back to article Naked women cleaning biz smashes patriarchy by introducing naked bloke gardening service

Lazy perverts of all genders, get in here. Australia has the household service for you. Bare All Cleaning, which sends women round to do chores in the buff, has hit back at claims of sexism by rolling out a gardening service performed by naked blokes. No, not that kind of gardening service. Actual gardening, like... hedge …

Anonymous Coward
Anonymous Coward

'Does give new relevance to the concept of a "walled garden," don't it?'

When I lived in Cupertino in late 90s there was a strong local campaign to maintain and enfoce the local "single storey houses only" planning regulations against the dangers of mezzanines and loft rooms etc to prevent the possibility that people in their "yards" could be spied on by neighbours. So maybe "walled garden" really is a Cupertino thing.

Anonymous Coward
Anonymous Coward

Reminds me of the old joke (NSFW and sexist to boot)

A rich couple are arguing about their outgoings

He: Well if you're weren't so lousy in the kitchen we wouldn't need to hire a cook

She: Well if you weren't lousy in the bedroom we wouldn't need to hire a gardener.

(sexist maybe but I heard it from a female comedian)

ElReg!comments!Pierre

Re: Reminds me of the old joke (NSFW and sexist to boot)

In what warped universe is this considered either NSFW or sexist? (And why would the teller's gender matter?)

Semtex451
Silver badge
Facepalm

I'd only end up cleaning the place in a mad panic, before the cleaner arrived

IsJustabloke
Silver badge
Megaphone

weirdly...

You're spot on, almost. :)

I don't really clean, that's what my cleaner does, I tidy up after myself by which I mean, picking stuff up and putting things away, in the laundry hamper, filling the dishwasher that sort of thing. I'd be a proper messay bugger if I didn't have a cleaner.

Anonymous Coward
Anonymous Coward

"I'd only end up cleaning the place in a mad panic, before the cleaner arrived"

I know several people like that. The only time they will leave the cleaner in peace is when they are bedridden with the 'flu and unable to crawl to the door.

(Anonymous in case "Senior Management" browse by)

Credas
Silver badge

Re: weirdly...

I'd be a proper messay bugger if I didn't have a cleaner.

No, you are a messy bugger - but you pay a cleaner to clean up your mess. :)

VikiAi

Re: weirdly...

My mum is like that. The home help likes her because they only have to /clean/ rather than tidy, then clean.

Meanwhile most of the students here where I work seem to think the cleaner's job is to pick up their chip packets and empty coffee cups (it isn't - their job is to clean grime and spills and such normal detritus of everyday living, not to clear tables of litter!)

Anonymous Coward
Anonymous Coward

its australia - isn't being naked a bit risky? what if one of them spiders climbed up your bum?

The Nazz
Silver badge

a month late maybe, but a young lad was telling his english teacher what he did over the weekend.

"I put a lit firework, a banger, up the dogs arse miss, blew his balls off."

"Ahem, rectum."

"Aye, yer not joking there miss. Blood all over the place."

GBE

Wrong punchline

"Ahem, rectum."

"Aye, yer not joking there miss. Blood all over the place."

The punchline I always heard was:

"Wrecked 'im? Hell, it killed 'im!"

Dogbowl

Old, very old joke. That was done by Arthur Haynes way back in the 60s. Dr in Clover maybe? Sorry, showing my age.

MrMerrymaker

Seinfeld

I was wondering why you'd get a naked cleaner if you didn't have sexual ideas about em...

And remembered the classic Seinfeld ep where he starts sleeping with his cleaner, who stops doing a thorough job.

But then you have George getting the non-beautiful PA to thwart his male urges... Only to bone her, promising a raise!

Anonymous Coward
Anonymous Coward

Re: Seinfeld

"I was wondering why you'd get a naked cleaner if you didn't have sexual ideas about em..."

People spend their money and time on many things that are not essential to them staying alive. They are whatever takes their fancy - usually either for status or a "reward" that gives them a feeling of pleasure. The fashion and entertainment industries are just about 100% driven by that motivation.

Having a flower garden is a discretionary spend. Employing a gardener is therefore one further expense of doing that. Adding some entertainment novelty is just another apparently unnecessary expense that they want to afford.

Anonymous Coward
Anonymous Coward

Re: Seinfeld

"And remembered the classic Seinfeld ep where he starts sleeping with his cleaner, who stops doing a thorough job."

... but, IIRC, its all tied in with the middle class angst over employing "servants" which Seinfeld already has over employing the clenaner so he then justifies sleeping with her by deciding that at that point she's a girlfriend and not a cleaner and when he later complains about the standard of the cleaning the cleaner replies that she thought he saw her as a girlfriend and not a cleaner.

Jay Lenovo

No, sometimes clothes are your friend

It's like inviting the nearly naked people you see in National Geographic into your residence to do everyday drudgery.

Good nudity has a context. It's hard (but not that type of hard) to fathom the viewing of household chores done in the nude, as the most efficient means of getting visual pleasure and/or a day's work done.

Keep the nudity fun, not laborious.

Anonymous Coward
Anonymous Coward

Re: No, sometimes clothes are your friend

"It's like inviting the nearly naked people you see in National Geographic into your residence to do everyday drudgery."

Many years ago a team from somewhere like Borneo were set up in London with a commission to build one of their traditional houses in a museum over a period of several weeks. They dressed as they had back home and used their traditional tools. They quite happily navigated from their accommodation to the museum via the novelty of the Underground.

Unfortunately Google cannot find a link to which museum it was. I think it was mentioned by David Attenborough in one of his reminiscences.

Korev
Silver badge
Coat

Schedule?

Client: What are you going to clean next?

Cleaner: I’m just going to muff the floor

the Jim bloke
Bronze badge

Hiring policies would require exemptions

to non-discrimination requirements, unless there are already loopholes that allow hospitality industry to refuse to employ "unattractive" workers...

Every other industry that HR have got their fangs into seems forced to employ unsuitable and incompetent recruits, then try to mitigate the harm by increasing management.

Anonymous Coward
Anonymous Coward

Re: Hiring policies would require exemptions

"[...] employ unsuitable and incompetent recruits, then try to mitigate the harm by increasing management."

employ unsuitable and incompetent recruits, then try to mitigate the harm by increasing management with unsuitable and incompetent recruits.

FTFY

Fruit and Nutcase
Silver badge
Thumb Up

Vulture Promotion Opportunity

How about sending some of these T-Shirts to the Window Cleaning Operatives?

https://www.theregister.co.uk/2014/10/21/lohan_t_shirts/

https://www.theregister.co.uk/2002/01/10/register_merchandise_jan_sale/

89724102172714182892114I7551670349743096734346773478647892349863592355648544996312855148587659264921

If the naked gardener has an accident with shears, tell him to keep the tip

Anonymous Coward
Anonymous Coward

"Bare All is a professional cleaning service with a difference. We never aim for anything less than total satisfaction."

Nice!!

Anonymous Coward
Anonymous Coward

Is it for lady gardens?

defiler
Silver badge

Naked labour

A friend of mine paints cars, motorbikes, guitars, whatever. He told me that when it's a hot summer he paints naked. The other option is to turn fans on (streaks the paint) or open windows (lets insects in).

I'm sure you could get a ventilation system that doesn't streak the paint, but he's a one-man-band and I imagine that would be quite bespoke (pricey).

He also used to work with a trainee who kept wearing aftershave that interfered with the paint... And no, I wouldn't want to see him working naked.

Anonymous Coward
Anonymous Coward

Re: Naked labour

Reminds me of the Marty Feldmann sketch (google find it very quickly!) ... he's dressed as a 19th century painter paiting a (fully clothed) model and asks "do you mind if I paint you in the nude?", she replies "all right" and ... Marty starts ripping off all his clothes!

RobertLongshaft

You're gonna be surprised when Brenda a 52 year old mother of 4 divorcee rings your doorbell in the buff to come and do your ironing.

MrMerrymaker

"Make sure to get all the folds and creases out.

Of the shirts, Brenda."

Potemkine!
Silver badge

"It's pretty disgusting, wouldn't you say?"

Like many things, but as long as it is between consenting adults I see no reason why that should be outlawed.

Aversion of some people for everything related to sex is either hypocrisy or a first step towards extinction.

Anonymous Coward
Anonymous Coward

"Aversion of some people for everything related to sex is either hypocrisy [...]"

It's the enjoyment of sex of which they often disapprove. On the other hand many of them also believe there is an obligation/right to produce the maximum number of kids in a lifetime.

Anonymous Coward
Anonymous Coward

I tried to start a naked computer repairs business up years ago.

Anonymous Coward
Anonymous Coward

"I tried to start a naked computer repairs business up years ago."

I've always found that being naked is good antistatic protection.

In the office on my own one evening I stripped down to my cotton underpants while building my Motorola 6800 evaluation board. I had become paranoid after destroying several expensive FET small signal UHF transistors - in the days when they arrived with only a clip round the leads as static protection.

Anonymous Coward
Anonymous Coward

Naked Servants

A slipppery slope, pretty soon all servant jobs, from cleaning to the whole service job sector will cut out uniform costs, and require serving in the buff, because isn't a major perk to the 1% to humiliate your servants at every chance?

arctic_haze
Silver badge
Coat

Doesn't everything green have thorns in Australia?

Just asking...

PS. The icon represents undressing for work.

the Jim bloke
Bronze badge

Re: Doesn't everything green have thorns in Australia?

around here we have spinifex - needle like grass which causes festering sores as the tips of the grass break off and remain in the wound,

Bush Tomatoes - covered in very fine spines,

Mimosa bushes - invasive weed species with spikes/thorns up to 10cm long (according to business.queensland.gov.au website..)

and that's just the first 3 I can remember the names of

cray74
Silver badge

Re: Doesn't everything green have thorns in Australia?

What kind of gardening are they doing, trimming some bushes and plucking some fruits?

My brother runs a lawn care service on the side in Florida. It is a dirty, sweaty job that is the antithesis of sexy. Just normal mowing, even with a catcher bag, produces a cloud of dust and grass duff that gets everywhere. The cloud of lawn shrapnel gets more exciting when the yard's owner has a dog, which tend to leave fragrant landmines for the mower to trigger.

And sweat - it was cost effective for him to buy a hotel-scale ice maker to fill his ice chest rather than collecting drinks and 10 pounds of ice from a store every morning.

Cuddles
Silver badge

Still seems kind of sexist

The whole point of not being sexist is that men and women are treated the same. Providing women to do the cooking and cleaning and men to do manly things with tool outdoors is still just as sexist as only providing one of them. The non-sexist way to do it would simply be to provide anyone who is willing and able to do the job without worrying about what gender they might be. You know, exactly the same way non-naked cleaning and gardening services work. If customer demand or the pool of willing workers happens to favour one thing over another that's not an issue, but stating up front that you'll only allow girls to do one job doesn't get balanced out by only allowing boys to do something completely different.

raving angry loony

"Less sexist"?

Wouldn't it be "less sexist" if they ditched the gender-based stereotypes and provided naked maids/gardeners of whatever gender the customer prefers? Instead of limiting it to "women do housework" and "men do yardwork"?

Gonzo wizard

A thorny subject

Stay away from the roses!

Juan Inamillion

What makes me laugh is that so many commentards here think that it's a pucker service to do the garden or kitchen or whatever.

The idea is for the hirer to sit back and watch. Any 'work' achieved is a bonus.

Alan Ferris

Excuse me

No Playmobil?

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