Luke - use the force. I've run out of lubricant.
Purveyor of, er, marital aids Geeky Sex Toys this month released a "Star Toys" range, a series of intimate tools for him and her brought lovingly to life in the shape of characters from the Star Wars franchise. The battery operated devices hit online shelves to coincide with the release of The Last Jedi, the latest instalment …
Abuse the horse, Luke.
That's not how the force works!
These toys aren't that new, I used to buzz womp rats in my T-16 back home.
"[At the time of publication, the author of this piece was cringing as he keyed in the digits of the telephone number and prepared to ask probing questions about sci-fi dildos, as the rest of the office laughed and downed our festive drinks – Ed.]"
Richard, did the Ed make you do this for suggesting the story, or did you lose a bet ?
Use the force, Luke
Close your eyes and shoot.
There’s something inside me that’s always been there....
But does it illuminate?
(Warning: very very NSFW and not good for your sanity either: https://www.therobotsvoice.com/2010/06/fan_fiction_friday_optimus_prime_and_princess_leia.php )
The name is Obi. Wankin' Obi.
With a bit of a hand solo from Luke Skywanker.
The heading picture looked quite suggestive for a moment when coupled with the title. Then I realised R2D2 was facing forwards. I'll have to stop reading El Reg before they start using Rorschach ink blots to head articles.
Another few quotes...
"Do or Do not, there is no Try."
"...hive of scum & villany..."
"Help me R2, you're my only hope!"
They are battery operated ....
what no links ? I want to see pics.
You forgot the movie presently being rewritten.
IV - A New Hole.
V - The Empire round the back.
VI - Return of the Jism
I - The Phanny Menace
II - Attack of the clits
III - Revenge of the slit
VII - The Fanny Awakens
VIII - The Last Jism
IX - TBC
The Jism Strikes Back.
snicker snicker snicker
in the words of Chris rock: " I think George Lucas gonna sue somebody!"
A few more apt quotes
"No, I am your father"
"She’s fast enough for you, old man"
"Just for once, let me look on you with my own eyes"
"There’s always a bigger fish"
"I sense much fear in you"
"So this is how liberty dies"
"I think I just blasted it"
"Stay on target"
"Now, witness the power of this fully operational battle station.”
"Give yourself to the Dark Side"
"Your feelings for them are strong. Especially for your… sister"
"Uh, we had a slight weapons malfunction, but uh… everything’s perfectly all right now. We’re fine. We’re all fine here now, thank you."
"I assure you, Lord Vader. My men are working as fast as they can.”
"Boy, it’s lucky you have these compartments!"
The most dedicated fans will of course purchase the mains adaptor for extended use :)
A life-like Leia android, in a Gold Bikini would probably sell quite well
the author of this piece was cringing as he keyed in the digits of the telephone number and prepared to ask probing questions about sci-fi dildos, as the rest of the office laughed and downed our festive drinks – Ed.]
The author isn't by any chance the new hire/intern/trainee reporter?
Never figured Darth was into BDSM!
Princess Leia Organa: Governor Tarkin, I should have expected to find you holding Vader's leash. I recognized your foul stench when I was brought on board.
Re: Never figured Darth was into BDSM!
The again, loved black, leather, masks, strangulation, multiple identities, power obsessed and calling a special someone Master...
I obviously lived a sheltered life.
Caught your eye, did it?
I'm thinking that if the Hand Solo "penetratable" caught your eye, your testing methodology's fundamentally misguided and you'll be needing a refresher on your guidance systems.
Re: Caught your eye, did it?
Maybe they were trying to put it in their mouths and missed...
Like me with my tea while reading your comment...
For clarification, I didn't catch my eye with this tea spill...