back to article BOFH: We're miracle workers. But you want us to fix THAT in 10 minutes?

"What do you mean 'why's it not working'," the PFY asks. "I mean WHY ISN'T IT WORKING? What's happened?" the Boss snaps, expecting an excuse that will be both technical and understandable to someone with his level of tertiary education. "Nothing's happened, it's all the same as usual," the PFY responds, suspecting – as we all …

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  1. Dr. Mouse Silver badge

    "Yes. This is important! The board have all flown to Edinburgh with the Director so they can see our videoconferencing presentation in action!"

    "And you just found out about this 17 minutes ago?!" the PFY gasps.

    The Boss ignores him.

    "Ah," the PFY adds. "So it IS as usual."

    This section would be incredibly funny IF it didn't describe almost every job I had to do...

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      I found very funny that people have to fly to a common place to watch a videoconf... of course some days in Edinburgh sipping expensive whisky at someone else expense may need an excuse...

    2. Maverick

      or rather

      "The board have all flown to Edinburgh with the Director so they can see our videoconferencing presentation in action!"

      which translated means a golfing weekend at company expense - at least until the storm hits!

    3. Birch

      Last minute

      "And you just found out about this 17 minutes ago?!"

      Reminds me of an IT manager I once worked with. When the usual rush and panic about creating the quarterly reports was in full swing he was faced with a director demanding action to fix a small problem as the report had to get out the next morning.

      His response was a calm, considered lecture on the lines of the Sumerians and Babylonians had calendars 700 years ago, Stonehenge was at least 6000 years old and was an effective calendar, settlements in China, Peru.... and so on... finally leading to "it's the 21st century and you're STILL surprised by calendar dates!"

      Needless to say the calm lecture did wonders for the boss's blood pressure :-)

      1. Nunyabiznes

        Re: Last minute

        I wish I had a boss this awesome. I hope your old manager doesn't mind if I use that line.

      2. TeeCee Gold badge

        Re: Last minute

        Trouble is, most execs use the Mayan Long Count calendar.

        Ohshittheworldisgoingtoendifwedon'tfixthisnow, ohshittheworldisgoingtoendifwedon'tfixthisnow, ohshittheworldisgoingtoendifwedon'tfixthisnow, ohshittheworldisgoingtoendifwedon'tfixthisnow...........ah............it didn't after all.

      3. JoeF

        Re: Last minute

        Here on the left side of the pond, there was a small computer company called SCO which had huge lawsuits against IBM, Novell, etc. In one of their briefs, IIRC, they claimed that they were surprised by Christmas coming up...

        1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

          Re: Last minute

          "a small computer company called SCO"

          You mean a small litigation company. I think by that time they'd mostly lost sight of being a computer company.

        2. Diogenes

          Re: Last minute

          they claimed that they were surprised by Christmas coming up...

          My neighbour's builders were unaware of Easter and ANZAC Day , and tried to add these into teh schedule later.

  2. Marc 25

    Invoke Excuse of the day Flipchart

    <flipchart>

    <echo> immutable.. configuration sequencer

    </echo>

    </flipchart>

  3. Ironclad
    Coffee/keyboard

    Courier 24

    ..new keyboard please

    Busy draining my old one of cold cappucino

  4. Rick Brasche

    it's not so funny

    when it's practically a true story. only difference were the details and the "explanation" give to the PHB. :(

  5. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken Silver badge
    Pint

    [title goes here]

    Have a nice weekend, everyone.

    Obligatory Dilbert cartoon here.

  6. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken Silver badge
    IT Angle

    Only vaguely related - however it being friday and beer o'clock and whatever...

    Clever use of IT for shirking: Reddid skin that looks like outlook

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    So....got someone who thinks they're important demanding something be done right freaking now because they didn't bother to let you know about it last week when it first came up and it needs finished in 17 minutes.

    Simon, do you have spies in my office passing on ideas for BOFH stories? Because I gotta say this one sounds a lot like my life.

  8. Unicornpiss Silver badge
    Pint

    How about some of these?

    Williams Video Game Fonts

    Or just Wingdings anyone?

  9. ecofeco Silver badge

    Oh hell yes

    Got a few scars from this exact scenario my self.

    My other favorite? Can you fix this and I'll be leaving in ten minutes but I'll leave my computer on.

    When it's something that requires them to be logged in on their account. The ones we don't have passwords too. (oh we could change them, but sometimes the users disappears for hours or even days and then will phone in unable to log in... while we're working some new fire that needs putting out)

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Oh hell yes

      Haha, we tell them "sure, let us know when you're back... "

  10. Hazmoid
    Trollface

    I always have this poster on my wall

    "A failure to plan on your behalf does not constitute an emergency on my behalf"

  11. John Klos

    You people are d*cks...

    Maybe, just maybe I should know better than to be drinking something while reading these. Now my laptop has beer all over it. I blame you.

  12. BenBell

    ....and they all lived happily ever after - all the way to the overtime bank :)

  13. ysth

    OpenOffice?

    OpenOffice? What's that?

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