back to article No sh*t, Sherlock! Bloke suspected of swallowing drug stash keeps colon schtum for 22 DAYS

A suspected drug dealer accused of swallowing his stash has become internet famous – after refusing to take a dump, and thus provide the cops their evidence, for 22 DAYS and counting. The 24-year-old fella was arrested by Essex police on January 17 in Harlow, England. He is believed to have wolfed down several packages of …

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"Presumably this bit indicates using the back door approach"

Yes, the article has been changed. Archive.org has the original.

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Anonymous Coward

Opiates

If the drug dealer was selling/swallowing opiate based pills he might not be able to sh*t even if he wanted to.

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IT Angle

Re: Opiates

Depends on the drugs

Mine sometimes bung everything up... other times, I work from the smallest(and smelliest) room

But I'm left wondering why I give a shit about this when the suspect clearly doesn't

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so the court is compelling him to incriminate himself?

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404
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He already incriminated himself by being seen ingesting the packages, cops are just waiting on the evidence to appear naturally, so to speak.

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Bullshit. Those packages are not proven to contain drugs, so yes, they're forcing him to incriminate himself. In the US, his lawyer would probably file for Habeas Corpus - charge him, or let him go.

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BS on the BS. They know it's an indigestible plastic package that would at best pass through undigested and at worst harm the swallower. Why else would the suspect do so except to conceal it? Much like being arrested at the document shredder.

I'm surprised there hasn't been a court order to force feed a laxative.

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Anonymous Coward

Habeas Coprolus

more likely

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Random Internet person said:

"In the US, his lawyer would probably file for Habeas Corpus - charge him, or let him go."

Article said:

"However, the bloke – who has been charged with possession with intent to supply class A drugs – has refused to make use of the plod's facilities ever since his arrest."

Does random Internet person look stupid now?

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TRT
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His lawyer...

has submitted a motion to dismiss.

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Coat

I bet he wishes he'd never sharted this, by now I bet he's champing at the shit to get out.

Has this ever been dung before?

It sounds unbelievable, but it stool true.

(with apologies)

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You may think it's funny, but...

have you seen the damage that can be done to your insides by holding a poo in? My mate did. As his doctor said... "You know what you've done to your bowels, pal? Rectum."

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Re: You may think it's funny, but...

Rectum? Damn near killed 'im!

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Holmes

Nice precedent for our corrupt police

So plod can hold you indefinitely by lying to a judge that you have swallowed a packet that might be drugs and haven't pooped yet? That will never be misused.

Stopping this kind of police abuse of power is what the judiciary is supposed to be for.

Icon, because of course...

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Re: Nice precedent for our corrupt police

> "Stopping this kind of police abuse of power..."

What abuse? If you come clean, they won't have anything to stick on you.

I admit, the chronically constipated may be inconvenienced...

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Re: Nice precedent for our corrupt police

The chronically constipated will no doubt produce hard evidence.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Nice precedent for our corrupt police

"So plod can hold you indefinitely by lying to a judge that you have swallowed a packet that might be drugs and haven't pooped yet?"

If you have nothing to hide, you have nothing to hold in. And unlike privacy, any sane person would be happy to let them have it in exchange for their freedom.

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Re: Nice precedent for our corrupt police

Not meaning to be anally retentive or anything...

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Nice precedent for our corrupt police

> If you have nothing to hide, you have nothing to hold in. And unlike privacy, any sane person would be happy to let them have it in exchange for their freedom.

Spot the one who's never been unlawfully arrested.

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Re: Nice precedent for our corrupt police

"Spot the one who's never been unlawfully arrested."

To be fair, that's likely to be the vast majority of the population, let alone just the El Reg readership, so that's a pretty easy game to play.

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Re: Nice precedent for our corrupt police

If you have nothing to hide

Says Anonymous Coward.

What are you, some kind of stool pigeon?

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Re: Nice precedent for our corrupt police

If he was innocent and constipated he'd ask for a laxative and get it over with. Why prolong your own detention if you're innocent? He's refused food, who refuses to eat for so long?

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Re: Nice precedent for our corrupt police

AC said

"So plod can hold you indefinitely by lying to a judge that you have swallowed a packet that might be drugs and haven't pooped yet?"

I strongly suspect the application to the court consisted of more than just that one sentence.

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Anonymous Coward

The solution is simple - pump the smell of food constantly into the cell. It will force him to eat. Job done.

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The police are only interested in getting the job done.

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He main go mind over matter and deaden his nose. I would think they would've tried the laxative approach by now.

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The smell of police food? That explains why he is still stuck up.

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Anonymous Coward

> The smell of police food? That explains why he is still stuck up.

It's not that bad actually. In my experience, presentation is below airline food levels and taste about the same, but on the other hand the rations are plentiful, nutritious and well balanced. Nothing to complain about in that respect.

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Headmaster

Much more important

Is the need for a criminal prosecution for the CPS drone who said

“the one person preventing this from being resulted...

Abuse of the English language like that, using 'result' as a passive verb, deserves at least three years with hard.

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Re: Much more important @ Pen-y-gors

"Abuse of the English language like that, using 'result' as a passive verb, deserves at least three years with hard."

Would you be subtlety suggesting that the CPS drone was anally retentive?

>> Thanks - it's the High Vis waterproof one with the rubber gloves in the pocketses.

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"preventing this from being resulted"

Say whut...? That's not even English. No wonder the CPS has problems.

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Re: "preventing this from being resulted"

"Say whut...? That's not even English. No wonder the CPS has problems."

The CPS has deeper problems. Good barristers can earn a lot doing commercial work.

The French system of parallel careers is a good one. Separate training for juges d'examen (if that is still a thing, I'm going on A level French studies.)

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Go

Easy

No food for 3 weeks, just throw a bag of Ronald McDonalds fare in his cell. Add a large Coca Cola, he'll come clean...

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Mushroom

Re: Easy @chivo

Er ... clean?

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I guess he's doiing his best not to be

a stool pigeon.

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It's the exact opposite...

of a dirty protest.

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Paris Hilton

My question is...

... how did a shitty Essex story come to reported on from San Francisco? Is Iain Thompson a secret TOWIE fan?

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I guess it's expected after an article like this, that it attracts lots of shit comments.

Mines the bad smelling brown one.

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M7S
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It's simple enough to get away with this sort of thing, just sit still

One might almost say...

...motionless.

I thank you.

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Uhm, he need to drink some water or liquids, right?

If so, take a leaf out of the BOFH manual and bastardize his lager or liquid refreshment, so that he will impersonate both Timkin Rumbleguts and Grabpot Thundergust simultaneously.

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"If so, take a leaf out of the BOFH manual and bastardize his lager or liquid refreshment, so that he will impersonate both Timkin Rumbleguts and Grabpot Thundergust simultaneously."

Such as that stuff in the "pre-op" pack the hospital sends you before a bowel endoscopy? That's like drinking dynamite and ends up with a "ring of fire" worse than any curry can cause.

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What we call a colonoscopy. It's probably lactulose. Thing is, that stuff's easy to detect. It's salty (I have taken it once to deal with a bout of constipation).

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Holmes

Iconic

See icon description, says it all really..

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Holmes

Re: Iconic

Elementary my dear Watson

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Joke

Re: Iconic

Enemantary my dear Watson.

FTFY.

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Re: Iconic

"Alimentary my dear Watson"

FTFY

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Holmes

Re: Iconic

@quxinot +, @onefang +

I was suffering from a bit of grammatical constipation there. Alimentary was the intended word. Will take a spoonful of syrup of figs...

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This post has been deleted by its author

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