Ah, so IoT really means Internet of Toilets?
Reg man 0: Japanese electronic toilet 1
Dear reader, I am in a state of shock and horror. That’s right - I have attempted to use a Japanese electric toilet in the manner for which it was designed. I fear my rear may never recover. Your correspondent is currently in Tokyo for Huawei’s Mobile Broadband Forum 2016 and is staying in an excellent, if, for the purposes of …
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Wednesday 23rd November 2016 09:46 GMT ProperDave
Re: Come on...
Damn you beat me to stating the obvious too. That would have been my first thought in this situation. :o
Also - I would imagine it would be possible to google an English translation of Japanese techno-bogs.
@Author; Was this a 'Washlet' toilet? They even have an interactive guide in English...
http://www.toto.co.jp/en/gtjt/washlet/
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Sunday 27th November 2016 20:23 GMT DropBear
Re: Come on...
...not to mention the same source easily reveals one of the buttons (with the visible "8" on it) says "Off for 8 hours" (presumably to save some electricity at night). That kinda explains the "everything just turned off" thing isn't is. Oh, and the very first button (with a "vaguely" familiar square symbol, no idea where else I saw it) reads plainly "STOP"...
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Wednesday 23rd November 2016 09:50 GMT ahnlak
Luddite
While that control panel looks a little less pictorial than you usually see, it's nothing that common sense and Google Translate can't explain to you these days.
Of course if you're actually defeated by simple technology, rather than going on a hunt for a "conventional toilet", you could just leave the damn buttons alone.
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Wednesday 23rd November 2016 11:54 GMT Uffish
Re: Luddite
A middle eastern office loo - standard row of standard cubicles. A bit too skimpy-USA-style for my liking but needs must when nature calls - and it was, urgently.
Sat down, reset the intestines to factory fresh and looked for the loo paper - there was none, not even an empty holder. There was however a standard shower attachment on a flexi-pipe with hot and cold taps. I had one, slightly used, paper tissue in my pockets.
You don't have to be a luddite to long for home comforts.
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Wednesday 23rd November 2016 09:50 GMT Kryogenik
My mother had the some experience on a holiday to Japan 3 years ago. We were in a large shopping mall in Tokyo and she popped into the toilets whilst I waited outside for her. 20 minutes later (and after a large number of other women entered and exited successfully) she emerged red faced. She had done the exact same thing, leaving her trousers drenched! A lady in the cubicle next to her heard her shrill squeal of panic and (without either of them knowing a word of each other's languages) helped her dry off with towels and hand dryers. Needless to say, she never touched the buttons on any other toilet like that again...
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Wednesday 23rd November 2016 14:18 GMT richardcox13
Re: you could just leave the damn buttons alone.
“Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying 'End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH', the paint wouldn't even have time to dry.”
― Terry Pratchett
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Wednesday 23rd November 2016 10:20 GMT Silae
Translation
Starting from the bottom up (sorry I had to):
Button (停止) --> Stop
Button (おしり) --> Water spray to clean your bum
Button (ムーブ) --> Have the spray move in a forward and backwards manner
Button (ビデ) --> Bidet
Button (弱) --> Weaken the water spray
Button (強) --> Strengthen the water spray
The other buttons you don't really need to know or touch.
General advice is to set the water spray strength to minimum for normal business and strongest for when you want an enema to help things move forward.
There is no dryer on this washlet and your hotel's model is a fairly cheap.
Now you are equipped with the requisite knowledge, give it another go.
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Wednesday 23rd November 2016 10:24 GMT Anonymous Coward
The stop button is the one with a red square on it, like the stop buttons on every other device in the world.
Also, why do you think it's normal to clean your bottoms with dry pieces of paper? You don't clean your crockery or kitchens or windows or cars or faces or feet with nothing but dry paper!
If a restaurant served you a meal cooked with equipment that had only ever been cleaned with kitchen roll and served on plates with cutlery that had likewise never seen water you'd call the health inspectors!
Yet you fumble blindly with a thin piece of tissue on your grubbiest of holes and think it's normal, you savages!
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Wednesday 23rd November 2016 15:10 GMT Sam Liddicott
Re: Izal
When we ran out of tracing paper, I offered to fetch some as I knew were it was.
My teacher was very pleased with the supply I brought, until he heard I got it from the toilets.
Obviously they had high-class tissue in the staff toilets.
The pupil toilets were old stables or milking stalls or something like that.
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Wednesday 23rd November 2016 12:06 GMT Anonymous Coward
Memories of the Izal toilet paper that was non-tissue and distinctly uncomfortable to use. Apparently people still buy it.
Ah, Izal. I remember it from the facilities in a public park when I was much younger. Each sheet was printed with the words "Government Property". As if anyone would steal it.
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Wednesday 23rd November 2016 14:16 GMT Rich 11
Memories of the Izal toilet paper that was non-tissue and distinctly uncomfortable to use. Apparently people still buy it.
Really? I thought only my Gran ever bought that, and she died 30 years ago.
Izal fitted the faciltiies at my grandparents' house perfectly well. It was an outside toilet. In Yorkshire. I think they did it to discourage people from staying for the weekend in winter.
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Wednesday 23rd November 2016 11:00 GMT Anonymous Coward
Savages
Most of us assume it's never going to be all that clean regardless, and so we're not going to be touching it or expecting anyone else to. So the main priorities are to keep our undergarments as unmarked as possible and to avoid the shame of smelling in any noticeable way for the rest of the day. Paper is adequate for this.
I wouldn't have dared to press any of those buttons, not just because of blind ignorance of the effects but I do wonder about the cleanliness of any water originating from within a toilet. Eww.
Biting the hand that feeds IT
