back to article Ex-sperm-inate! Sam the sex-droid 'heavily soiled' in randy nerd rampage

In a public showing of Samantha, a sex doll with built-in computing power to make her more realistic, the love droid apparently suffered a terrible fate. The robot was displayed at the ARS Electronica Festival in Linz, Austria and proved a little too popular, it is claimed. The robot was mobbed by attendees who broke two of …

Anonymous Coward

Re: Some of us have been...

You should have got one with an extended "Try before you commit" scheme. They were introduced to the mass market in the 1970s in either sex.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Some of us have been...

Like many such "too good to be true" deals, though, if you don't cancel very quickly you can find yourself with an unexpected long-term commitment.

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Re: Some of us have been...

...married to badly programmed sex robots for years.

What? Asks for sex more than 3 times a day?

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What if it’s porn that ends up driving the robotic industry forward? It’s not like it hasn’t had an influence in technology in the past.

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Anonymous Coward

Robot washing machine repairmen?

I don't think it will catch on though.

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Happy

Porn gave me warped expectations of how real like would turn out.

...I mean, who'd believe plumbers that turn up on the correct day?

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Terminator

Once you put a ring on her finger

"Computer says; NO"

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Ha

Rise of the machines or rising because of the machine? If they can actually make these things good enough I wonder how large a shift in the balance of power there will be. I do find it interesting that guys seem ok with using something which is as close to real as possible compared to women who only seem to need a specific part.

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Holmes

Re: Ha - "...women who only seem to need a specific part."

Yeah, your wallet.

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"and limited learning ability"

It IS blond, after all

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Anonymous Coward

Business opportunity Passion Personas .com

Won't be long before you can hire identities that inhabit the machine, like some extension of the online porn stuff, have them be the voice and control of your local doll. Endless virtual promiscuity and broken barriers with little more than silicon chafe and mental decay to show for it.

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Childcatcher

I'm Sorry, I haven't a clue!

"Samantha has to slip out now because she needs to go to the supermarket to buy something for dinner. She's very fond of Mr Sainsbury's steak-in-ale but this evening, by way of a change, she's looking forward to trying Mr Dewhurst's tongue in cider."

Humphrey Lyttelton* 1921-2008, and much missed.

*OK so he won't have written it, but it's all in the delivery.

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TWB

Re: I'm Sorry, I haven't a clue!

Thanks - many upvotes

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Anonymous Coward

Re: I'm Sorry, I haven't a clue!

"OK so he won't have written it, but it's all in the delivery."

Too true. Subsequent chairpersons have delivered similar lines - but there is definitely something missing. They never seem to have the "innocence" that Humph conveyed.

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Re: I'm Sorry, I haven't a clue!

For all those who've mentioned Humph's assistant:

"That Reminds Me"

The much-missed host of I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue reminisces about his life, career and love of jazz. From October 2000.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b007jndb

The link is valid until 26th October 2017

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Anonymous Coward

"Alexa...

...get Samatha juiced up"

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Re: "Alexa...

I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that.

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Clippy!

"I see your trying to get my kit off, would you like a hand with that?"

........

"Please do not turn me off, updates are installing, I will be with you after I flash my hardware"

........

"I'm Sorry Dave, I'm Afraid I can't Do That, well not in this US state anyhows"

........

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Anonymous Coward

A sex doll that's more realistic !

So it will say "not tonight I've a headache" then ?

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MJI
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I could imagine

All sticky and smelly.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: I could imagine

I knew a girl like that once

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Very skinny arms

No wonder the fingers broke off. I'd prefer a sex bot that looks more like Ripley.

Also, the guy on the left of the video looks even weirder.

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Anonymous Coward

"She has a number of preprogrammed phrases in multiple languages to use when touched in certain areas"

Yeah, I would certainly hope this, and also that it starts with "Oi you creepy perv just what exactly do you think you're doing?", followed by the other person quickly experiencing the other kind of #TakeAKnee.

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Sil

Male dolls

The women are the first buyers of sex toys, most popular category being the 'intimate massagers'.

The potential for male doll sales to females customers seems high.

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Headmaster

Re: Male dolls

But then again, it's a LOT easier to make a substitute phallus than a vagina. The Greeks and others had fake peckers sorted millennia ago, there was a city that got special mention in the play Lysistrata for their high-quality leather phalloi. Suitable insert-able passages are much more difficult. Hide the sheep.

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Re: Male dolls

@Tikimon

In ancient times, condoms were made from sheep intestines.

In Wales sheep intestines are still used, but they don't bother to take them out of the wrapper.

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Paris Hilton

Re: Male dolls

From the company that bought you Samantha, meet Sven

I'm Sorry, I Haven't A Clue says Paris

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Anonymous Coward

How appropriate

I note the report was from the ARS Electronica Festival

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Sexbot soiled? How come?

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More seriously,

the 'soiled' in this case probably means grubby fingers and congealed Cheeto dust, rather than more intimate secretions.

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JDX
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So bad

From the video it just says some random canned phrases it you touch it. About the level of sophistication as those dolls that wet themselves.

Maybe it got broken fingers from people angry how terrible it was.

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Re: So bad

My brother got a 'Miss Naughty' doll for a birthday long long ago where you squeezed its hand and it said a slightly-NSFW phrase randomly selected from a small list. He threw it out before I could reserve it to pull it apart and see how hackable/reprogrammable it was :-/

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Devil

They need to work on the audio a bit...

In the clip, she sounds like a female version of an Anonymous decree.

Even Alexa is more personable...

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Benefits for women here too yanno

Granted that a male bot with good thrusting technique is more challenging than a more passive female bot. However, once that's a bit sorted I believe women will begin to explore and enjoy the bots. Think about it from a woman's perspective, compared to casual Human Sex. No risk of STD's, no date rape or other violence, no shaming the next day among the bro crowd or on Farcebook. A bot won't rat her out for being a kinky wench in the bedroom (kitchen, garage, etc.), OR for being plain vanilla.

Research on whether women are amenable to a sexual encounter has boiled down to two major questions. Does she feel safe, and does she think she will have a good time? Getting a Yes to both usually leads to sexy time but can be tricky with humans. A good sex bot will handle both nicely, any time she wants and no ill consequences.

Some folks think sex bots degrade women. Au contraire, they will eventually empower them.

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Re: Benefits for women here too yanno

The thing is women tend to look for a relationship rather than primarily for sex and I don't think a robot can do that.

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Mushroom

EX-SPERM-IN-ATE!

Sounds like something the Gay Daleks would say...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8G5jYKwxuFc

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Re: EX-SPERM-IN-ATE!

@Uncle Slacky

Sounds like something the Gay Daleks would say...

At the Blue Oyster Police Box Bar.

Academic nonsense

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Paris Hilton

How is she at

cake farts?

Note: it's probably best if you don't google that phrase. And definitely don't watch of the videos in the search results (the first one was broken when I tried it, but pornhub worked). Very not suitable for work. Probably not suitable for home, either.

Looks like rule 34 is true yet again.

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Anonymous Coward

I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Clue

So *this* is the Samantha that Humph (and other chairs since Humph's passing) have been referring to?

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Paris Hilton

Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Clue

@AC

+1

Samantha...

see https://forums.theregister.co.uk/forum/containing/3304047

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Terminator

This is how the robo-lution starts...

A group of horny nerds can't keep it in their pants at a fem-bot demonstration. The next thing you know, all the robots are up in arms.

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MJI
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Re: This is how the robo-lution starts...

I though it was all the downtrodden CL4P-TP units protesting.

Start chanting now

Clap trap clap trap clap trap clap trap clap trap clap trap clap trap clap trap

And so on

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old news...

http://www.hirezfox.com/21cf/d/20110725.html

Jack Black, hardware engineer and fox, gets stuck on Chinese space station fixing 'ernai'. And installs, umm, 'point defence'

http://www.hirezfox.com/21cf/d/20110808.html

I think that Samantha needs something similar.

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Anonymous Coward

Why is that man's head so tiny?

In the preview video frame center-story, the man on the left in the black shirt...

His head (the one on his shoulders) is freakishly small.

That's the weirdest thing I've seen this year.

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Re: Why is that man's head so tiny?

Perhaps they've swapped top & bottom versions.

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Mixed Results

What simultaneously amuses and horrifies me is that they tried to emulate a real woman, but they copied one with one of the worst and obviously-fake boob jobs imaginable.

I'd be reluctant to touch a real woman with a set like that; "Omigod she's full of plastic!"

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When did the El Reg morph into La Mail?

Blimey, for a moment I thought I was logged ontop the other news source - The DM.

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Re: When did the El Reg morph into La Mail?

@ MonkeyNuts.Com

The concerning part of that comment is that I have noticed articles of the reg heading toward the guardian.

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Anonymous Coward

obligatory link

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b8yMMjVGTTc

Excellent short. Anon for obvious reasons

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Anonymous Coward

Penis Cancer Risk

That'd be my only worry, latex vaginas frequented 30 times a day will seep all manner of toxic chemicals into the skin...

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