back to article Meet R2-DILDO: 'Star Wars' sex toys? This is where the fun begins

Purveyor of, er, marital aids Geeky Sex Toys this month released a "Star Toys" range, a series of intimate tools for him and her brought lovingly to life in the shape of characters from the Star Wars franchise. The battery operated devices hit online shelves to coincide with the release of The Last Jedi, the latest instalment …

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  1. Astrohead

    Luke - use the force. I've run out of lubricant.

    1. Bernard M. Orwell Silver badge

      Abuse the horse, Luke.

  2. Matthew 17

    That's not how the force works!

    These toys aren't that new, I used to buzz womp rats in my T-16 back home.

  3. Chris King Silver badge

    "[At the time of publication, the author of this piece was cringing as he keyed in the digits of the telephone number and prepared to ask probing questions about sci-fi dildos, as the rest of the office laughed and downed our festive drinks – Ed.]"

    Richard, did the Ed make you do this for suggesting the story, or did you lose a bet ?

  4. TrumpSlurp the Troll Silver badge
    Paris Hilton

    Use the force, Luke

    Close your eyes and shoot.

  5. Banksy
    Joke

    There’s something inside me that’s always been there....

    Dirty girl!

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    But does it illuminate?

    (Warning: very very NSFW and not good for your sanity either: https://www.therobotsvoice.com/2010/06/fan_fiction_friday_optimus_prime_and_princess_leia.php )

  7. handleoclast Silver badge
    Coat

    The name is Obi. Wankin' Obi.

    With a bit of a hand solo from Luke Skywanker.

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The heading picture looked quite suggestive for a moment when coupled with the title. Then I realised R2D2 was facing forwards. I'll have to stop reading El Reg before they start using Rorschach ink blots to head articles.

  9. Shadow Systems Silver badge

    Another few quotes...

    "Do or Do not, there is no Try."

    "...hive of scum & villany..."

    "Help me R2, you're my only hope!"

    =-)p

  10. harmjschoonhoven
    Facepalm

    What Force?

    They are battery operated ....

  11. kain preacher Silver badge

    what no links ? I want to see pics.

  12. JJKing Bronze badge
    Facepalm

    You forgot the movie presently being rewritten.

    IV - A New Hole.

    V - The Empire round the back.

    VI - Return of the Jism

    I - The Phanny Menace

    II - Attack of the clits

    III - Revenge of the slit

    VII - The Fanny Awakens

    VIII - The Last Jism

    IX - TBC

    The Jism Strikes Back.

    snicker snicker snicker

  13. Prst. V.Jeltz Silver badge

    in the words of Chris rock: " I think George Lucas gonna sue somebody!"

  14. kesawi

    A few more apt quotes

    "No, I am your father"

    "She’s fast enough for you, old man"

    "Just for once, let me look on you with my own eyes"

    "There’s always a bigger fish"

    "I sense much fear in you"

    "So this is how liberty dies"

    "I think I just blasted it"

    "Stay on target"

    "Now, witness the power of this fully operational battle station.”

    "Give yourself to the Dark Side"

    "Your feelings for them are strong. Especially for your… sister"

    "Uh, we had a slight weapons malfunction, but uh… everything’s perfectly all right now. We’re fine. We’re all fine here now, thank you."

    "I assure you, Lord Vader. My men are working as fast as they can.”

    "Boy, it’s lucky you have these compartments!"

  15. silks

    Extended usage...

    The most dedicated fans will of course purchase the mains adaptor for extended use :)

  16. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge

    Leia

    A life-like Leia android, in a Gold Bikini would probably sell quite well

  17. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge

    the author of this piece was cringing as he keyed in the digits of the telephone number and prepared to ask probing questions about sci-fi dildos, as the rest of the office laughed and downed our festive drinks – Ed.]

    The author isn't by any chance the new hire/intern/trainee reporter?

  18. MonkeyNuts.Com

    Never figured Darth was into BDSM!

    Princess Leia Organa: Governor Tarkin, I should have expected to find you holding Vader's leash. I recognized your foul stench when I was brought on board.

    1. MonkeyNuts.Com

      Re: Never figured Darth was into BDSM!

      The again, loved black, leather, masks, strangulation, multiple identities, power obsessed and calling a special someone Master...

      I obviously lived a sheltered life.

  19. vcayenne

    Caught your eye, did it?

    I'm thinking that if the Hand Solo "penetratable" caught your eye, your testing methodology's fundamentally misguided and you'll be needing a refresher on your guidance systems.

    1. soulrideruk Bronze badge

      Re: Caught your eye, did it?

      Maybe they were trying to put it in their mouths and missed...

      Like me with my tea while reading your comment...

      For clarification, I didn't catch my eye with this tea spill...

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