back to article Jobsian drones shackle gamer with 'lifetime' iPad ban

A US gamer has been banned from ever buying another iPad. Why? He reached his "lifetime limit". Who knew that such a limit existed? Not The Reg. Using the handle Protocol Snow, the now-banned iPad buyer tells his story of intrigue in a personal blog post. But be forewarned: as he notes, the post "is getting hammered with …

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Paris Hilton

Misunderstanding - Dont you guys get it?

Its the lifetime of the product, you morons: which is about 3 MONTHS till a new version with some improvements come along. Thats when the fanbois wil get another lifeline & lifetime purchase options!

Till then keep worshipping St. Jobs for scraps of manna from heaven and be grateful for small (lifetime) mercies.

Paris cos, she cant last a lifetime either.

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Pfff

Apples - sold all mine and went back to Linux.

Am happier (and a whole lot freer) than I was in the Orchard.

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Unhappy

You would think ?

You would think That these ipads are costing Apple money and that they are losing on each sale. I have never read such bullshit in all my life. As far as i can see all you ipad customers are just buying a netbook under a different title.Two per person crap.http://www.reghardware.co.uk/Design/graphics/icons/comment/unhappy_32.png

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Def
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Go

He can have my 10

If he's willing to pony up the cost of a plane ticket and hotel for five days.

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Big Brother

I for one

welcome our new iPad restricting evil overlords.

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Bronze badge
WTF?

From the sublime...

...to the ridiculous. This cult is getting ever worse. It's especially telling that they equate someone trying to buy a $500+ consumer item as a "child ['s face] when their new toy isn't in stock." They obviously think all of their customers are eight years old.

Still, one must take one's comedy where one finds it. I, for one, continue to ROFL at every story published.

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FAIL

I am going to start..

A company.

Which makes utterly shit products. (IMO)

One who has very good marketing.

One that tells its customers to piss off at every turn. (support, sales etc).

Then I will wait for the billions to roll in.

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iBusiness plan

Make shiny boxes.

Tell people they are loosers if they don't have one, and loosers if they dissagree.

Go power mad and try to control everything

.

.

.

Proffit!!!!!

Am I the only one that can see Jobs eventualy going a bit Howard Hughes?

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Anonymous Coward

Re: iBusiness plan

And if anyone tries to buy more than one of your shiny boxes, tell them they can piss right off.

You basically have to act like you don't even need customers, and the customers will start rolling in.

Also, send out a mailshot telling all your customers to queue up at one single store at one single time on one single day so that there is a huge queue you can photograph for marketing purposes.

Or if you don't trust your customers to be punctual (who does), take the fast route and hire a group of actors to line up and receive the empty packaging for "shiny boxes" and use your influence with the corporate controlled media to buy as many adverts^W news stories as you need. I'm not saying Apple does this, I'm just saying that I would if I was tasked with imitating them.

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Jobs Horns

These are the droids you have been looking for...

And they keep detailed files on your purchases.

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Good grief

Good grief, haven't you lot got anything better to do than moan all the time? The iPad is a brand new shiny product. Lots of people want to buy one and currently demand is outstripping supply, so for the moment Apple have a policy (clearly stated on their web site) "iPad order limit: two per customer". In a month or two the supply situation will settle down and the policy will be relaxed. Lots of other companies do the same thing, so what's the big deal?

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Big Brother

Resistance is fultile..

You will be assimilated. Your distinctiveness will be eliminated and you will become mindless drones like us.

All hail Steven Jobs

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Limits

I have a lifetime ipud limit. It will never be exceeded. It can be expressed in terms of fundamental numbers as 1+ e^(pi * i)

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Anonymous Coward

Contest: Who can buy more than 10 iPads?!!!

Ok, the challenge is known, the gauntlet thrown... who can buy more than 10 iPads!!

(You don't have to keep them.) First one to 11 gets... uhm... ...uh... a new legal pad for 'ensuing' litigations. More prizes... for the most iPads bought, the most (jail)/broken, the most autographed by S.Jobs (especially on the same 'Pad)... and for the most dumbfounding of Apple clerks. (How do I hook this to my PC again? Can I run Windo$e in Parallel with the Mac-O-SeX? See here, why can't I get my pron subscription full screen?)

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Jobs Halo

Fan boy getting the creeps

I've been a self confessed Mac fanboy since I proudly lugged home my brand new SE/30 over 20 years ago.

They're starting to creep me out now though, especially the smarmy robotic droids in the Apple Stores.

It's high time they had some competition .... somebody? ... Anybody? (Not you tho Gates, we are talking realistic here!)

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Fer fooks ache!!!!

So, Jobs and his minions can limit the number of i-Nads that I could buy, yet Gordon Brown's proposal won't let me buy a pack of 10 cigarettes - but I'm 'limited' to a pack of 20????

Did this particular (me) Shit-for-brains miss something.

Christ, help me out someone. I remember where I came in.....

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Silver badge
WTF?

Nothing sadder?

"Nothing is sadder than seeing the look on a little kid's face when you don't have the toy they want, because you just personally sold the last half-dozen to a shady guy in sunglasses who reeks of cigarette smoke. It gets old really fast."

Well, two points. One, drowning puppies. Drowning puppies are definitely sadder. Two, any kid who thinks the iPad is a 'toy' is already an overpriviliged little fucker who's probably going to go on to own a hedge fund, so really, where's the harm?

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Flame

whatever

>Nothing is sadder than seeing the look on a little kid's face when you don't have the toy they want, because you just personally sold the last half-dozen to a shady guy in sunglasses who reeks of cigarette smoke<

This would make sense for a daily limit, but how about the lifetime one? This doesn't even make sense. It sounds like apple putting restriction in place just because they can.

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Grey Market.

This is to stop people from doing exactly what was happening here: Grey market exports.

If you really, really need to buy more than 10, I'd say either go the business account route, or place an order online. Not retail store.

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Silver badge

Lifetime?

<rant>Whose? Mine or the little snot in the blue shirt behind the counter? </rant>

<tyrant>I'm glad I put a self imposed lifetime limit on Apple products, now they don't have to do it for me.</tyrant>

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Thumb Down

Prejudice!

Just because I wear sunglasses and smoke, doesn't mean they'll ever catch me buying even one iPad.

I have this great gadget called an iPhone, and when that reaches the end of its functionality, a PowerBook, and when that gets stretched too far a tower PC connected to my television.

There is no niche. Just as there is no spoon.

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Jobs Halo

...he that can do no wrong, even through his minions

... bow down to his almighty Jobiness.

... pray before this saintly figure, who has bought forth much geek goodness

... dare not criticise, for his Jobiness works in mysterious ways

Makes me want to hand my MacBook Pro back to Apple and declare:

"I'm not worthy to own this product, for I have sinned. I did'st jailbreak my touch, breaking one of the many commandments of his jobiness"

"Prior to owning this MacBook, I committed a heinous sin, I built a Hackintosh - please forgive me oh great one"

Tomorrow I may go to my local Mac Store and beg for forgiveness.

I hope one of the spotty herberts - oops, sorry, glorious chosen ones, will accept my most humble of apologies.

His Jobiness, if your reading this ... I'm not worthy, truly I'm not...

As punishment, I will banish myself from this macbook and spend the day playing games on windows.

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FAIL

Weird

Apple are getting more weird by the day. I don't understand why anyone would want to deal with them.

Their OS is full of security holes and getting hideously bloated.

Their hardware is generally a couple of generations behind.

Their phone has horrible contracts no doubt signed in blood.

Power supplies on mobile hardware burn out with unfailing regularity.

Flat panels turn yellow for no apparent reason.

They have a habit of going out of their way to piss suppliers, developers and customers off and as a company the plot has been severely lost.

For all these benefits you pay a 40% premium over other non fruit themed hardware. I can only assume that their are a good many masochists out there that enjoy all this pain.

Dare I say it but even Microsoft are looking positively benign set against this type of corporate bollocks.

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Retail store employee...

...turns out not to be the brightest bulb in the chandelier.

As was made clear *IN THE FUCKING ARTICLE*, the employee was *wrong*. The "lifetime ban" would require you buying *ten* of the things. I swear there are people reading this website who would have trouble understanding the "Janet and John" books.

This practice is SOP in many retail stores, not just at Apple's: they're not in the business of providing warehouse facilities for other retailers. (This isn't seen only in consumer electronics stores either: most toy stores have similar policies—especially around Christmas.)

Apple's products usually come complete with an ecosystem of accessories. Those accessories will often have a much bigger profit margin for the store, so stores won't be pleased about losing all those potential ancillary sales. They can add up to a lot of revenue.

This article is about some idiot whining about being mistaken for a middleman grey exporter. (Which, it turns out, he was.)

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WTF?

Standard SOP to provide a lifetime purchase limit on a product?

I call *utter bullshit* on that. I have never heard of that being applied to anyone, ever, in any circumstances. A per day limit when there's a shortage (even one engineered by the mfr), maybe, but a lifetime limit? I think not.

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Jobs Halo

All he has to do to get more iPads is change his identity

It's not that big of a deal.

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"All I can say is that you have reached your lifetime limit."

Yeah, it seems that really is "all he can say".

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Search eBay for iPad

and you will see this is a good thing.

Nothing wrong with preventing profiteering.

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Stop

Identification...

What worries me is that if you're identifying people by their card details, they're storing said details.

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Silver badge

Some home truths

"Nothing is sadder than seeing the look on a little kid's face when you don't have the toy they want, because you just personally sold the last half-dozen to a shady guy in sunglasses who reeks of cigarette smoke. It gets old really fast."

Jobsian Control Freakery. It is getting old really fast. What will it be next week? You can't buy Apple if you currently own Microsoft?

It is a market economy. They make the product, we buy it. If a chain-smoking weirdo wants to buy a dozen to pour petrol over, set fire to, and post the resultant video to YouTube... what does it matter? Supply should meet demand, if it does not, that is not OUR fault. I do, presume, of course, that the staggered release is due to production not being able to meet the hype?

But saving the best for last - from the words of the Apple rep that said the above - it is a "toy". Nuff said.

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Stop

Exclusion by proxy

I wondered how soon social exclusion by proxy might come about, I saw sentiments of this activity as soon as banks only released software for iphones to access banking accounts, now its yet another limit. Thankfully my exclusion is not to buy into the Jobsian dicatorial dream (no doubt there is a appleoser who would immediately react with well thats your choice is'nt it). So once you have been labotomised more than 2 times its dummy for life it would seem, I guess thats just the inclusive customer membership list any company could wish for, mindless clients. Well I for one am pleased not to be contributing to the sweatshop, carbon footprinting, and reckless mining that drives the need to produce a product that one might say keeps the user out of touch with reality.

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Badgers

Strange Behaviour, indeed

"Nothing is sadder than seeing the look on a little kid's face when you don't have the toy they want"

Isclearly how Apple see their fanboi customers and their own products.

"...who reeks of cigarette smoke". Or a free-marketeer. Or perhaps everyone who doesn't live the approved lifestyle of Apple HQ.

Each and every day I am getting more and more convinced that Apple are a bunched of crazed nutters belonging to a whacky sect. who suck in their disciples in a manner somewhat reminiscent of the not so Reverend Moon.

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Anonymous Coward

@BongoJoe

I agree. Apple seem to be scientologistesuqe.

Just a reminder to all: If your seen with iphone/ipad, dont be under any disillusionment, EVERY one else thinks your feeble of mind. Hype up a fish finger enough and sell them to you with weird terms/conditions and a jacked up price. Is there nothing you people will not follow?

Oh, and "Nothing is sadder than seeing the look on a little kid's face when you don't have the toy they want". WHO ARE YOU KIDDING, ITS GREAT watching their little faces when you tell them they're getting NOTHING.

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Thumb Down

Good thing Apple doesn't operate a grocery store...

cause you'd go starving once you reached your lifetime limit of food.

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Pint

The genius bar only serves half pints

Saturday was the first and last time I enter and Apple store, asked an employee for a dock adapter for an iphone 3gs and he had to ask to different people and search the internet before he knew what it was then had to check with another member of staff to see if they had any.....

20-25 mins to find out they didn't have them so he looked on the web again to see where to get one I said don't worry I can use bing.com to find that.

So I'm really not surprised by this story at all

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Jobs Halo

His bad...sorry.

He was acting as anUNAUTHORISED RESELLER, in every legal sense of the word. That, interestingly enough, is not permitted by nearly anyone that has their own retail channel.

So, he does something he must know is illegal, or he should if he had half a brain or had gotten an education at something other than playing Call of Duty, Apple catches him, and it's POOR PITYFUL HIM? No, he's a wanker.

Kudos to the Apple store manager, as said above.

And you know why that's good? That's to prevent a speculative market from driving up the price of EVERYTHING that is desirable or wanted badly. That's why Ticketmaster tries to control the purchase of tickets by scalpers, so that you and I can buy them for less than £500 a piece for bad seats. That is why Apple is trying to control the re-selling of iPads, so the price doesn't go to $1000 a piece when they are all bought up by e-scalpers (known as unauthorised resellers, above). How much he CLAIMS he was marking it up isn't the issue - Apple has no way to monitor that, he could sell two at near cost, and sell 20 more for double. The way Apple monitors that is by setting up AUTHORISED resellers of Apple equipment, who they can monitor. If he wanted to become an Apple authorised reseller, well then I'm sure there are a pile of forms he can start filling out...until then, he's a loser.

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Paris Hilton

Such logic thus dictates that...

...I am not allowed to buy the iPad as gifts for my 10 nieces and nephews and nor can I purchase them as incentive gifts for my employees. There's a huge difference between scalping tickets and scalping iPads. EG a concert ticket has both a supply and time limit for its validity. As the finite number of tickets runs out and the event time draws nearer, the price of the ticket rises. The iPad on the other hand does not suffer from such limitations since Apple can choose to keep right on churning them out for as long as it wants. Thus it would be impossible to "corner the market" on iPads. No-one would pay a 100% to 200% premium on an iPad if they knew that a new batch were to be released shortly. Your analogy sucks.

Paris, 'cause she also sucks.

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Jobs Horns

No Robert

'to prevent a speculative market from driving up the price of EVERYTHING that is desirable or wanted badly'

You're missing the point entirely. The whole point IS to drive up the price. If it were easy for people to buy them and resell them in other regions then simple economics would push the price of import i-pads down to the US Price + shipping + a small profit. This is designed to keep the price of grey import units unrealistically high, without actually stopping them all together.

Now, some people might say 'What's the problem? Apple will still make the same number of sales and the units are being bought at full retail price'. This misses the point entirely.

Anyone that thinks the scarcity of Apple products at launch is down to 'unexpected demand' is a complete idiot. The supply is very carefully controlled as a way to drive demand. Once they have milked the hysteria of the Apple faithful states-side they will move on to Europe - And likely charge comparatively more for the product than they did in the US (as is the habit).

People are not as likely to want to 'drink the kool-aid' if they have already been able to buy an import one for several months at a reasonable price. It will have lost it's glamour. They might even look at the product specification before buying it or consider why they might need it and that would be a disaster.

This policy will limit the number of grey import units that become available and as a result will drive their price up to something crazy, thus underlining again 'how amazing the product must be if people are willing to pay that' while leaving 99% of the sheeple herd ready for shearing.

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Pirate

Whuh?

Aren't high price the reason why the grey market exists? An Ipad costs $X in the US, but the exact same item costs $XX in Australia, Europe etc; Kind of galling when stuff made in China is shipped across the same damned ocean, but in another direction, roughly the same distance, but still costs nearly double.

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FAIL

Pull the other one...

> he does something he must know is illegal

The fact that apple doesn't like it doesn't make it illegal. You buy something, you can do what the hell you like with it - use it, trash it, sell it.

> That's why Ticketmaster tries to control the purchase of tickets by scalpers, so that you and I can buy them for less than £500 a piece for bad seats.

So Ticketmaster charges extortionate fees to protect me from extortion? How altruistic of them.

Pull the other one, mate, it's got bells on.

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Paris Hilton

No, my analogy is spot on...

Most Apple (and other high-end) products these days are limited in supply due to component sourcing limitations - there are only so many screens being made that fit their specs (and usually single sourced because they are the latest and greatest, or close to it). Batteries too are usually hard to buy at the proper spec, as are memory chips at times. They can press all the plastic and aluminum CASINGS they want - but they can't fill them.

Over 6-12 months these supply issues loosen, as the providers ramp up quality and get more good units through the supply pipeline, and second source manufacturers begin to meet the need. But in the first go, advanced components, like concert tickets, are a limited supply item with a huge demand...and the demand curve versus time runs OPPOSITE for a tech product - it's most valuable close to time of release ("First on the block!"), and then ramps down, whereas a concert ticket ramps up towards the concert....

Paris, 'cause your about as bright...

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Re : His bad...sorry.

Noooo, Ticket Master want to control tickets period... so THEY can charge 10% handling fee, 15% convenience fee, 15% just the f*** because fee, 8% postage fee, 9% will call fee, 7% print 'em yourself fee, etc...

Often there is more than 30% additional fees for tickets from TM. Outrageous.

Authorized sellers get special pricing. If I want to buy something at one price and I can sell it for more, that is called a free market. Supply and demand

Drives me crazy when companies bitch and moan because they can't rip you off themselves by imposing region coding and authorized distributors etc... Then they simply pay our politicians off and get it passed into law.

Disgusting.

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Grenade

Nope again..

"Anyone that thinks the scarcity of Apple products at launch is down to 'unexpected demand' is a complete idiot. The supply is very carefully controlled as a way to drive demand. Once they have milked the hysteria of the Apple faithful states-side they will move on to Europe - And likely charge comparatively more for the product than they did in the US (as is the habit)."

As I have stated elsewhere, the demand for Apple products exceeds supply...well, because the supply is limited by component availability. That's not just Apple's problem, but they have had it repeatedly, due to their use of newer technology than most competitors, and in larger volumes.

And frankly, as someone who has moved to the UK from the US, I think that Apple has one of the lower markups on EU pricing compared to the US. Take a look at HP's, Sony's, and others - mostly much higher mark-ups on non-US goods than Apple. And HP does even nastier things, such as selling their Envy laptops with a 1080 line screen in the US, but marking it up 80% and then selling it with an 800 line screen in the UK...

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Headmaster

Here's a tip for you.

Try not to write "your" where "you're" ought to go when *you're* insulting someone's intelligence. It's rhetorically counterproductive.

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MDR
FAIL

I, Mudd

That whole interchange with the Apple store employees reminded me of the Star Trek episode "I, Mudd". For those not familiar with the episode, the Enterprise crew had been imprisoned on a planet controlled by a race of androids. If the androids were asked a question to which they chose not to respond, they would reply "I am sorry. I am not programmed to respond in that area."

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Go

Uh Huh

And the Enterprise crew built multiples of Mudd's nagging fishwife and left him to deal with it. Poetic justice akin to the "final solution" in "The Trouble With Tribbles".

Steve Jobs is a miserable man. You can see it in his private face and you can witness it in his methods. He has built the world in which he lives and he has to deal with it.

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Silver badge

He's going to be f*@!&d ...

when the battery is knackered.

No more iPads for you sonny Jim!

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WTF?

Damn IT

Life is not going to be worth living, he can't buy a piece of tech which offers limited facilities available everywhere else!

Are you for real?

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Unhappy

iMasochism

Just how badly does Apple have to treat customers before the balance tips people away from buying their stuff?

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