Controller who is, in almost all respects, a Perfect Person[2] nevertheless has an inexplicable fondness for the disgusting pink sludge that you get in a can of spam, preferrably fried until it has the consistency of very salty shoe leather.. Especially as (when we were first married) she didn't like sausages since they, apparently, had "everything in them excpet the squeak".

[1] Or fed to the dog. After all, the role they are most suited for in an enlightened household like mine is at the bottom of the social ladder[3] and thus, the cleaners-up of leftovers once the real owners (and us) had finished.

[2] Or so she tells me. And who am I to argue? It could be said that she has at least one flaw[4], but I'm not going to be the one to suggest it.

[3] Cats, her, me, dog.

[4] Well, she did marry me.

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Re: Spam

You made me hungry!

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Re: Spam

Spam is fantastic. Unfortunately for me, I'm now vegetarian.

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Windows

Broadband

Unless my memory fails me (which it often does) I think this used to describe a modulation technique where a single physical cable carried multiple signals at different frequencies.

However it was redefined by marketeers in terms of speed to avoid confusing people.

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Re: Broadband

its ok , the term wont be here long, the yoof call it "wifi" now

It least these TVs with increasingly pointless and stupidly high resolutions follow a sensible naming convention and havent blown their load and used all the options up on phase 1 by calling it "High Definition" . oh wait , well at least *now* they've corrected that.

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Re: HDTV

"HD Ready TV" = Won't ever receive it on the aerial, but MIGHT down sample it (as low as 480 lines on on Plasma set I saw) via a base band connector (Component, DVI, HDMI without HDCP or HDMI with HDCP versions. Only the HDMI + HDCP can actually use a typical HD source).

Also a 32" (even) 1920 x 1080 so called HD, is only a digital version of NHK hybrid satellite 1125 line enhanced TV. Computers had MUCH higher resolution on CAD in 1990s and many laptops by 2002 were 1600 x 1200 @ 15", which is only exceeded in visual terms by "4K TV", or "retina resolution" screens.

1920 x 1080 @ 17" is also crap compared with 1600 x 1200 for working with documents. Also 16:9 on larger screens @ 1080 lines is too wide for reading glasses compared with same dot resolution @ 1200 lines on reading glasses.

The move to 1366 x 768 and 1920 x 1080 laptop & desktop 16:9 screens instead of 4:3 1600 x 1200 or better is crap. I use a 42" TV to watch video, not my laptop.

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Re: Broadband

and Bandwidth - this used to refer to the width of a signal within the frequency spectrum. Now it seems to mean capacity or throughput, or just the amount of time you have available for something.

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Pint

Re: HDTV

Indeed. I had a 21" Trinitron CRT that maxed out at 1600x1200, and that was back in 2000. BLoody thing weighed a ton and a half, too.

Granted, the 24" screen I'm seeing this on is an actual native 1920x1080 panel, but still... I don't miss the 100+ pound desk-bending firebottle, but I do miss the massive amounts of screen real estate on a single monitor. (which is why I have two monitors hooked to the system I'm using.)

Beer, because I'll be drinking on in a couple hours.

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Re: Broadband

Unless my memory fails me (which it often does) I think this used to describe a modulation technique where a single physical cable carried multiple signals at different frequencies.

That's more or less the gist of it. Another factor is that compared to old 56kbps (and before that of course) the communications was over the normal voiceband (ie narrowband) of ~4kHz (IIRC) whereas with xDSL you're talking about hundreds of kHz which is pretty broad compared to 4kHz.

If you look at xDSL diagnostics that shows the frequency usage you may or may not notice that your up and downstreams are divided into 4.3125 kHz channels.

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Re: Broadband

Look up "frequency division multiplexing".

Nobody ever said marketing knew anything about engineering.

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Dilatechtonics

The art of preserving earthquakes.

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Teledildonics

Teledildonics is a term that has been around for a long time, with the same meaning even. It was in an episode of The Big Bang Theory several seasons ago so it is quite mainstream, you really should have heard it before now Dabsy.

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Re: Teledildonics

I watched Big Bang Theory once. It is overrated.

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Re: Teledildonics - I watched Big Bang Theory once. It is overrated.

It was all right till it underwent massive inflation after which it become a bit vacuous.

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Joke

Sexual compatibility

Not sure if you need to be fluid-bonded, or fibre-bonded, in order to use teledildonics. Either way it could be a pain in the arse (if that's your thing).

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It's not a pbook, it's a Holmes-Ginsbook Device

“The Holmes-Ginsbook Device” , Isaac Asimov, seemingly only released in the collection Opus 100, is a fine short story about two devoted scientists and their invention of an improved document reading device, as the current state of the art made it too difficult to look at girls and smoke.

I can't remember many of the other stories in that book, but this one has stuck with me.

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Headmaster

Ultrasonic Sound

Surely it's an oxymoron, not a tautology?

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Meaning of "MoDem"

It's an old Southern USAian phrase, meaning (roughly) "May I please have another portion of biscuits and gravy?", accompanied with gesticulation toward same.

Note this is the savory quick bread variation of biscuit.

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Mondo 2000 ...

... was a pre-millenium zine that I'm sure many Regitards will have heard of. "Teledildonics" has been around at least since then. RU Sirius? I sure am.

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Re: Mondo 2000 ...

In the mid 90s a friend asked me why I didn't read Wired ... I answered "because Wired is a cheap, plastic, Madison Avenue driven imitation of High Frontiers and Mondo 2000". Naturally, he didn't get it.

(I wonder if our ex-moderatrix was inspired by Queen Mu, the domineditrix?)

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I first heard the term teledildonics about 25 years ago, and thought it very amusing. It wasn't a terribly serious concept, as the Internet was still fairly new let alone connecting robotic things to the Internet!

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"About 25 years ago" ...

... the Internet was "about" 25 years old. That's hardly "fairly new" ... And trust me, we had robotics hooked up to the 'net before the TCP/IP switchover at the beginning of 1981 (SAIL, SLAC and NASA/Ames that I worked on; MIT, UCLA, Utah et ali had their own robotics projects, there were others).

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Trollface

"the likes of completely surrounded, pre-booked and free gift"

Wut, not "irregardless"...?

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I'm sure "irregardless" is a real word.

It is a property that an infra-red diode possesses when not being watched.

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