back to article Is it humanly possible to watch Gigli and Battlefield Earth back-to-back?

Our piece earlier this week on a study which proved The Wizard of Oz is the "most significant" movie ever – by dint of being the flick most referenced in subsequent works – provoked some interesting comments from our ever-lively readers. It goes without saying that a lot of your output centred on the researchers' possibly …

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I think you mean "dross"

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Stop

The pretentious load of old bollocks award

Must surely go to Talking Head's "Stop making sense". It's the only film that i walked out of although I have been thrown out of other films.

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FAIL

Re: The pretentious load of old bollocks award

It's a movie of a Talking Heads concert. If you were expecting a story or character development (or don't like Talking Heads) you went to the wrong place.

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Facepalm

Re: Talking Head's "Stop making sense"

Must be in the top ten of best concert movies ever made.

It would indeed be curious for someone who likes the music of Talking Heads not to like the film.

If this is the case please feel free to elaborate.

OTOH, if you don't like the music of TH, then I suggest you made a right, old arse-bollox of picking a film that night.

(I'd also suggest you need your ears looked at but that's by the by.)

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The parental burden

One of the duties of a parent is having to sit through 'must see' movies on a Saturday afternoon, the worst of which in my case being, by a considerable length of chalk, Pokémon: The Movie 2000. I would honestly rather undergo dentistry than have to sit through the final hour of that for a second time.

G-Force wasn't much better but was mitigated by being presented in 3-d (so you could at least nod off behind the dark glasses without too many people noticing).

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Happy

Re: The parental burden

My Mum complained about Empire Strikes Back / Return of the Jedi, that the screen was often too dark to read by, which is what she did when taking us to crap kids films. But then she decided it was dark enough that she could get some sleep instead.

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Re: The parental burden

she decided it was dark enough that she could get some sleep instead.

My dad snored audibly throughout the final two-thirds of Star Wars in 1978. Twenty years later I found myself in a similar position for The Phantom Menace. I stayed awake, but it was a close run thing.

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Re: The parental burden

One of the duties of a parent is having to sit through 'must see' movies on a Saturday afternoon, the worst of which in my case being, by a considerable length of chalk, Pokémon: The Movie 2000. I would honestly rather undergo dentistry than have to sit through the final hour of that for a second time.

Is that the one where the film spends five minutes (*actually* five minutes) talking about how "fightings is totally bad you guys", and then everyone's memories are erased because Nintendo realised that would completely nutfuck a series based entirely around fighting?

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Imagine, turning up to the cinema to see Bill & Ted. Finding it sold out.

And watching Curly Sue instead.

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Bit more recent, but went to see 'Scott Pilgrim vs the world' to find it sold out - ended up watching first of 'The Expendables' :(

Will not give the sequels the time of day.

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Don't worry, you got the best part of that deal. Scott Pilgrim was awful.

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Stop

Does no one remember Heavens Gate ?

ISTR it being a Bazza running gag in Film79, Film80, Film81 ....

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Re: Does no one remember Heavens Gate ?

Heavens Gate is actually rather good. Up until the ending, anyway.

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Mushroom

Terrible films...

As we're adding in to the mix, Red Lights. Diabolical waste of time. If you have an hour and a half to kill, may I recommend you take a nap instead?

In the words of a much better Sigourney Weaver character, "Nuke it from orbit, it's the only way to be sure". Icon most definitely related>>>

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1 vote for Battleship. the film that is the very epitome of what is wrong in Hollywood

(P.S to the commentator who voted for waterworld, that is suprisingly watchable, now the Postman is another story ....)

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"(P.S to the commentator who voted for waterworld, that is suprisingly watchable, now the Postman is another story ....)"

They're both alright, in my book. I've quite a softspot a bit of post apocalyptic nonsense.

However, if you read the book, the film suddenly becomes a whole lot worse. The Postman is an excellent book.

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@ VinceH

Downvoting for claiming "The Postman is an excellent book." The short story that appeared in IASFM was excellent. Even he added the second chapter it was still pretty good. But when he turned it into a book, BLEH! Fonzie jumped the sharknado in the third chapter as I recall.

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Re: @ VinceH

Well, I've downvoted you for downvoting me for having an opinion. :p

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>>"1 vote for Battleship. the film that is the very epitome of what is wrong in Hollywood"

Battleship is surprisingly watchable satire. You realize that no-where in the film did the crashed alien vessel initiate hostilities and despite their clearly superior firepower they always hold back from pressing their advantage each time the humans are forced to back off? I'm not even convinced the alien ship was a military vessel. The entire point of the film is that the humans are the aggressors attacking a damaged alien ship whose sole aim in the movie is to "phone home". They trot out all the American Military Hero tropes and film it from the action heroes' points of view, whilst at the same time making it clear that the humans are needlessly provoking war.

It's a brilliant indictment of the American military industrial complex and Hollywood war movies. I worry when I read posts like yours that people missed that and just took it as a straight action movie.

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catwoman

Catwoman was so bad that among a group of friends we use it to rate how terrrbile on a scale of 0.1 - 0.9 catwomans a movie is.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: catwoman

There is Latex in it, that makes it gooder!

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FAIL

Surely "Gigli" cannot be as bad as these ones ?

There are just too many other contenders to name...

"Lust. Caution" was a particular artsy fartsy waste of time despite all the awards it got.

"The Mist" still stands as an over acted, poorly scripted, desperate Hollywood attempt at adapting a Stephen King's novel into a horror movie.

I'm still owed about 2 hours of my life watching "Marley & Me" which (for reasons I can only explain by biology) seems to be ranked as a classic tearjerker by most women I know...

Dog is born -> Dog acts silly -> Dog dies... What the f*** is there a need for a movie to tell that ?

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Re: Surely "Gigli" cannot be as bad as these ones ?

You forgot all the Baby Movies and Santa Movies ever.

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Re: Surely "Gigli" cannot be as bad as these ones ?

"Truly, Madly, Deeply, Whatever". The "British 'Ghost'".

That one was roughly to "Ghost" what "Hex" was to "Buffy".

I *liked* "Ghost", though the ghost and his medium were both dreadful actors who were exceedingly poorly directed. ""TMD" was just recycled arty yak-puke in a bun.

"Hex" was, unbelievably, worse than "Battlefield Earth". It's not really a film but it does illustrate that when USAlien stuff is copied by UKlanders trying to cash in on the genre the result can be just as direl as when ideas go in the other direction.

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Devil

Possibly the worst of M. Night thingummy's works. It's a film about the devil using lifts to kill people. Why? Because he is the devil.

When my friend now asks "What's the worst that could happen?" "Devil" is my response.

It was worse than Highlander: Source, worse than the Robocop TV movies and even worse than Battlefield Earth or Gigli.

It's even worse than Silent Hill. Or anything by Uwe Boll.

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MJI
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Re: Devil

What happened to him, MNS made some really good films. Then they turned to crap.

6th Sense was clever

Unbreakable was his best I really like it

Signs OK

The Village clever but silly

Lady in the Water rot set in a very average film

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Re: Devil

Shylaman's films have become progressively shit. The Sixth Sense was good if you didn't guess or hear about the ending, and from that point on every film he has made was worse than the one before it. Indeed, the IMDB ratings from every film he has made from The Sixth Sense onward almost keeps to that rule.

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MJI
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Re: Devil

Quite annoying after you find a good one, to find they get rubbish was so sad.

Signs to me was the the start of the drop.

Now I just don't even bother.

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Re: Devil

[...]worse than the Robocop TV movies[...]

You mean Prime Directives? Four-part mini-series thing?

There were some good ideas in there, but it was hamstrung by poor pacing caused by too much padding. The whole thing could have made a tight two-parter (like the Pratchett adaptations) but it was squandered.

It didn't help that the first episode's "villain" looked like a rejected Power Rangers extra either.

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Re: Devil

The ones where the trees shake in the wind drive people to suicide was an MNS one wasn't it?

It's that shit I've forgotten its name.

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Re: Devil

"The ones where the trees shake in the wind drive people to suicide was an MNS one wasn't it?"

"The Happening"? Or "Stuart Little"? I must admit that, after being subjected to previews, I've never been tempted to bother with either of those but they could justifiably both fit into any top ten worst movies of all time list.

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Coping Mechanism

It seems to be only high profile disasters that are getting a look in, in which case you'd have to throw in the 2006 Wicker Man remake.

However, the only way I could ever partake in an unwatchablathon is if every film was the MST3K version of it, or if it was available as a riff from riff trax.

I'm too spoiled by being entertained by brilliant commentary to sit through a turd of a film without it.

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MJI
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Re: Coping Mechanism

Say to yourself.

There was never a remake to "Wicker Man"

There was never a remake to "The Italian Job"

There was never a remake to "Taxi"

Chap at work said he had seen Taxi, I said did you like the 406?

Go the reply American film.

I will HAVE to lend him my Taxi DVD

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Re: Coping Mechanism

Also, there was never a remake of:

Total Recall

Conan the Barbarian

The Karate Kid

Arthur

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

...and there was never a totally pointless scene-by-scene remake of Hitchcock's 'Psycho'

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Re: Coping Mechanism

irt: Loyal Commentator

I would suggest not just the remake but the sequels of Karate Kid, too.

And to vent an unpopular opinion, I thought Charlie and the Chocolate Factory was great, it was the original Willy Wonka and the Chocolate factory that I dislike. A multitude of reasons, but the naming particularly ticks me off, and the family singing is just awful (The riff trax of this is with Neil Patrick Harris, and it's brilliant)

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Re: Coping Mechanism

.. there was never a remake of "Get Carter" ...

Oh, gods, there *was* wasn't there?

And "War of the Worlds", which, for some Holyweird reason didn't eve feature invaders from another world.

The top ten worst movies list is about a thousand movies long.

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Flame

Soo... Battlefield earth...

A bunch of savages who don't even have the wheel take a bunch of AV8s that have been mothballed for centuries and just start throwing them around the sky...

This tells us a lot about Scientology.

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Alien

Re: Soo... Battlefield earth...

WIth XENU you can do anything?

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Re: Soo... Battlefield earth...

oh c'mon, they showed them faffing around in the simulators for all of 30 seconds. surely that was enough!

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Anonymous Coward

The Crow.

That is all that needs to be said.

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Re: The Crow.

Oh, I'd forgotten that. Thanks for reminding me! Ugh!

Fortunately it was on video, so I was able to walk out. A friend was a big fan, for some reason.

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Re: The Crow.

Philistines.

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Re: The Crow.

I'll see your "The Crow" and raise you "The Crow: Stairway to Heaven" the tv series...

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I like Pearl Harbor

All 20 or so minutes of it.

I watch only the action scenes and skip everything else.

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How to avoid bad movies

Every time you're in the mood for a film, slip GotG into the tray, sit back and bliss out.

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Alien

Ya! YA! SHUB NIGGURATH!!

what happens if you watch the unwatchable, and indeed what are the effects of watching two unwatchables back-to-back

The unwatchable will watch you back. This will be your spiritual end.

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Mac and Me

British gangster films from the late nineties and early noughties, with a handful of exceptions.

Mr. Nanny

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California Man

The ONLY film I have ever walked out of the cinema during.

Normally I will sit there suffering as I've damnwell paid my money, but not that one.

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I vote for...

Robocop3 - an absolute stinker.

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