Dabsy, I disagree about your choice of phone.
I think you've got it wrong on the dumbphones as they apply to quality of life.
If the phone can't run "apps" then it can't bother you with attention-seeking idiocy like flashing notifications for unimportant tasks whose soul purpose is to ensnare you into zombie gazing at your phone.
If it's got no front facing camera then it can't be easily used for the lip pouting, Hollywood posing, cockwomble selfie crowd of idiots that imperil everyone around them when they go to take a picture in the middle of a situation that requires situational awareness, like driving, walking, or breathing.
A dumbphone that can't access the internet means it won't be used by unattentive zombies shuffling down the street, or across the street, or into walls, or other obstacles that the situationally aware are paying attention to & can avoid like the intelligent people they obviously are; if only the phone absorbed zombies could Darwin themselves into an open manhole, access pit, or live high voltage access panel.
Sure a smartphone can be useful at times, but I think the "dumb" phone is even moreso; while others are yelling into their smartphones, eyes glued to the screen watching the latest Youtube stupidity, or mashing the screen playing the latest game craze, the rest of us enjoy a phone that only ever makes noise if it's ringing from a call, chirping about a text message, or whining that we forgot to charge it for over a week.
Please don't badmouth the feature phone, not everyone needs nor wants nor can productively use a "smartphone" that often can't be arsed to include the Accessibility bits needed to make the device useable by someone with fat/arthritic fingers, bad/no eyesight, etc.
Otherwise nice rant! I wouldn't have gone for the hot water bottle to warm your nuts, that's what snuggling with the wife is for! ;-D Rawr!