back to article Steve Jobs' 'private Apple spaceship' seeks public love

Apple's head bean counter has asked his company's neighbours to back plans for a new 2.8 million sq ft glass doughnut office in Cupertino, California. Chief financial officer Peter Oppenheimer sent out leaflets to locals last week asking them to support the fruity tech titan's planning application for a new gaff - called …

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If they don't approve...

... we'd love to see them in the Chicago area!

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FAIL

Rip off of BBC TV Centre

Apple/Steve stealing shit from others and claiming it as their own invention again.

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Facepalm

Re: Rip off of BBC TV Centre

Or rounding off the Pentagon, perchance? Maybe copying the Coliseum?

I've never read such utter tripe. And that's saying something, with El Reg's regular Apple-bashing seminars...

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Applitron

I call it the applitron.

Bike paths, huh?

My San Jose councilman says he installed 200 Led streetlights in order to get my vote.

Who'd you pick? San Jose or Cupertino.

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Trollface

"A futuristic erection..."

I beg to differ. Symbolically, this is clearly a hole, not a pole.

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Silver badge

Fools!

Who would want what is clearly a cyclotron collider facility in their back yard?

Try getting a 4G signal in *that* town once the supecooled magnets are online and the Higgs Bosons are spewing all over the place.

Truly, will no-one think of the children?

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Re: Fools!

There is a similar looking synchrotron near the Rutherford Labs near Didcot, Ox.

Perhaps instant travel will be available between Cupertino, Cheltenham and Didcot.

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Joke

If the public were allowed in...

Hey Tony, what's the deal with that big guy in the chair, and the giant eggs in the basement?

(Cut scene to the basement, where the top of an egg peels open.)

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Silver badge
Go

Re: If the public were allowed in...

Egads! you are right.

And here was I foolishly waiting for the Ori to come out of it.

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Anonymous Coward

Sooo..

Where do I sign up? I'll take 1 of the 12,000 jobs they have to offer--even if its to replace the lost spot at 1 inf. lane.

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Anonymous Coward

prior art

Many moons ago I was asked to come up with a development proposal for a large area of local wasteland as part of GCSE coursework in geography. This looks remarkably similar to the portfolio I put forward - now, who do I sue?

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Anonymous Coward

Re: prior art

What are you saying, you invented the toroid?

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Mushroom

An oldie, but a goody

In article <rone.9j2jd0$89...@ennui.org>, "cave deum" <^#...@ennui.org>

wrote:

> i'm kidding. crack will be passé in 3001.

[Interior of Arco-Habitat 39B, Ganymede Altruity. Several hundred

silver-jumpsuit-clad ascetics line the interior of a cuboctahedron-

shaped chamber in shining white. Silver wires are connected to

each one at the base of the skull.]

ASCETIC 1138 I rejoice in my transhumanity!

ASCETIC 124C41+ I rejoice in your rejoicing!

ASCETIC 1138 I rejoice in your rejoicing at my rejoicing!

[SFX: Ding]

[A 900-FOOT STEVE JOBS materializes in the center of the chamber.]

STEVE JOBS GET A MAC!

ASCETIC 124C41+ I rejoice in your condescension!

ASCETIC 1138 Everything is perfect now!

[A BLONDE IN RED SHORTS bursts into the chamber directly

opposite our two ASCETICS and tosses a hammer at 900-FOOT

STEVE JOBS. The hammer hits STEVE JOBS in the middle of

the forehead, causing him to double over and exposing...]

ASCETIC 124C41+ CRACK!

ASCETIC 1138 CRACK!

ASCETIC 124C41+ I am revolted and horrified. I reject

transcendence and all associated states of

metahuman superconsciousness!

ASCETIC 1138 And where's our 2GHz Son of Pismo with stamped

enameled metal enclosures? I ask you!

ASCETIC 124C41+ BURN BABY BURN!

[The inhabitants of Arco-Habitat 39B break through the outer

shell and are blown out onto the airless, frigid surface of

Ganymede, surveyed only by the pitiless cyclopean eyeball of

the planet Jupiter. But then TOYNBEE RESURRECTS THE DEAD.]

--

Matt McIrvin

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Anonymous Coward

Typical Apple

Circular buildings suck. Nothing fits well inside, and a lot of space is wasted trying to get rectangular-ish desks / cubicles arranged efficiently in the curving space. As a resident in such a building either you get lucky by being at the edge and get a lot of space, or you're closer to the centre and get more crammed in.

Architecturally they look fab, but from a purely practical point of view they're not so clever.

Which is somewhat typical of Apple I think; form over function every time.

Apple may well overestimate the number of employees that they can actually comfortably fit in this design. They may have to cram people closer together more than they thought. The risk is that the working environment will actually turn out to be crap, which is the exact opposite of their aim of making an environment in which staff feel comfortable and able to relax. And that wouldn't discourage them from going to off-site bars and leaving iPhones everywhere.

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Happy

Re: Typical Apple

Hang on, who said anything about rectangular shaped desks? surely all apple employees need is a chair & a space for their iPads.

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Angel

Somehow I fail to be surprised at yet another, if literal, implementation of the "walled garden" principle.

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Anonymous Coward

British Intelligence Wantabe

It's is remarkable how much the building looks like British Intelligence Agency GCHQ

Their emulation goes beyond appearance, iCloud makes Apple another Big Brother just like GCHQ and NSA they are tracking everything you do.

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Anonymous Coward

Copy Cat!

http://goo.gl/DY6It

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Coffee/keyboard

Loaded statement

I live near a major HP campus and it isn't public. It's a fortress with barbed wire and guards. A former coworker of mine used to work there and had a horror story of leaving his badge behind when he went to the cafeteria for lunch and was ridiculously told he could not leave it without producing his ID. He said his only choice was to run through the halls with mall-cops (ok, campus-cops) chasing him to beat them back to his desk where he left his badge to prove he was an employee. If Apple owns the land and it's a place of business, they can reserve the right to restrict parts or all of it from the public.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Loaded statement

But the implication is that Apple are making a green and pleasant land from what is a brownfield site and that local business should laud this fact(ion) to the local authorities despite getting no benefit from it whatsoever save the view of the mothership and its workers antlike trails in and out at dawn and dusk.

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