back to article Gordon 'to sacky' Wacky Jacqui

Jacqui Smith will leave the Cabinet on Monday, it was reported today. Citing "impeccable sources", Sky News said the Home Secretary will be a casualty of the expenses row. Revelations that she had claimed for her husband's pay-per-view porn kicked off the scandal over MPs dodgy expenses back in March. It later emerged she …


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  1. Hedley Phillips

    A good day for all

    good riddance to bad rubbish.

  2. Jim Coleman


    Thank [insert deity of choice here] for that! Frakking control freak splorkweasel!

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton


    The witch is dead.

    About bloody time too.

    Oh bugger, this means I've got to raise my opinion of the one eyed idiot..

  4. Tom


    If only it was for the real reason she is hated, can't help but feel she is getting off lightly. really she should be sacked for being shit at her job, then arrested and processed for frauding the treasury, which, if you boil it down enough could be classed as treason....

    42 days in the cooler? now, THAT would make my day :)

  5. Mike Richards Silver badge

    @ AC

    'no matter how bad the next chump is in the position it cannot possibly be worse than this terrible piece of crap. I couldn't be happy with this news.'




    You just don't say those sort of things. It's a bit like steering your copper bottomed boat full of nitroglycerine through a storm off the Scillies seeing the map by the light of a lit match.

    If Blunkett's back in the Cabinet on Monday I'll hold you responsible.

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    The Face may have changed but policy stays the same. New Gov wants your data and your soul and newgov gets what it wants.

  7. Mike Bell

    Something to look forward to

    "According to the BBC she will defend her skinny 2,716 majority in Redditch at the next election"

    This should be fun; her very own "were you up for Portillo" moment

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    What, pray tell, ...

    - will be her pension rights

    - when can she draw it

    - how much will it be

    - how is it calculated

    - will there be a lump sum option

    (replace she with he or the MP's name of your own choice)

    [no image - it is far too serious besides, none quite fit anyway]

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    You know...

    Jacky Smith's face reminds me of that scene in 'Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas' where Johnny Depp is all out of his mind on drugs trying to talk to the woman at the hotel check-in desk, and she starts turning into an eel.

  10. Jason Bloomberg Silver badge

    When in Rome

    I can't help but think that it might be time to bring back the sport of throwing people to lions in an arena. It's win-win-win-win-win ...

    The public get what they want.

    The government will see a huge surge in support for building and funding the Olympic 2012 venue in double quick time which will be an ideal location.

    The 2012 'competitor accommodation' can be used as MP's dorms; simplified expenses as all are forced to live there, and just a short distance to drag errant MP's.

    Animal rights protesters will have a pleasant location to mount their protests against cruelty to lions without inconveniencing others.

    The Met can go and crack the skulls of protesters ( aka activists, terrorists ) safe in the knowledge that Fleet Street and news crews can't be arsed if it's not happening just round the corner.

    Mine's the one with the ticket to Stratford in the pocket.

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    @Hooray! / Jon

    "Bring back David Blunkett."

    Now, come on - it is possible to take things a little TOO FAR!

  12. Not for you

    Utterly Shocking

    Woman campaining for greater invasion of peoples privacy is stung by own private matters becoming public

    Hmmm, irony for you!

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    re: they should do this more often

    Jack Straw wasn't too bad, although he wasn't too happy to find me in his "personal" lift at QUAG, who gets there own private lift ffs.

  14. Mike Richards Silver badge


    Don't overlook that evil witch Beverley Hughes is also stepping down from Parliament for 'personal reasons'. She helped whip up the hysteria over Chris Morris' 'Paedogeddon' programme calling it 'unbelievably sick' and only later admitted that she had not watched the programme and had no intention of doing so. She was a sort of early warning of New Labour's attitude towards anyone who rocked the status quo - we should have paid more attention.

    Oh and Tom Watson, co-conspirator in the Drapergate Number 10 email smears is also going. Now is it too much to hope Tony McNulty will do the decent thing and leave us all alone?

  15. Steve
    Paris Hilton

    OMG Life after Monday will be that bit sweeter

    Paris? Well even Paris could see this is a good thing!

  16. S Larti
    Paris Hilton

    The benefits of porn!

    This has made my day.

    It's taken a while, but if it takes her husbands movie choices to get rid of her then this is the most rewarding flick ever!

    Paris, because she profited from a grumble flick too!

  17. 7mark7
    Thumb Down

    Any guesses?

    Diretectorship of phorm or BT? Experian?

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up


    Great news. The latest in a long line of completely anti-democratic Home Secretary's under 'NuLabour' I'll be glad (and relieved) to see the back of. They've all been bad for this country's democracy, cowering behind 'anti-terror' and 'anti-pr0n' laws to steal away our personal freedoms, whilst bending over repeatedly to oblige a crooked police force seeking to get as much bad law (and funding) enacted as possible. It won't, of course, end with her departure - God alone knows how much damage to our freedoms can still be done by whomever the next incumbent might be.

    Still, let's savour this moment while it lasts - but stay vigilant.

  19. Anonymous Coward

    Going Going Gone

    Im still campaining to get rid of DIP.

    She goes but that will still be around.

  20. Gianni Straniero

    Friends of Dorothy

    I count eight comments quoting The Wizard of Oz. Is that some sort of record?

  21. Lee
    Thumb Up

    Can I be the first to say.......

    .......I know, no chance. I'll be dancing in front of the burning stake tonight though!!

    Have you no larger thumbs up icon?

    Hang on, it's Gordon Brown it's for.....never mind :-)

  22. Jimmy

    Goodbye and hello.

    As Jacqui drags her sorry ass out of the Home Office she leaves behind the team of 'special advisers' that Nulab installed to override and manage the objective advice offered by the civil servants. The unelected control freaks stay in post (at our cost) so don't look for any change of policy. Has anyone checked THEIR expenses recently?

    Jacqui, your undignified exit becomes you beautifully. Not quite off the gravy train yet love, but we will sort that out for you very shortly.

  23. Mycho Silver badge

    It may be better than you expect

    You know how everyone gets really conscientious about locking their windows and doors after there's been a burglary? Or how people are always so polite after they've been caught being rude, or how men get all romantic when they've been caught cheating? It's the same thing. Sometimes politicians get a conscience for a few months after being seen to misbehave.

    Make the most of it, it's like the British summer.

  24. Justabloke


    while this is undoubtly the best news of the day so far... please don't shout/wish for Blunkett to return... He is the architect behind the ID database not wacky and for those of you struggling to think of anyone worse I have two words...

    Harriet Harman.

    hah! not so smiley now are you?

    Still wacky going is good... trying to defend her majority is good because it'll hammer home just home much people despise her. Let's hope she falls into the obscurity she deserves.

  25. ElFatbob

    'Shuffle' - such a versatile word

    While your hubby is having a 5-knuckle-shuffle at the taxpayers expense, you get 'shuffled' out of government...

    'According to the BBC she will defend her skinny 2,716 majority in Redditch at the next election.'

    Good luck with that one then.

    Guess it's off to the EU for you. Give Neil a call - he'll tell you how to get the best out of the gravy train...

  26. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up


    ... of a more militant Home Secretary set to replace Wacky were today downplayed with the confirmation that Chairman Mao and Adolf Hitler are both in fact dead.

  27. Seán

    I feel your Joy

    We had a donkey named McDowell or somesuch as minister for Justice here, he brought in such wonderful notions as no smoking in pubs and random reasonless breath tests for drivers, pissed off the cops pissed off the judges pissed off the people. His party had high hopes in the last elections right up until he lost his deposit and was beaten out of his seat by the Greens. Another fool who didn't take into account the desires of the people.

  28. delboy

    Next Idiot Home Secretary?

    Harriot The Horror Harmen!

  29. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward



    I read an article by him the other day, on a broadsheet's website, in which he denied that the House of Commons is a legislature. Ignoring the pedantic point that it's actually parliament that is a legislature, it really does show what despicable contempt he has for the truth.

    Oh, and as for ID cards? He recently called (as El Reg reported, IIRC,) for voluntary ID cards to be scrapped, and for compulsory passports to be usable as ID cards instead - compulsory ID cards disguised as passports.

    Fortunately, he's as subtle as a brick, and has just about the easiest lines to read between.

  30. Craig Roberts


    "Harriet Harman."

    You evil evil bastard! ;)

  31. Tails
    Thumb Up

    @That popping sound you hear

    Mine's the expensive bottle of witch's brew nicked from her office. I can go back to being an American Anglophile now

  32. Pierre Silver badge

    Don't get it wrong: she won

    She was just the fuse, pals. She was the first-line defense for you to hate, she's done her job (she did what she's been put there to do), now everyone hate her so her mission is done, she can be disposed of and replaced by the next "fuse" who will do exactly the same, until everyone hate them too much, at which point they will be dismissed and replaced by another fuse, repeat ad nauseam. (and yes, whatever party is gonna be in charge will probably do the same - with a nuance: if the Tories take over, you'll lose your job, too ;-) )

  33. Paul Gomme

    No flowers...

    ...and no loss, either...

    Post your happy comments here...

  34. Adrian Silver badge

    No, not Blunkett

    Blunkett set the direction for all the recent home secs. They've just followed the line ever since. I don't have any time for Jacqui, but she was only following Blunkett's lead.

  35. Anonymous Coward

    mistakes were made

    Ok, i'm leaving....just let me check my coat pockets here to make sure they're lined with nice, crisp, new notes first.....

  36. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    Would a petition be worthwhile?

    I'm thinking of starting a petition to wave farewell to Fuhrer Smith and to remind old Gordon we don't want anyone even remotely like her as a replacement. Maybe if enough people sign it they'll understand there *is* no silent majority who want increased Government surveillance and interference in our private lives.

    That all sounds rather maudlin for what is essentially a time of huge celebration. I'll be raising a glass of Jack tonight in celebration of the fact that this Harridan has got as close to power as she's ever going to get. With her slim majority it's practically a done deal she will be ousted at the next election if she doesn't stand down first.

    Farewell, you spineless interfering harpy. If it's any consolation I hear the Spice Extreme channel are having a fetish night tonight. Now piss off and leave politics to the fucking adults.

  37. Anonymous Coward

    The good old days

    Lets not be so hasty in our celebrations of the demise of this tyrant. After six months of Tony McNulty, her inevitable successor, we’ll be hankering for the good old days of Jackboots Jacqui…

  38. PT

    You Are The Dead

    HM Government is grateful to you all for your frank expressions of opinion. We will review every response carefully. We take all such criticism seriously and need to strike a balance.

    Now remain exactly where you are - officers will be arriving shortly to assist you.

  39. Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

    AC Posted Tuesday 2nd June 2009 12:59 GMT

    "no matter how bad the next chump is in the position it cannot possibly be worse than this terrible piece of crap. "

    Gawd you just had to say that did'nt you?

    Now we're gonna be saddled with GB's favourite brown nose whos going to have his/her own ideas of crime fighting

    Look forward to having your ID number tattooed on your forehead couped with having 1 leg cut off to stop criminals running away from the police.

    Ok that maybe a touch extreme but I'm sure the next occupant will come up with some equally deranged ideas.

    Wheres the Guy Fawkes icon?

  40. Anonymous Coward

    Anyone got any dirt on

    Harriet Harperson? If we could see the back of both of them my cup would be full and running over. I imagine a lot of women would feel the same way as neither of them were particularly good adverts for placing women in positions of power.

  41. Anonymous Coward

    Just realised that

    Wacqui's husband would appear to have had the most productive wank in history. Let's hear it for the five fingered cabinet reshuffle;)!

  42. Rog69

    Yes yes yes yes!!!!!

    I was beginning to think she might dodge the bullet after the expenses scandal really kicked off and she faded into the background for a couple of weeks but no, It's like some kind of beautiful dream........

  43. Camilla Smythe

    Last time I checked

    On the Register No Less. It turned out that some bloke copped, to the FBI, for the 'lesser' charges of 'hacking' in order to avoid getting stung for possession of kiddy porn and time in jail with, dare I say, Bubba Smith.

    Is this some similar sort of 'deal'?

    Ms Smith seemed to be putting up a 'good' defence for her fiddling and now she folds and 'walks away' in the same way, it would seem, that others are taking the opportunity as well.



  44. Anonymous Coward

    I will be celebrating

    As one of the 800,000 innocent people on her database thanks to her corrupt police force and her refusal to follow the ECHR judgement her departure is long overdue.

    This woman is more dangerous than any terrorist.

    Enjoy the bath plugs we paid for along with the rest of the stuff you stole from the people of Britain.

    Flames because you deserve to burn in hell for the damage you have done to ordinary citizens of this country.

  45. Fatman Silver badge

    "Waqui Jacqui" gets 'das boot'

    From many of the comments above, it seems that a lot of you Brits are celebrating, not unlike the way many of us Yanks did back in January; when a village in Texas got its ID10T back.

    So, go to your local (I guess you call them 'pubs', we call often then bars) watering hole; and hoist a few.

    Sing it out loud from "The Wizard of Oz": 'Ding, dong, the wicked BITCH is dead!'

    Enjoy it for now, because tomorrow, you may have to worry about the f---tard that replaces her.

  46. RW

    Don't get your hopes up

    A comment on the Guardian re the same news this morning remarked that the real source of all the police state nonsense is a clutch of right-wing civil servants in the Home Office. Poor old Jacqui has simply been conned by them, because she's too stupid (former cooking teacher, remember) to understand the implications of their sinister plans.

    A good Home Secretary would give those plans to Stasify the UK one look and order them trashed. And then shunt the originators off to dead end jobs where they can no longer influence policy.

    Jacqui leaving doesn't clean out the fascists in the Home Office at all.

  47. John Smith Gold badge

    I have a plan to make money on this.

    Compile list of most delusionally paranoid MP's

    Find the #1 wing nut

    Go to bookmakers (Shop in UK high streets for our Merkin readers)

    Place large bet for them as Home Secretary

    Collect winnings.

  48. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Note to Mr Jackboot.

    The old trouble and strife will be spending quite a bit of time at home soon.

    Expenses - camcorder (HD) ??? While she can? Nudge, nudge.

    You know ...

    Please post you-tube links here. Ta.

    Paris, because she will soon be replaced.

  49. Simon Ward
    Dead Vulture

    Re: Next Idiot Home Secretary?

    "Harriot The Horror Harmen!"

    Don't joke about shit like that. Just don't.

    Harlot Harperson needs a stake through the heart, not the Home Secretary's job.

    Anyway, takin' all bets on who'll 'stand down for family reasons' next .... Darling? Hoon? Or will Prudence Broon have the cojones to call an general election? The local/European results will be a mere appetiser.

    Personally, I can't wait - it'll be 1997 all over again but with far, *far* more 'Portillo moments'.

    Tombstone - for the ZanuLabour government.

  50. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Does this mean ...

    ... the Queen can go to the D-Day service?


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