back to article Lord of the Rings TV show shopped around Hollywood

J.R.R. Tolkien's Lord of the Rings could be on its way to the small screen. Deadline reports that rights to the seminal trilogy is being shopped around Hollywood, with Netflix, Amazon and HBO in rights-holders' sights. An eye-watering US200m-$250m is reportedly the price of admission. After raiding Smaug's hoard to pay for …

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            1. A K Stiles

              Re: Scouring of the Shire

              Indeed. Used to live near the bakery (patisserie?) on Sarehole Road. Kind of entirely the wrong side of the city for Black Country territory!

              1. Benchops

                Re: Scouring of the Shire

                My apologies -- I always thought that Birmingham was part of the Black Country (especially in industrial revolution times). I didn't realise it was more tightly defined (certainly seems to be nowadays)! I have now learnt something about geography! At least I don't attempt to pronounce Shrewsbury.

  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Slow off the mark

    News of this broke over a week ago; at least, that is how long the discussion thread has been running on the LOTRO forums.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Slow off the mark

      Yeah, but it takes even longer for the LOTRO guys to get around to discussing the latest devops & storage news :-)

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Windows

        Re: Slow off the mark

        Not so, just last week we were discussing if the latest Cray super computer, armed with a quad pack of AMD's finest gfx cards; could get double digit fps around Minas Tiruth without crashing every time you use a porting skill or walked through a door.

        ICON

        Gandalf REALLY let himself go in later years

    2. Not also known as SC

      Re: Slow off the mark

      It took Gandalf 20 odd years to work out that Bilbo's ring was the one ring, so I think we can forgive the Reg being a week late.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Slow off the mark

      Perhaps so, but there's only one 'Reg'

      1. m0rt

        Re: Slow off the mark

        "One Reg to Rule them all* and in the forums bind them."

        *commentards, obviously. Although thinking about it, does this make Lewis Page akin to Saruman?

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Slow off the mark

          We can work in an El Reg angle!

          "The vultures! The vultures are coming!!"

          1. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

            Re: Slow off the mark

            "The vultures! The vultures are coming!!"

            I suspect that El Reg would be more on the nine-ring tormented into unlife side of things than rescuing small plucky adventurers from certain Doom..

  2. jake Silver badge

    If there ever was a story perfect for television ...

    ... Middle-earth ain't it.

    But they'll spend half a billion dollars and fuck it up anyway ... and the terminally clueless will flock to it in droves, undoubtedly.

    1. Oengus

      Re: If there ever was a story perfect for television ...

      and the terminally clueless will flock to it in droves, undoubtedly.

      Its not referred to as the "Idiot Box" for no reason...

      1. Prst. V.Jeltz Silver badge

        Re: If there ever was a story perfect for television ...

        I'm guessing they'll try to cash in on the success of that Thrones thing . Presumably whats being sold is the whole rights to middle earth to F*** in the ass any way they want , rather than the LOTR story.

        So it'll probably turn into a sex and violence soap for the masses , ala Thrones.

        1. tfewster

          Re: If there ever was a story perfect for television ...

          Sex and violence is fine (though not at the same time, and I draw the line at naked hairy-toed hobbits).

          I can't imagine how they're going to introduce cliffhangers when we already know Bilbo etc. live to sail to the Grey Kingdoms.

          1. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

            Re: If there ever was a story perfect for television ...

            introduce cliffhangers when we already know Bilbo etc. live

            Lots of minor characters who come to a satisfactory sticky^W messy^w gruesome end..

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: If there ever was a story perfect for television ...

          You mean, like "The Tomorrow People"; where the original series portrayed the "Nova" humans as incapable of violence, and they turned it into a cheap and nasty, Buffy style, kung fu series.

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Will it have a black frodo and gay for no reason elves?

    1. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
      Joke

      @AC

      and gay for no reason elves?

      Matt Lucas could play Daffyd, the only gay elf in Middle Earth

      1. Dave 126 Silver badge

        There's an unofficial (and never published in English) *alternative* telling of the events of LOTR. The premise is that history is written by the victors and thus LOTR is propaganda written to justify the actions of the racist and technologically backward men and elves. It's told from the perspective of the enlightened (but ultimately defeated) Easterners.

        The Tolkein estate has nixed any English publication (the original is in Russian) but an English translation approved by the author is available online.

        https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Last_Ringbearer

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Hopefully it is a better read than the wiki entry, as it just sounds awful.

          1. RealBigAl

            It starts off reasonably well but falls apart when they get to Umbar

            1. Dave 126 Silver badge

              I haven't read it, but I like devil's advocate aspect of it. It was a point that first came to my young awareness in an Isaac Asimov (himself a historian as well as a Sci-fi author and biochemist) short story about using a time machine to learn more about Carthage.

              All we know about Carthage is through their enemies the Romans. The Romans razed the city to the ground. According to the Romans, people in Carthage ate babies.

        2. Dan 55 Silver badge

          It's like the Star Trek Discovery of Lord of the Rings.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        gay

        is uberpasse (the other day I saw a "me-too" Dinosaur Dan. Dino-girl, that is. My son didn't mind - because dinosaurs! My daughter wasn't interested as before - because dinosaurs!).

        I can't wait for Mr June, our new glorious leader...

    2. EddieD

      No reason? The series is camper than a Boys' Brigade jamboree - how many female characters are there in the original, and how much "page time" do they get?

  4. Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse

    I always thought...

    I always thought that they could do "Middle Earth : The Sixth age".

    Basically where loads of tired and bored looking commuters are late for work due to a dragon or a Balrog on the line.

    1. Aladdin Sane

      Re: I always thought...

      Don't give Southern Rail any ideas.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: I always thought...

      And there will be also "Smaug papers", when someone leak the position of a cave in a Caribbean island where a dragon is sleeping over an offshore treasure, amassed there by greedy dwarfs to avoid to pay taxes....

  5. Cranky_Yank

    Rubbed the wrong way

    Has it occurred to anybody that "Lord" sounds a bit sexist? Any suggestions for a viable substitute?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Rubbed the wrong way

      The tale of the vertically challenged ring bringers.

    2. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
      Joke

      Re: Rubbed the wrong way

      "Lord" sounds a bit sexist? Any suggestions for a viable substitute?

      Bring it up to date.

      "Baroness of the Internet"

      https://www.theregister.co.uk/2017/11/06/martha_lane_fox_virtue_signalling_website_badge

      The everyday struggles of the trailblazer of the dot com revolution and member of the Upper Chamber in the land of Westminster. The epic story of how she transformed the Government Digital Service and how she hopes to bring Trust to the WWW. (Wild Wild West World Wide Web)

      Cameo by Lord Sugar

    3. JimS

      Re: Rubbed the wrong way

      Combine Lord and Lady somehow.

      Lardy Of The Rings.

      One donut to rule them all.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Rubbed the wrong way

        "Lardy Of The Rings"

        "One donut to rule them all"

        - That has a ring to it!

    4. Teiwaz

      Re: Rubbed the wrong way

      Has it occurred to anybody that "Lord" sounds a bit sexist? Any suggestions for a viable substitute?

      Yes, but Lady of the Rings sounds like a undiscovered Emanuelle movie...

      1. hplasm
        Coat

        Re: Rubbed the wrong way

        "Yes, but Lady of the Rings sounds like a undiscovered Emanuelle movie..."

        That's 'Lard of the Ring (When there is No Butter)

        also known by : Last Tango in Mordor.

    5. Sanguma

      Re: Rubbed the wrong way

      "Any suggestions for a viable substitute?"

      CEO? Chairperson?

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Amazed no one else hasn't commented.....

    ....TV works on the basis of "....what can we plagiarise that's hot...."

    Currently what's Hot is Game of Thrones......which in a TV executives unbelievable small mind and short attention span can be compressed into the single word "Fantasy".

    Dragons, bad people, good people, heroes, scheming GoT has it all.

    So let's take LoTR and reimagine it with a GoT perspective, that's bound to sell.

    You might well laugh, but the TV industry, even in it's current 'Golden Age' (for all the dross out there there's still some pretty good shows made) would look at $500m for say a 7-8 year series as cheap, if it's Amazon or Netflix or Apple or a similar streaming service $500m could equate to a $4-46bn return in committed subscribers for just that show. Look at GoT, it had 31m average viewers during season 7, now let's just say that 15% of them subscribe to HBO because of GoT so that's 4.5m (rounded off), at $10 per month or $120 per year equates to about $550m of revenue per year (OK I accept you won't get 31m straight away, but the potential is there), plus the international rights which would certainly offset the bulk of licence and production costs for seasons 1 and 2.

    None of us would want the quality to suffer, but the initial investment level is not that big if they can make it a hit.

    1. BongoJoe

      Re: Amazed no one else hasn't commented.....

      Apart from dragons, there's a Netflix show with good people, bad people, scheming and even killings.

      A shame, then, that they've just axed House of Cards

      1. Dave 126 Silver badge

        Re: Amazed no one else hasn't commented.....

        Most of the appeal of GoT is the scheming and intrigue, lifted from European history. Until the most recent series, the fantasy elements have sat on the periphery, just as our maps once had areas marked 'here be dragons'.

        It seems odds to cancel House of Cards on Spacey's account, when his character was fading and Claire Underwood had just risen to the top - though in this age of 45's carnival the show had lost some of its relevance.

        Looking forward to another series of Wolf Hall with Mark Rylance, even if we know the ending!

        1. Rattus Rattus

          Re: Most of the appeal of GoT

          "Most of the appeal of GoT is the scheming and intrigue, lifted from European history. Until the most recent series, the fantasy elements have sat on the periphery"

          Which I guess is why it turned out boring as shite and I ended up dumping it after a couple of seasons. No I don't care who's screwing who or whose family has a ten generations old rivalry with another. I want magic blowing shit up and dragons setting fire to things.

    2. This post has been deleted by its author

    3. jmch Silver badge

      Re: Amazed no one else hasn't commented.....

      "Dragons, bad people, good people, heroes, scheming..."

      What I love about GoT is that there aren't per se "good people" and "bad people", just people doing things that are 'good' or 'bad', but rarely completely good or completely bad, and in any case 'good' and 'bad' aren't that simple. Everyone is acting to maximise their own 'good', based on a worldview that is built of a number of events starting from childhood, many conflicting with each other and often traumatic. Each of many, many 'sides' has their own 'good' and 'evil', and these change as events have an effect on the characters' experiences.

      LOTR, while being a fine tale rendered into an excellent film trilogy, suffers the one-dimensionality of absolute good vs absolute evil, and for all the fact that there are nuances (especially Gollum's charecter), pretty much every charecter can be put squarely in one camp or another.

      In any case, LOTR TV series... ugh!

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        there aren't per se "good people" and "bad people"

        Yes, it is what's being used to justify evil and selfishness today....

        But Tolkien mythology is based on the Good vs. Evil struggle - and influenced by the WW wars - and it won't be as forceful as it is if its characters weren't on one of the sides strongly, although a few ones aren't - but have to choose a side eventually. Boromir or Théoden, for example. Denethor is another example of a character who fails at the end. Anyway, when so much is it at stake - that's not a simple foreign king, it's the servant of the Evil Lord himself - people have to choose a side, and the real heroes shine....

        In the Silmarillion characters are often less "pure", anyway.

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    So if HBO were to take over....

    ..just need to add some boobies and it's good to go.

    1. Flocke Kroes Silver badge

      Re: So if HBO were to take over....

      Bored of the rings starts with a sex scene - an elf tries to bang the ring off Dildo or Frito (can't remember which). If they start with BOTR as the source material they will not need to change so much to make a TV series.

      1. DropBear
        Trollface

        Re: So if HBO were to take over....

        Edgy modern remake (sorry - "reboot") opening scene : hospital ER with a bunch of handsome firemen fire-persons busily trying to saw the hardened titanium One Ring off Bilbo's [BEEEP] while trying to keep it intact...

  8. Stephen Wilkinson
    Trollface

    will there be lots of walking?

  9. Richard 81

    It can't end up worse than The Hobbit movies. Seeing a Billy Connolly, as a CGI dwarf, riding around on a giant pig and twatting orks was the last straw. The third one was basically Warhammer: The Movie.

    1. BongoJoe

      Well done for getting that far. I couldn't get past the Clearing Up Of Dinner by the horde of cheery Oirish extras seeming escaping from the wreckage of lower decks of the Titanic.

    2. Dan 55 Silver badge

      Well they did turn something that could fit into one film into three. Hollywood's very own quest for treasure.

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