back to article Star Trek Beyond: An unwatchable steaming pile of tribble dung

The original Star Trek series and subsequent sequels stubbornly and persistently refused to frame their dramas in black-and-whites. Balance of Terror, for example, transformed heretofore-unseen Romulans from villains into tragic heroes over the course of an hour. As happened in so many episodes, the writers avoided the cheap …

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Re: Nahh, the old Star Trek was for nerds...

Didn't they do an episode of Next Gen where most of the crew were obsessed with some silly game?

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Re: Nahh, the old Star Trek was for nerds...

Oh god there's going to be a pokemon movie in the next few years isn't there

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Re: Nahh, the old Star Trek was for nerds...

No. If anyone in Star Trek is to be seen making a load of profit by selling overpriced tat to gullible fools, then his name shall be Mudd.

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Re: Nahh, the old Star Trek was for nerds...

There have been many, many, many pokemon movies.

Which can only mean one thing, I think.

BIG BUDGET REBOOT TIME!

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Re: Nahh, the old Star Trek was for nerds...

@VinceH:

I think you are mistaking that with Red Dwarf: Better Than Life :)

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Re: Nahh, the old Star Trek was for nerds...

Yes , and you will have to wander aimlessly about with your mobile phone to find the cinema....

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Nahh, the old Star Trek was for nerds...

"At the very least people will get bored of the fad a lot quicker and we won't have to endure it too long....'gotta catch em' all!' - 'why? they all look alike'."

Oh you're one of those miserable people that whines about other people doing something that they find full Just because you don't.. what a full and exiting life you must lead, sitting in your house complaining about kids nowadays...

What's the problem de jour? They don't get out enough? Or are they out too much playing Pokemon?

I'll bet back in your day all you had was a tin can and a dead cat on a stick to play with... And you were glad to have them!

Stop whining about what makes other people happy you miserable old git.

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Re: @Midnight - Penn Jillette as Cyrano

That sort of already happened. Penn and Teller were cast in an episode of Bablyon5. And it was terrible (but then I think Bab5 was just terrible anyway)

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MJI
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Re: Nahh, the old Star Trek was for nerds...

Actually mine was alive, but only liked chasing torch light on the carpet

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Re: Nahh, the old Star Trek was for nerds...

There are professionals from whom you could seek help; despite the truth in what you actually say, Spock's Brain - save money on sets and just have Kirk say "Boooooooones!" for dramatic emphasis.

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Re: Nahh, the old Star Trek was for nerds...

It pales into insignificance, it terms of poor episodes (Will Wheaton to the rescue again - well he is a God, sort of), against the "One where they all revert back up their evolutionary path". Execrable, and I loved TNG.

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LDS
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Re: Nahh, the old Star Trek was for nerds...

Yes, it was a kind of VR/AR one... which fed you also with pleasure stimuli to lock you into the game.... and then someone tells ST was no good to imagine our future...

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Re: Nahh, the old Star Trek was for nerds...

that's this one: The Game

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Game_(Star_Trek:_The_Next_Generation)

bet there have been a few treasure hunt episodes.

eg The Chase where they hunt DNA fragments in competition with Romulans, Cardassians and Klingons (Oh My)

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Chase_(Star_Trek:_The_Next_Generation)

or Gambit, where Picard does his archaological pirate bit looking for a vulcan/romulan artifact?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gambit_(Star_Trek:_The_Next_Generation)

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Re: Nahh, the old Star Trek was for nerds...

"The Trouble with Tribbles"

"The Problems with Pokemon"

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Re: Nahh, the old Star Trek was for nerds...

"Oh you're one of those miserable people that whines about other people doing something that they find full Just because you don't.. what a full and exiting life you must lead, sitting in your house complaining about kids nowadays..."

@ 'pointless' A.C.

- Have I touched a nerve about how your fun new hobby is a pointless time-waster fad?

- 90% will have forgotten all about it in a few weeks, a further 8% will get bored as soon as the difficulty ramps up.

- Last comment was written on from the pub (on a Nintendo 3DS, no end of crap free Poke-mon apps on that, Poke-dex, Poke-mon Picross - every time I delete one, another appears), You don't have to sit in your house to complain about 'kids nowadays' - haven't you heard of mobile communication?

"I'll bet back in your day all you had was a tin can and a dead cat on a stick to play with... And you were glad to have them!"

- I've just seen more crassly exploitive fads than you have, clearly. You end up with a pile of junk that takes up space and nobody wants after a month.

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Re: Nahh, the old Star Trek was for nerds...

I also think people revere TOS rather more than it deserves; it was absolutely the freshest science fiction TV programme of it's time. The best? Doctor Who at it's best can give it a run for it's money but it's well "up there".

But for me the important part of the above is "of it's time"; watching it now, it is very dated. The sacrificial "red shirt", the soft focus on Kirk and his "girl of the week", the whole captain taking part in away teams and so forth. The best episodes do still tell great stories but making a film based on TOS would be a financial disaster with only hardcore trekkies or trekkers (not sure what they call themselves) going to see it.

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Re: @Midnight - Penn Jillette as Cyrano

"That sort of already happened. Penn and Teller were cast in an episode of Bablyon5. And it was terrible (but then I think Bab5 was just terrible anyway)"

That was season 5 (the least good season), they panicked thinking they weren't getting a fifth season and wrapped up all the story arcs at the end of the fourth in a rush. Babylon 5 was generally more popular in the UK than the US.

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Re: freshest of it's time

Oh, that would have been this one

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Boffin

Re: Nahh, the old Star Trek was for nerds...

"Any failure in the show after the middle of season 2 are all due to CBS, nothing else. Period."

CBS rejected the whole show because they already had a science fiction show, Lost in Space.

Star Trek (TOS) aired on NBC, even though CBS - realizing its error - eventually bought the rights to the Star Trek franchise.

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Re: Nahh, the old Star Trek was for nerds...

The real key to the greatness of Star Trek TOS was the show's emphasis on actual SF ideas, driven by a ground-breaking use of actual SF authors for scripts. I can't think of another continuing (non-anthology) series where you might have seen an accumulation of names like Sturgeon, Bloch, Brown, Spinrad and Ellison. The show also gave a start to some great new writers, most notably David Gerrold. Even Dorothy Fontana, the in-house script editor, ended up turning in some excellent work.

The early Trek movies tended to hit a much lower standard, but at least paid lip-service to the original tradition. Meanwhile, the TV sequels continued to emphasize intelligent writing - with challenging SF ideas in STNG, and really strong political drama in DS9.

By comparison, the recent Trek reboots have been consistently bereft of intelligence, drama, or even basic logic. They make the Transformers films look like works of genius. I can only hope that the upcoming Trek TV series won't be able to get away with that kind incompetence, going up against the really strong SF/fantasy/superhero series we're seeing these days on Netflix, HBO and elsewhere.

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Re: Nahh, the old Star Trek was for nerds...

"Stop whining about what makes other people happy you miserable old git."

I couldn't care less what entertains the kind of mindless, nutless, soul-less moron that would enjoy the current Trek reboot films. What I do mind is when those morons usurp a franchise that I care about, one that has long stood as a bastion of intelligence and compassion in a wasteland of overblown fantasy epics masquerading under the trappings of space opera or actual SF.

In fact, the demolition of Trek has been so thorough, I have to believe that it was malicious. Someone decided that the public didn't deserve a show that might lead it to think of higher things. A series that might speak of a brighter future, and how we might achieve it. So they took the Trek tropes and drove them relentlessly down to the lowest level of stupidity. That's offensive, no less than spitting on someone's flag.

You want dumb, go ahead and create your own brainless franchise, instead of deriving some kind of sick pleasure from demolishing one of the few intelligent ones. Trek has been taken away from its fans by the schoolyard bullies, whose highest aspiration is spoil what they can't understand or appreciate.

I console myself with the realization that these Trek films will come and go, but their eager audience will remain sub-human, forever locked out of the treasure-house of great art and visionary ideas.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Nahh, the old Star Trek was for nerds...

"I console myself with the realization that these Trek films will come and go, but their eager audience will remain sub-human"

Whoah... I thought you might have had a legitimate point (#)- if one expressed in a slightly melodramatic and conspiratorial manner- until I read this.

You're describing people as "sub-human" because they might enjoy the slightly dumbed-down new Star Trek films? Seriously?

Ugh. I'm guessing your average idealistic Star Trek fan wouldn't want to be associated with that sort of viewpoint either. Shows that geeks can be just as bad as the people they like to think themselves above and not even realise it.

(#) Haven't seen any of the rebooted Star Trek series myself, so can't judge it.

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Re: Nahh, the old Star Trek was for nerds...

odd... after seeing that image all I can think about is how much I'd like a Pepsi o_0

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Re: Nahh, the old Star Trek was for nerds...

Movie makers have been hijacking pre-existing franchises and dumbing them down for as long as movies have been a thing. Early example.

Moral: don't expect anything else of movies. Certainly not of any movie that has the word "franchise" attached, however tangentially. Artists are creative, they don't want to spend their time splashing about in someone else's imagination. Everyone associated with the Star Trek franchise since Gene Roddenberry died has been a bought-and-paid-for hack, nothing more.

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Re: Nahh, the old Star Trek was for nerds...

I think you'll find it's...

THERE IS NO RULE SIX!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_f_p0CgPeyA

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Re: Nahh, the old Star Trek was for nerds...

And the brawl we be started by Scotty when the Klingon's talk shit about the Enterprise.

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Re: Nahh, the old Star Trek was for nerds...

"So that is where tribbles come from."

Nah, sadly more misinformation in the comment threads. They don't split, they are born pregnant, if I recall correctly. :)

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Re: Nahh, the old Star Trek was for nerds...

Didn't they do an episode of Next Gen where most of the crew were obsessed with some silly game?

As best I remember it was also an augmented reality game. You may be onto something...

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LDS
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Re: Nahh, the old Star Trek was for nerds...

If you look at what remained of the original pilot, actually TOS could have been even better. No miniskirts uniforms, a female first officer, etc. etc.

But Roddenberry to get on air had to accept some compromises with the network - and its dinosaur executives - some of them fixed in later series, although to make the most vocal fans happy, for example even TNG became too much Picard-Data oriented.

Anyway we shouldn't forget ST was still a design of the mid-60s, sometimes even the best sci-fi finds hard to get past some main cultural topoi of its own epoch.

Moreover, in TV without a public you can't go nowhere, to boldy go where no one has been before, you may need some compromises to find a public... and then feed them something new.

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Re: Nahh, the old Star Trek was for nerds...

think you mean NBC.

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Re: Nahh, the old Star Trek was for nerds...

I'm no fan of CBS due to their penchant for cancelling good shows, but Star Trek was not one of them. It was NBC.

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Shame

I watched the trailer up until the warbling started and it looked pretty bad, Justin Lin was a poor choice and Pegg without Edgar Wright isn't really that great at anything production or script based. It's a shame as the first two films were enjoyable, although yes they were retreads.

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Re: Shame

>It's a shame as the first two films were enjoyable,

The first two films were mostly yelling and running and exploding, with a bit of drinking, shagging, and punching - all of which seem to be JJA's definition of drama.

Khan as Cumberbatch (did I get that the right way round?) was more ridiculous than sinister, which surely deserves an Oscar as a cinematic achievement in its own right.

The only thing missing was Daniel Craig in a cameo as a Tribble.

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Re: Shame

The only thing missing was Daniel Craig in a cameo as a Tribble.

OUCH!

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Shame

Or Daniel Craig in a cameo wearing only a tribble...

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Shame

I liked the first film, thought it had real legs for doing something interesting given how it had taken the power balance and chucked it in the bin. But no, the terrible attempt at Khan followed by what sounds to be quite poor. When I saw "I wanted to do something original" and "destroying the enterprise" I gave up hope.

I shall see it though, got free tickets.

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Devil

Re: Shame

>> Or Daniel Craig in a cameo wearing only a tribble...

I would pay GOOD cash money to see that! ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

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A bit harsh

Now, I did go see Ghostbusters about an hour before it, so someone hammering nails through my sensitive parts would seem enjoyable by comparison, but the review does seem to be a bit of a stab at a film that isn't that bad.

I mean, it's not a Trek film, neither have the last two, nor arguably the last Generations one, but, it's about on par with the rebooted franchise, the spacey action sequences are about the same and the action's about the same - too close/fast/cut to be able to see what's going on, but as I watched Into Darkness this morning I'd have to say they're about on par for the franchise (and most movies these days).

There's an obligatory action beat whether it's needed or not (but, not giant rolly tentacle monsters loose on Han's ship for no real reason bad) but a nice nod to Leonard Nimoy (if maybe a little too over done).

But yeah, Trek's long since dead, and, for weird creature wandering around wearing it's face, it's about what you'd expect, far from an unwatchable steaming pile of dung, but far from a Trek movie too, maybe if they'd just rename it to "generic action movie in space" that'd solve alot of the problems with it..

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Re: A bit harsh

"I did go see Ghostbusters about an hour before it" --- butwhy.gif

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Coat

Re: A bit harsh

"nor arguably the last Generations one,"

- 'A bit harsh' - I though it was okay, not great, but okay (it kind of reminded me of 'first contact' as it focused in on Picard), only moreso, if I try to remember the movie all I get in my head is a few fleeting scenes which are most close ups of Patrick Stewart looking sweaty, concerned and determined.

Am I weird? heretical? I actually quite liked most of Enterprise..... - Okay, I'll get my coat.

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Re: A bit harsh

" I actually quite liked most of Enterprise..."

I quite liked Enterprise... but a factor in that may be that it wasn't Voyager.

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Re: A bit harsh

Dammit I liked Enterprise as well. Did not and still don't get the hate for it.

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MJI
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Re: A bit harsh

Funny but I loved the original series, grew to like the Picard series a lot.

Enjoyed DS9, Voyager was quite good, but a bit messy.

Enterprise was a good series with a few odd story choices.

The films were a right mish mash, but Voyage Home was the funniest by a long way. But TOS films were prefereable to STNG films.

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Re: A bit harsh

Another Enterprise FAN. Thought the casting was good. Plots ok. Season 4 it was really starting to find its feet and then bang. Gone.

DS9 will still remain the best trek they did imo.

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@sampler

"Now, I did go see Ghostbusters about an hour before it,"

So you never got to the end of Ghostbusters, then?

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Re: A bit harsh

I liked Enterprise too.

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Re: A bit harsh

"Am I weird? heretical? I actually quite liked most of Enterprise..... - Okay, I'll get my coat."

enterprise was utter shite.... it was beyond shite in fact and for once it wasn't the fault of Scot "single expression" Spatula.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: A bit harsh

Enterprise was pretty good.

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Re: A bit harsh

"... but Voyage Home was the funniest by a long way."

" Everybody remember where we parked!"

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So tell us

what you really thought of it!

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