back to article Wacky Jacqui spanked by husband

Home Secretary Jacqui Smith has admitted getting the taxpayer to pick up the bill for two porn films watched by her husband last June. On Sunday, the Daily Express revealed that amongst the expenses signed off in respect of Jacqui Smith’s (second) constituency home was a bill for £67 in respect of films downloaded from Virgin …

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  1. Mad Mike

    Priests and Nuns (@al)

    ' I think the main course here is the double standards. Like a pri*st doing it with a n*n after a sermon.'

    Bearing in mind her legislation, I suspect Jacqui considers herself a nun. Her views with regard to s*x certainly seem Victorian and worse, so would match. However, it would appear her husband is a little more 'broad minded'.

    Personally, I would allow the expenses claim anyway. Having s*x with Jacqui would count as cruel and degrading treatment and probably violates the Geneva Convention on torture. So, it really counts as medical treatment on the NHS for having normal s*xual needs.

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Joke

    RE:TWO showings of Oceans 13!?

    Maybe they weren't clever enough to understand it, those films can be a little tricky to understand.

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I say, let her stay.

    Now she's been exposed as a hypocrite, she's less likely to be allowed to cause any harm.

    Get rid of her now, and they might replace her with the even less competent McNutty.

    Let her stay, at least until they've liberated the monsters under McNutty's bed as well.

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    @"livid and shocked"

    Good point. Give the man a hardcorez

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    psych 101

    I think this explains a lot.

    She put out for her hubby - he spanks the monkey to pr0n - she decides all men are therefore sex-crazed deviants because they want it more than once a year and are therefore a danger to women, children, society or whatever and starts drafting "extreme pr0n laws"...

    Her whole anti-porn stance comes from her own mental/sexual hang-ups... this wouldn't surprise me in the least.

    And of course, her whole moral crusade is "for the greater good", what matter that the casualties along the way are freedom and justice. The NuLab manifesto reads like an excerpt from "Mein Kampf" - meh.

  6. Dave
    Flame

    Overdue

    Wacky Jacqui is now well past her sell-by date.

  7. Shig

    Jaquie smith should get fired

    Not with reference specifically to this; she's fucked up so many times in the past anyway. She's a complete fucking moron.

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    Domestic Violence review postponed

    Now it becomes clear why she didn't include domestic abuse against men in the recent review...

    This was the only option left to him as watching one of their own 'home videos' is now banned <shudder>. I think he'll be in the dog house for a while! (pun intended)

    Next she'll claim that she wasn't aware she was signing to put her second home on expenses!

    She should resign for not checking what she was actually signing for (gross negligence), or at the very least her husband who prepares the expense claim forms for her as her £40,000 Commons advisor (gross misconduct).

    Wacky Jacqui - get your coat and do us all a favour!

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    @John et al

    You have to SEARCH to find something more serious and damn disgusting that these parasites have done or are responsible for? On any given day/month/year? Wow...! Maybe you shouldn't be looking to the BBC or mainstream newspapers for your information! No offence meant, but really.

    I agree wholeheartedly that this, whilst beautifully ironic and delicious, is not important at all - but see how much excitement, chatter and indignation it generates amongst the flock. I assure you she couldn't give a f*ck about what the little people think about this story, if it's even true. There are MANY other things she would much rather we weren't discussing.

    This will make no difference to her career whatsoever.

  10. david

    Is he being serious?

    Gordon Brown has said Home Secretary Jacqui Smith's use of Commons expenses for two adult films watched by her husband should be a "personal matter"

    Gordie old mate, it was a personal matter right up to the point we had to pay for it.

    And up to the point that your Home Secretary with the support of your government decided that the British public's 'personal matters' are actually a matter for government to poke their noses into.

    This wouldn't have caused half the splash it has if there wasn't for the moralistic posing by the Government to stir up the Mail readers. Paying back the tenner is a small hit on the wallet and in more permissive times the cash would come out of her wages and she'd walk away embarrassed but politically intact. Because the government has set itself up as moral arbiters they better make sure they are perfect or get a proper job.

    I wonder whether John's duties as part of 'running the office' is filling in the expenses claims (and hiding the receipts)?

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    @Thinking Outside the Box

    Although you may be on to something I suspect (with a degree of cynicism) that actually the main reason "Call me Dave" isn't complaining too loudly is because he at the very least strongly suspects that many or all of his own MPs are abusing the expenses system at least as badly.

    If he says nothing, or supports this as a non-resignation event then if labour make a big thing about Tory expenses then labour will just look petty, childish and like they are trying to either legitimise their theft of public money because "everyone else does it" or they are trying to bury the story rather than address it.

    Also, as the party in power, if Labour go after the Tories without the Tories starting it then it will also look like they (Labour) knew what was going on, knew it was not really acceptable but let it continue in order to feather their own nests.

  12. Scott
    Thumb Up

    Proof

    Proof if needed that Earl Hickey is Jesus!!!!

  13. telecine
    Thumb Up

    Comedy Gold

    See title...

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Happy

    El Reg

    My first thought on hearing this on the news was... I wonder what the comments will be like on the reg? Could we achieve a comments posting record?

  15. Jonathan
    Stop

    @AC (12:11 GMT)

    Hit the nail on the head there, Medialens here we come! However I doubt that honest, critical reporting will ever catch on within the red top loving herd.

    I found it funnier that the Daily Mail suggested THIS should be the reason she is fired!

  16. James Pickett
    Happy

    No confidence

    I see that Uncle Gordon couldn't even bring himself to say that she had his full confidence - just that she was doing a 'good job'. In comparison to whom, I wonder?

    I love the 'expenses logic' though. Internet access is 'communications', so when TV comes from the same provider, that's an allowed expense too! Only in Westminsterland...

  17. alain williams Silver badge

    What is the issue ?

    The fact that her husband has been watching smutty films is not the issue,

    that is something between him & her - it could make their relationship better or worse. It is not something that we need to know.

    The real issue is that she was claiming for something that was nothing to do with her parliamentary job. If she had claimed for her husband watching Bambi she should be thoroughly censured. Just repaying the claim is not good enough. If I were to lie to the Inland Revenue and the find out, they won't just ask me to repay what I hid from them, they will impose a penalty of up to 100%.

    MPs caught cooking the books should face the same penalties as the rest of us.

    Having said that: I do find the anti smut campaigner hoisted by her own petard very funny.

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Unhappy

    MY EYES! MY EYES!!!

    You have been warned.

    http://www.independent.co.uk/opinion/the-daily-cartoon-760940.html

  19. Luther Blissett

    It couldn't have happened to a nicer person

    Wicked.

    Let's all help Ms Smiff along here. I'm about to print off a car sticker which says

    IT'S SOOOOO HARD FOR JACQUI SMIFF

  20. Dale Richards
    Coat

    @Fireworks

    'It's "hoist with own petard" surely? The bomb doesn't throw you.'

    I think you'll find it does in Soviet Russia.

  21. Lloyd
    Stop

    2 things

    Of course Gordon's going to defend her, he's the biggest w***er of all of them.

    If you had the choice of slipping that thing one or tugging off, which would you choose?

  22. Andy

    But her "main" residence is he sister's house...

    Wasn't whacki recently protesting that she spent "most" of her time living at her sister's place?

    If so why is she claiming internet OR tv at her "weekend" residence?

  23. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Sorry if someone has already said this, but

    Hehe.

    ....

    Haha.

    ....

    Hahaha.

    .....

    ....

    BBWWWAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

    HAHAh

    HA

    haha

    Seriously though, shouldn't our ministers resign due to their incompetence rather than these silly tabloid issues?

    hehe

    pffffHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

  24. This post has been deleted by its author

  25. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

    Re: Petition to the PM is already up!

    and

    http://petitions.number10.gov.uk/provideevidencethatanonlinepetitionhaseverachievedanything

  26. John Smith Gold badge
    Flame

    @Johnathan, @david

    "When the press focuses on the sex lives of politicians, reach for your pocket, and see who’s pulling out your wallet."

    A very good point. I wonder what's being announced today?

    @david

    "Gordie old mate, it was a personal matter right up to the point we had to pay for it."

    All jokes aside this is the real core on this story. However I think the housing expenses is a lot bigger story.

  27. Tony

    Perhaps...

    ...If she spent a bit more time looking after her husbands needs and a bit less trying to f**k the rest of us he wouldn't have to rely on shite pay-per-view porn?

  28. Anonymous Coward
    Stop

    We have the technology.

    Got that in one, Sarah. http://petitions.number10.gov.uk is a honey pot site which is used to populate another government database containing details of potential dissidents who may have to be quarantined come the revolution. Irresistible opportunity for the control freaks.

  29. John Curry
    Linux

    @ Ad Fundem

    Menstruating Manatee? Surely that HAS to be the title for Ubuntu 10.10???

  30. Dazed and Confused Silver badge

    Wacky

    So can we now look forward to her being referred to "Wack-off" Jacky

    Will there now be a box on all our tax forms to we can claim a tax exemption for grumble flicks?

    It's totally lame of her to blame her husband for this. But then what else would we expect from this government. If anything goes wrong - quick find someone else to blame.

    I remember years ago chatting to a bloke in a video rental store about "adult" and "below the counter tapes". He was saying that most of them were rented out by women during the day.

  31. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Just a thought, but....

    One of the things wacky did was introduce a new definition for "domestic violence" which makes shouting at an intimate partner a crime. (its on the CPS website)

    Given that she admits to giving him an ear bashing, he is an intimate partner and the basis of the "ear bashing" was something personal to there relationship perhaps Mr Timney should grow some man lumps and report his missus to the plod.

    Then we can see how quickly she tries to get off the DNA register.

    Aside from that I am still laughing and cant wait for question time on radio 4 this weekend!

    Paris, just because!

  32. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    This all makes her a smut peddler

    selling porn to government, she is obviously delusional, one moment cracking down on the smut Peddlers and the next peddling the smut herself.

    As to domestic violence, the description of how she treated her husband, and the fact he has taken the can for this points to something even more sinister, I hope he wasn't hit or had to endure verbal or physical violence from Jacqui.

  33. Matt Jennings
    Coat

    Is this Fraud ?

    If so, maybe we should report it to the Police as Fraud, aren't they duty bound to follow up a complaint ?

    Mind you would we see the results ?

    I don't mind being taxed for something that I do but to be indirectly taxed for an MP's husbands W4nk......whatever next !

  34. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    @Just a thought, but....

    Interesting thought, also if memory serves, if someone reports it to the police, even if he doesn't they're still supposed to pursue the case and seen as she admited it on TV...

  35. Chronos Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    Ha! Heh heh! *chuckle*

    One question that also springs immediately to mind: Why are we paying her broadband bill when she and her cohorts are determined to turn the 'net (or parts of it - they just don't seem to be able to grasp the architecture of the 'net) into some sanitised propaganda platform just like traditional one-way media, along with built-in "dissident" detection? I bet the bugger uses TPB as well.

    Still, as I said, har-de-fricking-har! Can't stop laughing, and I have been since I read this on the Beeb over the weekend. Her hubby likes the odd bluey (he's only human, after all), her party seems dead against it and is determined to "protect" our poor little minds (silly. A few of us can even separate fantasy from reality, despite the results of the last election and the content of the Labour manifesto indicating that this is a lost art for many), yet she submits the cost of her hubby's smutfest as expenses. Where was the nanny state then? The irony is delicious. It was worth paying the bill for the comedy factor alone!

    NuLabour, exposed again, from the inside by the loudest, most arrogant and visible (around here, at any rate) cabinet member possible. The PM himself couldn't have done a better job ;o)

    I have deliberately resisted using the Paris icon. There will, no doubt, be plenty of other posts upon which it appears to, um, gum up the works with.

  36. Thomas Jerome
    Coat

    EPIC LOSE.

    You could say that she's handed her political enemies a rather large stick with which to beat her.

    I don't mind indirectly contributing to someone else's onanism, so long as they or their spouses don't dictate what the rest of us can and can't masturbate to.

    Mine's the black lederjacke with the rolled up copy of Fister's Monthly in the pocket.

  37. Bumhug

    Missed the obvious excuse

    Should of claimed it was research....

    Am I the only one scared that this woman could end up as PM. Conservatives should win the next election hands down, by the time the election after that rolls round the global recession will be over and they will win another term. Next election and cracks are starting to show but Labour have yet to find anyone with any personality to challange. After that election though cameron steps down wanting to leave at the top (and more importantaly knows there is a shit storm on the way) and someone who has zero chance of winning the next election gets made party leader and our PM. Labour see this is their best chance of winning but dont want to take any risks and need a dead cert, they think about going the obama route but dont want to scare middle england so instead decide a woman is the best bet to secure votes. And thats how Jacqui Smith ends up as PM

  38. Eddy Ito Silver badge
    Go

    [What]dangle Contest!

    I would like to suggest a contest following in the brilliance of twatdangle. If ever a situation existed that cried out for a single word description, a moralistic crusader caught in a 'tryst' of fate, as it were, certainly demands such recognition. Rules are simple, a single word is to be submitted for judging. The word may be a redefined existing word or a new word, such as a portmanteau. Please feel free to include sources if the word is a portmanteau and you feel the blended words are not obvious. You may also submit a brief definition to set the scope of the word.

    A FUQ - No that is Answers to Frequently Unasked Questions

    No, the submission can't be santorum but it may be included in a portmanteau.

    Not needing a 'dangle' component, participles happen.

    Yes, multiple entries are allowed.

    Not valid where prohibited by law. Your mileage may vary. Odds of winning vary depending on number of entries, mood of judges and quantity of beer consumed during judging. Judges decisions are final. Unpleasant side effects may include anal seepage, sore ribs, teary eyes, moist keyboards and uncontrolled flatulence. Please call a doctor if an erection lasts for more than fourteen hours.

  39. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    bashing the bishop

    Must say the photos of the tosser show him looking decidedly peeky - too much bashing or a sleepless night worrying about the prospects of him remaining attached to his testicles? Maybe both - the logic being: give'em one last going over before punishment is enacted.

    I for one will be keeping an eye on la Smith's earings to see if she gets a new pair in the near future.

    I expect she is suitably vengeful, the cheating harridan.

  40. Mike Richards Silver badge

    Can we work out the titles?

    The BBC tantalises us with the news that Virgin's porno pipes delivered the movies on 6 and 8 April 2008 at £5 a time. Is there any hope of narrowing down what sort of filth gets Mr. Home Secretary going?

    And surely a Playmobil reconstruction of salient plot points for those of us who don't subscribe to Beardie muck is in order?

  41. Anonymous Coward
    Joke

    Different photo needed

    This

    http://www.anenglishmanscastle.com/Jacqui Smith.jpg

    looks like it might have been taken shortly after watching those flix.

  42. Mike Richards Silver badge

    Pulitzer winning journalism here

    The Telegraph has deployed its formidable resources to determine that Virgin were satisfying the Home Secretary's husband with "Raw Meat 3" and "By Special Request".

    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/politics/labour/5072701/Jacqui-Smith-under-pressure-over-husbands-adult-film-expense-claims.html

    Any of the Reg's readers able to tell us more about these epic titles - especially "Raw Meat 3"? Does it achieve the tricky task of being a good third movie in the series - which is hard to pull off [snigger] - Jaws 3D, Rocky 3 and Return of the Jedi all failed to keep the high standards of their predecessors.

  43. Bruno Girin
    Thumb Up

    Playmobil

    "However, if the net effect of these allegations is that she becomes a figure of fun, her position may yet become untenable."

    Therefore, it is El Reg's civic duty to provide us with a Playmobil reconstruction so that we can make her into a figure of fun. Come on El Reg, you know you want to!

  44. Zorro
    Go

    We pay for Gordon to watch movies and sport as well

    I have to point out that we pay for Gordon Brown's subscription to the Sky Movies and Sky Sports packages as well. I'd really like to know how he can with a straight face say that is necessary for him to perform his ministerial duty. Therefore it looks like the PM is guilty of fraud against the taxpayer and should be arrested immediately.

    Won't someone rid us of this absolutely arrogant, hypocritical, venal, corrupt, turgid government. Please. Now. Or Soon. We cannot put up with another year with this lunatic in charge.

  45. Lionel Baden

    @Yet Blunkett can bed-hop and the boys go "yeah, respect!"

    Yeah but he isnt the one preaching that We shouldnt bed hop

  46. Tony

    We're up to our ears in gloaters here.

    "Can I come in for a gloat?" they shout.

    We shout back "Oh you heartless gloaters!"

    Tell you what - I will believe you are not a gloater if you can just tell me.... Which expenses DIDN'T she fiddle?

  47. Youngdog
    Happy

    @Eddy Ito

    Preachfisted

    Daisnaid (pronouned dayz-nade for do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do)

    Kismited (kismet - smited)

    or perhaps my favourite

    Karmarinated

  48. TeeCee Gold badge
    Black Helicopters

    How to make your own news.

    This story was broken by the Express? I wonder how they found out......*

    *Note for Americans and anyone else not paying attention. The proprietor of the Express also happens to own a selection of subscription-only porn channels** offered on a variety of carriers including, er, Virgin.

    **Yup. Being accused of depravity by a professional smutmonger must irk a bit. I laughed.

  49. david

    @eddy ito

    wanksacked?

    could be reused for anyone losing their job for prOn related reasons.

    (OK I know it hasn't happened yet but having the PM say he's right behind her it can't be long)

  50. James Pickett

    More joy

    http://oldrightie.blogspot.com/2009/03/home-secretary-does-expenses.html

    BTW, is this the most rapidly commented El Reg item ever? Must be in the running...

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