back to article Foolish foodies duped into thinking Greggs salads are posh nosh

Food snobs have been tricked into saying they like Greggs after the British high-street pasty biz went undercover at a London festival. Visitors to the Foodies Festival were fooled into thinking "Gregory And Gregory" was the latest purveyor of gourmet salads by posh signage and smart aprons, complete with geometric leaf logo …

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        So you basically don't microwave, or you throw away, everything other than the patty - which you wrap up and zap, or in other words you're essentially steaming it. Not much of a defence of the concept of a "microwave burger", is it?

        1. tony72

          @Credas - It's a somewhat edible hot burger in 2 minutes without going further than the kitchen, I say my defence stands up. Don't knock it 'till you've tried it.

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Don't knock it 'till you've tried it.

            I have tried it, actually - who couldn't be curious enough to give it a go? I agree it wasn't as bad as I was expecting, but I'd still sooner spend the full 5 minutes with a hot griddle and have something far better.

        2. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

          "So you basically don't microwave, or you throw away, everything other than the patty - which you wrap up and zap, or in other words you're essentially steaming it. Not much of a defence of the concept of a "microwave burger", is it?"

          I was thinkig pretty much the same. If your putting the grill on anyway (you don't toast burger buns in a pop-up toaster, you only toast the one side) then you might as well grill the burger too and be done with it. It's not going to take much longer.

      2. Chris G Silver badge

        "East European guy round the corner"

        You mean Cut me own throat Kowalski? He sells named meat but nobody can pronounce it.

        1. Uncle Slacky Silver badge

          I thought it was Khlav Kalash?

          https://frinkiac.com/img/S09E01/729211.jpg

          1. magickmark

            I thought it was Khlav Kalash?

            And don't forget the crab juice

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4NFv5IGP2uA

            https://www.reddit.com/r/TheSimpsons/comments/1q1o8a/mountain_dew_or_crab_juice_blecch_ew_sheesh_ill/

    1. Jason Bloomberg Silver badge
      Coat

      People will eat any old shit if you present it the right way, how else does anyone explain rustlers microwave burgers?

      I quite like Rustler's, pack of 8, cook-in-the-oven burgers. But I wouldn't eat one of their bun things which rotates in a microwave if you tried to pay me.

      I'm eagerly waiting to see what 'shit in a sarnie' we will get thanks to our trade deal with America. I'm sure Greggs will embrace Grits and Gumbo with a Spray Cheese topping and a side of Chicken Feet.

      Mine's the one with the sick-bag in the pocket.

    2. Shadow Systems Silver badge

      At the A/C, re: people eat any old shit.

      You're CMOT Dibbler aren't you? I claim my money! =-D

      1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

        Re: At the A/C, re: people eat any old shit.

        You're CMOT Dibbler aren't you? I claim my money! =-D

        Sorry, no refunds!

  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Greggs the pie shop

    haven't seen a real "bakery" for years. (See also "greengrocer" and "butcher").

    1. JDX Gold badge

      Re: Greggs the pie shop

      Really? I can't imagine any small-medium sized town doesn't have a baker and a butcher. It might be a trendy baker but round here even the larger villages still have traditional butchers. And we have greengrocers. Outdoor markets are also popular though again a bit more trendy; farm shops are also pretty au fait these days.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Greggs the pie shop

        "I can't imagine any small-medium sized town doesn't have a baker and a butcher."

        Town south of Watford - pop. 80,000. One butcher in the indoor market a few times a week. His fillet steak is half the price of that in the Waitrose. He even trims off any fat before weighing it.

        We also have a decent bakery shop - although they have given up their shop where you could watch them icing wedding cakes. Nowadays they don't even do a very moist rich fruit cake base - only sponge.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Greggs the pie shop

        I didn't say we didn't have a local butcher/baker/greengrocers. We do,

        But they have much less selection than Sainsburys (and the quality isn't any better).

        Say what you will about immigrant communities, they certainly have added variety *back* to the high street. If I want mutton - which I sometimes do - the local butcher is "you what mate ? Mutton ? I've have to put an order in ....". Any Halal butcher it's "how much would you like ?".

    2. Hollerithevo Silver badge

      Re: Greggs the pie shop

      We have a butcher, an baker and a greengrocer. Of course, I live in an achingly hip part of London and the butcher is organic and the bakery French.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Greggs the pie shop

        No candlestick maker?

        Though I think there's probably three men in a tub.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Greggs the pie shop

          I saw an actress talking to a Bishop recently...

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Greggs the pie shop

            "I saw an actress talking to a Bishop recently..."

            Was that the deaf bishop apologising to the pregnant actress - "I thought you said use a fresh lettuce".

  2. Craigie

    No coffee I bet

    Never mind the sausage rolls, their incredibly shitty coffee would be the biggest giveaway.

    1. Charlie Clark Silver badge

      Re: No coffee I bet

      The competition for shitty coffee at a high price is incredibly strong:: basically most places use beans that are not suitably roasted.

      1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

        Re: No coffee I bet

        "The competition for shitty coffee at a high price is incredibly strong:: basically most places use beans that are not suitably roasted."

        I suspect most people don't actually like coffee but feel that ever since "Friends" popularised the coffee shop where all the cool kids hang out, they have to be seen drinking the stuff, hence all the weak milky and syrup flavoured concoctions on offer at stupidly high prices. Rather like the customers of "Gregory and Gregory" in the video.

      2. JimmyPage Silver badge
        Happy

        Re:beans that are not suitably roasted.

        Ealing Broadway (well, just round the corner, near Haven Green) - "Importers". A real coffee/tea shop (pissed all over Whittards). They used to roast the beans in the window. A copper drum over a heater. The smell was divine. Add that to freshly baked bread (possibly with a hint of oregano) ......

        1. Glenturret Single Malt

          Re: Re:beans that are not suitably roasted.

          Years ago, when living in Malaysia, my wife occasionally bought fresh coffee beans and roasted them herself. The smell of roasting coffee was fine in the later stages of the process but, during the initial stages of heating, a lot of very unpleasant smelling substances were released. Fortunately, as is common in the tropics, much cooking could be done outside.

    2. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

      Re: No coffee I bet

      Even most of the posh coffee places serve shit coffee. NO! I do not want an americano! If I want espresso, I'm man enough to drink it without it being watered down. But if I want coffee, then I don't want something that's been over-roasted so that it makes good espresso, as that means it makes shit coffee. Get me something light or medium roasted and use a filter of some description. Surely it's not that difficult?

      1. Terry 6 Silver badge

        Re: No coffee I bet

        There are a lot of people who have been persuaded that strong coffee means bitter dark roasted coffee, as opposed to coffee that has sufficient strong flavoured, Arabica beans,. It's a way of selling less for more. Providing an insipid amount of coffee with a lot of carbonised coffee oils to make it taste of more. Just not of morecoffee. Even espresso ( it was expresso when I was a lad btw) needs a reasonably high ratio of coffee bean to water to be strong. Not just dark roasted.

  3. AdamWill

    the queue to punch this guy...

    "The avocado is so au fait at the moment, it definitely pops"

    OK, that guy has *got* to be a plant. If not, the punchin' queue forms right over here. A quid a pop.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: the queue to punch this guy...

      I was thinking of going to that food festival, but decided against. Lucky break, if that was the standard of tosser I'd have been within earshot of.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: the queue to punch this guy...

      Damn, there was me hoping Floyd Grossman was dead

      1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

        Re: the queue to punch this guy...

        "Damn, there was me hoping Floyd Grossman was dead"

        Floyd is. Grossman not so much.

        PS, maybe you meant Lloyd Grossman?

    3. FozzyBear Silver badge
      Happy

      Re: the queue to punch this guy...

      Yep from the whole article it was that wankers comment that got me. Though I was thinking more along the line of forced sterilisation to ensure his defective genes cannot pollute the gene pool. A punching queue does bring an immediate sense of satisfaction.

      1. Mark 85 Silver badge

        Re: the queue to punch this guy...

        Yep from the whole article it was that wankers comment that got me.

        My money is on that he is/was a marketing type. I'll be shocked if they didn't contact him with a job offer.

    4. Oengus Silver badge

      Re: the queue to punch this guy...

      If not, the punchin' queue forms right over here. A quid a pop.

      Do I get a bulk discount with a tenner? (maybe a bakers dozen)

  4. disgruntled yank Silver badge

    Wait a minute

    """

    "The avocado is so au fait at the moment, it definitely pops,"

    """

    Somebody actually uttered those words? Are we sure that the speaker wasn't pulling someone's leg?

    1. Charlie Clark Silver badge

      Re: Wait a minute

      I think it might have been someone working for SugaRape magazine.

    2. MyffyW Silver badge

      Re: Wait a minute

      darling surely you meant to say a la mode ne c'est pas?

      1. Insert sadsack pun here

        Re: Wait a minute

        Nah, you wouldn’t serve avocado with whipped cream...would you?

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Wait a minute

          He probably expects his beef served with "au jus sauce" (yes, I've seen that on a menu)

          1. Terry 6 Silver badge

            Re: Wait a minute

            Shouldn't that be "with avec".

            1. Franco Silver badge

              Re: Wait a minute

              When I was a student at the University of Strathclyde I walked through the Italian Centre in Glasgow's Merchant City every morning from the train station.

              On a board outside the chip shop "Today's special, Fromage Frites"

              I have to disagree with the chap slagging Gregg's coffee too, it's not great but price to taste ratio it's pretty good compared to most of the high street chains and when you're paying £2.25 or so for the coffee and a pastry or a doughnut it's pretty hard to complain.

  5. Milton Silver badge

    "explain rustlers microwave burgers?"

    " ... how else does anyone explain rustlers microwave burgers?"

    Well, think about that. You'd much sooner try to explain one than actually ... eat ... it.

    My overriding curiosity is this, though: who on earth—really, who—actually buys that grotesque filth?

    1. DJO Silver badge

      Re: "explain rustlers microwave burgers?"

      My overriding curiosity is this, though: who on earth—really, who—actually buys that grotesque filth?

      I've never actually tried one, they could be ambrosia of the gods for all I know but instinct tells me not to find out.

      We all need some mystery in our lives.

      1. Mycho Silver badge

        Re: "explain rustlers microwave burgers?"

        I eat them sometimes.

        Then again I'll eat anything as I think my previous posts on here have probably shown. Soy burgers to Crocodile burgers to post pub yorkshire pudding pizza honourable mentions.

        In my defence, at least 10 years of my life I've been a student.

        1. jake Silver badge

          Re: "explain rustlers microwave burgers?"

          There is a reason we used to hang rustlers around these parts, pardner.

          1. Mark 85 Silver badge

            @jake --Re: "explain rustlers microwave burgers?"

            Good point. But didn't rustlers only get the slow ones from the herd? The fast and healthy would get away?

            1. jake Silver badge

              Re: @jake --"explain rustlers microwave burgers?"

              The rustlers stole whatever wasn't tied down and/or properly branded. Still do, but these days we call them "corporate executives" or "politicians".

        2. Mycho Silver badge

          Re: "explain rustlers microwave burgers?"

          For the record, if you do find yourself having to eat rustlers burgers, the thing to always remember is to replace the sauce with something that tastes like food.

          Garlic and mushroom sauce can rescue anything.

    2. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      Re: "explain rustlers microwave burgers?"

      "My overriding curiosity is this, though: who on earth—really, who—actually buys that grotesque filth?"

      Probably the same people who do their entire weekly/monthly shop in Farmfoods and Iceland and think 4 microwave meals at 10+ minutes each is quicker than spending 20 minutes making a cheaper better meal for four with decent ingredients.

  6. Spoonsinger
    Windows

    You know those advertising 'News' articles the Daily Mail do?....

    Are these Greggs stories the Registers version? (Peckish now).

  7. Lt.Kije

    Snobs

    Next up, the wine snobs.

    1. jake Silver badge

      Re: Snobs

      As opposed to those who don't care what it tastes like, as long as it has alcohol in it? Enjoy pruno, do you? How about OJ that's been left out for a week or three? Poor bastard.

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