back to article John McAfee the Belize spymaster uncovers 'ricin, terrorist plots'

Infosec daredevil John McAfee claims he became a spymaster in Belize after giving laptops infected with espionage malware to police and government officials. McAfee, who moved to the central American low-tax haven some years ago, further claimed he supervised a ring of 23 women and six men as operatives, and tasked them with …

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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I wonder if any of these laptops had a doctored version of McAfee antivirus so that the users would think they were protected. A real security program would of at least known something was going on.

    1. Wombling_Free
      Trollface

      Why use a doctored version?

      "I wonder if any of these laptops had a doctored version of McAfee antivirus so that the users would think they were protected."

      Why use a doctored version? I thought the standard version of McAfee led users to believe they were protected - mostly from McAfee's own woeful 'upgrades' admittedly.

      And why are you all cowering behind AC? Are you scared of John? Is he some uber-cyber-god who can make electricity leap from your wireless mouse and kill you?

  2. MissingSecurity
    Devil

    Reminds me of the BOFH...

    "Apparently he's built up a bit of immunity to ECT. You have to set the knob to 11. Write that down, '11'..."

  3. NomNomNom

    I see a wave of disinformists are hard at work here calling him insane and crazy.

    But if he's crazy and stupid how has he managed to survive so long without the government killing him?

    1. Don Jefe
      Happy

      Waste of Time

      Crazy and stupid people abound all over the world (in case you haven't noticed). It is the smart and cunning that get killed. For a government to do away with someone like McAfee or Assange is a waste of time and resources. Plus without nutters like this what would we have to laugh at?

      1. Wombling_Free
        Happy

        Re: Waste of Time

        Nutters like this...

        I think they are referred to as 'lightning rods'.

        Look for interesting little stories from the other side of the world involving Belgians with quiet online trading algorithms.

    2. Vic

      But if he's crazy and stupid how has he managed to survive so long without the government killing him?

      The same way I have - by not having any governments actually interested in killing him.

      Vic.

  4. lemmac

    sticking a tampon up his nose to pretend to be a Guatemalan trinket salesman

    Is it a cultural thing?

    1. Don Jefe

      Re: sticking a tampon up his nose to pretend to be a Guatemalan trinket salesman

      Yes. It is a cultural thing. All Guatemalans stick tampons up their nose, especially trinket salesmen and around Three Kings Day.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: sticking a tampon up his nose to pretend to be a Guatemalan trinket salesman

        The better known of his two disguises. The second and as yet unused disguise consisted of wearing underpants on his head, sticking pencils up his nose whilst saying 'wibble wibble'. We might get to see it yet if extradition beckons...

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: sticking a tampon up his nose to pretend to be a Guatemalan trinket salesman

      It was the style at the time. You kids these days.

      Anyway, I was on my way to Belize and I had a tampon up my nose -- which was the style at the time. I had an all-female spy force that was directing my hidden keystroke loggers to prove that the government was secretly providing passports to Lebanese males every month while the Zetas cooked up ricin. But the important part was I had a tampon up my nose -- which was the style at the time.

      1. Wombling_Free

        Re: sticking a tampon up his nose to pretend to be a Guatemalan trinket salesman

        I prefer a ferret myself.

        Though how it got there I don't know; now it's there it hurts like hell and it radically alters my sense of smell.

        I don't think there is an icon even remotely relevant to this.

    3. phuzz Silver badge
      IT Angle

      Re: sticking a tampon up his nose to pretend to be a Guatemalan trinket salesman

      There's the bigger conspiracy story, why does el Reg not have a "John McAffee with a ferret up his nose" icon?

      IT'S ALL A CONSPIRACY I TELLS YEH

  5. Herby

    One of two things are happening here.

    Either this is all very very false, and he is shorted between the headphones, or it is all very very true, and we all need to be afraid.

    Unfortunately the "bogometer" tends to point towards the first conclusion.

    If this is in the 'very very true' region we might never hear about it. Of course this might be the plot for the next Bond movie, as we all need villains. Where is the guy with the white cat?

  6. Jason Bloomberg Silver badge
    Pint

    "Eight of the women were so accomplished that they ended up living with me"

    Dressed in skin-tight all-in-one black leathers, touting machine guns, guarding the volcano entrance and occasionally taking the cat out for walks?

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    Again.....

    "Cocaine is a hell of a drug..."

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Nutter

    Complete and Utter

  9. Havoc

    Lost the plot?

    Well if we have no BOFH at least we have some entertainment. Does he really believe himself?

  10. EJ
    Go

    The American Midwest...

    A place where Hezbollah sticks out? Or is it where a a paranoid delusional oddball would better fit in with the existing paranoid and delusional armed populace?

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Go

    Dammit!!

    I knew I should have bet someone that John McAfee could not go 2 weeks without appearing in the news again!!

    (Anyone want to start a pool on how many days untl we hear from him again? $5 gets you the choice of a day and date!)

  12. Esskay
    WTF?

    "8 of the women were so accomplished they ended up living with me"

    ummm..... wut?

  13. bag o' spanners
    Black Helicopters

    There can be only one...

    Charlie Sheen.

    Belize is notorious(ly popular) among squaddies and travelers for the excellent herbage which flourishes there.

  14. southpacificpom
    Facepalm

    McAfee's life surrounding these recent events needs to be made into a film - a comedy film...

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Clearly this is all a Nazi Communist plot to enrich the Military Industrial Complex!

  16. Levente Szileszky
    WTF?

    Full account of the PAST YEAR can be read here...

    ...and it gives you the full background so you can grasp the whole backstory - make sure you read ALL LINKED material (including the 13-chapeter eBook!): http://www.wired.com/gadgetlab/2012/12/how-vice-got-john-mcafee-caught/:

  17. Thorsten
    Holmes

    Hedging your bets...

    <quote>Jones [...] concluded that McAfee is either telling the truth, "is partially telling the truth and has become paranoid" or is "one of the best liars and storytellers".</quote>

    No shit, Sherlock.

    Give the man a job in a think-tank. Such deep analysis ... awesome.

  18. CAPS LOCK

    Oh how I wish this were all true.

    However Mr McAfee has a history of 'practical jokes'.

  19. Ben Rosenthal

    Rekall, Rekall, Rekall

    It won't make the slightest difference to me Doug, but the consequences to you will be devastating. In your mind, I'll be dead, and with no one to guide you out, you'll be stuck here in permanent psychosis. The walls of reality will come crashing down around you. One minute, you're the savior of the rebel cause; next thing you know, you'll be Cohaagen's bosom buddy. You'll even have fantasies about alien civilizations as you requested; but in the end, back on Earth, you'll be lobotomized! So get a grip on yourself, Doug, and put down that gun!

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Load of old rubbish

    The guy claims to have purchased 75 laptops to hand out to various people in positions of authority. His evidence for this? A poor quality photo of THREE Acer Aspire Netbook boxes. If he had actually bought 75 I'd have expected to see better evidence than that like erm...... 75 boxes or netbooks?

    As for the key logging / activating webcams remotely. I'm glad I use Linux....

  21. RainForestGuppy

    He forgot to mention

    That all the Belize goventment officials are all alien lizard people, who live inside of the hollow earth and are controlling everything we do.

  22. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    John Leyden: "UUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHH"

    Good to see that you have still not learned to write in complete sentences.

  23. apjanes
    WTF?

    Um... is he still living there??

    Perhaps the strongest evidence to his apparent nuttiness is that he's willing allege publicly on the Internet that he has stitched up high ranking and powerful people in the country HE IS CURRENTLY LIVING IN! Surely if he really did this he'd want to keep quiet about it... forever??!

  24. johnnymi5

    John McAfee Secret Agent of MI5

    Go on facebook and discover the truth about John McAfee!

    Search on facebook for "johnny.english.and.john.mcafee" and you will read about new disguises and his newest mission, the rescue of the royal poodle!

    Please don't forget to "friend" Johnny English an facebook!

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