back to article BOFH: Got that syncing feeling, hm? I've looked at your computer and the Outlook isn't great

BOFH logo telephone with devil's horns "You see!" the Boss says. "See what?" I ask. "THERE!" "Where? What are you pointing at?" "My contacts," he says, jabbing at his phone with a chubby finger. "What... about your contacts?" "Look!" he says, moving the stubby digit from his phone screen to an area of his Outlook …

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  1. Alistair Silver badge
    Windows

    I have something like 3 complete computers lying about my residence in bits and pieces. They have been delivered unto my care by an associate that (once) had some talent in the herding and management of bits and bytes. Now long disassociated, he picks up dirt cheap crap from 'recycling' and 'free' mailing lists, in an effort to find himself and others 'cheap' computers.

    I no longer engage in his attempts to invoke warranty return policies......thus I have lots of electronics to recycle. (he's cooked up some doozies....) And he can't keep his stories straight with the vendors any more --- I rather suspect they've blacklisted him.

    For the record, if someone is 'freecycling' or 'selling' an i7 "real cheap" "because they upgraded" I'm going to pretty much guarantee, they've cooked that sumbitch good.

    Oh, hey, thats BOFH, that means its FRIDAY!!!! YAY!!!

    1. Prst. V.Jeltz Silver badge

      There a guy in the next room right now destroying hard drives because "data"

      It does seem a bit of a waste sometimes - and we pay through the nose for it!

    2. macjules Silver badge

      Know the feeling. I am pretty sure I have 3 computers networked into my house somewhere that I am unable to physically locate. I can ping them, ssh into 2 of them and RDP into the third. I’m just buggered if I know where they actually are.

      Must start pulling every cable out of the core router and see what happens.

      1. Prst. V.Jeltz Silver badge

        "3 computers networked into my house somewhere that I am unable to physically locate"

        If they are windows you could WMI the model possibly .... might trigger a memory ...

        But seriously?? cant find?

        Maybe next door has tapped into your network and its their computers?

        1. macjules Silver badge

          Just bloody lazy. I found the windows one just now - a box I set up 2 years ago as a home media server but never used and the Ubuntu minis are in the garage. One was a TeamPass I set up and the other is a Zabbix monitor I used to use. None important, so all now unplugged.

  2. adam payne Silver badge

    I have to give the Boss a bit of respect for being able to lie on the fly like this, but he's still got to be punished.

    Lying to an IT person is never a good idea.

    1. Tinslave_the_Barelegged Silver badge

      > Lying to an IT person is never a good idea.

      I was got a new boss. We were chatting soon after he arrived, and he blurted out "I've been warned never to lie to you!" I've often wondered where that came from ....* We did get on really well, though. **

      (* - I didn't even have the fully-charged cattle prod on me at the time, promise.)

      (** - a few years later things went pear-shaped. I was instructed by a C-suite to lie about the status of a project. I declined, kicked him out of my office & resigned a few weeks later.)

  3. Robert Helpmann?? Silver badge
    Childcatcher

    Going down with the syncing ship

    I have been dealing with a sync issue for most of the past two weeks. I kept trying to get the network folks to have a look and they kept telling me it wasn't their problem and closing the tickets, tracert and ping evidence to the contrary. Turned out it was the virtual network within the new AWS setup that was not configured right and no-one had bothered to pass the news on to the AWS people until I escalated the issue. I was very, very close to borrowing a page from the BOFH's book and helping some of the individuals involved become more in sync with their new underwater environment. I understand networking kit can make great ballast in a pinch.

    1. Prst. V.Jeltz Silver badge
      Flame

      Re: Going down with the syncing ship

      I just avoid all kinds of syncing , its recipe for disater. How does it know which way to sync?

      Same goes for shared spreadsheets - just take turns with it!

      I've managed to stop the server/policy clowns buggering up my home drive by removing its path from AD and mapping it manually. Prior to that it was constantly getting fucked with / being "offline" half the folders unavailable . Something to do with "offline files" - i total fuckup of a solution which is the answer to a question no one ever asked.

      1. J. Cook Silver badge

        Re: Going down with the syncing ship

        Do not get me started with the Debacle that is setting up Offline FIles, at least on windows 7. Ugh.

      2. Cavehomme_

        Re: Going down with the syncing ship

        In my experience syncing OneDrive works well. When the software is not sure it will flag the 2+ conflicted files.

        Dropbox is a different story especially when the shared folder owner decides to get a new laptop or moves their local sync folder / drive, doesn’t understand how syncing works and ends up nuking everyone else’s copy in the process because THEY decided it wasn’t a good idea to tick the option (or didn’t see it) for everyone else to keep a local copy. Grrrrrrrr.

    2. stiine Bronze badge

      Re: Going down with the syncing ship

      you must have shtty IT people.

  4. caffeine addict Silver badge

    Off topic

    On that Union Carbide link, there's a picture of a young girl with hearing issues (#24 maybe?).

    Never occurred to me that Indians could have blue eyes. That kid's eyes fecking bore into you. I feel personally responsible for the disaster despite being 8 at the time. And in the UK. And she's smiling. Christ know what would happen if she's angry. Some kind of X-men kind of thing, I assume.

    1. Loyal Commenter Silver badge

      Re: Off topic

      Bhopal. A reminder to the likes of Rees-Mogg about why the EU has stringent health and safety laws, and why we should not only keep them, but strive to have similar practice adopted throughout the world.

      1. Nick Kew Silver badge

        Re: Off topic

        You see an Agenda when you compare how little Bhopal is remembered - or was discussed at the time - with the comparatively tiny and harmless accident at Chernobyl around the same time.

        In fact, two Agendas. Big up the nuclear, even though it's a drop in the ocean compared to the chemical. And big up the Evil Empire cockup, while turning a blind eye to the US corporation.

        1. This post has been deleted by its author

  5. ShortLegs

    Thought this was the new boss, who was kind-of on-side with BOFH an episode or two ago... I'm sure the IS Director would have made a better target ;)

  6. RyokuMas Silver badge
    Happy

    Short circuit...

    "... the PFY took every single nut, bolt and screw out of everything."

    Am I the only one here who read this and thought of that bit in Short Circuit where the guy's car gets taken apart in about ten seconds flat?

  7. earl grey Silver badge
    Facepalm

    WTF just happened

    I just tried to up-vote a comment and a red error message popped up that said something like:

    Alert the Moderatrix - The coders need to be whipped!

    How old is that?

    1. onefang Silver badge

      Re: WTF just happened

      It might be an old message, but I bet they are still just as kinky. I wonder if they sometimes use that cattle prod on themselves?

    2. Nick Kew Silver badge

      Re: WTF just happened

      You must have a very solid 'net connection. You get that message any time you lose the reg connection while trying to interact - so for those of us with domestic-grade connections it's a regular thing.

  8. Zwuramunga

    The Original Lie in the Chain

    Outlook + Phone + Synch.

    Not really the Tech that is the problem.

    It is the Fantasy's dreamed by those who use them. There will NEVER be a time when the technology will "Know What I Mean."

    Some training is involved and your promotion will not you Mutant Powers over technology.

  9. sisk Silver badge

    I guess this Boss had to do something worthy of punishment sooner or later. I was starting to think Simon liked him too much.

  10. Florida1920 Silver badge
    Coffee/keyboard

    A cab passes.

    A Hemingway moment!

  11. Waseem Alkurdi

    A small question

    Does anybody know how can I contact Simon Travaglia? I have a small question to him, but he seems to be inaccessible via email.

    1. Florida1920 Silver badge
      Joke

      Re: A small question

      Does anybody know how can I contact Simon Travaglia? I have a small question to him, but he seems to be inaccessible via email.
      Have you been reading BOFH long? People who annoy Simon may find themselves on the road. Just before a cab passes.

      1. Waseem Alkurdi

        Re: A small question

        I've spent the last three months (summer break) reading every BOFH episode since '95 (or '88 counting the Striped Irregular Bucket series), so, yep!

        1. Florida1920 Silver badge

          Re: A small question

          I've spent the last three months (summer break) reading every BOFH episode since '95 (or '88 counting the Striped Irregular Bucket series), so, yep!
          My advice is, avoid elevators and windows.

          1. Waseem Alkurdi
            Pint

            Re: A small question

            Have a pint bro!

            I should add: darkened stairwells, raised-floor computer rooms, CRT monitors (especially 22" ones), tape safes, safes in general, router racks, bookshelves, multifunction printers, the basement, and most importantly, my desk in Beancounter Central.

            My coat is the one with the bag with the medical textbooks!

          2. onefang Silver badge

            Re: A small question

            "My advice is, avoid elevators and windows."

            I try to avoid Windows, but sometimes people pay me to code / sysadmin the things. One of these days I'll go ahead with my threat of "Yeah I normally charge $X, but triple that for Windows". Though since I'm now moving into semi retirement, I might just get a "I don't do Windows." t-shirt made and wear it to job interviews.

            1. Pyrotech72

              Re: A small question

              Loving the

              "I don't do Windows." t-shirt

              thing

    2. stiine Bronze badge

      Re: A small question

      I'm sure if you fly to New Zealand, you can barhop and find someone who knows him.

      Or you could post a letter to him in care of The Register.

  12. Shadow Systems Silver badge

    My dad takes the biscuit...

    He once asked me to troubleshoot why his desktop calendar wasn't in synch with his phone's. After trying to find the calendar on his computer desktop & coming up blank, I asked him where it was... He pointed to the physical calendar on his desk's top near his office phone.

    I left in self defense before I did something rash...

    1. Nick Kew Silver badge

      Re: My dad takes the biscuit...

      How come your dad failed to pass on his sense of humour?

      I'd be very happy if my dad said that. It would be a good sign that he didn't need me to fix something real, like how he'd got into the "wrong" screen in skype.

  13. Johndoe132

    Where is Dabbsy?

    Fantastic BOFH as always, but where is our usual Friday fest of snark tales and retro 80's videos ala Monsieur Dabbs?

  14. Tom Paine Silver badge

    the PFY took every single nut, bolt and screw out of everything.

    I've *always* wanted to do that, with the addition of hanging every individual part from the ceiling on lines of black monofibre, so as to make a meatspace version of on e of those exploded views you used to see in kids encyclopedias, Ikea assumbly instructions and the like.

    When I win the lottery and retire, maybe...

    1. onefang Silver badge

      Extra points if you wave a desoldering iron at the motherboard.

  15. The Oncoming Scorn Silver badge
    Coat

    See Under Soldering Irons

    Extra points if you wave a desoldering iron holding it by the handle while it's plugged in & aiming for the other side of the motherboard as SMD devices usually use a rework station.

    FTFY - See URL https://starecat.com/content/wp-content/uploads/how-not-to-hold-a-soldering-iron-woman-fail.jpg

    Extra reading - https://forums.theregister.co.uk/forum/3/2018/06/04/who_me/

    1. onefang Silver badge

      Re: See Under Soldering Irons

      OUCH!

  16. JimboSER

    Get ready for part 2...

    Failing to find a problem with the PC of the phone, the BOFH must therefore assume that it is an issue with the company servers, possibly a virus! Wait until the Boss comes in to find all of the infrastructure servers in pieces...

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